Maulbeere's Ramblings and Shiny Things

Thought I’d paste here some of my possibly over-thunk paragraphs that ramble on too long or off-topic and I end up cutting out on the re-read. Might even post some journally stuff, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough to show everybody my crazy to quite that extent.

First up, I got into my thoughts on how vampirism works, and why people wanting to be ‘turned’ are misguided… with the caveat that I might have some unpopular opinions based on my current understanding of energy work and real vampires.

  1. If you want to take energy from another human, for one, you can already do it, you don’t need to ‘be a vampire’. All humans naturally exchange energy all the time anyway, this is normal, but you can also deliberately and with intent siphon off more, either directly or from the ambient energy of a crowds anytime you choose.

  2. You can’t be ‘turned’ into a vampire. Real vampire will tell you this. They’re not a different species, they’re human too.
    So, ok, humans generate their own energy, mostly via food and sleeping. We can gather more from the Earth, the environment, from each other, there’s a constant flow of energy in and around us. Energy from non-human sources is naturally converted to human energy as it circulates through the body.
    Now, in some schools of thought, particularly Chinese Qi Therapy, vampires have broken energy generation systems - they have so much difficulty generating their own qi, that they become depleted and sick, to the point that they’ll die. Doctors can’t figure out what’s wring with them, they get diagnosed with illness after illness and treatment doesn’t help - it’s really sucks and some get actually very insulted when non-vamps ask then to ‘turn them’. Some see it as a curse.

So that is the unpopular opinion part - the ones that think they’re apex predators don’t like being told that whole healing systems believe they’re actually damaged. Sadly I’ll probably never get near enough to one to really work with their qi body to verify my teachers lessons there, but I do know I can fill a vamp with qi remotely and they feel fed for weeks - but I give that energy using qi healing techniques, so that I can fill them with more than my body will ever hold… so it can’t be taken, I’m channeling it through me from the cosmos and converting it for them as I go. They need a lot, I literally visualize a rushing aqueduct where the sickest of your average depleted people are filled up on a fire hose before it’s too much.

Anyway, to survive, no vamps have handy qi healers at the ready. Some do find Reiki helpful though. They discover that they can reach out and take human qi (“Ren Qi” - human energy/prana/life force), and since that’s already converted to human vibrations so they don’t need to convert it or generate their own. They get really good at this - they have to to live. I met one once that then also went on to learn to use ambient energy from crowds or waterfalls and such - but many psivamps find this too hard, and it did take him years of work.

  1. There’s a small problem with other humans’ energy - it’s imbalanced and full of crap. Always. E. A. Koetting has a yt vid up interviewing one called Charles that explains that you could feed of the Dali Lama and still need to filter it. I believe him. So as well as learning to siphon it, you also need to learn to clean it, to filter out the gross energy of disease, of unhealthy thoughts, emotions, but you might not be able to balance it to suit. For example, aware that if you take from someone who just lost someone dear, you might feel inexplicably sad, or you mind suddenly get a nasty cough from the lung qi deficiency, stuff like that. Psivamps are very careful about who they feed off for sustenance, one reason why donors are popular - you can vet them and work with them to help them make their energy right for you.

I liken it to drinking from a dirty puddle, if you are a healthy human and have the choice to get qi from literally any other source, why would you take if from humans? It’s pretty gross. Unless it’s like soda I suppose. Maybe it’s a matter of taste and being willing to take the risk and make the effort? - I don’t drink soda either though so I can’t relate.

  1. Some people have noticed the detrimental effects of feeding, and that’s why the person being fed from is called a “victim”. This hurts people non-consensually, be aware of that with reference to your own codes. You can can sicken and kill if you do it enough. So energy stealing is also a weapon in the baneful magic arsenal. At least one sorcerer (V.K. Jehannum, I like his yt too) refuses to use willing “donors” for the reason that he’d rather hurt an enemy or stranger than someone he liked. He’s got a point, but personally, I’m a fan of donors - For the reason above, also, very often, donors get a kick out of it - fair exchange is no robbery. Thirdly, feed off the wrong person, and you might be worse than sick off their crap - they may see you, and retaliate. I do this - I take back all my energy from vamps and then double, and I may not be nice about it and I may not stop there - I tend to reflect people, angry feeders get anger back etc. You must make a link to feed, and that link goes both ways, proceed at your own risk. Maybe do a divination on your target first.

  2. There are so many better ways to perform baneful working or cultivate qi, I simply don’t get the point of vampirism when you aren’t a vampire that literally has the choice between feed of humans or die. For the reasons above while I would use this technique, I still don’t want that yuck in me and I’d direct the energy deep into the Earth, where it will be recycled by Gaia into something else. But I find giving people rebellious qi more effective and faster (learning to heal shows you exactly how to harm).

  3. If you want to talk to real vampires, there are online forums where they talk about all this. Drink Deeply and Dream, for example - not sure how active it is now. I was a regular years ago when Embracing Mystery was still a thing, but sometimes vamps on online forums think they can remote feed off of energy workers, and I’d get someone trying it on every time I posted. That got old and I stopped bothering to post - not actually trying to lure the inept into my evil web to hurt them more than nature already did.

  4. If you want to play with energy work, I recommend taking a qi or prana course, and/or just asking a friend and working with them on exchanging energy to see what it feels like from both ends.

Uh, didn’t mean to ramble on that much.

(And with that, I deleted it, summarised a lot more briefly in thread and left this in notepad for a couple of days wondering if I should just not save it at all)


Ach!! Please don’t ever delete this. It is good information and not rambly at all imho. :hugs::fairy:

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@Nengeleth Aw, thanks! :relieved: :sunny:

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This is better than my paper notebooks - I can’t read all of my own my handwriting anyway after a while.

I had a happy visit in my last travels, thanks to @Spearcarrier, when I started working with the intention to use the qi healing techniques I was taught as a student of a particular school, my late teacher actually showed up and gave advice. Unspoken he reminded me he said he would always be with his students to help them learn. That was really special and lovely. I didn’t even speak to him when he was incarnate, I learned from his graduated students that lived locally to me, but was there at one of his whole-school birthday parties.

Even nicer, I got an answer to an old puzzle. Once, about 7 years ago, I had seen a deer in the back yard, with one of it’s forelegs healed bent from an accident, likely from a close brush with a car. It seemed otherwise well and had adapted to hop about on three legs. I was with friends scarfing all the bird food, as deer do. I went into meditation to send it good energy and got immersed in running qi through the knotted bone to help straighten it. As I was doing this, I had the 2nd of the only 2 clairaudient messages I ever heard, a male voice firmly said “Master your skill!”.
Completely broke my concentration and I could never figure out who said that or get contact, but then, I don’t do that much qi therapy on others. Now I know! I did ask my teacher and he confirmed but politely didn’t mention I didn’t do anything with it. :sweat_smile:


Omw, you’re so compassionate towards that dear, that has to be worth a bag of gold right there! :medal_military::moneybag::sparkle:
And I hear you about the paper, I do calligraphy but, typing is so much easier and convenient.


It’s a win-win. I benefit too - not only did I learn stuff, it’s also healing for the practitioner to do qi healing on others.


Aw shucks, but I’m glad things have led to such a lovely sounding reunion. :slight_smile:


Remembering how we met…

I have said that Azazel contacted me through synchronicities, but I couldn’t remember how I got the name or the actual hints. I think they’re still coming.

Just googled “Azazel direction” (just for reasons), and I’m so amused - (the site isn’t so useful but it’s comment section has some giggle worthy stuff) has some nice images in a siding banner at the top of the page - apart from the mountain, both those avatars are on my phone and/or various internet accounts as wallpapers, liked images. I believe the ‘fallen angel’ is a Luis Royo painting, one of my fave artists. (Hmn, he has a tarot deck though I don’t think I have it.) The other, I don’t know the artist but I think it’s probably from DeviantArt.
I would not have made a connection from those images to Azazel though it’s just funny to see the cooincidence after the connection.


Meeting with Kiltan.
This isn’t about the meeting actually, in asking Kiltan for help on something, got into a bit of conversation about the whys and wherefores of things. I explained how I feel trapped on Earth, but Azazel told E.A. how it and others say it’s the other way around, that they’d like to be here and we should stop trying to escape and focus on bringing “heaven to earth”.

The idea had struck me because I’ve heard it before - The Group channeled by Steve Rother’s Paths 2 Empowerment in the Light Masters course (aka a pathworking) said the same thing. I’m also recognising some of the energies in Azazel’s group and “The Group”. So that’s a thing. I didn’t work with those guys extensively though, I got bored - they’re very gentle in a RHP-like way.

So I asked why an entity such as themselves would want to incarnate as a human on Earth. The imagery in other explanations don’t make sense to me - I don’t believe in any kind of “heaven” so I don’t know what that means.

What I think I heard, in the nerdy terms I would get, was that I could think of humanity as the advance pioneers that volunteered to go to a planet, and Terraform it to make it suitable for habitation. Except that the “planet” is actually an entire density, a whole level of reality.
I said, “but why?”
Discarnate entities create what they need on the fly. They said: Here everything is created consciously, and must be maintained consciously to use it. Some don’t bother and seem to float in a void, some build castles some caves inspired by the creation on Earth, some like to build others don’t, but nothing that appears physical to you in this room is permanent. You know when you completely forget you own something, and maybe a year later chance upon it, maybe at the back of a drawer, and get a pleasant surprise - imagine not being able to do that. Out of sight and out of memory means that thing ceases to exist - not so for humans, who both have a physical store so the memory can’t be lost [a brain?], but also persistence in the nature of physical matter itself. It keeps itself intact, without having to be maintained constantly, and humans can take it for granted that things they create don’t move, or warp or dissolve - they can even make them and exchange them with others [actually it can be a problem, but hey]. We [discarnate entities] can’t do this, because we couldn’t maintain it to keep it or give it, not like that, all is energy, all is perception and intent alone.
So then, we, [as in, the lot of us before dense matter was created], started building a level of reality where persistence could exist. A place that could be as mutable if we desired, but could for the most part be trusted to stay put indefinitely [I didn’t think to interject about rot, rust or perishables].
And it’s not quite there yet, it’s too dense and the vessels are too dense, and there’s been politics and naysayers [ahem, hi] and the odd nutjob but it’s getting there.

This resolves some questions for me, but doesn’t answer others (I forgot to ask):

  • Why is physicality even a thing? - For the same reason nomads settled and built houses and cities. Permanence.
  • Why is being human a thing? - Humans are the form of the vessels designed to allow energy beings to operate in the physical. They come with the build-in ability to navigate all realms, because we expressly didn’t want to limit movement to be physical only - were are in fact, very deliberately not trapped at all [that tells me!].
  • Why do entities help humans? - partly because we’re on the same team and they’re waiting for the “terraforming” to complete and would like it to be done asap, or, we asked for something they’d enjoy doing,

Things I want to go back and ask:

  • Ok, why did we do it with this extreme duality effect with polar opposites
  • Why did we have to make it so ridiculously complicated? Couldn’t we just have incarnated, memories intact and build matter from there?
  • What has sovereignty got to do with this? ^

I probably explained that really badly. I know it’s going to sound insane to some but that’s ok. Maybe I just heard something I wanted to hear to make myself feel better about not wanting to be here… I’m not sure a cosmological version of the “Dirty Jobs” TV series was quite what I would have hoped for though.


A ramble I cut out of Theogenesis: Hunter of Man

I’m currently investigating the assertion reported by Thomas Sheridan, that a Shaman of African tradition told him psychopaths are a specific type of un-empathetic entity incapable of compassion incarnating as human (“demons” he said, which isn’t helpful - I’m an incarnate “demon” and I’m no psycho). Needs more thought and less dogma, but in cases where that’s true I’d quite like to see those prevented from repeatedly incarnating as well as just gone. I don’t see how they can ascend with the incomplete toolset they have - they can’t understand enough - so they just get in the way by distracting humans with pain and by draining them of all their energy, hindering their path and ascent.

Norath seems perfect.


Bindings discussion with Mehmi’on

Backstory: I did not initiate this, not knowing I had any to need of his help, he manifested behind me during an invocation of Samael, and Samael was silent. I have never worked with Mehmi’on before and didn’t recognise him, he felt very focused on me, very large, dark, moved when I tried to look in his direction, and I wasn’t sure what was happening and couldn’t hear him, so I closed the invocation to think about it. After some reading and meditation I figured out who it was. Mehmi’on is one of Azazel’s Nethers, he understands all kinds of bindings, and he wanted to talk to me about removing the binding’s on me. Azazel removed a big one a few weeks ago, so it wasn’t a surprise to realise there were more. He wanted to help me with creating bindings onto the person that bound me to stop them making more.

I performed this in my grove, a space I use in the astral to do journey workings I like to use when I need peace and quiet. It has a fire pit inside a stone circle in a clearing of mature ash trees. The fire burns purple lately and doesn’t go out any more, no idea why but if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?

Mehmi’on manifested in my grove some feet behind me, I was in the South facing North towards the fire.
(I wish I could relate it word for word but it’s gone. He said I needed to have the bindings on me removed and proceeded do do it himself, allowing me to see him as he came to my side to work on and through my being.

[cut out of an already long discussion here]


Azazel is one of my spiritual progenitors, along with Leviathan and another I haven’t clearly identified. However this is ‘Leviathan’ as the name I got for an aspect of the Source of the multiverse, and as I am a creature of this multiverse - I wasn’t created before it and moved in like the big names did - I feel that might be kind of a given for that kind of being

My relationship with Azazel is… inconsistent. I’m aligned with the same current he’s aligned with, but he and I are our own beings, have our own communication issues and are not all that in sync. I’m not a kind of disciple or have a special role, it’s just that any sovereign spirit gets created somehow, and this was where I came from. It’s probably why I thought for a while (never mentioned it, it’s weird even for balg and was never relevant in discussion) I was/am a member of Azazel’s legions, might have been why I was started. For the same reason I create egregores now: there was a job to do.


Had an interesting interaction as a result of the ‘war’ issue that came up recently.

On turning up at my ‘waystation’ (top of Yggdrasil/well/entrance to Upper World type place) while keeping in mind the idea of this local upset happening, I found it to be in the process of… well, lifting higher. Which made stepping out he door awkward - looking down to see the ground racing away was interesting. I put it back. It started up again. I let it be and went where i wanted to go.

After I came back, since I had to check the cat, I had to go find it high up in the clouds, and re-positioned it again, and looked around for who was messing with it. There in the middle steps out a human black mage of all things. Don’t see too many of them in my parts of he astral. Fancy schmancy black robe with nice gold brocade edging and all. A man with taste.

What was interesting, was that he recognised me, and said in a shocked voice:
“What are YOU doing incarnate!?”

And then he ran! Ok, Hi! … Bye!
I did try to follow him and get more info. I got as far as a location somewhere vaguely around the West of the Carolina’s US, and had him, and was asking him who he was and how he knew me, and Azazel turned up and said ‘Enough…’ and you know the rest from that thread.

How frustrating! There’s someone out there today who knows my daemon form and they’re not talking. What a git! :joy:


Your ramblings are 10/10


From was yesterday… the thread is linked under the ‘here’ word in blue.

So, “The Carolinas” means North Carolina or South Carolina. Kind of far West of them, and to the North, maybe even in Virginia, but not far enough West to be in Kentucky or Tennessee - hard to say, I had an image of the East Coast US as I hurtled down to it from orbit practically, and a 1/2 a second to try to register the location based on geography, so I’m not super certain. The main reason I could recognise it was inland and up a bit from the same area the hurricane was headed through with that huge path prediction, but, hundreds of miles Northwest of Charlotte.

It’s kind of odd, I never approach the astral as if it’s ‘above’ the Earth. I always use shamanic tree or well or spiral stone staircase imagery to get there. I was just following the mysterious dude.


Oh good grief. even Thomas Sheridan has been banned from FB because his comments had mass flag attacks. FB really needs to fix flagging abuse. That’s not even censorship it’s just bad program design.
This latest video is funny af. The sheep! Creepy but cute.


I was literally just about to search the forum for stuff on aliens/crop circles and you posted this video. Thanks for the synchronicity!


Can a vampire convert to a non-vamp?
Are vamps born vampires?

In my opinion, as someone who has come info magick as an energy worker, no, there’s no such thing as being ‘turned’ to or from. To know why you have to realise what a vampire actually is.

A vampire, if you read Michelle Belanger, and I agree with her and my qigong teachers, is someone with a damaged energy system. Most humans effortlessly convert food and ambient energy to qi, keeping themselves healthy.

A vampire has a system that is broken in this regard - they could be born like this or have a childhood trauma that induces it. They don’t make enough qi to sustain a healthy body and find it hard to convert qi from external sources like food, the sun, ambient emotions and so on. This causes them to lose more and more over time, they become sick, many die as children, the ones that survive learn how to take human energy - “Ren QI” from others. Human qi is already converted to the ideal format for a human to absorb, like mothers milk is the most easily digestible food for babies. They can’t handle much more.

This should be possible to heal, but it’s a big deal and I haven’t heard of anyone that figured out how.

Ever been down and had your friends come round and cheer you up? They gave you energy. You in turn give others energy when you comfort them, lend them your shoulder to cry on or gift them a birthday present. This is completely normal. Even a vampire who has fed enough can do this. It’s automatic. Extroverts tend to need more energy and introverts tend to give more, imo, but by and large it’s all part of an ebb and flow that happens naturally in social circles.

For the most part vampires always need more and have to be careful to preserve what they have, so they’re not going to give and they will take all the time. People who are vampires and don’t know it are those that always make drama and complain and never fix thier issues. They’re the ones you start avoiding because they will play the victim for hours leaving you feeling drained. It’s not cool or good for them or anyone they’re around. On the plus side, it forces them to get really good at energy working if they want anything like a successful life, and those that do become strong and powerful mages - not because they’re better, but because they practiced: they had to.

The thing is, every human can do energy work. Every human (except vampires) can take energy from anywhere including other humans. We actually do it naturally as part of being social animals. I strongly advise learning how to control and cultivate your own qi, and when you can do that, if you want to use vampiric techniques as a tool you have that option.

So, in my view, using “vampirism” as a baneful technique isn’t actually vampirism when done by a human that isn’t a real vampire - it’s a form of energy working - and it’s under thier complete and conscious control. In contrast, a self-described “vampire” that can easily cultivate qi from non-human sources isn’t a vampire. They just think it scores them cool points.

Personally, I dislike human qi as an energy source. To me, it’s like standing next to a crystal clear waterfall (cosmic qi), and going “nah, I’ll just drink out of this dirty puddle; it’s ok, I can filter it”. :face_vomiting:

Some people like the “taste” and get used to the very real risks of picking up other peoples traumas and diseases. I can’t relate, but then, I learned a different way decades ago, so sometimes it’s just a case of better the demon you know.


i didnt know that, damn