Took me all this time to read the whole thread
I got the book about a week ago and spent some time going through all the angels and sigils to decide what I was going to focus on first. Not an easy task as there’s soooo many options and so many things to improve in my life. Ended up making a calendar for the next month and a half, but I think I have not been very realistic.
I wanted to work on a lot of things, most of them directed towards a specific outcome but from many different point of views. As always, my impatience played a role and I ended up with a schedule with 3-4 workings per day, and super scattered as I wanted to make all of them at the same time. As I understood, with this workings is more about building the energy vs firing and forgetting about it.
I wrote it in another thread but will quickly explain my experience so far here:
First night, 2 nights ago, I did the “soften reality”, with the idea of following with 2 more workings. I’m incredibly lazy and decided to not do the other 2. What followed was a night with nightmares that I was hardly able to distinguish from reality, with someone telling me exactly what I fear to hear (and related to the main reason of this workings - this was a nightmare, not reality) and waking up the next morning feeling horrible. Horrible. I have had a great continuous inner conversation and an upbeat attitude towards my goal lately, but it all went to hell. Then I realized that I was supposed to do everything in my power to help the angels, and that after doing a ritual to soften reality in which the author recommends to do the magick you want to do very soon before reality hardens up back again, I went to watch a movie instead of doing the magick I was supposed to do.
So, lesson learned. I did the missed rituals the next morning, along with the ones for that day, but as I mentioned before I think I’ll start working like you guys, choosing an angel and focusing on a couple of rituals for 2 weeks at least. That should help to build up the energy, instead of running around like a headless greedy chicken as I was doing.
I would love to report that the bad feeling went away after I did my part, but I would be lying. I still feel pretty much like shit (a ton of anxiety, negativity, bad premonitions regarding how all this story will end, rage…), and basically went back to the story that I have been telling myself about my situation for the last 3 months and that resulted in that story hardening into facts. I feel quite lost and I’m questioning if I should be directing my energy towards that goals. Maybe I would be much better off letting it go (with the help of Uiazel maybe, even if he has been the one who probably has kicked my ass?) and I’m getting this shitty feeling just so that I wake up.
There’s something inside of me that don’t let go and force situations; the fact that every single one of the workings with angels or demons that I have done so far (fairly new here) have worked, despite me not being able to feel/see/hear nothing, doesn’t help. With that I mean, opposing my fleeting thoughts of letting it go, I think sometimes: If I was able to get that, I can push harder and get what I want for good. But is what I want good for me? My obsessive nature and the abusive relationship in my past may be proving that is time to change, and when best than while working with the Angels of Omnipotence… Is hard for me tho, and still have the hope that I can fix this situation with the angels.