Hello, Darlings!
This could be a āshortā Journal of mine, which started long weeks (months) ago,
without I would realize anything from the situation and signs.
Apr 15 - As Iāve already wrote about, my relationship with Sitri started in an interesting way. His name suddenly kicked open my mindās door but thankfully by my inner self-problems (as He revealed it before me), He was a very obnoxious Deity to me. This was the reason (but not the only one, however I didnāt knew it at those times)
Then He showed up two times to me within 2 days.
At first time He showed up during my orgasm (Apr 14.), while Iāve had sex with an another Deity. He get my attention with it - He knew I wonāt leave it without finding out the reason, why.
At the second time everything hit a new level and ādifficultyā.
Check out the post if you want to know more about the details from Apr 15:
Thread above in short: He appeared before me in an indescribably erotic way, and because of it my first thought was that this is a ātestā from Him or something else, but the things are changed very fast, and our discussion became far more interesting. His words still swirls in mind mind.
These was wonderful advices of His, to me:
Ask yourself, where came your emotions and thoughts came when youāve heard about me based on otherās experiences ?
ā [Iāve answered to Him]
Your self-confidence is not as strong as you might think, show, or as big as it should be . Too many times you feels that youāve must prove your achievements, your powers, your your internal value to others . Even when theyāre doesnāt interested in about to questioned it.
These are yours ! You own them , and no one can take them away from you . You donāt have to start a fight against people for something what is already yours.
What youāve heard about me, these stories are came from people who are stucked in a far more lower level. And even in this situation your destructive feelings have risen, and you felt that you have to fight me and everything what Weāre both represent, just because youāve know these from completely different persons, from different levels, with different powers and personality. Open your eyes, Darling. I am not your enemy. They arenāt your enemy, and you are not your enemy !
Sadly, I was too doubtful and prejudiced, which leads to the bitter fact, that Iāve continued handle Him in that way how most people did based on their experiences and descriptions. It was a big mistake from me, but at this time I didnāt realize it and noticed my false thoughts (or I didnāt wanted to?).
Did I handle Him disrespectful?
Iāve never wanted to, and I donāt think, but no doubt, I was too blind.
Our relationship after this, became something like anā¦ only sex partner thing with some extra advices or sweettalks. Or at least, I thought it in this wayā¦
He showed up always so sudden, and sometimes He asked me to sleep with His Sigil.
I always able to feel Entities around me even in the bed.
(It became more intense more than two years ago)
So at several times He stayed with me instead of Lucifer. Iāve heard Him talking to me, hugging me, kissing me. His warm ābodyā, laying thigh against my own Every time He slept with me, my last voices in my head was His. Always His, and He didnāt stopped talking to me and bill me until I fell asleep.
But I was blind, and still thought that this is nothing more or deeper just sex, beauty and joy (with some extra amount of ability and sense development).
Then it something else happened.
I had sex with Lucifer and Sitri in the same time.
It has never happened before. I was absolutly confused but then Iā¦ still continued ignoring everything and thought that this isnāt something serious just sex:
because This is Sitri.
Why would He want anything more or deeper?
He just doing this for pleasure and energies, then flies away.
I should notice that Luciferā¦ why would He let this happens anyway? In the same time, it was also suspicious and contradictory. He was always a big protector of mine from everything, why would He assissts in this (after this Iāve simply accepted the answer: it was just a good chance to all of Us to taste an extremely intense energy raise and so much more, Together).
The time has passed, and weeks ago Sitri showed up again, now via meditation, while Iāve on an Astral travelling.
The way how He approached me was very passionate, alluring and powerful enough sexually, but I wanted to be done with my job out there, so Iāve tried to fight against my desires, and against Him. It was very painful to me because I love Him and Iām a very sexual person, we had some memorable acts before, and I do not wanted to hurt Him in this way.
.
But I did. Iāve raised a black shield in the space around me - it was like an explosion -, was cold and empty, filled with darknessā¦void; it helped me to be able to talk without desires and blazing emotions, and asked Him to let me do what Iāve started.
Iāve pushed Him away from myself at this time the way how Iāve already regretted in that moment after He treathened me and left. Not because His threat, but because I was so raw andā¦ He doesnāt deserved the way how I handled Him, at all.
Two days later, He showed up again
We had sex, but it wasnāt as violent how He referred to it will. He was absolutely Dominant (much dominant than befure) but He wasnāt rough with me at all, which is surprised me. Iāve asked about His threat, then He answered:
Oh. I didnāt forget about it. Youāll get whatās coming, my Love.
Iāve took a deep breath, then He disappeared with a cunning grin on His satisfied, beautiful face.
In the last week I was unable to escape from Him. His nameā¦ His appearanceā¦ His very being popped up in my head almost without any break.
June 5
He appeared again at that day. We had a very long, intense and passionate sex, filled with kisses, hugs and delicate bites. I knew that His plan is: staying with me as He did before. After the act, Iāve layed between His legs, in His warm and gentle embrace. Then He suddenly whispered to me:
I want a beautiful Child from you.
I was completely shocked, and asked back.
I was sure that this is nothing more just a joke or something else.
Maybe He was confuse me with this.
But He just smiled lightly, and repeated Himself.
I want you to give birth our Spirit Child, Dear.
Iāve started complaining about my thoughts, Lucifer and so on, but He ignored those, seemingly.
We discussed about this a bit, butā¦ I was too shocked and confused.
The first thing what I wanted to do in that moments, to āranā and ask Lucifer about this whole sentence.
But Sitri told me that Iāll take my time later, now I have to sleep.
After I woke up, Iāve asked Lucifer about this, who adviced me to try to remember back and searching for the signs. Not only in Sitriās words, but every other Deitiesā words in the last months, and Iāll find the answer. He also adviced that (I should learn) that if I want to know something about X Deity, I should ask Him, and not Y or Z, for this is Our ābussinessā
June 6
This day was extremely long and filled
with questions, emotions and recognitions.
Iāve quote some of His words:
ā Every time when Iāve visited to you, Iāve left signs. Normally youāve notice everything, donāt you? These are was clear to opened eyes like yours, but you closed them.
[ā¦]
ā What did you thought? Why am I visited to you when Iāve felt your contemptuous, false thoughts about me, which are not least, caused a lot of issues in your life, anyway?
[ā¦]
You thought you accepted my advices but it wasnāt true. Youāve still continued the fight against others, the fights inside you. Your ego grows feeded by your anger, and while you did this, you continued thinking the same way about me. This was the reason why you was unable to understand this connection between Us.
[ā¦]
Youāve felt this connection. But you wasnāt able to describe it. You donāt wanted to know it. It was already enough to you.
[ā¦]
The only being here, who thought that this relationship is nothing more just sex - it was only you. You wanted this. You formed this image about me, because you accepted everything what you wanted. Ask yourself, why?
[ā¦]
Why am I threatened you? It was a mistake. But for you, a useful one.
[ā¦]
It is, strange. I had to tell to you that sentence (āI want a beautiful Child from you.ā) forcing you to finally to start thinking upon Us.
[ā¦]
It wasnāt a lie. Iāve never lied to you.
After long hours, Iāve finally understand even this:
Oh. I didnāt forget about it. Youāll get whatās coming, my Love.
( Our discussion took a day long, with breaks by external influences )
Checking back what Iāve wrote hereā¦ is clearly nothing to that what happened between Us (but Iāve permission to share only these). He taught me a very hard, important lessons again. He showed to me my inner ādemonsā.
We have a lot of in commons.
But I was too selfish. Iāve ignored Him, and Iāve focused
that side of His what people usually sawā¦ Ignored all of His attempts.
And nowā¦ Iām understand why Iām felt that connection between us soā¦ difficult to describe.
I felt it clearly, but I was blind enought to understand.
There are āunseenā problems inside me left, and stillā¦
My ego still push me to fight against those who questioning me, and sometimes Iām about to built false images about Them or the truth, just because otherās words. But I donāt have to.
This is who I am. This is how my Bloodline grows and my Godself, from Ancient Times and forward.
ā¦I know that They are here to me.
I have to grow up, in every part of me, so my ego, too.
Three months ago, Abaddon gave you The Key,
and from that point, the Empire is opened for you. Again.
I need more days to overcome my thoughts. My guilt.
As Iāve told You, Sitriā¦ months ago: You are Fantastic, a Wonderful Being!
But today I tell You this: with opened eyes, finally.
Forgive me, once again,
and letās start a new Chapter in our Journal.
