All right, so… I’ve wrote about my first experiences with Him ( here and here ) .
I started meditate, and after the trance state, I saw Lucifer. Long time I didn’t experienced this before, but after we started to work, I felt again that I’m the corner of cry. First I thought this is similar like those “old” experiences, but I didn’t cry for so long, at all (I’m working with Him every day), and I’m absolutely not stressed or something.
He whispered to me that I have to let this happen, do not try to block it. He was kind and honest to me, I knew He did not want to cause any bad to me, and His touches helped me to calm down for a bit. I’ve tried to do what He said and it was successful, then…
…at a certain point suddenly I’ve tried to break out from this whole thing because a sudden, strange feeling - I’ve tried to stop cry, but the sad emotions and something unknown “thing” (maybe memories what I can not imagine momentarily) just came and hurts me in my heart (emotionally).
And it wasn’t a tragically, sad feeling from THIS life. No… It felt like this is way-way older emotion/experience or something else, I don’t know.
He tried to reassure me again and again, and lead me back, every time when I tried to break out from this emotion, the cry, and even from the meditation, but I simply cant! - I wanted to do this anyway, but I didn’t understand anything, I wasn’t scared but this was… unpleasant, painful and I was able to feel tears has flows already on my body. I wanted to stay, finish this but in the same time I wanted to “escape” from. I can not find words to describe it, at all.
My beloved Lucifer then, helped me to reassure (I sensed His activity, His help) and everything went back to the normal state, before the finish. I was so mad at myself because it seemed so easy, and but I’ve failed (He didn’t said that, but I felt this now).
Of course, I’ve asked Him about this, but He told me that I’ll find out the truth behind it as well, in time (of course), and He knows that I’m able to read the signs what He left me for this, as well. So it is something like… He wanted to show me something important, but didn’t want to tell me immediately and too early.
An inexplicable image, what I can not forget about us:
A week ago. I’ve met Lucifer again (astrally and this is daily). I did the practice what He teached to me. Sometimes after I’m done, I stay with Him, like then.
Everything went deeply emotional before the end, We stood in front of each other, very close. This whole image was so intimate, tender, honest. Then suddenly I’ve noticed a tear drop on His face. I felt something very deep pain coming from… Him? - Yes, I felt it, and exactly at that moment, I felt a tear drop on my face, too. We standed in front of each other, like a weird reflection of the other.
Then We “merged” (it happens really often anyway, although no exact idea, why).
But everything happened so slowly.
I know that I am the one who have to find the key, and of course, I’ll, no matter what,
but is there anyone who experienced similar things before (I’m sure in it),
or have any idea whats going on?
