Having relationships with spirits

This is meant as a generalized reply to the numerous threads that have appeared on the forum recently, all of them heavily focused on sexual relationships with spirits and none of them offering a somewhat broader perspective that may serve as food for thought for those who think they would like to have a relationship with a spirit (that includes demons, deities, angels, you name it). It’s not exclusively about love/ sex and also touches upon dealing with parasites and entering into non-romantic relationships with spirits. I will get to the point right away and leave the disclaimer at the end. With this post, I hope to clarify a few misconceptions about what a relationship with a spirit is like from my experience, very generally speaking and focusing on a few key aspects rather than my own personal situation. While every individual’s path and experiences can differ greatly, some things can be said to have general validity. I also want to address certain dangers of getting into a relationship with a spirit head over heels. Or heels over head.

Long-term relationships (business, romance, friendship, etc) with spirits:

Relationships with spirits should never be taken lightly. Breaking your word is taken as a very serious offense, and can result in spirits refusing to work with you any further or teaching you an unpleasant lesson. If you’re interested in establishing a long-term relationship, you have to go about it as you would with a human being whom you respect. Trust and respect go both ways and must be earned. These aren’t fantastic adventures with cuddle-buddies or sexy demonic sugar daddies who will bestow eternal bliss upon you with zero engagement or discilpline on your part. If your intentions are centered around sex or romantic feely feels, you better set your priorities straight, because sex/ romantic aspects can most definitely be a part of the relationship, but never the main focus. Long-term relationships with spirits of any kind, especially when a written agreement is involved, require:

Constant, read again: constant (as in relentless) self-examination, the pursuit of self-improvement and diligent work on your spiritual as well as mundane progress in life. You can’t tell me you’re in 7th Heaven with your supercute spirit bae all the time, but simultaneously struggling with depression, anxiety, a feeling of powerlessness, and your life being shit overall without any significant progress despite your oh-so amazing relationship with a spirit. Chances are, your’re not with the spirit, but something that’s either a product of your own mind, or a parasitic entity. Note: The aforementioned point is specifically excluding any and all forms of clinical depression or other conditions that make it psychologically or physically impossible to better your situation – I am NOT referring to this. I’m exclusively referring to people who are very much capable of bettering their situation according to their own needs and preferences, but lack the confidence, understanding and/ or discipline to do so.

Any deep spiritual relationship will urge you to examine your values, attitudes, ideas, goals, motivations, fears (big time!), and ask yourself some very serious questions as to what you want out of life, and whether “know thyself“ is more than just a nice phrase to you. You will gain confidence, self-knowledge and a much more profound understanding of the nature of (your) reality than you could have imagined – if you get to work, that is. Especially a spirit like a demonic king (always a popular choice among newbies looking for spirit romance) will kick your ass like you wouldn’t believe and can brutally confront you with your own BS. They don’t care what’s between your legs; they care about what you do with the space between your ears, and the spiritual potential you have, how you cultivate your mind and spirit, how you attain a more sophisticated understanding and thus are able to assert and expand your power. They will never ever encourage you to be wasteful with your energies (that includes sexual energies) or indulge in self-destructive behavior like drug addiction. They will also never let you off the hook just because you’re their lover, partner (business or otherwise), child, king, queen, you name it.

Whatever your personal bond with them may look like: You will not stagnate in perpetual honeymoon or shallow happy feels with them. They will constantly challenge you, and you will be expected to challenge your status quo and refine your mind. You will also be encouraged to stand your ground, which includes standing up to the spirit and asserting your will. You could also go through phases of profound disilluion, which can be very painful and even traumatic if great upheavals in your life are involved. These upheavals will, however, not happen just because Belial or Lucifer or whoever enjoys fucking people’s lives up, but because certain events are necessary to destroy an old order that no longer serves you, or even an old you that no longer serves you.


Spirit marriages are serious business. Read that again: serious + business. Serious meaning: you don’t do it just for fun or because the sex is so awesome, or because you want to feel important as the wife of a deity, but because you have bonded deeply with a spirit and want to join in this very intense spiritual union with them. Business meaning: a contract, written or verbal, but extremely binding. You make a pact with a spirit, which equals a signed agreement aka contract in human terms, and then some. If a spirit urges you to marry them or tells you you’re obligated to marry them or are “theirs“ due to some past-life arrangement you had, you should be extremely wary. You have the choice to say no, and you can definitely stay on good terms with a spirit even if you’ve declined their marriage proposal, but once you have agreed, you’re in. I have taken my time pondering this idea, and have asked any and all questions I could think of, including stupid ones, and was met with patience, understanding and a great deal of openness from my spirit husband (needless to say, all my questions were not only answered, but I was also provided with further insights that helped me understand what I’m in for. Side note: I was also met with great approval for carefully drafting a marriage contract). Therefore, if you feel pressured or in any way uneasy, chances are your spirit partner may not be who you think they are. Please remember that you might also be dealing with your own fantasies, in which case you might hear nothing but compliments and assurance of your exalted position among others all day, inflating your ego and doing exactly nothing in terms of ascent, problem solving or progress.

Goals of intimate spirit relationships:

YOUR ascent. From your perspective, it’s as simple as that. But spirits have their own agendas, too, which it would be wise to discuss prior to entering into any sort of agreement. They may not be willing to give you all the ins and outs of their plans (maybe it’s not that relevant to you), but they should never be extremely secretive or make you feel like you won’t get it anyway, you little human, so say yes already. You should be able to demand and expect honesty from someone who claims to be in love with you, to be your spiritual father or to want to marry you etc. Just like you need to be 100% honest with yourself and your spirit partner, in business as in love. Spirits know your thoughs and are capable of manipulating you just as they can manipulate other people, so be careful. My spirit husband has given me this piece of advice:

“Trust yourself and always make up your own mind. You can question everyting I tell you, which also goes for what anyone else tells you. Think for yourself, and for your own benefit. Never put anyone’s authority before your own.”

When you enter into a serious relationship with a spirit, especially marriage (with or without sex, though sex – as in: sophisticated sexual energy – can have very powerful effects), you attune yourself to their energy/ essence, which effectively means you resonate with what they’re about. Which can also be the very reason why you felt attracted to them, or they to you. You may very well have been connected in previous lifetimes, but the choice whether or not you go for it is yours.

Sex with spirits:

This is naturally a very interesting topic for a lot of people, and there’s nothing wrong with sexuality in and of itself. The problems arise when people have no control over their urges and thus are easily overcome by uneducated, unreflected and disorganized energies that can seriously mess them up in ways that are anything but pleasant. The effects can range from physical discomfort to mental imbalance that is absolutely no joke.

When you’re in an intimate relationship, the spirit will teach you to understand and control your sexuality, because this is the energy that connects you directly to your essence, and theirs. This is not something to play around with in an arbitrary or wasteful manner, or just for fun. They might even encourage you to not have sex with them, or not have sex (including masturbation) at all for some time. To them, it’s about balance and conscious direction of energy so that it won’t hinder your progress, but increase it. Sexual energy is immensely powerful, and sex with spirits can be overwhelming physically (if you feel them physically) as well as psychologically and energetically. Your partner, provided they are considerate and highly evolved (unlike parasites or fantasy-fueled thoughtforms), will help you “educate“ and harness this energy in a way that benefits your mental clarity, the balancing of your chakras, your physical, psychological and mental well-being. They will not induce any undue obsession with them, nor will they keep you in a state of perpetual longing or craving for their (sexual) attention.

Please note: Fantasizing about a spirit while masturbating does not equal bonding or having a relationship with them.


If you think you can jump into a relationship with a spirit and have sex with them asap, think again. There are some risks involved: You could either piss off the spirit who isn’t at all inclined to cater to your animalistic urges and need for validation, you could mess up your own energies (very broadly speaking), end up conversing with your own thoughtform (in which case you’re lucky), or attract something that is the opposite of the hot spirit lover you’ve envisioned. Something that will damage you in more ways than you can imagine if you leave it unchecked.

Don’t mess around trying to “bond“ with a spirit without being able to meditate, ground yourself, quiet your mind and discern your own thoughts from messages you might be receiving from something other than yourself. Also, do not attempt to call upon any spirit solely for the purpose of having sex with them. They’ll know what you’re up to before you’ve even chanted their enn, and some spirits (like King Paimon, for example) will flat-out refuse to work with you if you call upon them simply because you think they’d make awesome sex partners. You’re lucky if nothing shows up, but more often than not, an inexperienced newbie will run a very high risk of attracting parasites. These astral pests can mask as powerful entities, which works surprisingly well with impressionable newbies, and tell you pretty much anything you want to hear. They can also make you feel drained, tired, aggressive, depressed, confused, or give mixed signals and hot-cold treatments (much like a human narcissist or psychopath). Examples of commonly experienced flattery include:

You’re their favorite child, eternal and only love (no such thing as only love, sorry to burst any delusional bubbles here), better than anyone else because reasons (mind you, they never bother getting into why you, of all people, are such a superawesome being to be declared their Chosen Crowned Most Beloved of All Time), the reincarnation of this, that or the other powerful entity (always powerful ones, of course) and so on and so forth. In short: They will fill your head with lies and bullshit without proving themselves to you by delivering tangible results, and also without challenging you to refine your spirit. 24/7 honeymoony lovey dovey feely feels are also not a sign of a healthy relationship (spiritual or human).

The least harmful outcome is that you might have created a thoughtform that acts as a placeholder for all your fantasies and desires. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you can even base these thoughtforms on other entities or rock stars or whatever, just as long as you learn to differentiate where your spirit bae ends and your fantasy begins. Unlike parasites, thoughtforms won’t drain your energy and you won’t feel depleted or agitated from interacting with them. But you will likely not make any significant progress either (in most cases anyway, unless you use them to access a higher version of yourself, but I doubt most newbies can easily go there), which is something you should be aware of if you decide to create one.

Parasitic infestation is a different matter, and a potentially very dangerous one. Once a parasite attaches itself to you, it can be very difficult to get rid of it if you don’t know what you’re doing, or are unaware of what’s happening in the first place. These astral lowlifes will mess with your mind, which is especially dangerous for someone who is prone to depression or anxiety, or is suffering from mental health issues in general. They seem very attracted to people who are in a vulnerable state, after great emotional trauma or the like. Desperation is also a magnet: “Why can’t I find a partner? I want a lover soooo bad, what’s wrong with me? I just want to be happy!!!“ This is a perfect red carpet for any parasite to tell you how desirable/ beautiful/ amazing you are and that they’ll never hurt you and forever be with you etc. Btw, feeling like you’re not enough, or you can’t be happy without a partner, or needing the approval of a father figure etc. is something that attracts human parasites, too. Just saying. The “real deal” will encourage you to develop a strong sense of self (not overblown ego) and not depend on them or anyone else for validation or confidence.

How to:

First things first: You absolutely have to learn to quiet your mind and work on your ability to percieve spirits. External perception is not the be-all and end-all, by any means if you can’t see spirits or auras that doesn’t mean you suck at communication. I was adivsed by King Paimon to not focus on the sense of sight or hearing so much, which are the most commonly (over)used senses in our society, but to turn inward instead and allow my so-called psychic senses to awaken. This takes time, varying from person to person, but the one thing everyone needs equally is patience, and plenty of it. You can make progress in leaps and bounds once certain blockages have been removed, especially if you’re naturally gifted in some areas, but at other times it may feel like an uphill battle. Keep going, don’t get discouraged, because nobody gets anything handed to them just because they’re Lucifer’s child or something. There are no shortcuts, period. Use the great resources on this forum and in other places to get acquainted with basic techniques and also, very importantly: basic shielding and banishing techniques. You must know how to protect yourself, how to detect intruders and how to banish them.

Your main objective should NEVER be sex, you’ll most likely regret it in the long run if you’re going about it unprepared, don’t know what you’re doing and think your spiritual sex partner is just an enn-chanting and incense-stick-lighting away.

A relationship can be based on attraction (duh), but ime with highly evolved and intelligent spirits such as demonic kings, it’s not about anything animalistic, crude, vulgar or unrefined. Some spirits are more into kinks than others, but they all have a darker side that can engage in more extreme forms of sexuality or relationships in general. However, this is never for the purpose of playing out your 50 Shades of Grey fantasies. There’s a much more profound, spiritual motivation behind that, which you will learn to understand and appreciate if you can see past the need to chase sexual sensations for their own sake.

From a trusting, respectful, honest relationship that encourages you to assert and empower yourself, you will learn the difference between true confidence (non-competitive, calm, inward-focused) and ego-boosting (pathetic, short-sighted and universally despised by the highly evolved spirits while endorsed by parasites). You also learn more and more about the spirit you’re with, gain inisghts into occult (as in: hidden) areas, and – very importantly – you will see definitive, tangible results in your everyday life ranging from an improved attitude to more money in the bank or a better living/ job situation, etc. It’s a give and take, with both parties allowed to have their own interests, will and agendas, but never ever abusive or manipulative, except when you’re being subly nudged (manipulated, if you will) to expand your horizon or, in some cases, get your head out of your ass.

Bonding with spirits can happen in many ways, of which sex is arguably a very strong one, but also requires the most mental and spiritual preparation. If you can’t even meditate, you certainly cannot feel a spirit touching you. Of course, you can also have (sexual) encounters only in the astral realm without feeling the spirits physically. Or a mixture of both. Or lucid dreams. Or… There is no right or wrong, no One True Way™, but fooling yourself, complacently fondling your own ego and not doing the work while expecting to just waltz into a realm of perpetual awesomeness is the one true way to stagnation at best, and parasitic infestation at worst.


I am writing this as someone who is in a spiritual marriage with a spirit (King Paimon), but this isn’t about me or my specific situation, which is why I didn’t expand on that. I only mention it so that peopIe who read this know it comes from someone with personal experience as opposed to someone voicing an opinion based on hearsay or wishful thinking. It’s also intended as a reference for future cases, because there have been a lot of posts mainly focused on sex with spirits or having relationships with them, all of which were very one-sided and lacked a more well-rounded perspective, not just in my opinion (by far). Regulars have therefore been repeating the same things over and over, which can be very tiresome.

If you think I missed something or you feel like adding to it, please do, I welcome all intelligent input, and I do not claim authority on this subject. After all, I still haven’t been crowned Queen of the Infernal, or something… Sarcasm aside: I do not intend to ridicule or shame anyone, so don’t take this as offense when it’s only meant for offering a point of view that comes from personal experience that may differ from yours.

The above points have already been mentioned in other threads by me and several other people who have taken it upon themselves to try and shed some light on people’s sometimes misguided ideas. As regulars, we do have a certain responsibility towards newbies. That doesn’t mean that we think we know everything or we’re some kind of authority or arbiter of what is/ isn’t legit – we all have much to learn, but we are willing to share some of the knowledge and experience we have obtained (which, btw, doesn’t come easy and is not rose-colored bliss), in order to give newbies a heads-up and hopefully prevent them from making serious mistakes, such as agreeing to something they might regret later on and don’t know how to get out of. I think I can speak for other regulars when I say that we intend to help, but will not hesitate to call out BS or a possibly dangerous misconception when we see it.


This is genuinely the most helpful and useful post I have ever seen on an occult forum. I really hope people read and re-read this post and fully comprehend the enormity of the requirements that come with a spirit marriage. Seriously, I am in awe of this post.


Thank you, much appreciated!


Majority of sexual relationships with spirits end up with one aspect or another of someone’s life be deteriorated


Yup, the self-destructive bullshit aspect. You will get fucked over if you don’t know what you’re doing, though.


Thanks @Mulberry for putting it into the Love, Sex Magick category. I was debating with myself whether or not to put it in the General Discussion, but it makes more sense here.


Another lust po… Oh its Lux, finally some quality. :smiley:


I couldnt say it better!


hi, a newbie here. I’m fairly new to Magick and have only been gathering information and mildly practicing astrological magick for a few months now, but have sparked a interest in a spiritual pack. I do understand that I will need alot more practice and patience before writing a letter of intent and will be meditating before making a serious decision. I was hoping for some advice on practicing more before I attempt to make a bond and defending myself from parasites. It would really mean alot to me if you could guide me with a few key point of focus before I do something I’ll regret. The post was really helpful and I’ll definitely keep it in mind.

@madhatter you need to introduce yourself before you can make any more posts. Please go here: Introduce Yourself To Members Of The Forum and tell us a few things about yourself (read the first post for instructions).

I’m glad you found it helpful. I can’t really add any more than I have written here, and I don’t see myself as a mentor or anything like that. If you’re looking for advice on basics for beginners, there are many great threads about meditation techniques or guidelines for beginners, and also posts about evocation like this one:

Use the search function, there’s a chance your questions have already been aswered before. If you’re just starting out, take your time and go as quickly or slowly as you need. All the best.


Everyone should be forced to read this.

Also, just in case someone comes along with the “You’re just jealous and narrow-minded”-attitude:
Stop it. This information can help you. Take a step back, look at your relationship (everyone should do that from time to time) and if everything is ok for you, there’s no reason to get angry about this thread.


Spiritual marriage with a spirit. Nice one, Lux. :woman_facepalming:

Another aspect that maybe should be mentioned is that of monogamy: Impossible with a spirit. They’re beings that aren’t bound to the same time-space as we are, so therefore they can (and often do) have relationships, families, children, affairs in this world and others. If a spirit tells you you’re their only spouse (or only favorite what-have-you, only legitimate heir, avatar, etc., for that matter), that is complete and utter nonsense and you’re probably dealing with your own mind or another entity trying to win you over with flattery and ego-stroking. Which is the farthest thing from what you’ll experience with an entity such as King Paimon. Or Lucifer, or many others of that caliber.

This here is half-copied from a reply I gave in a post in the Lounge, which not all members can access, so therefore I’m quoting myself here instead of paraphrasing what I’ve already said:

The relationship you have with your spirit partner is already unique in the sense that your path and personal experience with the spirit is unlike any other, which makes any competition pointless. Therefore, you should only focus on your path and the things you have to gain from your relationship instead of comparing yourself to others. There is no other me, so nobody else could have the kind of relationship that I have with my spirit husband. It seems so mental to me to even compare myself with others, and only speaks for an undeveloped character imo. Which goes against the whole point of entering into such a relationship in which you supposedly seek refinement and empowerment. This approach is also far removed from any feelings of superiority, because any competitve, insecure cattiness is completely out of the picture.


This should be linked in the unnoficial guide, I know it doesn’t perfectly fits the criteria of what a guide is, but I think this is solid information a lot of people will find useful.


Damn, Lux… throws draft in trash … I were writing something to post along these lines… you stole it from me, didn’t you? Admit it!!! :laughing:

Oh man, thank you for saying that!

That’s the knowledge an entity shared with me, along with some others, that no succubus ever is exclusive to one person. I shared this info on a discord channel which is about succubae, and I got soooo heavily attacked personally back for saying such a thing, that their spouses would have other men.

I tried to explain it, the way you did. And not one of them were willing to accept in the slightest the possibility, that their succubus may ever be - as they called it - unfaithful to them, not willing to understanding that things may be somewhat different on the other side.

I were shared other knowledge too. I asked, why it seem that they don’t say these things to most others. The answer was, that people (and especially those “spirit lovers”) are not interested or want to know the truth, so they (succubae&co) simply will create and upkeep the impression these people wish.

After getting a similar reaction with something else I shared, thinking, that people are actually interested in real knowledge vs. fantasy, I decided, I would keep all the other knowledge for myself.


My relationship with a parasite was a scary one, they build you up a little to tear you down a lot more, try to isolate you, convince everyone you are the crazy and that everything is your fault. They infect your flaws stronger as you depend on them, for me it was my depression.

They also act paranoid when you try to get rid of them, and give you more compliments. Then get all like I can never trust you and I can only trust this other person, in order to make a divide.

Either way the best way to beat a parasite is to not play their game and banish them.

My parasite was also a human who got possessed all the time and loved feeding off of my emotions and fear.


@Brand_New There is an occultist named Thomas Sheridan who has put out a theory that human psychopathic behavior can actually be a sign of parasitic infestation. No idea if he’s the first one who has come up with it or if he just put two and two together, but it makes a lot of sense if you look into it. All the classic psychopathic behaviors, including gaslighting (making you believe you’re going crazy) and feeding off another’s energy until they’re depressed and depleted, are also classic traits of a parasitic spirit. Definitely worth contemplating imo.


Feel free to share it here on this forum if you feel like it. We don’t take kindly to fools who blindly attack others simply because they disagree with them.


Always enjoy your posts Lux! This is definitely something new practitioners NEED to understand, especially with the amount of seemingly unrealistic descriptions of spirit marriages on this forum (some basically bordering on LARP-ing)


I believe it, as soon as my ex had a taste of my soul all the parasites went into a feeding frenzy and weren’t even pretending to be him anymore, they did pretend to be demons though. I honestly don’t even know if he is there King Paimon said he was a “meatsack and they are more common then you would think”

I do thank the the actual demons who helped pull me from the situation, and I told me to leave and that all that is going to happen is I’m going to get drained with no build up and he is a predator and I’m just prey.


:joy: He is right, though! I read a great book a while ago called ”Puzzling People - the Labyrinth of the Psychopath“ by Thomas Sheridan. It’s hands down the most practicable guide on how to recognize these people that I have ever read. It’s not about spirits, because it’s aimed at a non-occultist audience, but I’d seriously recommend it to anyone who wants to know about spiritual and human impostors or parasites, they act in the same way and there’s only one remedy against them: no contact ever again, aka banishment. It’s great that you were able to overcome your awful relationship.