My Daemonic Child: Birth


#1

I’m editing this post to make one thing clear - this Child is a spirit, an entity, a non-physical being, and it is NOT a human child, I have NO human children, no human children are involved in this.

That should be abundantly clear from the post and illustration of the birth but it’s so far in violation of my ethics to involve human children in black magick that I want that right up here where everyone can see it. Not a human child. A DEMON. Hope that’s clear. :slight_smile:
_________

Long (2-part) post alert. Apologies – this just was not a soundbite compatible event, and I wanted to attempt to do this experience justice, and not selectively edit it down to just the “cool” stuff.

Ups And Downs

In the final week I was becoming increasingly stressed and impatient for the birth – as you may expect, having an entity actually living within me, growing in power and consciousness, was affecting my thought processes quite a lot by the end of the “gestation,” and I had severe mood swings, raging from furious killing anger to jubilant exhileration, and straight back again – often within the same hour. Or, minute.

Along with that, I also had a few spells of feeling utter despair, the kind that used to hit me at the lowest points in my former (aka pre-Black Fucking Magick) days, when I suffered from clinical depression which had resisted every conventional treatment thrown at it. The kind where anything seems preferable to taking another breath.

I knew that part of the “inheritance” for the entity was, basically, everything that had made me who I am, some of which is some pretty dreadful stuff (and who doesn’t have that?) and throughout it all I just stayed focused on pushing my consciousness into the feeling, however bleak, and checking in with both the child and the father that everything was going as it should.

Before committing to this, I’d made the assessment that I was psychologically stable enough, now that I’m freed from depression, for whatever it was going to bring; although the moods were real, dense, lived experiences, I also had the foundations and the ambitions in place that helped me keep that stuff in perspective.

So it was cool, and I more or less kept my shit together, but I could feel its awareness inside my mind, at odd times of the day, bringing back memories as though they happened yesterday, and I slept a LOT towards the end: that, plus not wanting to go out for various reasons, meant I actually gained a few pounds, in a bizarre parody of the normal processes of baby-making.

I don’t usually have poltergiest activity going on, but that had begun to happen – things being moved, or going missing only to turn up in places I would never have put them; sounds, bumps, shadows flitting away in the corner of my eye, and bright flashes of the dirty white light I’d seen towards the end of the conception.

To add to the chaos, I was missing my human partner, regular sexual activity (because I’d been warned to avoid any sexual contact with any being other than the father, which also prohibited any kind of sexual fantasies, or masturbation), and I was missing anything approaching a normal life, so towards the end I was just desperate for the entity to seperate out, and base itself in the vessel I’d prepared.

Labour

I’m obscuring the precise date and time of birth, as requested by the father – it’s not even written in my own notes. The birth was, anyway, more of a process than an event, lasting over 24 hours, and it began with an increasing sensation of energy disturbance in my lower abdomen, a combined feeling of both pressure and vacuum, between the area just underneath my navel and the corresponding point on my spine.

I’d been tired for several days, sleeping in patches off and on for maybe up to 16 hours in any 24, and when I checked in with the father about this new feeling, he told me the birth, the final seperation of the entity from my own energy, was beginning.

Viewed clairvoyantly, the vertical pillar of energy I’d seen before that bisected my lower abdomen was gone, and in its place I could see first a mass of white energy (but with that strange grey-blue tinge) forming into a kind of oval shape within my own body. Somewhat like a head.

At this point I placed the piece of virgin calfskin I’d bought to be the entity’s initial physical “base” inside my underpants, in the manner of a sanitary napkin, as instructed, and waited.

As the time moved on, slowly this image I was seeing became the entire upper body of a being protruding from the centre of my pelvis, initially feminine in form and shape, and able to communicate somewhat with me, but only clairaudiently. It kind of looked like this: (update 2018 - image link is broken, I cannot be arsed to re-up it, sorry)

Because I hadn’t been told the specific date to expect this, it happened that I’d run out of fresh milk and veg, so once again I was in the weird position of having to go grocery shopping halfway through something fairly profound, this time round with this entity half outside my body and inverted, which the father assured me wouldn’t harm either of us in any way.

But even so, I was terrified by the possibility of running into some kind of crusading white-light psychic “exorcist” who’d try to “rescue” me from what must have looked like some kind of fucking abomination of a demonic possession.

Of all the things to think about in the middle of a working, this one really sucked in terms of the tediousness-to-risk ratio, but I figured there might be some reason for it (or maybe I just need to get a whole lot better at planning) – anyway, I was really hungry, so got dressed and headed out to the shop.

Luckily I managed to restock and get home without any problems, then it was just a waiting game – I rested, with the room darkened and the TV off, and making the odd kitchen run to get something to eat or a treat for the dog. He was acting weird, very subdued and nervous, so while I think the psychic abilities of dogs can be over-rated, I eventually shut him out back with his bed and toys and chews for a bit, because whatever he was seeing, it wasn’t making him happy.

I drifted into another sleepy patch and woke with violent cramping, more like stabbing pains, in my uterus. My menstrual period wasn’t due, but when I got up I noticed there was blood, only a reasonably small amount and very bright red, on the calfskin – this was something I’d been told would happen, but I’d been frankly a bit skeptical – I don’t use the pill, and don’t usually have “break through” bleeding or spotting or anything else of that kind, nor had I been doing anything that could have caused that bit of my body to suddenly bleed.

Nonetheless the blood was right there, and after getting a couple more hours’ sleep, I was woken by a kind of roiling, twisting feeling, this time running right through me from head to toe.

Birth

Clairvoyantly, the entity that had previously been white-ish and very soft and muted had taken on an altogether more archetypally “demonic” shape – darker, with what looked awfully like horns, broad squared-off shoulders, and the “voice” I heard clairvoyantly when I communicated with it had deepened, almost to Hollywood-movie style slurred, slowed tones that sounded nothing like a human voice at all.

The next 3 or 4 hours were bad – fuck knows what my energy body and chakras were going through (I stopped looking) and my pulse was racing, with the blood pounding in my ears.

The closest thing I can compare it to was the horrible mental and physical state that you get with a really bad alcohol hangover – the acetone and other toxins sloshing round every blood vessel as your body breaks down the drink, combined with the scrapingly raw sensation created by withdrawal from a CNS depressant – it was just plain nasty, like being sandpapered at a cellular level, and once again the feeling I’d had during the conception, that I was violating the basic contract of human life in some dreadful way, was at the forefront of my mind.

I spent ages just lying there, kind of rocking myself (another parody of normal childbirth) and breathing way too fast, and pretty much feeling fucked. Both the father and other entities I trust were close by, and that helped me to keep focused and deal with the dramatic energy shifts.

At one point I set up my laptop to play the reversed afrin I’d been playing almost non-stop since the conception, but it freaked me out –that afrin somehow resonates with the Ahriman current in my spine, which is normally a good thing, and has been helpful throughout the “pregnancy” but at this late point, with so much of the entity present and moving out through my own body, it was as repugnant as the idea of trying to have sex whilst actually in the delivery stage of labour – like an unnatural forcing of external energy where it didn’t need to go, where there was no ROOM for it to go.

Towards the end of the delivery, I was aware, vaguely, of a sort of superstitious, moralistic warning along the lines of “You’re going to die for this” resonating in my mind, but I pushed that aside and focused on remaining open and allowing whatever needed to happen, to do so, without trying to categorise it or give in to any kind of brainwashed fear.

Finally, after maybe four hours of total unpleasantness on every level, I felt a simultaneous tearing sensation, inside my core body mass, and also a sudden INCREDIBLE sense of relief – of rightness, cleanliness, wholeness, and a whole load of good emotions that had slowly drained away unnoticed as the entity had developed.

My daemonic child had been born, and my mind, body, and soul were entirely my own again. It was easily one of the best feelings I’ve EVER experienced.

Cont’d >>


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#2

Ritual

The father told me to stand up, so I pulled myself to my feet and held out the calfskin, with its flower of blood, and recited the words he gave me that formally welcomed the entity into this world (which I was told never to repeat – they were pretty fucking heavy, is all I’ll say), and secured its place on this plane of existance.

I placed the bloodied calfskin carefully on my desk, and lay back down – there were still weird energy disturbances going on, shadowy movements and subtle, stealthy sounds, and at one point I saw something that looked almost like a ghost (greyish, like smoke, and with that same kind of hollow emptiness) twisting and dancing inside my own energy body, vibrating with a gentle melody, and then vanishing into the black currents parallel to my spine.

I believe this may have been the “wraith” of the potential human child I failed to bear, the unique mix of feminine maternal DNA present in the ovum which wasn’t fertilised this month specifically because of this darker conception, and that she was in some way the sacrifice required for this new demonic life-form to be admitted to these realms.

I also believe she was happy to be used in this way – firstly to help structure the entity, and then to be dissolved, soul-less, into the black current of the Ahrimanic power. I looked deeply into the vortex of the chakra the entity had been birthed from (more on that below) and was blown away by the depth and scale of that.

Eventually the movement and presences in the room eased up, so I got the dog back in, settled him down, and right after that I slept dreamlessly and restfully, for the first time in weeks.

The Child

When I woke up, aside from a profound feeling of inner peace, I was aware of a shift inside my thought-processes – looking back on things I wrote during the last stages of the “pregnancy,” whether in my phone’s text history, e-mail sent-box, or on here, I’m aware that it was me who wrote them, but I feel a sense of disconnection, almost a dissociative feeling. It’s as though I’m reading words written by someone doing a very good impersonation of me, but not quite nailing it.

I believe this is because the entity was sharing my consciousness more than I’d realised, so in a sense it wasn’t all, or only, “me” who wrote these words and text messages, but also the being itself operating within me and through me, imprinting my core energy in its own matrix, as part of the rights and inheritances of being “born” to a human mother.

The entity itself is now undergoing a period of stabilisation and maturation, anchored to the blood-stained leather scrap, and I’ll post more about that at the earliest possible point, which may be a few weeks, or maybe months – one frustrating thing about this is that timeframes have been kept obscured even from me, but that just seems to be the nature of the thing.

Because of its apparent shift from a feminine form to a more masculine one, I asked the entity whether it was male or female, and it replied “I have no sex, I have no race” – I think the early feminine nature of the entity was because the DNA in the “sacrificed” ovum was female (women only carry female DNA, it’s the father who determines the sex of a human child with his own genetic input) so for the sake of convention, from here onwards I’ll refer to the entity as male.

And he is breathtaking – his voice is audible with normal hearing, clairvoyantly he appears black-gold, with a tint of blood red in his outline (though he hasn’t manifested to full visible form yet), and he radiates a vibrant aura of strength and power.

He’s asked me for a few simple tasks, and I granted them – if they’re completed satisfactorily, then I’ll pass along his details to be tested by experienced magicians, and if that goes well, I’ll release his grimoire for download on every outlet I can find.

Personal Gains

Shortly after the entity was born, I tranced out and took a long look into my energy body, to see exactly what kind of shape my “reproductive” chakra was in – it looked like a wide, oval vortex of blood red energy, tinged amber in places and with a depth that was indescribable.

I wandered “inside” my body as I was trained to do years ago in order to conduct healings on myself and others, and I was guided to push my consciousness through that, to baptise myself in the vortex of my own transfigured chakra, and when I pulled my focus back out – everything had changed.

The closest I can come to describing it, without sharing information that I’m told not to, is that I now see EVERYTHING on several different levels – just like focusing in on one conversation in a crowded restaurant, I can narrow my focus down to “normal” vision – or at the shift of attention, the spark of a synapse, I can widen that focus to see into levels of reality that I had no freaking IDEA even existed.

Overlaid on my own normal sight, I can see the souls of objects, see aspects of their nature I don’t even want to describe, and it’s as though a two-dimensional character had been lifted from a picture book, and granted the access and the rights to see into the three-dimensional world.

I’m not completely certain yet what this is going to mean in terms of gaining better results with magick, because I was clairvoyant before, but this is like the difference between watching a flatscreen movie and being immersed in a theme-park’s 3-d room – it is AWESOME. Off the back of this simple shift, I’ve had a metric ton of gnosis and sunesis that help me to better understand many aspects about the physical world, and the broader nature of magick.

Along with that – and, a lot of this is simply hard to put into words, so I’ll try to describe and share what I have contextually, when opportunities arise – the access I already have to demonic entities and realms has continued to escalate and develop, due to the permanent changes in my own energy structure, and I’m looking forward to putting that to further use in future.

It seems that I’ve taken on some essence of the demonic, as a result of hosting that energy for a fairly long time, and of having to adapt my own energetic body to nourish it.

Aside from various changes that I can sense psychically, my emotional and intellectual processes have shifted – not as dramatically as they did, briefly, when I worked with Azi Dahaka, but they’re recognisably altered, which works for me because 99% of my ethics and so on don’t come from sentiment anyway, but from my spiritual, political, and philosophical values, so the change is mostly one of increased clarity, and an affirmation of my existing choices.

The entities I’m in long-term pacts with have also benefitted from this “upgrade” because I’m able to be a better partner to them with their own agendas, and this has tightened the bond between us and gained me their increased approval and favour.

On a more everyday level, I’ve maintained the very calm and “whole” feeling that kicked in immediately after the birth, and I feel far more energetic, passionate, and generally GOOD than before – I was initially worried that I’d be left with a gap after we seperated, sort of energy-loss “baby blues” – but the exact opposite has happened, and I feel on top of the world.

Normality… Postponed

Me and my partner had planned to take a break, a kind of second-honeymoon on the coast, as a reward to both of us as soon as the entity was “born” (and yes, the poor man’s a saint to put up with me) but right now I want to continue exploring this new perception, working with the entity, and making the most of all the new things, at least until I feel closer to that burn-out stage you get after heavy duty pathworkings and evocations.

I’m not there yet, in fact I feel juiced, and I don’t want to lose any momentum, so he’s moved back in, and after a couple of days R&R we’re carrying on as normal, with our weird little household adjusting to the new addition.

My partner’s a chaos mage, and believes that all entities are aspects of the subconscious/superconscious mind – powerful, but ultimately only representations of paradigms and currents within the self. That’s part of why he’s okay with “sharing” me as he does, because he believes everything I interact with, even through to physical manifestation, is an empowering aspect of our own souls.

I operate from more of a “hard polytheist” point of view, believing that every entity’s a distinct being in itself, but whatever happened here, whatever the “true” nature of the entity I’ve brought forth, it’s come from the combination of my everyday life and my personal aspirations, and one of the darkest mental and emotional archetypes of raw power, and merciless passion.

So, whichever worldview is ultimately correct (and I suspect the truth lies somewhere between the two) I’ve achieved something I’m intensely proud of, and in a way humbled by the chance to connect with this stuff, to be involved in it, and to bring forth some new form of life from whatever darkness usually lies untapped.

Finally

If you made it this far, then humour me, and read a few more words of caution to anyone thinking of doing something similar - this has been, for both me and my partner, a BIG deal, a significant commitment of time, money, and energy; it’s been emotionally, psychologically, and physically gruelling, and there’ve been times when I felt like I’d passed so far outside the boundaries that, if things went wrong, I was quite possibly going to be beyond any kind of magickal assistance.

I did it because I want a fucking revolution in the heavens, and the kingdom of the gods made manifest right here on earth: I want to both experience, and facilitate, a quantum shift in human consciousness, and more importantly than any of that, I actually think and believe that I can command the powers of a goddess, within my own lifetime.

So, I was willing, eager, to take this step because I have a long-term agenda and have already committed my life in every other way to achieving that; however, if your goals can be met in some other way, think twice, or at least make damned sure the benefits will outweigh the likely costs.

This not something you can abort, or walk away from, and the changes it creates will almost certainly mark your soul for a lifetime, and maybe for eternity.

So: that’s what I did so far. Now it’s time to really get serious…


#3

Enjoyed reading that, thanks for sharing. I think your disagreement about what entities truly are is a simple one in my opinion, the truth is different for you both. Most people need a singular truth or they can’t deal but in my opinion the physical is a shared reality, many of the levels beyond it are not, so on the higher planes you decide and it manifests as I see and have experienced it, but perfect for you he feels the way he does :slight_smile:

Curious: can you tell a little more about seeing the souls of objects? Also, have gained new insights as to what you are as a total being because of this?

One last question purely because the thought intrigues me… what is Azi Dahaka’s reason for agreeing to this in your experience?


#4

Congratulations, Lady Eva! That is truly amazing!


#5

Well, definitely the most complex, experimental, and gutsy ritual/experience I’ve ever heard of. Congrats on your success, and this is coming from a guy who prefers to play in the light.


#6

It’s exactly like a 2-D drawing person being lifted off the page into the 3-D world… by seeing the souls, I get kind of flashes of imagery of their manufacture (for example, when I “read” my laptop), and when I read the clairvoyantly-visible forms of a few entities I evoked, I can their kind of “Kingdoms” - it’s more like a scramble of symbolism that extends in another dimension “back of and beneath” (to paraphrase the Kybalion) the thing I view.

I tried it with a few people and that was interesting, and when I try it with myself now I see the same kinds of “stuff” as I see viewing my entity-child or other demonic entities, whereas when I look at a more regular person like (for example) the girl on the checkout in the store, I see her parents, random imagery, but nothing like this. I don’t yet know what that means though.

I’m still trying to make sense of it, and I have no idea how useful it will turn out to be in terms of getting results in the physical world. I’m also being cautious because it could be one of those things that’s meaningful and useful to me, but with no ability to be replicated or to yield results for anyone else.

But fates willing, I’ll keep this place posted if there’s anything from it that’s worth sharing. :slight_smile:

One last question purely because the thought intrigues me... what is Azi Dahaka's reason for agreeing to this in your experience?

He’s not the father - it was EA’s video of a summoning of Azi Dahaka that led to me working with Ahriman, then later AD himself (last two links are to my novella-length posts about both) - this seems to have permanently changed things enough that I was then ready to go ahead with this, because it created new connections with the demonic level of existance.

The father of this entity is a demon, but I don’t feel comfortable naming that entity, nor do I want to share what he told me about his reasons - broadly speaking, they’re to do with the whole concept of an “aeonic shift,” and about more than just providing me with a personal entity/familiar.

And yes, I am VERY lucky my partner has that worldview! lol


#7

Dear Lady Eva, once again you have captured my admiration and awe. You really dont stop amazing me my fellow mage. I really feel that you bravery and commitment are truly out of this world and great things await you in the future. I think its a priveledge for us to be able to read your developement and adventures as you walk your magical path. When your demonic child has matured and is ready to perform third party tasks you can count on me to try him out if you so wish it. Keep up your astonishing work my dear Eva.


#8

Holy Shit, Eva!

I bow to your excellence!

We’re not worthy

This, ladies & gentlemen, is what BALG is all the fuck about!

Wow!


#9

Congratulations Lady Eva! You must be feeling so elated (and exhausted, lbr :D).

I was so fascinated by the fact that you had your physical and energy bodies so married during the process, like that your hormones were so involved you had that breakthrough bleeding. Intense!

I am really looking forward to hearing more about your child and how he grows.


#10

It’s exactly like a 2-D drawing person being lifted off the page into the 3-D world… by seeing the souls, I get kind of flashes of imagery of their manufacture (for example, when I “read” my laptop), and when I read the clairvoyantly-visible forms of a few entities I evoked, I can their kind of “Kingdoms” - it’s more like a scramble of symbolism that extends in another dimension “back of and beneath” (to paraphrase the Kybalion) the thing I view.

I tried it with a few people and that was interesting, and when I try it with myself now I see the same kinds of “stuff” as I see viewing my entity-child or other demonic entities, whereas when I look at a more regular person like (for example) the girl on the checkout in the store, I see her parents, random imagery, but nothing like this. I don’t yet know what that means though.

I’m still trying to make sense of it, and I have no idea how useful it will turn out to be in terms of getting results in the physical world. I’m also being cautious because it could be one of those things that’s meaningful and useful to me, but with no ability to be replicated or to yield results for anyone else.

But fates willing, I’ll keep this place posted if there’s anything from it that’s worth sharing. :slight_smile:

One last question purely because the thought intrigues me... what is Azi Dahaka's reason for agreeing to this in your experience?

He’s not the father - it was EA’s video of a summoning of Azi Dahaka that led to me working with Ahriman, then later AD himself (last two links are to my novella-length posts about both) - this seems to have permanently changed things enough that I was then ready to go ahead with this, because it created new connections with the demonic level of existance.

The father of this entity is a demon, but I don’t feel comfortable naming that entity, nor do I want to share what he told me about his reasons - broadly speaking, they’re to do with the whole concept of an “aeonic shift,” and about more than just providing me with a personal entity/familiar.

And yes, I am VERY lucky my partner has that worldview! lol[/quote]

Interesting ability, I have it to the extend that I know intimate and deeply rooted things about people and sometimes feel their configuration in a sense, but I see nothing and thus have no visible or logical link to the information. Its a take it on faith or not at all thing. Your situation seems preferable, and much more inspiring to boot :wink: If it is anything like I experience it will be extremely useful for you in the future, as it doesn’t just broaden your view of external elements but also allows you to re-arrange your internal perception, which doesn’t translate to a tangible “now” benefit but will aid in a more mature view of self and other self.

Purely out of curiosity and playfulness, does it work remotely? What do you see when you observe me? :wink:

Ah my bad, I read your previous posts but I suck with names, doens’t matter if they are human, demonic or names of God XD So what’s your view of demonic entities now that you have had deep interactions with quite a few? You mention the aeonic shift, which to me is what the concept of demonic energy is all about - change outside of the design of things. An infiltration of the existing current in favor of free manifestation (or if you will, the idea to become a living God). In that sense certain new age sources seem eerily demonic to my eye, and sometimes I wonder if the “love and light” channeled aliens aren’t at times simply our dark friends under another mask.


#11

I scanned someone’s photo from here and PM’d them the result, however bear in mind I don’t know what I’m seeing, really - I just see symbols or imagery, and it sometimes makes as little sense as (for example) an Amazonian tribesman seeing a Windows desktop display for the first time.

I don’t think I could read you just from a screenname - I could probably soul-travel to you from just that in the astral planes, because I learned that in order to do remote healing work, but whether I could use the vision in the same way in that state, and then whether I could interpret what I see, is entirely a different matter!

So I’m very much in the learning stages with it at the moment and nowhere near ready to be able to use it to good practical effect by reading people - I was already clairvoyant before, but this is completely different, like learning a new operating system.

So what's your view of demonic entities now that you have had deep interactions with quite a few?

Honest answer? They’re exactly like media professionals, nothing’s too much trouble when you have a shared project they want to see succeed, but otherwise they won’t waste their time hanging out with you, which is fair enough; I don’t know if I’d describe them as the cuddliest beings, but they’re capable of in-depth empathy and understanding when you give them a directed target to help you with something; interestingly different to the godforms I’ve met, and all quite individual in their characters, preferences, personalities, and so on. But I still have SO much to learn.

One other thing is they do seem remarkably like their descriptions in the grimoires, in terms of specialising in the areas described and having little interest in anything outside those. That’s not really a surprise, but it’s been a consistant theme for me throughout this.

You mention the aeonic shift, which to me is what the concept of demonic energy is all about - change outside of the design of things.

Very possibly… back when I did the intense work with Ahriman, I saw the kind of division between the “clockwork” nature of things that gets set into motion then rolls along under the laws of nature and probability, and then overlaid on that, probably birthed around the time mankind first discovered fire, was the “serpentine” nature of will used to effect changes to probability.

Those are only metaphors but that gnosis has held up for me throughout this, and I prefer it to the corny ideas about good and evil, I mean putting an old and sick animal out of its misery is an act against nature but imo it’s the very opposite of evil, and I’ve never believed in moral absolutism.

I hope so!! :wink:

Experimental stuff… honouring the discoveries of the past by building upon them (instead of simply repeating them), and taking the work forward to the next level.


#12

I totaly understand what your going through dear eva its no enough having new abilities and powers its how you adjust to them and how you cope with the new high. I can imagine this affects your whole life as well.


#13

Absolutely brilliant LadyEva!
Once again you amaze me!
But I wouldn’t expect anything else from you!

So have you been told or somehow otherwise know what your child is going to specialize in?
Like what are her abilities?

I shared with you before about what I was told about spirits when they were born by Hecate and was wondering how that checks out.

Again thank you for yet another inspiring experience that you were kind enough to chronical for us!

MK


#14

[quote=“Musta_Krackish, post:13, topic:3388”]So have you been told or somehow otherwise know what your child is going to specialize in?
Like what are her abilities?

I shared with you before about what I was told about spirits when they were born by Hecate and was wondering how that checks out.[/quote]

The entity - I’m referring to it as male now, because of convention, since it doesn’t after all seem to have a gender (“I have no sex, I have no race”) - is slowly revealing stuff to me, but I’m not able to share anything until he’s ready to have his sigil and info released, so watch this space!

I’m buzzing… I just did the first formal evocation to physical form earlier this afternoon, and aside from being tremendously exciting (I had literally no idea what was going to happen), afterwards, I felt an immense rush of accomplishment.

My room has windows facing west, and I had the blinds pulled most of the way shut, so there was just a small amount of greyish underwater sort of light in the room.

I set up my evocation stuff - an agate slice resting on a black cloth, on a small metal suitcase, my altar (this chap) with candle, chalice, and dagger, a la Works Of Darkness resting on a wooden crate, and a cushion to sit my bum on. I don’t use a circle (I sometimes use a black cowhide, that represents Auðhumbla, the primeval cow from Norse lore, and thereby all of creation) but on this occasion a cushion seemed sufficient.

Then I called my child’s name and he appeared, we’re talking eyes-open, no incense, as an outline of black flame, and spoke to me regarding various questions I had.

Afterwards, I wasn’t tired or in that usual state of raw need for rest I’ve had with all previous evocations on this scale - I was buzzing with a weird mix of maternal pride, and bloody greedy black-magician “I did this!” kind of emotion - when I was younger, we had cats, and those cats sometimes had kittens, and if you’ve ever seen the expression on a cat’s face as she feeds her kittens… yeah, that was me.

I think I cheated the norms of motherhood by getting forward to a point of having a child who’s already adult, in most ways, and I hardly have to worry if he eats his veg or reacts badly to his vaccinations.

Sorry, I’m rambling - we’ll sort out a grimoire and stuff as soon as he’s ready, got a few things that need to be tested first (he really could just be a powerful extension of MY consciousness - I don’t think so, but this needs serious “beta testing”) and if that passes, then I’ll pass it on, and whatever happens I’ll keep this forum up to date.

I may have gone slightly mad as a result of this - or, I may just have continued my personal mission, formed years before this website existed, of overturning a shit-ton of repression, fear, and the frail and haunted horror of anything non-physical that dominates this gorgeous planet, and have followed my childhood dream of every hearth being a Temple, and every heart being Divine.

Oh and yes, I could do the false-modesty, “Aw shucks, it was just an experiment, probably just my thing” but you know what? That is a product of FEAR - of the raw stinky fear that there’s only ONE big bad “god” in this reality, only ONE source of primal and supernatural phenomena, and that I’m just a toenail clipping of this awesome Itself that craps all over the place and have to mind my P’s and Q’s. And sod that for a game of soldiers!

I do not know whether my “child” will yet be tangible, intelligible, and above all useful, to other magicians, but much as part of me does that English thing of wanting to downplay it, I did the best I could, I paid for this in a multitude of ways, so whatever I achieved, it has meaning for me, and I am very bloody proud of it!

What happens from here, who knows? I had no certainties of safety going into this, but that didn’t stop me; I have no certainties of any kind of validation afterwards, but the whole thing has been so rewarding, so, I’m just journalling here fwiw.

:slight_smile:


#15

An amazing experience indeed Lady Eva, Glad to see that the end result turned out to be (so far) everything you expected and desired of it :).

I can definitely guarantee you that I will be among the first to attempt to work with your child the minute you release their info, if you deem them prepared for such work. I am very intrigued to see how different this entity might be due to being born half a member of the physical realm. Perhaps it will make it not only easier for him to manifest our requests, but also make it much easier to see and communicate with him compared to the more pure energy based beings.

Excited about this and can’t wait to hear more from you about him! :slight_smile:

P.s. if you ever feel your new ability to read the manufacturing/energy of things becomes stable enough, I am sure a lot of us would love for you to read us through photos and whatnot and see what you end up seeing from it.


#16

The child is genderless? What is the actual physical “equipment?” You’re considering him male; I’m supposing this is due to his “equipment” - yes?

This whole thing has me in awe, I didn’t even know such a thing was possible.

Can you basically summarize for me how all of this is possible? How to give birth to a demonic offspring? I would like to experiment with this in the future if I can find a willing partner - as I am INCREDIBLY interested!

Basically, an explanation like such:

  1. I decided to have a demon child (probably the first step lol)
  2. I performed a ritual while engaged in a sexual act with a willing partner
  3. I eventually gave birth to the demon

If I’m right on, and it’s not much more complicated than this, please do tell!

I’m just… In awe.

At first I was like, why would anyone want to do this? Then I read your answer in regards to shaking the heavens in revolution, haha, awesome, and I realized myself, this would be akin to having a live, in the flesh familiar.

I want to know everything about this as possible.

I’m very excited for when you post more information. If anything I am asking is outside the realm of what you can presently divulge, I respect that.

You’re awesome Lady Eva, venturing in to an unknown realm and actually mothering a demonic child. To mother an actual demon and guide it through life (not that it may need that eh!) - to help a DEMON grow in THIS realm! Fucking awesome stuff.


#17

Whoa, that’s a lot of questions :slight_smile: I’ll try and keep replies short but some of this stuff’s difficult to condense.

Just to be clear, he’s an entity, and when he manifests I haven’t asked to see his genitalia, don’t even want to know what he actually has in that direction in fact!

I started using the male pronoun because he “feels” masculine, he’s kinda of broad-shouldered, very tall, has a deep voice, and insofar as you can assign a gender I’m going with the tradition that demons are male unless they make it clear otherwise.

This has more to do with our culture than anything else, but it’s the norm – when I actually brought this up with the entity, the reply was: “I have no sex, I have no race” so really we’re talking about human classifications, and the fact we don’t have a genderless pronoun that doesn’t sound insulting – I’m not calling the Child “It”” when “He” is perfectly acceptable. :slight_smile:

Can you basically summarize for me how all of this is possible? How to give birth to a demonic offspring? I would like to experiment with this in the future if I can find a willing partner - as I am INCREDIBLY interested!

Basically, an explanation like such:

  1. I decided to have a demon child (probably the first step lol)
  2. I performed a ritual while engaged in a sexual act with a willing partner
  3. I eventually gave birth to the demon

Sex wasn’t involved, the conception was a beam of energy that went into my abdominal wall, although I did do some sexual stuff with the father afterwards because I wasn’t basically allowed to do anything with anyone else while the Child was developing in my reproductive chakra, wasn’t even allowed to have a harmless erotic daydream, and hey, who’s going to turn down a hall pass of that kind? :wink:

I’d had the idea of raising a spirit-child (not necessarily demonic) for ages, and then this year, as a result of working with Ahriman & Azi Dahaka which changed some of my energy permanently, I realised now was probably the right time, and I then asked to be contacted by an entity who was willing to be the father.

One demonic King stepped forward as ready and willing, so I cleared this with the beings I’m in pacts with (also my human partner) and then I just went with the flow for the conception, gestation (the hardest part) and birth.

There are full explanations of the entire process at the following two posts if you want the background in full, when you get some internetting time – a lot of what happened was very subtle and un-Hollywood, so it doesn’t lend itself easily to summarisation in a few lines.

Pre-Conception
Conception

At first I was like, why would anyone want to do this?
Power.

I want all that revolution in the heavens stuff, I’m very serious about it and I’m excited to see magick becoming more and more prevalent in the world, I want to see my brothers and sisters here and out in the rest of the world grow and ascend to whatever their personal empire may be, but over and above all that, I want power for myself, I want to command the powers of a Goddess within my lifetime, not ascended to some ethereal plane or via changes so significant that I lose touch with planet Earth.

I’ve always had a shedload of weird spiritual stuff, my family have as well, and I’m just trying to push magick – embodied magick, not philosophical or energetic mysticism – to the extremes, because I think I can make a good job of it – I think I would make a very good Goddess and that the world will be improved by me having a large amount of power to manipulate reality. I know how that sounds, but I’m just being totally honest.

But I can’t do that unless I can master both dark and light in equal measure, and anyway my gnosis about the nature of demons and of currents/entities like Ahriman means I need to become as one with them, as fully as I’ve already walked the RHP to become one with Love, Light, and the Source, if I’m going to actually attain material power.

I'm very excited for when you post more information. If anything I am asking is outside the realm of what you can presently divulge, I respect that.
It’s been a frustrating process in that they don’t give entirely logical time-frames, nonetheless I am working on it as and when these stages happen – and I’ll update on here at the earliest possible opportunity.

My Child doesn’t seem to need much in the way of mothering from me, except a few things earlier on like the blood sacrifice, protecting my chakra from contamination by external sexual energies, concealing the exact time and date of birth, etc., but the main things he seems to be doing in some way that’s more related to astral and demonic realms.

He seems to go through phases and at the end of each one, he’s changed somewhat, and gives me more information regarding his qualities.

But he was fully sentient whilst still inside my own body prior to his birth and capable of communication about some things – there is a growth process going on, but it in no way mimics that of a biologically manifested entity like a human.

The good thing for me is that I now have enhanced access to these realms, something I treat with awe and respect, and that plus my altered vision have been the most immediate personal gains. There’s other stuff but that’s all I can share at this point.


#18

To command the powers of a God in my life time is my very same ambition.

You are a wonderful example. Somebody who will stop at nothing to achieve their desires. Just awesome.

When you told me I was somewhat exceptional in the fact that I wasn’t letting homelessness or whatever stop me from attempting to grasp serious power, I was flattered, but I think you deserve all the kudos in the matter of gaining power through means I hadn’t even dreamed of!

I was going to ask if he was a manifested entity, as opposed to a sentient human-like being, but as I read the birth topic, I was lead to believe that he was a fully sentient being - my mistake!


#19

Well, I’ve had times in life when things were going smoothly, plenty of available money, and done jack shit with my magick. That you’re pushing ahead right from where you are is worthy of every respect.

At the start of last year I was pretty much committed to the LHP and happy about that, having left the philosophical, ethical and sentimental jumble of my prior RHP conditioning behind. It felt like I’d sorted out the things that troubled me in my white-light days, and I was in a good place, but fairly static, and reasonably content with that.

I had the goal of personal divinity, but it was kind of in an abstract place of “This is where I want to go, at some point” and it wasn’t something I had any concrete plans to attain.

Then, I worked out my probable date of death using info from spirits and also the ages some of my family died, and used the free software TimeLeft to calculate the days I probably have left to live in this body under normal circs.

The number was numbingly small - even though it was decades, worked out on that basis it looked like the last few grains of sand in an hourglass.

I realised that if I was going to have the rest of my life count for anything, and not be 3 or 5 years away from death (5 years is less than 2000 days) and facing an even starker wakeup call then, I had to put the pedal to the metal and - freed from the chains of RHP thinking - go all out to acquire as much power as possible.

I did a powerful working under Saturn to remove any blocks to my own empowerment, around that time I’d also found this site and dl’d all the newsletters and watched a bunch of the videos, because at first the URL amused the hell out of me, and I just liked the brashness and “Fuck you” of it all, after the mincing insincerity of all the RHP teachers and healers I’d known who have the most bloated and brittle egos, and yet who preach humility and apathy because “All is as it should be.”

I would undoubtedly have done the daemonic child project anyway at some point, but getting involved with Ahriman was a direct result of this site, I certainly can’t imagine how it would’ve happened otherwise, and that made this whole project fall into place really easily and smoothly.

Anyway that’s why I’m so serious, I want to leave my mark on this planet by grasping power at the causal level, and there’s no length I won’t go to, whilst honouring my own ethics and personal beliefs, to achieve that goal.

In my case, I don’t want to be public, be a known author, any of that - I want power without any need to concern myself with the human side of things, just pure divine ability to manipulate reality to my will.

Nonetheless the more people I can support and encourage along similar paths, the happier that makes me, because my vision from many years ago was the ascent of humanity to a new stage of magickal evolution and everything else I saw at that time of my life has either happened or is in the process of coming into being now.

So that’s one of the reasons I’m grateful to this forum as a stage along that path, and everyone who’s involved with it, and also the reason I’m generally happy to help people whenever that’s possible. Nothing motivates a gal like a good strong dose of batshit craziness! :slight_smile:

I was going to ask if he was a manifested entity, as opposed to a sentient human-like being, but as I read the birth topic, I was lead to believe that he was a fully sentient being - my mistake!

Got it - he’s a spirit like any other demon, though he can manifest to normal-visibility (not just clairvoyant) and audible hearing (at least for me), he was gestated in me for about a month and became sentient ,as in able to communicate with me fully, about halfway through.

He manifests to full-size (about 7 or 8 feet tall) and has no childlike aspects. I’m gagging to type more but things have to go in the right order, so, I’ll update as soon as I can… :slight_smile:


#20

So this wasn’t a real child? Just an entity/spirit?