Following on from my invocation of Ahriman, I had a rest for a couple of days to get used to the shift in energy, and then this evening I called on Azi Dahaka to share with me as much of his power and potency as a human/sorcerously divine Regent as possible.
My goal is to command the powers of a goddess within my lifetime, and therefore I want as much power within me as I can possibly contain and maintain.
As a result of my request, he appeared in a clairvoyantly visible form, in his serpentine least-human aspect - he looks like a glistening dark greenish-bronze three-headed cobra, with somewhat the torso of a man, and his lower half I couldn’t really make out, but it reverted to the serpentine.
He lay down and offered to bite me at each chakra, filling me with venom, so I said yes, lay down next to him, and in went his fangs right into the top of my skull… this was simultaneously freaky and also pretty amazing.
(If anyone’s thinking Freudian thoughts at this point, go to it and good luck, there’s almost always been a sexual element to my interactions with spirits, male and female, so if you’re getting that vibe, it’s just how I usually like to work: I feel most empowered when there’s some kind of erotic charge present.)
His fangs went in, and I felt and saw the venom coursing down as a kind of greenish-black mercury, and then he pulled back and looked at me - I looked at him - and I remembered drinking ayahuasca, which did next to nothing UNTIL I pushed myself into the astral, into a trance state, where I learned much.
So I did that again, and I found myself standing in a gigantic black stone hall; I walked through it to the doors at the end and then up and down several flights of stairs somewhat like an Escher drawing, and at the end walked through another doorway to a place where I saw like a mockery of one of my current aspirations, caricatures that represent my most negative judgements about my own ambitions, so I did some visualisation work relating to this and then stepped back into my embodied normal self.
I can honestly say I’ve been interacting with spirits for most of my life, sometimes spending the greater part of a day doing trance-based work and invocations, had several “dark nights of the soul” (each one getting worse as I had more to understand and strip free from), I’ve also had the experience of becoming “as one” with the Source many times, all of which did leave me in a very altered state afterwards that needed some adjustment, and I thought I was pretty hardened - but for the first time after this, I began to comprehend how occult experiences can drive people crazy, because when I got back “reality” wasn’t just a level, which is how I’ve experienced it before - it was actually fucking unreal, grotesque and yet comedic, like when you take a good look at the pumpkin heads and weird proportions of Lego people or something.
It was the single largest reality-shock I’ve ever had, and I’ve had quite a few before.
My biggest drawback in magick done for my own benefit has always been my inability to replace the world I see around me with the reality I want to create (for some reason this never happens doing work for other people, possibly because of lack of attachment to outcomes etc.), so obviously this was liberating because the meaty grip of the “real” has been lessened, which is what I wanted to happen, and the things I saw during that part of tonight’s work have more emotional weight for me than this world where I’m typing right now. It’s as though the polarities have flipped.
After this, I checked in briefly with my trusted gods in the astral, and they appeared to me in vile hellish forms, glistening and vividly distorted - if you imagine the difference between a Monet painting and H R Giger’s Alien in the movie of that name, the difference was that profound, unsettling, and 3-D.
I asked why - they told me:
“The path to power is the merger of heaven and hell, black and white seperate and aside [beside each other - Eva], giving and taking in equal measure.”
Makes me wonder about all those masonic chequerboard floors… and also this isn’t a new concept to me theoretically, but experiencing it firsthand is new because I’ve mainly worked with light (in my healing goody-two shoes days) or with elemental, planetary, and non-Abrahamic godforms, where these polarities are less distinct and less prevalent.
After making some notes, I was starving and spaced out, so I went over the road to buy some milk and chocolate, feeling like I was in a totally unreal world of beige meaty people who had utter bullshit on their minds (most of them - I passed a really handsome older bloke walking back home who gave me a funny look, and I saw tarot cards in his outline), and I made a cup of tea before calling back to AD, and lying down again.
I asked him to bite again, and first he lightly bit my throat, and then bit deeply into my third eye chakra - this time the venom was golden yet somehow sickly yellow, an off-shade like mustard (and I realised it was the chromatic opposite of the colour, indigo, usually attributed to that chakra - and then that made me realise that the greeny-black of the crown venom was also the opposite of violet).
I entered trance again, and this time, it was as though my body was a vast transparent building, and I stood on the top floor looking down (a sight I’ve seen many times doing healing work for myself and other people) and I saw the venom run down from each fang in two distinct streams, and as it did so it lit the ever-expanding family tree on my maternal side (left) and paternal (right) and I saw all my ancestors, going back in steadily doubling clumps for over 60 generations.
AD told me this would facilitate my full inheritance whilst also rendering any restrictive qualities neutral, because they now existed for me, and I existed for them, in equal measure and with all obligation and blocks neutralised.
I became aware of a very heavy weight on my back, literally “their baggage” and I asked him what to do about this - he took it, and ate it. The explanation for this was that by invoking first Ahriman and now Azi Dahaka, I’ve so violated (and therefore reversed) family ethics dating back generations, that they’ve been rendered neutral.
Finally, as I sat down at the desk to type up my own notes (of which this post is an edited version) the flesh began falling off my body (clairvoyantly speaking) and the stench of decay became tangible, and I birthed a new and still tentative form from the phosphorous fire arising within my bones. I’m tired now, back to being not hungry again, and “reality” still looks like a bit of a plasticine joke world.
That’s been today’s experience, today’s work: I’m looking forward to dreams tonight, and I desperately wanted to cover all the chakras down to basal earlier, but AD said this would be too much, too fast, and this isn’t a friendly “spirit guide” having a chat over a cup of tea, saying “No dearie, you’re probably not ready” - he’s a very powerful presence and I’m inclined to take his word on things… oh and the throat-bite, apparently that’s so my words have been envenomed, I don’t know what that means.
Actually, I’m not going to pretend I know what a lot of this stuff is about, what it symbolises, or where it will go from here, but as with my personal notes, where something can make sense weeks or years after I first received it, I’m sharing for fellow travellers who might be interested.
Perhaps at some point someone else will get the same offer of venom, and we can compare notes? And if this drives me nuts, you’ll probably at least know it isn’t the best way to approach this particular entity in future.
Seriously, I feel really weird right now, and I’ll post more if/when I have some to share.