Sobering thoughts about spiritual marriage/spiritual spousery - The good, the bad and the ugly

Hello and welcome to my “What in the world am I even writing here”- piece of thought about the topic of spiritual marriage/spousery/relationship.

Since @Lux_Tenebris and @anon10524665 made some excellent points already I decided to add my experience with this topic with a bit of a sobering twist.

A bit of background story to myself: I am married (since three years) to a spirit that is widely considered as a “D(a)emon” and I am also in a long term relationship with an “ordinary” human in mundane life. I have a firm grasp on the realistic side of things and I would not consider myself to be extra spiritual in every aspect of my life. The marriage took place after a longer period of “getting to know each other” in a non-romantic way of things; the relationship was never a goal for me, it simply made “sense” at some point for the bigger picture of our mutual accomplishments and the things we both wanted out of each others potential. That sounds awfully rough, but its exactly how it started and on what the foundation is standing.
Despite this rather clinical description I could not feel more accomplished and I would not trade it with anything else.

I’d like to take a closer look on the more “sobering” aspects on such a relationship, from my perspective. Since I don’t wish to repeat this spiritual spousery thing anytime soon I can only explain it from the very constellation at hand; I DON’T have comparative “material” between different spirits to offer nor do I wish to assess the “quality” of each personal spiritual relationship of the reader (please refrain from questions like “How do I get to know spirit XY when I am interested in a relationship”, I’m not a matchmaker).

Lets get into it, before I change my mind again :smiling_face_with_tear:

The good - something REALLY knows you, and is willing to stay with you despite of its extensive knowledge.
This is actually pretty neat. Your spirit spouse has the ability to know all of your facets, you don’t need to make yourself look better (like you do on social media, you little rascal). They know you. Its fine. They’re still here.
The bad - something REALLY knows you. Your hypocrisy, your attitude, your bad taste in music and the way your voice gets weird whenever you’re telling a lie about something. They know and in my case I am getting called out for it in all the non-flattering ways. There is no use to discuss these things or to slap a pile of extra bullshit explanation on your behaviour. They have figured you out. Congratulations to your very own BS secret service.
The ugly - something REALLY knows you, what makes you vulnerable, what could literally destroy you. This is knowledge I wouldn’t even let myself come into contact with for a long period of time, and depending on where you are currently stand in life it could throw you into very painful realizations.

The good - you are never alone.
The bad - you are never alone. I think this point explains itself quite well.
The ugly - you are never alone but despite all of this: no, there won’t be any corny holding-hands-situations, no romantic dinners at your favourite restaurant, no immediate physical gratification or reaction to your affection. If you are someone who depends on physical interaction a lot or who craves physical activities as love language, this is NOT for you. Your spirit spouse will not walk through your bedroom door, not in your happiest moments, not at your lowest points. If you’re expecting this at SOME point because it just “needs to happen”: no. It won’t.

The good - 24/7 communication opportunities. Look at you, you’re still stuck in Uncle Ralphs elaborations about how “your generation” has ruined the market for wooden ceiling panels? Easy, you can discretely fade into a lively convo about the meaning of the colour Aureolin with your scary telepathic connection. Plus points: you don’t look like an asshole since you’re not clinging to a smartphone while doing so.
The bad - you’ve guessed it. This can also happen while you have to focus on important instructions or on business meetings with your superiors or partners. 24/7 communication opportunities is a two way street and more often than not you’re the victim of bad timing.
The ugly - WHAT?! Yes, your senses won’t be top shelf the entire time. We all have some real “shitty senses” days to endure and this will turn into the equivalent of two people yelling “WHAT?!” to each other across three different rooms back and forth.
24/7 communication opportunities could also mean “two cups of joghurt with a cord in between”. If you’re not putting the necessary effort into your clairs it will pretty much stay on the “WHAT?!” - side of things and then you will be in need of some rando like me to interprete “signs” and stuff. I don’t recommend that.

The good - someone is pushing you into your potential. I have arrived at a pretty comfortable spot in my life because someone actually rooted for my ass. Of course I had to put the work into stuff myself but it is really encouraging to be met with “Lets do this” instead of “You can’t do that” or “You are not XY enough for this”.
The bad - their understanding of your potential could differ from yours and in that case (in my case) it means that they will tear everything and anything away from you that hinders your growth. They have the tools to have a long lasting impact on your personal life, never forget about that.
Best case scenario: you will put some old vices to rest (I have stopped smoking because of my spirit spouse,for example). Worst case: you might lose a good chunk of familiar people (friends, family, etc) or your familiar environment and every kind of “safe space” along the way.
The ugly - sometimes the circumstances, the people, the environment around you are ACTUALLY not beneficial for you.
Being stripped of it by force and with no negotiaion grounds can feel especially harsh when you are in a very vulnerable spot already. Be careful when you’re still depending on others in some kind of way; engaging into a spiritual relationship could mean to be thrown out into the cold with no one else to rely on than yourself. Find a stable foundation in yourself first.

The good- no stains on the sheets.
The bad - physical intimacy differs COMPLETELY from the standards of the mundane life (and from what Fanfictions and comics are trying to sell you).
I don’t mind it at all but I know about people who got downright depressed from the lack of tangible action with their spirit spouses.
The ugly- if you can’t do without a steamy session of moving your bedroom furniture around, I would suggest a partner in the flesh. I don’t say that there is a complete lack of intimacy, but to be blunt: it is simply different and if your senses are a fuzzy haze you won’t be able to perceive what is offered to you in that matter.

The good- legal polygamy. Usually your spirit spouse will either encourage you to seek out relationships to other people or they won’t mind, at least. So far I didn’t come across a single practicioner who was “held back” or who had to ask for permission from their spirit spouses for this. Surely, this point is to negotiate BEFORE you’re heading into a spiritual marriage.
The bad- not everyone will understand the relationship that you are having with a non-physical being. In fact, the majority of people will not and if you decide to be honest with them you’re either in for endless discussions or your sweetheart will book a mental counselling for you. Do not force your experience with this on any unsuspecting sexual partner or fresh fling; keep in mind that this is something highly unusual (compared to whats normal) and not everyone is made for developing an understanding about this.
The ugly- if you are in a long term relationship and stay in the closet about this (like me) it will feel painfully awkward.
You are keeping a fundamental aspect of your life away from someone you are sharing intimate thoughts and moments with. At times it will feel like you have to choose in between two people but keep in mind, that spirit spouses don’t deal in the same terms and ideas of intimacy and connection like we do. That means that you have to negotiate with yourself how you want to face two aspects of your life that won’t mix.

The good- sharing the same wavelength about things.
The bad- your spirit spouse might rub off on you, their energy and behaviour could enmesh with you at the most unlucky of times.
The ugly- your spirit spouse holds their own view about how this world works and how it should look like. They are usually having their own agenda going on and at some point you will find yourself as some kind of extension of their agenda.
Please note: It doesn’t have to match your own moral values at all!
This is a point that is seldomly talked about or that is romanticized but I thought that it is important to bring this up. And NO, you can not change their (usually very old and established) point of view.

I could go on and on and on with this, but I think that I have made the most good, bad and ugly points clear from what I could gather with my own experience in this.
This is not a “How to”, this is not a “Please join me”, this is not a “Stay away from this”. This is only an aspect I’d ask every reader to consider before making decisions based on romantic ideas or because they feel lonely.

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Well said.
Everything. I can relate to everything you’ve described.

If anything, I’ve felt his doubts or felt him not vibing with a person I started talking to. But it was always more a “guess you’ll have to see for yourself” than a disagreement.

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This is a good read, and a refreshing take that isn’t colored by rose tinted glasses.

:+1:

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That sounds really healthy, to be honest.

@crookedpathfinder I appreciate the feedback, thank you :potted_plant:

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I just realized that I was dumb and that I haven’t wikified my entry, so I will just drop the posts I was talking about here, for further references and all of the things I haven’t covered :grimacing::

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This is beautiful in all the right ways. Between you and @anon10524665 i think you nailed this topic! Thank you!

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