(I put this in the spirits category because it is semi-related to evocation experiences.)
I have strayed away from posting any heavy topics since joining the forum because I felt that, at my particular skill level, I didn’t have much to offer to the conversation. I often fluctuate in the confidence of my abilities to discern the real from fantasy (at least once a day, I think I’m being manipulated by Mysterious, who may or may not be a parasite depending on my mood).
I can run a mean tarot reading, though.
I’m writing this topic because, for once, I may be able to contribute to the conversation with something that may or may not help someone somewhere. This topic? My own experiences with parasites–a toxic, disastrous entity that, when it finds its target, can completely destroy an inept magician (like myself) or, in a best-case scenario, send you down a ridiculous path leads nowhere.
Now, many posts will point out prominent signs of a parasite, which will help you most of the time. In this article, I’m going to speak on an experience with what I’ll call some crafty parasites that damaged myself and my magic so profoundly that I have been unable to practice with complete confidence since then.
This tale begins around the time of May 2008. I recently came in contact with my mentor at the time who practiced witchcraft and introduced me to the craft. At the time, I had only the dreams, which you can read about here if you’re TL3, and nothing more. When I spoke to my mentor, she guided me along the path that potentially these dreams mean something. It was around this same time that, with much trepidation, I disclosed the dream timeline to [Mal]. Two different paths then opened up, which inevitably became intertwined.
My mentor was slowly easing me into the foundations of witchcraft by starting me off on Tarot cards. She gave me a book that I could use to understand the meaning of the cards, an in-depth explanation of what cards to pick, etc. All good things.
Of course, as an over-enthusiastic teenager who really needed to do some shadow work, this wasn’t fast enough for me. I wanted to be able to do things. I wanted to be special.
Unpopular opinion:
Don’t let anyone ever make you feel bad about this. We all, at one point in our lives, wanted to be unique individuals. We can now mask ourselves in our cynicalness and judgemental banter, but we should never forget where we came from and stay humble.
I say this because I am guilty of this when there is a particularly spicy topic cropping up in the forum. We’re human. As long as you grow and learn from these shortfalls, that’s all you can do as part of the human experience.
Anyway, I wanted that feeling that I could not get at the time in my normal life. I came from a particularly challenging background, where attention and love was a luxury and not a commodity. This was the first problem when entering into this field. I came into the field with a handicap that made me easy prey to creatures that wished me harm.
My philosophy now is that when you connect with a spirit, they can see this “map” of who you are. This is important because a parasite can see things that it can use against you. For example, my interpersonal relationships with family members to my uncomfortable stalker situation (I have a lot of good, non-occult stories if anyone ever wants to hear them.) You can assemble a bit of a “profile” from these observances, especially around weak points.
My “profile” is one I believe others in my demographic can fall into. A parasite could say to itself: “If I make Alex feel like she is the only person in my life and my number 1 priority, I can get her to do anything.” Lux_Tenebris made an excellent point on another thread about parasites being similar to psychopaths, and that point is entirely accurate. Energy, will, and intention are currencies that they dabble in wherever they are, and if a parasite can absorb as much of this as they can from you, there is a benefit to it. We can debate the philosophy as to why, but I can gather from the many experiences others have had (as well as my own) that it’s not a good thing.
May 2009, I told [Mal] that I wanted to try something new that I read about online: an Ouija board.
If you’ve read my Mysteriously Yours post (now requires TL3 status), you’ll see where things get hairy. This was weeks after I tried to commit suicide to put things into perspective of where I was mentally. You can read my first interactions with Mysterious, but what I never disclosed was the parasite problem.
My ouija board was written in the back of a scrapbook (because we’re basic white women) and did not even contain a “Goodbye.” It pains me to say this now because I would smack the shit out of myself if I had the chance, but I will eat the embarrassment for your entertainment.
Huge red flag.
On all of these websites where I learned about Ouija boards, automatic writing, communicating through buckets of water, or you name it–not one ever emphasized the importance of cleansing, grounding, or making sure you know who the fuck you’re talking to. I was unable to scan at the time, I failed to differentiate the feeling of different entities, and I wanted to feel special. This was a clusterfuck of bad times waiting to happen.
Both [Mal] and myself were caught in the trap in no time. Now, here’s where crafty came into play. At the time, there was this tryst with Mysterious going on (I say that ironically), with " real" contact. Still, because I was unable to identify entities from each other, it was effortless for other entities to impersonate Mysterious. I’d fall for it hook, line, and sinker every time.
The patterns of destructive behavior continued all the way into my late teens. I was fully submerged into a delusion and so enamored by it that I couldn’t tell real from fantasy anymore. An idea was implanted that I was X’s daughter, and I was destined for greatness, or whatever cringy thing happened at the time, and it was so intense that even Mysterious was like: “fuck this shit, I’m out until you get it together.” But there was never any formality to that separation, so I didn’t know that–but the parasite did. It assumed the identity of Mysterious and continued the narrative. It absorbed immeasurable energy and time and lead me down rabbit holes in a half-baked fantasy that only existed to keep me trapped in the lie.
As I continued to grow into my own works, and my mentor challenged my opinions and experiences, I began to realize that things weren’t adding up to this theory. I did my own research and worked towards improving my overall abilities (if I had any). It was hard and I gave up many times. Eventually, something just clicked. I’d practiced enough to notice key differences in an entity’s presence, and I got a little better at “separating the wheat from the chaff” in terms of personal gnosis and just straight-up bullshit.
It was around this time that [Mal] and I began to have different opinions on the things we were experiencing. I became much more skeptical and reluctant to believe there was any substance to it at all. For a short few months, I thought everything was a fantasy and this was some entity preying on my hidden desires to keep me hooked. At the time, I actually it all was Mysterious, given our whole “hidden identity” BS.
Around the time when the rift started, I got caught up with standard life stuff (AKA that stalker situation) that I couldn’t deal with that additional layer of complexity and “took some time off.” [Mal] did not. [Mal] kept going.
After some time, I somehow managed to get back in touch with the real Mysterious, and things began to make sense. That’s when he mentioned malicious spirits, but he didn’t specifically call them parasites. I didn’t learn the definition of that label until I joined this forum. I spent some time working on me and the situations that made me unhappy and moved on. I miraculously got out of the trap (at least partially) where [Mal] had lost herself to it.
One pivotal point in our relationship that I still remember quite vividly is a conversation we had about “cult stuff.” Some things had happened–which would be very identifiable if I shared them in a public forum, so I’ll refrain–just know they completely changed the course of [Mal’s] life. [Mal] blamed these things on “the spirits” that were around. I’ll admit that at the time, given my limited understanding of entities’ capabilities and ability to influence our world, I chalked it up to nothing.
I was just getting comfortable with the idea of diving back into my studies. I didn’t want to mess that up. [Mal] started to make a lot of terrible decisions in the months after one event almost killed both of us (I mean that literally). She continued to spiral and (what I now believe was parasites) were running wild. She and a friend of ours had numerous stories about scratches, handprints, etc. happening frequently. At the time, I was kinda jealous. Not gonna lie. I took this as they grew in skill faster than I am, and I don’t understand why.
I realize now as an adult, that wasn’t what was happening here.
It made me more uncomfortable when much later [Mal] confronted me after being “guided by these spirits” about “my purpose.” At this point in the story, [Mal] was drowning in the situation. I didn’t see it at the time because I was selfish. [Mal] explained to me that “I wasn’t worthy of my role” and that “I’m not doing what they tell me to do” and (my personal favorite) “[Mysterious] lies to you.”
I’ll spare you the boring details, but imagine that they got the effect they wanted, albeit temporarily. It’s a game of control, and whatever “talent” we have as humans possess has to do with using will and intention to “create our reality.” They spun their lies and played their games to control the reality we created for ourselves. It was as simple as that.
I eventually came to terms with the fact I was being lied to by someone, I just didn’t know who. Conflicting accounts from Mysterious and other entities pretending to be him or someone else drove me mad, so I gave up again on communicating with spirits.
Fun fact :
I one time thought I was pregnant by a spirit. Like, those cringy posts that pop up from time to time. It was the dumbest thing ever looking back on it, and at that point, my mentor stepped in to save the day.
We’ll jump forward a bit (because I tend to be long-winded). [Mal] becomes terminally ill. She told me nights before the “climactic moment” on the way to the hospital that she thought something evil had gotten into the house, and her shielding wasn’t working anymore. I remember coldly telling her she never knew when to stop poking the bear.
In the hospital, I was there every day that I could be. We talked and talked, and in those days away from her old home and old influences, she said some of the most profound shit I’ve ever heard (which is a story for another day). Though, in the mix of this, there were still subliminal references to the lies from parasites. That’s the craftiness of it: they were intelligent enough to make it seem real and could carry it on so long that you wind up believing it.
(Hopefully, this gives an explanation for my turbulent working relationship with Mysterious.)
[Mal] died (as some of you already know). The last night before she passed away, she told me that she “needed to know the truth” and asked me if I knew what it was. I told her I didn’t know and that she should focus on getting better instead of worrying about “cult stuff.” She could barely carry a conversation, falling in and out of consciousness.
Unverified Personal Opinion: In a way, I hold contempt for whatever parasites or malicious spirits were attached to her. I can’t say they had a direct impact on what happened, but I place on them some responsibility (though not as much as I still place on myself).
To be transparent, if you haven’t read my dream timeline journals, I still don’t know what the truth is. Hell, I used to believe before joining this forum that Mysterious was Lucifer (like every other person in my demographic in the history of ever believed he was tied up in something). I really should redo the Mysteriously Yours post, because it’s completely antiquated thanks to some of the helpful conversations I’ve had here on the forum with some very helpful people, but I don’t know that it’s necessary given how much I don’t know. I posted the original in my hubris after seeing someone post similar content before I joined the site and realize now that there was–even then–so little I understood (and understand) about the situation.
In the past, I wrote some really ok things and some really dumb things, but I think it’s good to see the whole journey because it adds a human element. We’re all trying to reach some unknown destination, and there are plenty of bumps along the way. I’ve summarized this story a fair bit, but don’t be fooled. It can take some of us years to reach this “greener grass.” It’s not the glamorous answer, but it’s reality.
I post this today as an exercise in humility, and to hopefully show someone that a happier tomorrow can be achieved regardless of how “lost” you may be.
TL:DR
- Crafty parasites are out there.
- They may not look like parasites at all.
- They can take credit for things that they are not responsible for
- They can use “truths” in the lies to make them more believable.
- It’s important to recognize one when you see one.
- We all start somewhere.
- You can achieve that happier tomorrow and enjoy your craft with work.
- Not everything has to do with the occult
- I mentioned this once when I was going through my meltdown a few months back, but it still holds weight.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously (Still working on this one.)
Reading accounts like that reminds me about the huge fools luck that I had 
