Cursed before being born (Please read)

[Lady_Eva]

It seems like some of what you’re describing is similar to the mindset I had that wasn’t working for me, and which (sod’s law!) was keeping me from power and from ACTUALLY being able to make changes to the world:

How has the left hand path changed you?

Saved me from crippling depression that was first diagnosed when I was a child (this was back before every other kid was prescribed psychiatric meds by the way, and it was dx’d again and again afterwards by different docs) - this depression had led to suicidal ideation and intent many times, so I’m going to say it definitely saved my peace of mind, opened up my life, and probably even saved my life. The core of my depression were some basic and deep-seated traumatic beliefs, acquired from the a…

You can’t help anyone while you’re in this kind of mental and emotional shape, so you need to draw a line in the sand about that idea for now until you feel stronger, stop watching/reading/listening to anything that’s bringing you awareness of people sufffering, and focus your mind exclusively on positivity and that which empowers you.

I say this because one of the things I find in many people who are outright depressed is this terrible feeling of being responsible for fixing things, but being in a powerless place at the same time. it sucks and my strong advice is to let yourself off the hook of helping anyone but yourself for a bit.

Treat this like recovering from an illness that had you bed-bound for several months, you can’t just leap out of bed and start performing at top level, you’ve had a lot to deal with and you need to build yourself back up – “I’m not worthy” is not an option here, and you can’t know what’s possible for you until you try.

Finally, I have to say this: if you’re having thoughts of hurting yourself, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help, such as a crisis helpline in your country. Please visit this link to find the appropriate number:

International Association for Suicide Prevention - IASP

If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call your local emergency number or go to your local hospital emergency room right away. If you are unsure of the right number to call, please visit this link and call the number next to the country where you are located:

List of emergency telephone numbers

There’s also a Reddit group that offers non-judgemental peer support for anyone having thoughts of harming themselves, it looks pretty decent:

http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/

And this is an article especially for anyone dealing with shame over feeling, or having felt, that their life had become unliveable: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/2