It has made me:
-In control of my life
-No longer afraid to fight and defend myself if need be
-Realize karma is bullshit so I am not afraid to do spells for self gain or revenge
-Learn how the world really operates
-Not be afraid to contact dark entities with a bad repuation from white lighters
-Be positive whereas before I was negative all the time
Good stuff constantly happens even when no spell has been done to attract it whereas before, bad shit always happened even when I tried to do spells to attract good things into my life and stop the bad things
People took advantage of my kindness and would not help me when I needed it most even though I helped them many times before, now they no longer do this, instead they are too afraid to ask me for help because they know I will turn them down but most likely snap at them
Used to be so full of emotion that my emotions caused actions in me which lead to major problems, then when the problems arose as a result of my out of control emotions, well my emotions arose yet again to say hey now that this happened I’m back to tell you that you should feel ashamed, depressed, and angry over it
Now I have no emotions at all except for anger if needed to defend myself or let someone know they are crossing the line with me and even when the anger arises it is only visual to the other person, expressed anger but not actually felt physically. I learned how to get rid of my emotions, I am happy and content but do I not show it on my face to others they see a blank face, even if they do something nice for me I thank them but have to force a smile out, but I do not jump for joy or gasp in excitement so most people cannot tell but my family knows how I am so even though I don’t express emotion they understand and know that I am happy because they know I have had a hard life in the past and that I blame my emotions for most of it.
This is great, I am able to express my emotions thru words but not expressing them thru body language too has ended all those situations were people try to take advantage of me based on what I am feeling but I literally ended my emotions to the point that I can no longer feel them physically but it’s a small sacrifice to make to ensure my safety and contentment since the friends I make always seem to use other’s emotions to their advantage so with no emotion, they have no upper hand on me and won’t even bother messing with me.
Good things happen to me now even when I did not do a spell to attract them whereas, when I was a white lighter bad shit happened all the time even though I was constantly doing spells to attract good things
Results manifest from my spells or evocations sometimes before I even do the spell or contact the entity, this never happened in my white light days in fact back then I had to do some spells like 3 times before they actually worked or the results would be half assed
Before, I had strict limitations. Karma, no self gain spells, no revenge or curses, you can’t change the universe it will mess with the natural order, everything happens for a reason so just accept it and move on, you can’t do this spell until a gray dog barks 5 times during the month of October on a rainy day of a full moon blah blah. Now I have no limitations except for those that I impose on myself because I am in control, I CAN do spells for self gain and revenge (if need be) because what’s the point in doing magick if it only helps others and you never get anything back out of it except time and energy wasted for nothing? I can do a spell whenever I fucking want and guess what, it still works even though the gray dog wasn’t barking on a rainy day in October. And karma is bullshit because bad things constantly happen to good people and vice versa.
I embrace the darkness and it embraces and welcomes me in return! I have gained so many new friends online and before I couldn’t even bribe someone to friend me because I guess all that emotion made me not fun to be around but now with my new unemotional self I post a lot of jokes and controversial shit that really gets people thinking, or pissed off, but people like me really like that stuff. I learned that people really don’t like the female bitchy whining crying stuff.
When someone in my house gets sick, everyone else catches it but me because I maintain an attitude of just knowing that I am immuned because I pretend that I am above getting sick, that it’s only for the weak and they can get right up in my face coughing and hacking and I still don’t catch what they have. Before I adopted that attitude, I got sick all the time right along with them because instead of maintaining an immunity attitude I thought “well how long before I catch this and get sick too because I know I’m gonna get it”.