[quote=“Lady Eva, post:19, topic:3388”]At the start of last year I was pretty much committed to the LHP and happy about that, having left the philosophical, ethical and sentimental jumble of my prior RHP conditioning behind. It felt like I’d sorted out the things that troubled me in my white-light days, and I was in a good place, but fairly static, and reasonably content with that.
I had the goal of personal divinity, but it was kind of in an abstract place of “This is where I want to go, at some point” and it wasn’t something I had any concrete plans to attain.
I had to put the pedal to the metal and - freed from the chains of RHP thinking - go all out to acquire as much power as possible.
…The mincing insincerity of all the RHP teachers and healers I’d known who have the most bloated and brittle egos, and yet who preach humility and apathy because “All is as it should be.”
Anyway that’s why I’m so serious, I want to leave my mark on this planet by grasping power at the causal level, and there’s no length I won’t go to, whilst honouring my own ethics and personal beliefs, to achieve that goal.
In my case, I don’t want to be public, be a known author, any of that - I want power without any need to concern myself with the human side of things, just pure divine ability to manipulate reality to my will.
Nonetheless the more people I can support and encourage along similar paths, the happier that makes me, because my vision from many years ago was the ascent of humanity to a new stage of magickal evolution and everything else I saw at that time of my life has either happened or is in the process of coming into being now.
So that’s one of the reasons I’m grateful to this forum as a stage along that path, and everyone who’s involved with it, and also the reason I’m generally happy to help people whenever that’s possible. Nothing motivates a gal like a good strong dose of batshit craziness! ^_^[/quote]
You very quickly became one of my favourite people here, Lady Eva. I feel the exact same way about this forum.
We have a somewhat similar history in terms of how we came to be where we now are, and I’d like to share some of my own history to this point.
I have cropped the post I am quoting from you and will address points in turn. I have already addressed some of it above, but from here on I will make it clear which point I am addressing, while adding some of my own information.
Induction to LHP - We are very similar in that we both seem to come from an original magickal foundation in the RHP. I made all the same realizations you did. The brittle egos of those who spew RHP dogma, yet cannot handle a little criticism themselves.
I took all the knowledge, learning, EVERYTHING I had acquired thus far on my magickal path and put it ALL in to the LHP. I freed myself from morality, self-imposition, and all that crap that keeps two hands tied behind the back of the white-magician. This was somewhat recent, as in a few months ago.
Within days of committing myself fully to black magick and the LHP, I came across this website and EA Koetting. At first I thought he was a charlatan, as in my RHP conditioning, I had learned that those who try to make money selling rituals, etc. are probably charlatans. But I very quickly came to respect and admire him.
Seriousness of study and desire for self-empowerment: I can say with all honesty that I have dedicated my LIFE to magick and self-empowerment. To achieve Godhood in my lifetime. I as well have no desires for fame or notoriety. Simply to enjoy the power to direct my will and experience change accordingly. There is no length I will not go to, to this end. I as well have my own code of ethics and morality, and will not unnecessarily harm people. There are people, however, I desire to curse and utterly destroy, as I have reached a point in which I feel I will no longer allow insult, scorn, and misery inflicted by others to go unanswered. Basically, if people fuck with me, I’ll fuck with them right back. I used to be so passive and basically afraid of my own power - thanks to all the RHP conditioning that anything you put in to the universe will come right back to you.
Helping others along the road: I have always been a loving person and that remains ever true. I will always help those whom I can, those who seek me (who have been many throughout the years) - those who I can guide or offer to teach directly always benefit greatly from what I have to offer. I’ve seen a few go off to become quite powerful in their own right. That’s a very rewarding feeling indeed.
To clarify my own history, I acquired a lot of knowledge and power in my studies. But from my RHP conditioning, I was very afraid to put in to practice much of what I had learned. Recently, when I poured ALL my energy in to the LHP, I removed all the self-imposed limitations and began to finally do all those things I wanted to do that I was too afraid to do prior. Things like evocation, self-empowering rituals, etc.
I’m no longer going to allow the ideals and morals of others to guide my behaviour. I will do as a please, learn as I please, and empower myself as I please. A few of my acquaintances here and now in my life are Christians.
Hahahahaha. Recently, I was at a place where free breakfast and lunch is served to people in poverty. I came across one of my friends, named Daniel, and I joined him at his table. From him I feel nothing but fear. Hes an interesting guy though, nonetheless. He was talking about how demons used to pursue him and try to tempt him in to doing evil and crap like that. I was just sitting there shaking my head, like demons have nothing better to do than to chase Christians down and try to tempt them to evil. Sorry Daniel, you have a very skewed idea of how spirits operate. But as I said, I feel intense fear in him. He’s afraid of pretty much everything, even himself, and that’s why he’s in to Christianity. He wants to be protected from EVERYTHING. He even turns women down, giving some bible-thumping reasoning for this. Two Christians who lead a bible study every Thursday at this place even said “We met eachother at church…”- very politely saying that he’s an idiot and should be with women if he damn well wants to be.
Anyways, one day, he says “Would you like me to pray for you?” And I rather like the warmth and comfort I experience when somebody does pray for me. This prayer however, just made me laugh.
He held his hand on my shoulder, and started rambling “I cast out all the demons of the occult from his body! Snapped his fingers, I cast out all the demons of divination from his body! Snapped his fingers, I cast out all the demons of this, demons of that.” While snapping his fingers over and over.
Internally I’m just dying of laughter. Like you really think that’s all it takes to rid me of powers and influences I’ve spent YEARS accumulating?! AS IF. You should know that such forces will only leave me if I myself desire and will it to be! You can’t just attempt to leave me powerless from your own short-sighted desire to see me freed from influences that you think are evil because you’re just afraid of everything as you’ve never taken the time to grab hold of your own life and direct it where you will. I didn’t want to insult the guy, though, so when he was done his little foray, I said: “Sorry bud, I love the occult, and I love what I am doing. You can’t rid me of those influences so easily.”
None of my Christian buds understand what I am doing, and they all warn me to “be careful, the devil is trying to get my soul.” - right, because the “devil” has need for my immortal soul. I’m sure he has nothing better to do than to chase after souls. Not to mention the whole Christian idealogy that Satan is at the top of the demonic foodchain is just ludicrous.
Ahh, I have rambled on and on. But at least I got all this out before reaching my allotted time-limit on this library computer, hah