The Maddness of Dralukman- A Journal

[Dralukmun]

Sacrament of Blood with Naamah

Last night was a repeat of a previous ritual I performed with Naamah. I lit her candle and put some of her incense on the charcoal, filling my space with its intoxicating scent. I called out to her using the standard method inhale been using with my mala. It took some more time than usual, but when she came, she flipped the control of the ritual on me when I welcomed her into my body. Normally, when I allow a spirit permission, i feel the sensation of them entering me through my back or the top of my head. This time, however, I felt her grip my throat, forcing my mouth open and entering that way.

Needless to say, a bit surprising and left me in a daze. Within me she then asked me if I was sure if I wanted to encompass all of the Dark Earth in my mind and body. I told her yes, as I needed to learn. I got the impression of a smile and saw the gate of the first qlipha open to me once again, filling me with visions of multiple scenes (a rabbit falling into the jaws of a fox, vultures picking at the bones of said fox, waves of the sea carrying the bones to the abyss, babies born in chains and carried to the grave while they cling to those chains so tightly, and a man fusing to a tree, his eyes glowing with energy that is not his own). I sank deeper into these visions, feeling all my shadows rise and fuse into my beings ranging from the shadows of my personality to the shadows of my species as a human. Creation, destruction, fear and lust wrapped me up like a blanket, causing my mind to try to resist it by questioning if I was making shit up. As quickly as the thought rose, it faded as control was removed. Eventually, I came back out of it and finished the ritual, mixing my blood with the drink and channeling Naamah’s energy into it for the purpose of promoting change of my being before downing it.

I felt fairly intoxicated for the remainder of the night, despite being somber. I even ended up rolling my ankle while leaving the ritual area due to the dizziness. Unlike the last rituals Naamah did not leave afterwards, as I had more visions and experiences relating to a more private subject. Still in a daze today but feeling more grounded.

[Dralukmun]

A moment with Naamah

This was not done by any special ritual. No candles, blood or incense smoke touched this moment. It was only myself and reaching my thoughts to Naamah. I spent a night at work dealing with internal turmoil with things not moving fast enough, successes reaching too low on the mark in the grand scheme of things, and overall dissatisfaction. In other words, my depression rose from the depths and I had to answer to my shadow on all that was brought. I could’ve easily walked off my job, go chain smoke in the parking lot, and perhaps get a beer from the liquor store (I highly doubt I was the only one feeling that way). But instead of burying the emotions deep with vices, I recognized them and dealt with them, even in the maddness of work, one by one. Out of the turmoil, I found my answer to Naamah about why I want to complete this working and why I mustn’t quit.

Sitting in the car for a bit after work, I reached out to her, not even using the invocation but forcing my will in my throat and projecting it out hard by calling her name. She came very quickly, as it seems to be the result of the workings. I said this to her as my answer:

“I must become the Black Earth, as well as all others within the Tree because I owe it to myself. I have sold myself out for years, a disservice really. I tried to be solely helpful to others and put them in my focus. But it is not their approval I need, nor my wife, nor my children, nor my friends, nor you, nor Belial, nor any spirit I work with. I could go my whole life being patted on my back for a good job, and still end up in the grave if i fail to get approval from one individual. He is the man i see in the mirror, and it is only his approval that truly matters, as he will be there at the end. That is why i must continue and FINISH the work.”

I simply got a visual of a smile before her presence disappeared. Not all spiritual experiences come from complex rituals. Feeling a bit fired up now and am thinking of goals for myself. I believe the next couple rituals with Naamah will be the end of working with this sphere for now and moving on to the next.

[Dralukmun]

Closing Ritual with Naamah and Becoming the Tree of Death with the Gatekeepers

I do not usually tie two systems together when I am pathworking. However, there was a strong need to this go around as I am ultimately working two pathworking at once. To begin the ritual, I did a standard shower cleansing, as I needed to remove the energy from my other workings. In order to do this, I rubbed ashes onto my body and drew all the undesired energy from my body into the ash. This takes only a few minutes and proceeded with stepping into the shower and washing the ash away, visualizing the energy going down the drain (if you use this technique, be very through as ash mixed with water creates lye).

Entering into my ritual area, I created a simple circle made with stones i had collected from the first piece of land i ever owned (which had to be sacrificed, making it very personally connected. it is a long story I rather not go into). I then created a cross within the circle out of stones, creating the symbol of earth which is represents the qlipha Nehemoth. I placed for red candles at where each line of the cross meets the circle, as well as Naamah’s candle in front of where I would be sitting. After smudging the circle to make it sacred space, I lit each candle and the charcoal for the incese and sat at the center of the cross, the center point of my entire world in that moment. Playing some dark ambient music and mediating for a bit to help slip into trance, i opened the gates of blood, smoke (using frankincense) and flame so the spirits I called would appear. I began by calling put to Naamah through the standard “invoca naamah” chant I have been using. She came quickly and I thanked her for her help in learning the lessons I needed to with working with her. I then continued with this enchantation pushing my will into each word:

“Naamah, Queen of the Blackened Earth,
Lady of Sight and Magic,
Mother of Song,
Reveal what I seek
Show me the worlds of the Death Tree”

I saw spheres of different colored light appear above me, most dim with the exception of the first one, which glowed brightly in a deep scarlet. I knew this was Nehemoth. I then switched gears and began to call out to each of the four first gatekeepers (Belial, Amaymon, Azazel, Abbadon) slowly. As each appeared, the candles seemed to dim as darkness filled the area and I could see each in their hooded forms I normally see them as. I asked them to open up to the Lake of Fire once again and as the ground opened up to it in my vision, I took the plunge, going deep into that place of seeming destruction.

I projected myself deeper into the depths with each passing breath, allowing the energy to course through me as opposed to resisting it so i could keep focus. I started to enter a point where the light of the fires dimmed away into pure darkness. I pushed deeper into this void until i finally reached a point so murky that it was like standing on the bottom of a body of water. Pushing my energy further, i shifted myself into the seed Belial gave me during my pathworking of him, seeing the seed being planted into that murky darkness, growing deep roots. As it began to grow, I fused into the forming tree, being carried back up as it grew out of the lake of fire, through my physical body and up through each of the qlipha, forming the actual Tree of Death.

As it touched each of the worlds, the rulers of each appeared to observe the working. For those unfamiliar with the Qliphoth but are for the Gatekeepers, Baal, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Satan, Belial (through Da’at), and Lucifuge are all Qliphothic rulers as well. The remaining gatekeepers moved to different points of the tree (Amaymon stood by Baal, Abbadon by Andramelech, and Azazel by Naamah). I shifted by focus to above the tree, looking up to the same eye of Satalos I see when I have called to him. Focusing back onto the tree, I simply stated
“I am the Tree of Death, and the Tree of death is me. I have learned what I need to from Naamah and now I go to you, Baal”

I heard a chuckle and a reply " don’t keep me waiting too long". Slowly, I dismissed each qlipthotic spirit except Naamah, allowing the imagery of the tree to fade, closed the portal to the lake of fire, dismissed the gatekeepers, and finally dismissed Naamah with a parting offering. The ritual took about an hour to complete in its entirety and a large amount of energy. My time with Naamah is over for now and, as stated, I will be working with Baal next

[Dralukmun]

11/10/19 Pact with Baal and Dream Following Ritual

I wanted to wait on writing the entry until I got up after some sleep in case of some dreams arising from the effects of the ritual. It seems to have been a good call. I will note that I did perform an act of sacrilege in this ritual with burning pages from the bible, so if you are sensitive to that I would not recommend continuing. While I honestly do not need to justify my reasons, I will for the sake of educating. While it is a book linking many to their faith, it ultimately is a book of conquests. Essentially, a good chunk of the book describes the destruction of multiple groups of people that where not favored by their god. In a way, it is similiar to war propaganda we find in recent history (the us vs them mentality). Baal (both as a singular deity as well as multiple local gods among the Canaanites) was essentially the enemy of the Abrahamic god in the sense that the worship of the people would go back and forth between the two. This of course led to the slaughter of those who worshipped Baal, according to the stories.

I ripped out each mention of these slaughters with the words “Baal rises” over the verse. The particular bible I used was actually given to me by my father when I was hospitalized as a child for my depression. As he put it, the reasons behind why I felt the way I did stemmed from a lack of faith, not from what I said was going on (bullying at school, constant conflict with step mother, and pretty much no point where I could talk openly about what i thought or felt without being told it was wrong). In a way, it is a symbol of an attempted oppression that I rose above. Each page being torn out triggered an emotional response reminding me of that time, which added to the offering. While it can be viewed as a childish way of doing things, acts like that do hold more value than the “screw you god” mentality that could be assumed.

Anyways, I drew Bael’s sigil (I find Baal and Bael to be one and the same) and activated it through my breath and my blood. I posted this on the wall where I usually face during my rituals. On the small bookshelf I have against the wall, I put a lit a candle, put my cauldron with a lit charcoal disk and a glass of water. On the center of the room, I set down a chair and placed the kings of the four suits of the tarot in a circle around it. I took the emperor card and placed it upright against the glass if water so I may gaze on it as I sit. I set down a large fire proof bowl in front of the chair. I was a little anxious at the start of this ritual so after taking a few breaths to calm my mind, I lit the candle and tossed some frankincense and a drop of my blood onto the charcoal, opening the three gates I work with for spirit manifestation. I put on some low ambient music I will post a link to in order to set the mood.

The original plan was for me to chant his enn while gazing at his ritual and then follow with in a littany I had wrote, but that felt wrong in the moment so I skipped the enn entirely. Instead I used this:

"Baal, Melech shelo Melachim*,
Bringer of storms and harvest,
Slayer of Yamm,
Bane of El,
Come forth.

Baal, Melech shelo Melachim,
He who tasted Mot’s fury,
Yet rises from death’s jaws,
Come forth.

Baal, Melech shelo Melachim,
Teach me of Kingship,
To build mighty halls with one hand
And crush armies in the other.

Baal, Melech shelo Melachim,
Come forth, mighty king."

Gazing at Baal’s sigil, I kept chanting “Baal, Melech shelo Melachim” as the world began to fade away. Baal came forth as an old man with long gray hair and a strong muscular build, covered in scars. His state was piercing and his energy was intense in terms of power. I asked for a sign that it was him and not only did he spell his name in Hebrew but the candle went out as the incense smoked shaped as if someone was holding a bowl over, creating an imagery of horns. I thanked him for appearing and stated that I called to him for his help with my Qliphothic working, as well as to teach me how to be a king of my own reality. He listened quietly and when I asked what he wanted in exchange, all he asked for was for me to keep the sigil posted on my wall to mediate on him during the month and for a glass of water each time as an offering. I am to mix my blood with the water and place a drop on the center of the page each day before the mediation. We agreed and sealed the pact. At that point, I set fire to the pages I tore out of the bible, stating that it was the last time those words were to be in the presence of my temple. Before departing, he said this bit of advice:

“Know this: I am a king not because I try to be but because it is what I am. By knowing what I am, my actions follow. By my actions, the world trembles to place by my Will. Own your reality.”

He departed before dismissal and I closed the ritual, cleaning up the area. I proceeded to do chores and such to get my mind off of it.

As far as the dream goes, it took place on a dried sea bed. Baal stood before me and pointed down, motioning me to dig. Taking a shovel, I began to. the soil was rough, filled with sand, rocks, and rotting vegetation. As I dug through the layers of muck and rock, feeling the exhaustion, I eventually to dig up some gold in the shape of a crown. Taking hold of it and bringing it up to the light, I saw it shine in the sunlight. At that point, i woke up. Very interesting start to this chapter of the working.

*I am still working on my hebrew and I typed it out by how I pronounced it instead of the usual script. It roughly translates to “King of Kings” although I am not sure how my grammar is to be honest.

The ritual music

[Dralukmun]

A moment of Reflection with Baal

The last few days have been rough. Arguements with my wife, shifts of bosses to one with less humor, my scrying mirror shattering, cutting up my hands that has forced me to slow down, and a general need for reflection and reevaluation of everything. I have seen who truly depends on me, those who would rather use me, and a better sense of what I want to build. Of course, during this type of reflection, that creeping voice of doubt comes up with words of “you can’t p” or “how”. It is easy to get lost in those types of thoughts, and can put out the fire within very quickly. So I turned to Baal with one question.

“You have shown me the state of the kingdom I made and shattered my illusions. I know where it needs work and where I would like it to go. How do I do it?”

Baal: “A king’s responsibility is to know where to go and to start the process. It is not his job to oversee the process like a warden. It cracks the walls he builds for him to do so.”

I think the point he is trying to make is that worrying about the how is not always the most important aspect, where as starting and seeing the task to the end is. I can see the truth in this, as it is very draining to worry about how to tackle the bigger task. Making the first step (or accomplishing a smaller task that builds towards the larger goal) builds up speed to eventually get to the goal.

[Lady_Eva]

@Dralukmun

Baal: “A king’s responsibility is to know where to go and to start the process. It is not his job to oversee the process like a warden. It cracks the walls he builds for him to do so.”

That fits with what i’ve been told, and seen, that to try and micro-manage the process is harmful, ultimately it comes from leaving the door open to the possibility of failure.

I wrote some stuff about why I think that this is the case recently here:

@Lady_Eva

My theory is that magick is about manipulating probabilities with the mind, and that if your mind has NEEDINESS, that implies failure, because you NEED what you do not HAVE (you cannot feel that same need about what you DO have), so that opens a binary outcome in your mind, “pass” OR “fail,” and because “fail” is very often the most probable outcome (which is why you’re doing the magick, to change that), it will take that route.

[Dralukmun]

Very good points. I am kinda kicking myself a bit because I know that to be true with magic yet I have been failing with that outside of ritual as of yet. Seems like this is a nice reminder that I should approach life as I would with ritual (minus things like ritually stabbing an effigy of a person with the actual individual. probably would not end well for me lol)

[Dralukmun]

Something that came to mind on the fly

Frost swallows the landscape
Preserving this moment for eternity.
Spears and blades lay broken
forgotten as the souls lost here.
Blood traces the veins of the earth,
Small, easily missed in life.
Agendas and dreams means nothing
Compared the quiet reverence of the crows
Gazing down at the fallen from the trees.
Flags lay torn, shiney armor dulled.
All is still, all is silent but the gentle breeze.
The tears of the widows cannot reach here
Nor the pride of future heroes.
No drums nor cheers can be heard,
The ale will never touch these lips again.
This is the tomb of heroes,
Standing as quiet as Sovernigty’s sorrow.

Only the faint murmur of hope is present,
Carried off by the gentle breeze,
That from this will come something more.

[Dralukmun]

Conversation with Baal

Baal: you haven’t been keeping your end of the bargain…you are troubled.
Me: I know, I do not have a reason that is not an excuse.
Him: your discipline is admirable, but it will crush you.
Me: Yes, I am learning that. I am guessing it has to do with trying too hard as opposed to letting things flow naturely.
Him: obsession of control has led many to fall, as well as the obsession for peace. You should know that.
Me: Humans have a tendency of ignoring what is in front of them, I am no different. Is there a point to all the chaos?
Him: why ask questions you already know the answer to?
Me: so, no?
Him: -slightly annoyed tone- just because it is not some deep reason does not mean everything is meaningless. Nor does it always revolve around what is important to or benefits you.
Me: so, I should be looking at the truth behind the chaos, no matter what it is.
Him: yes, but don’t overthink things. Look at everything how it is and then decide how to handle it. Nor doubt your strength.
Me: I am strong enough to endure.
Him: you have proven strong enough to survive many times over. But are you strong enough to thrive?

End of conversation

[Dralukmun]

Sacrament of Blood with Baal

Okay, so due to life, I had been lacking in my Qliphothic pathworking. I planned on a bigger ritual but then overslept so I did not have time to what I had planned. Instead of making excuses, i went with the most important part i know needed to be done. I put aside my usual trappings and used a standard incense stick i enjoy, a beverage (coffee this time as I have to work tonight), and a candle on the bookshelf underneath the sigil I had been giving blood offerings to (I find Baal and Bael to be the same entity so i used the Bael sigil from the goetia). I fed the sigil fresh blood to activate it once again and lit the incense and candle before shutting off the lights. I then sat on the ground, gazing at the sigil. Taking off my mala, I started to chant “Baal, melech shelo melech” (Translates to “Baal, king of kings”). However, the latter part was disrupting my descent into the current, so I dropped the Hebrew and just chanted Baal’s name.

As I chanted, I became overheated as the energy began to build. Pushing through the discomfort, I continued as the image of his sigil appeared above me, opening. The sensation of being overheated continued as I pressed on to the point where I was not even really chanting words, but the sound of the wind during a powerful storm was escaping my lips. Eventually, I felt energy pulled out of me and into the sigil above, only to be blasted back into me in a towering blue light I allowed myself to become engulfed in. From there, I opened myself up to Baal to come within. From there, we had a personal chat that I am not comfortable sharing at this particular moment.

With his permission, I continued onto a ritual i performed with Naamah and Belial. I bleed into the coffee as an offering and held it up to Baal’s sigil, watching his energy fuse into the drink as an aid to the personal goals I am striving to achieve by working with him. I then drank the coffee, visualizing the energy fusing into my being as I consumed every drop. From there, I thanked him, dismissed him, and closed the ritual.

So far, the sensation of being overheated has not left but the weight I have been carrying the last couple of weeks has. I feel stronger than I did and ready to continue the working and open the qlipha.

[Dralukmun]

Baal Kadmon’s Ritual with Asmodeus aftermath

Okay, so I have to be real for a minute. I have not been getting much advancement working with Baal as of late. I get little things here and there but i got the impression that there is something i need to do first before i can cross that bridge and Asmodeus has been making himself known. So, I decided to take down the Baal sigil and work with Asmodeus.

I decided to perform a ritual from Baal Kadmon’s “Ghosts, Demons and Devils in Hebrew Tradition” based around Asmodeus. The goal of this ritual is to gain wisdom on a particular question by creating a talisman made of the petition and his name in Aramaic. For obvious reasons, I cannot give a detail step by step process of the ritual without plagiarizing. If you want to look at the ritual, you will need to buy the book. If you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read the book as part of the subscription. For this ritual, my question revolved about gaining more knowledge about my True self and how I can advance as a sorcerer.

Anyways, I performed the ritual while having BehemothX’s Asmodeus chant playing in the background. I had his sigil posted on the wall behind my altar, had three candles placed in a triangle around my cauldron, and frankincense resin smoldering on the charcoal. Using my mala, I opted to chanting his name as opposed to his enn in order to established. As I slipped into trance, the shadows from the smoke started to shift into the form of wings coming together on the wall before shifting into the face of an old man playing close attention as the atmosphere got heated. The energy from him was intense but not overwhelming this time. I followed with the rest of the ritual and placed the talisman under my pillow before sleep.

It was a restless night where I was woken up multiple times, but once I was out, I had a pretty lucid dream. In the dream, I was standing before a school where many were learning what to think and how to do things in a conformist fashion. I was being instructed to enter but I turned away and walked into the forest away from the school. Following the twists and turns of the thick brush, I came to the foot of a mountain, where I began to follow the uneven route upwards. I climbed over boulders, avoided land slides and bleed from jagged stones as I made my way up. At the peak, I was welcomed with intense sunlight and a welcoming breeze. I took a seat on the peak and looked out, allowing my mind to wander. Then I woke up.

Overall, successful ritual but i will be paying more attention as i sleep on and carry the tailsman.

[Dralukmun]

I have decided to reserruct this journal to record current meditations and rituals. I have been struggling to remain committed with pathworkings as of late due to life, so I am going to keep this pretty informal.

This meditation was published by Rose Crowley, which I will provide a link below. The purpose of this to align myself more to the Adversary current as another source of power to tap into.

For copyright reasons, I will only be discussing my own observations.

As I chanted the inchantation in english, I felt heat and tension build in my body. I had flashbacks of past conflicts rise in me, mainly relating to religious tramaua of getting physically beaten from former friends and exiled from family due to religious reasons. Lots of emotions resurfaced: betrayal, hate, pain, fear, and pride. I drank it in and then expanded the focus to the tension of change and strife throughout the world, taking that in. I allowed it to fuel my black fire and expand well beyond my body, forming wings. I watched the tips of the flames turn into Black Mamba snakes and coaxed them close, whispering words to carry to those to have chosen to take a srand against the things I value. I watched them travel beyond my space with the awareness that i was releasing my poison to the world.

- YouTube

[Dralukmun]

Meditation and observations

I repeated the same meditation as the last entry. The visuals relating to my body were not too much different this time, althpugh instead of wings, the black flames covered my body like a cloak. The edges of the flames turned into black mambas and vulture feathers.

I saw myself standing before a crossroads of sorts, except instead of roads, it was rovers of black fluid. I could see images of violence, sorrow, fear, hate, reflect in the waters. I willed some the liquid to solidify as I walked over the surface, forming a small island and a chair to emerge from the current. I stripped off my cloak and had it shift into snakes in my hands, whispering my intentions towards specific issues I have been working to address. I released them into the current, watching them go out into the world as I sat in the chair and ended the session.

I have ovserved a similiar effect with these meditations as I had while working heavily wirh Belial. I can feel the tension of the working, of reliving past struggles, but I have noticed the energy being more…mutable(?) with this. I am also more willing to raise a little hell than I have been as of late. It has been pretty refreshening if I am completely honest.

[Dralukmun]

Unification of Samael and Lilith Meditation

This one comes out of Baal Kadmon’s book “Samael: A History”. It is a Yichmuid meditation, which is a common form in Lurianic Kabbalah that involves visualizing two names/concepts in Hebrew coming together to form one. Sometimes an incantation or prayer is involved,such as this one. I have used it in some of my other journals and have enjoyed the experience. In this case, it involves combining the names of Samael and Lilith for the purpose of preparing one’s mind to align with the Sitra Achra, also known as the “impure” or “evil” side of the Tree of Life. For copy right reasons, I cannot post the exact ritual so I will describe the effects.

Instead of a fast build up of energy like my other experiences, this one was slow and steady. There was a tension building up but it was mainly grounding. The energy from Samael’s name felt hot and tense, kind of that tense excitment before facing a challenge. Lilith’s was very calming and admittingly seductive as if the energy alone could pull me in. When I went to visualize the two combining, I abruptly got a visual of a scapel and saw cutting into my skull, exposing my brain. I watched two sets of hands carve the names united into the flesh, the energy of both fusing with my own in my vital organ before the bone and skin recovering it.

I admittingly was a bit shaken from the visual but that passed quickly. I have felt calm and at peace since the meditation but it likely will be one I will have to repeat again.