Hello. Long time, no post. When I first embarked on this magickal journey, I did it to bring back my ex at the time. Long story short, summer of 2018, this girl I had a relationship with dumped me, although we both still had feelings for eachother. I suffered like crazy and after losing all hope, decided to turn to magick to bring her back and also develop myself. I tried a lot of things: evocations, Gordon Winterfeld’s Demons of Magick book, Magickal Seduction by Damon Brand, Santa Muerte, etc. I only got small results regarding my problem but I got a ton of other girls offering to me instead. Eventually I began a relationship with another girl who was a lot like my ex, but a little younger and way more open and awesome. We clicked, and still do, like crazy. Here are some posts from back then if anyone is interested in going through them, if not, skip ahead.
And this is the post where I talk more in detail about how I met this girl who is similar to mt ex
Giving thanks - Success story, but in a different way
So now that I got this out of the way, the reason why I am writing this post and will also reference it in the user success stories, is that in a way, I want to give thanks to all the gods again because guess what? Out of the blue, my ex contacted me 2 weeks ago, saying that she still thinks of me and still sufferes, although she tried moving on, and would like to talk to at least ease her chest off of all of this. Mind you, we haven’t talked in forever, don’t follow eachother on social media and I gave up a while ago although would still think about her from time to time. So I agreed, although I was and still am in a relationship with her “doppleganger”. Long story short, I went to her place, we talked and one thing led to another and we had make-up sex. It was amazing and in a way, I got all I wanted almost 2 years ago and right now I’m seeing both girls. Please don’t judge me, that’s not the point here. I will give thanks to the gods at the end of this post, but right now I’m in the biggest dilema of my life. Who to choose? Because I can’t be with both of them at the same time.
On one hand I have my ex who I am very familiar with and although we broke up a while ago, we still remained connected in a way, meaning that we would still both have dreams of each other, flashbacks, somehow felt when one was feeling sad, etc and all of this without staying in touch. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the gist of it. But while I did a lot of things since we broke up and changed and really feel like I’ve evolved as a person, she pretty much stayed the same.
On the other hand, her “doppleganger” is amazing. She is ambitious, we communicate sooooo good, we get along really really really well, I learned a lot from her, traveled with her, and the list is too long to write everything here. Basically, I feel like we both lift each other up and can be 120% myself aroud her and it’s amazing.
Now, you would think this was an easy choice, right? Well, it isn’t. I just feel like I can’t choose. It’s going to sound extremelly superficial, but I think her “doppleganger” would be the safe choice, but I used to long so much for my ex and now that I finally got her back I kinda want her, but kinda don’t? Plus that, I don’t know why, but I feel more attracted to her and it makes me feel so guilty because this other person is so amazing and I still can’t make up my fucking mind. I know it sounds stupid and childish and even contradicts what I’ve said above that I’ve grown and evolved, but oh well. In a way, I am writing this to also maybe get some clarity. I don’t expect help or whatever because I know it’s a decision I have to make and whatever I choose, is going to be equally hard.
I wasn’t intending on ranting this much about this but here we are. Also, tomorrow I will have my first dose of mushrooms because I want to experiment with that and I believe it will help me better understand myself and grow, so wish me luck. Maybe it will also help me with my decision? Who knows.
In conclusion, I eventually got what I wished for and if you disregard the fuckedupness of this story, I hope it will help someone one day because I know a lot of people went through painful breakups and tried everything. Also, sorry if this post doesn’t make much sense, my head and thoughts are all over the place. Now, as a final note and I don’t want to be disrespectful in any way, I don’t know if me getting what I wished and ached for a while back has anything to do with magick, angels and demons and rituals. Maybe this is really a result of it or maybe it’s just faith. As I’ve said, we broke up still having strong feelings for eachother and maybe back then, it wasn’t the right time. But regardless, I’m going to do my part, so Thank You:
-Guardian Angel Asaliah
-Santa Muerte (I don’t work with her anymore)
Much love. Hail Satan and all of the Angels and Demons!
P.S. Regarding Santa Muerte, I promised her I would dedicate myself to her if I got back with my ex, but after reading this:
Giving thanks to Santa Muerte (Love spell)
I’m not so sure if I even praied to the real Santa Muerte (again, don’t want to be disrespectful) and as a user later says in the post:
so I’m not sure if I should still go through with that because at that time I even told her I would buy a statue of her but from what the user above says, that’s not really the correct way? Anyway, hope this thank you post will be enough. Let me know if you have any thoughts.
P.P.S. I love this forum and community and ever since I discovered it, I learned a lot about a lot and people were so nice and helpful. So cheers to all of you, you are awesome!