How has the left hand path changed you?

Today I was reflecting a bit on this. I realized just how different I’ve become in only the several months since deciding to work with the LHP point of view. Now I’m still a nice person, why ever would any of us want to be anything less for no reason. But I was amazed today upon reflection, how how much more willing I am to embrace the idea of “do what it takes.” how I am seeing that compassion certainly has it’s place, but a good kick as the backside is sometimes far more warranted and deserved. I’m learning to be both humble and self assured at once while practicing (still not perfect at this but getting it.) Things that never made sense once do now. I see how there is no true good or evil, how we are all both and really neither. I am amazed at how some of the things so often considered to be “dark” are the places and situations I feel at home in sometimes.

So I wonder, what about you folks? Just thought this would make a neat topic.

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Here is some things that I have noticed in these last few months.

  1. I exercise way more.
  2. Did a whole cleanse of my life, got rid of I would say 90 percent of my stuff and the stuff I did keep is mostly grimoires and magick related items.
  3. I know when to get angry and use force in real life but I don’t feel that anger on the inside.
  4. Less tolerant of people who get in the way of my work and less tolerante of lazy/slobbish people.
  5. A general disgust of the whole: wake up, go to cubicle, worry about saving money view on life.

Saved me from crippling depression that was first diagnosed when I was a child (this was back before every other kid was prescribed psychiatric meds by the way, and it was dx’d again and again afterwards by different docs) - this depression had led to suicidal ideation and intent many times, so I’m going to say it definitely saved my peace of mind, opened up my life, and probably even saved my life.

The core of my depression were some basic and deep-seated traumatic beliefs, acquired from the ambient Xian/eastern/newage spirituality around me, and even things like my family’s political beliefs, plus my own discoveries studying RHP philosophies, that:

  1. there was something wrong with me - I was “fallen” and/or all my problems were karmic reactions for past wrongs (committed in a past life), and that material embodied life wasn’t the most desirable state, so any efforts to improve it were even MORE wrong and damaging; that I needed to constantly watch whether I was “evolving” according to some arbitrary set of precepts that I now recognise as highly likely to induce pathologies and neuroses, as well as being magickally more dangerous than demonic evocation; later as I dug into RHP stuff, that my basic flawed-ness meant I had to always take external guidance on the best way to handle literally ANY situation or even what I could think about things;

  2. there was something wrong with the world - acquired first from my family’s mainly left-wing politics* that encouraged me to actively look out for injustices and feel personally responsible for fixing them, and also to notice them whenever possible affecting me; from the semi-Xian belief that had permeated into me that the material world is sinful, shoddy, second-rate, compared to Heaven; later developed through studying yogic and Vedantic philosophies which lean towards the idea that the “desire world” (material reality) is a place to escape, by avoiding future karmic entanglements and especially actions for the benefit of the self or that increase attachment to the world;

  3. that there was something wrong about being innately psychic and interested in magick - that people like me have to burn ourselves out healing and serving others (that idea is HUGE in core shamanism, “The shaman serves their community”); that to have these things obligated me to a life as other people’s skivvy, cleaning up their mental and emotional messes as a healer, and the more power and skill I acquired, the greater the obligation; that too much involvement in magick and (after a certain point) even just healing people is creating those bad new karmic entanglements;

  4. that there’s something WRONG about every other fucking thing in my own life, that one should take a stance on (for example) social or political issues, like injustices, dictated not by my own heart but by the need to save and serve (poilitics + healing/white-lighty programminhg) or (yogic/Vedantic) strive to see them as part of Parasiva’s perfect universe, in which people and animals are only getting their rightful karmic comeback.

Fuck. That. SHIT!!!

Honestly the LHP for me once I explored it and the philosophy in a structured way (thank you Stephen Flowers) was like someone opened a safe doorway out of a burning and crumbling building, I wasn’t quite at my most RHP-fucked up when I found him, I’d started just going with my own lunacy of “Imma become a goddess then sort this shit out later” (which was a childhood idea that I kind of revived as a way out of RHP lunacy) but it formalised and strengthened my resolve.

And I’ll tell you what, I am a bit weird and I take things very much to heart, take things very literally and I over-think to an insane degree, but I promise you that what I internalised and what was destroying me WAS the logical conclusion of each of those philosophies, remains their logical conclusion, and while I can respect and even like people who proclaim they have RHP beliefs, I just think that’s because they’re not following them through enough!!

  • Family politics - this isn’t a bash at anyone with any kind of left-wing beliefs, my own politics are complicated and don’t fall into any established easy label, but activism and discussion was part of the air I was brought up to breathe, and it was a CONSTANT onslaught, a 24/7 focus on what’s WRONG with society, the world, etc., so I’ll say it played a part in my earliest depression as a schoolchild because I used to not be able to sleep at nights for worrying about political issues and injustices that were way outside my scope.

The rest, like I’ve said, I have no objection to individuals who hold these beliefs, many of them are fine people, but I personally think they’re pathological and toxic, so please keep 'em to yourselves! :wink:

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The politics get old. In a world where hour mot privileged (wealthy family background or whatever) you have to make due…so whether politics or religion…sometimes certain things take a back seat. I was once told “Looks like hour gonna have to eat your way out of a bucket of politicians.” i was all like…“lol yep…at least someone else understands me.” my thoughts? My own goal is the political cause.

LHP has made me stronger, faster and no nonsense and it helped give more structure as far as focusing my sexuallity in a magickal spiritual way which makes me infinitely more happy.

It has made me:

-Stronger
-In control of my life
-Happy
-Content
-No longer afraid to fight and defend myself if need be
-Realize karma is bullshit so I am not afraid to do spells for self gain or revenge
-Learn how the world really operates
-Not be afraid to contact dark entities with a bad repuation from white lighters
-Be positive whereas before I was negative all the time

Good stuff constantly happens even when no spell has been done to attract it whereas before, bad shit always happened even when I tried to do spells to attract good things into my life and stop the bad things

People took advantage of my kindness and would not help me when I needed it most even though I helped them many times before, now they no longer do this, instead they are too afraid to ask me for help because they know I will turn them down but most likely snap at them

Used to be so full of emotion that my emotions caused actions in me which lead to major problems, then when the problems arose as a result of my out of control emotions, well my emotions arose yet again to say hey now that this happened I’m back to tell you that you should feel ashamed, depressed, and angry over it

Now I have no emotions at all except for anger if needed to defend myself or let someone know they are crossing the line with me and even when the anger arises it is only visual to the other person, expressed anger but not actually felt physically. I learned how to get rid of my emotions, I am happy and content but do I not show it on my face to others they see a blank face, even if they do something nice for me I thank them but have to force a smile out, but I do not jump for joy or gasp in excitement so most people cannot tell but my family knows how I am so even though I don’t express emotion they understand and know that I am happy because they know I have had a hard life in the past and that I blame my emotions for most of it.

This is great, I am able to express my emotions thru words but not expressing them thru body language too has ended all those situations were people try to take advantage of me based on what I am feeling but I literally ended my emotions to the point that I can no longer feel them physically but it’s a small sacrifice to make to ensure my safety and contentment since the friends I make always seem to use other’s emotions to their advantage so with no emotion, they have no upper hand on me and won’t even bother messing with me.

Good things happen to me now even when I did not do a spell to attract them whereas, when I was a white lighter bad shit happened all the time even though I was constantly doing spells to attract good things

Results manifest from my spells or evocations sometimes before I even do the spell or contact the entity, this never happened in my white light days in fact back then I had to do some spells like 3 times before they actually worked or the results would be half assed

Before, I had strict limitations. Karma, no self gain spells, no revenge or curses, you can’t change the universe it will mess with the natural order, everything happens for a reason so just accept it and move on, you can’t do this spell until a gray dog barks 5 times during the month of October on a rainy day of a full moon blah blah. Now I have no limitations except for those that I impose on myself because I am in control, I CAN do spells for self gain and revenge (if need be) because what’s the point in doing magick if it only helps others and you never get anything back out of it except time and energy wasted for nothing? I can do a spell whenever I fucking want and guess what, it still works even though the gray dog wasn’t barking on a rainy day in October. And karma is bullshit because bad things constantly happen to good people and vice versa.

I embrace the darkness and it embraces and welcomes me in return! I have gained so many new friends online and before I couldn’t even bribe someone to friend me because I guess all that emotion made me not fun to be around but now with my new unemotional self I post a lot of jokes and controversial shit that really gets people thinking, or pissed off, but people like me really like that stuff. I learned that people really don’t like the female bitchy whining crying stuff.

When someone in my house gets sick, everyone else catches it but me because I maintain an attitude of just knowing that I am immuned because I pretend that I am above getting sick, that it’s only for the weak and they can get right up in my face coughing and hacking and I still don’t catch what they have. Before I adopted that attitude, I got sick all the time right along with them because instead of maintaining an immunity attitude I thought “well how long before I catch this and get sick too because I know I’m gonna get it”.

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it increased all I want to accomplish exponentially as now i can be a full person, working Ambidextriously as Humans were meant to do. Instead of depleated and damned to lopsided captivity where it is least needed. Hail BHP and the evolution of the whole Being and Power working in all Spheres available!!!

[quote=“Blazewind Bluebird, post:1, topic:6442”]Today I was reflecting a bit on this. I realized just how different I’ve become in only the several months since deciding to work with the LHP point of view. Now I’m still a nice person, why ever would any of us want to be anything less for no reason. But I was amazed today upon reflection, how how much more willing I am to embrace the idea of “do what it takes.” how I am seeing that compassion certainly has it’s place, but a good kick as the backside is sometimes far more warranted and deserved. I’m learning to be both humble and self assured at once while practicing (still not perfect at this but getting it.) Things that never made sense once do now. I see how there is no true good or evil, how we are all both and really neither. I am amazed at how some of the things so often considered to be “dark” are the places and situations I feel at home in sometimes.

So I wonder, what about you folks? Just thought this would make a neat topic.[/quote]

For starters a big thing that it has done since I began the practicing side of it, rather than just reading books and such, is that it has given me something I have a desire to do everyday. I can set aside 5 - 20 minutes everyday an do some simple exercises, go to the Crossroads of Rapture, and work on clairvoyance and my divinations.
It’s also opened my mind up to being really. . . how do I put it, “Molded.” I’ve been able to change myself and my reality in this past month more than I have in the past 2 years and it has been INSANE! It’s come with some mighty downward swings and some very sharp rough patches but I see this as just an accelleration because right after a rough patch I get double the good just out of the blue. I’m not even joking. It’s like the world is moving around me to accomodate my needs. At first I thought it was a coincidence but this now happens DAILY. The Left Hand Path, and magick in general, is honestly one of the best things I have gotten into and I never plan to go back. It’s almost like a drug now, but a good drug.

For myself it has been a very long and painful process, and I thoroughly resonate with Lady Eva’s recount of early life depression. I too suffered from this, though at the time had no idea it was actually part of a spiritual crisis brought about by RHP programming/thinking, cultural and familial. It is only recently that my eyes have started to open as to how pernicious these forces can be. As I write I am watching a commercial begging for me for money I can ill afford to help a war in parts of the world that have nothing to do with me. If that makes me sound heartless - consider this - the RHP attack on the psyche is relentless, it grinds on 24/7 through media and organised religion (always remembering that the biggest corporate owners of the mass media are also the largest pornographers and fundementalist christians on the planet). So it seems to me it is MADE to make you feel guilty / worthless / undeserving of salvaltion and all the usual RHP bullshit. Like RavensAsce I used to perform RHP rituals and they always backfired for me because I was stuffed to the gills with all this guilt/karma/law of threefold return nonsense.
When my sister became a born-again Christian it ignited a seismic shift in me because, firstly, being a hypnotherapist I could see how she had been indocrinated into the cult. Believe you me, these groups ARE cults - and just as dangerous as those we read about in the papers. I went along to one of her first meetings and saw how the (unordained but self-professed minister) used hypnosis techniques I had been using for years to bring about apparent catharsis and then compliance from whole groups of individuals. I witnessed her progression into this cult in which she would conduct ritual worship in her home speaking in tongues and talking about the beast of Babylon in the presence of her FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD! Needless to say, her son later developed major psychological issues and addictions as a result of this exposure. But nothing was ever said about it (apart from my lone interjections - but then, I must be wrong anyway). Nothing was said or done because it was Christian - and therefore mainstream and ok.
As my sisters involvement with the cult has grown, my spiritual hackles have been raised more and more. I became furious because it became blindingly obvious to me that her theology was, at best, hostile and intolerant of my own path in life and, far from being a loving thing, was something altogether more sinister. Now I like sinister (LOL) but I do not like something purporting to be something that it is not. And behind all the holy-roller hands in the air and bad guitar playing that is synonomous with these cults there was a hidden subtext that at once refuted science and common-sense and yet deified the irrational and the callous: jews can’t enter heaven, if someone attacks my child I’ll leave it to the will of god, evolution is a satanic conspiracy (in fact ANYTHING is a satanic conspiracy which doesn’t fit this narrow mould). This began to awaken in me what I must describe as a Luciferian, smouldering ANGER towards the RHP if this was - and it surely was - one manifestation of same. (And I speak as someone whos grandfather was a lay preacher in the Anglican church!).
On a psychological level I could see a complete incongruence in my sisters belief system and her actions. She changed from an individual tolerant and full of doubt (the entry point of the RHP) to a “steel butterfly” - all the right words and gestures but behind, a cold, clinical, almost pyschopathic drive. It has been a truly disturbing process to watch, and one that has shaken my “the LHP is evil” ideas to the very core. It has completely reformed my ideas of angels and demons, and of working with the Goetia - something which I have put of for far too long due to RHP programming. I have come to the conclusion that angels are demons (and vice-versa) and that it is ones intent that is paramount. Though not a paid-up Thelemite I must concur with Crowley on one thing: love is the law, love under will! So mote it be.

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I’ve become more confident and stronger but I’ve noticed some like side effects of the things I’m doing my “hunger” to be stronger and stronger keeps increasing and it’s as if the more time I spend with Ahmet the more I understand his distain for how peace hungry humanity is and how that will be what leads us to our end

I have become “free” and way more independent. To me religion was a prison. And the strange thing that people may have difficulties to believe is that it’s Jesus himself who’s guided me toward magick.

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For me it was about learning that good and evil are always changing and therefore because of the inconsistencies through time and culture they could not be considered valid. I avoid combat until it is necessary but once I go to war I never back down and never surrender. It’s about saying to the world " you may take a bite out of me but it’s going to make you bend over to try to lick your own ass just to get the taste out of your mouth. " It’s about finding a passion for life by striving for what you want instead of begging for scraps and waiting to be dead. It’s about a spirituality of personal strength instead of being a doormat busting your ass to make someone else rich while you lose your retirement.

The philosophy of the LHP has shown me the truth of reality and given me the courage to embrace it. That’s how it has changed me but I think Paul McCartney said it best…

When you were young and your heart
Was an open book
You used to say live and let live
(You know you did)
(You know you did)
(You know you did)

But if this ever changin’ world
In which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
Live and let die

What did it matter to ya
When you got a job to do you got to do it well
You got to give the other fella hell

You used to say live and let live
(You know you did)
(You know you did)
(You know you did)

But if this ever changin’ world
In which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
Live and let die

I think Im still a nice person too. I will usually almost be too nice actually. Azazel, has told me more than once I need to learn how to be a bitch.
Im just a freaking Taurus and I aint gonna move til I have too. But if you keep messing with bull you will eventually get the horns!
I have learned that when Im justifiably angry I can do some pretty sic stuff.
But Ive also learned how to help people. And it seems when I help people with there stuff, the spells and things Im doing for me are also more effective.
Ive learned how to speak up. And say what I want or need. Instead of just always being a giver. But I do still give. Its just me. Im not really happy unless Im being helpful or supportive of someone else.
I’ll ride with ya through bullshit just dont bullshit me :slight_smile:

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