Your Intelligence Has Turned Against You - Anxiety, PTSD, Depression, Insomnia Etc

First Background Into My Mental Health.

I’m going to be utterly honest, I have had so much counselling over the years that I began to feel as if I was a piece of furniture in those doctors rooms.
I’ve had a lot of bad shit happen to me over the years, best friend committed suicide, my favourite cousin died in my arms from a epileptic fit. My grandfather who was in my mind “my father” died of a heart attack. I was moved house to house, I’ve probably lived in over 30 different houses and over 19 or more schools.

Me and my family were homeless at one point and starving, we moved to a homeless refuge for endangered families. Afterwards we moved into a home with a lot of domestic violence. I was eventually taken away from my mother, forced to live with my father, were I endured sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse. I was abused daily, I was locked in a room, I then turned to drugs and alcohol, self harm and so on.

This is just a glimpse into my past, it’s still not the fill story. Doctors gave me all kinds of diagnoses, CPTSD, Insomnia, Anxiety, Depression, IED and so on. It became all too much and on a few occasions I contemplated suicide and at one point in my life, I attempted it.

Guess what ? I was an idiot.

Your Intelligence Has Turned Against You.

Having western minds, mathematical inclined logical ways of thinking, is dangerous at times. Our intellect we believe to be our biggest strength, believe me it’s not. After all I went through you may think

“I don’t blame you for being stressed, depressed, angry and whatever”.

Here’s a secret for you, I didn’t have to feel like that, see I cured myself of these psychological, mental and emotional afflictions through meditation.
Once you attain a level of oneness, a new stage of meditation you can shatter the illusion, the illusion of what you think you are, who you think you are.
Looking at yourself with new clarity, seeing the ego and the self that you and society has created and then ascend above it.

Ascending above the intellect, above the logical mind, surpassing the mind which is actually only useful for specific things in life. Once that is done you can just reach peace, no matter what the circumstances. You could sit in a room with a person you hate, a person that you’ve actually always wanted to kill. If you enter into this state you can look at that person and just smile, not because they make you happy, cause they don’t, they don’t make you sad either.

You ascend above the isolated rays of the emotional spectrum, once this is mastered through strict daily meditation, you can withstand anything.
You’ll understand no one, nor anything makes you depressed, your mind does it to you, your intellect does it to you, you are poisoning yourself.
If you’ve been beaten, raped, kidnapped, witnessed a murder, whatever it may be, it’ll seem so unimportant to you.

You are becoming immune to the self poisoning, cause depression and all these other psychological issues many claim they aren’t treatable or curable.
Yes they are, they are trust me, look at the practice of yoga, do you know what yoga means ?.
It means “union” once union can be achieved, a level of enlightenment is possessed, allowing you to be unfazed by anything and everything.
No fear, no pain, no sadness, no anger, no confusion, no frustration, just absolute expansion, ascension and oneness.

Realise all these things are self inflicted, even if someone tells you “it’s hereditary” or “it’s because of your surroundings” it doesn’t matter. Your mind will take that temporary event or even a continuous event and make you attach every fibre of your being to it. It isn’t the situation, the experience or the person, it’s your mind. We are poisoning ourselves and we don’t realise it, I have and I have surpassed it.

I invite you all to do the same.




Nicely written man, this actually sounds like the stotic meditations I use daily for the same purpose (pretty much imagining the worst possible situation imaginable for my day and figuring out how it is still survivable). Often we get caught up in the emotions of what we are perceiving/imagining (in the case of future events for anxiety) an event as being instead of seeing it as it is. I wouldn’t say that the stoics strived to be emotionless, more or less not allow emotions to rule the day and one’s actions.


Wow. Just wow. I really can’t put all that I am thinking into words, but I do know I want my mom to read this. This could help over come what has taken hold of her since she was 18. Thank you for being so open and raw, and for posting this.


It’s true.
Even though I haven’t achieved mastery of meditation and ascend , I can confirm this.
It did help me get through my suicidal thoughts.
Thanks for sharing Kendall , you’re the man :slightly_smiling_face:


This hits so many points to me and the way I have been over years. Fuck my biological raped me for years, ex husband used to “sell” me for sex out of our own home with my CHILD sleeping in the other room after shoving pills down my throat. Quite literally sat on top of me and forced them. He even tried killing me many times.

Hell I’m still on Damn medications but now since being here and finally realizing what you just explained above I have been doing so much better that I’m now getting off those medications and they are taken down from highest to min and soon gone all together. I finally talk to both those people and it’s like whatever you didn’t win I overcame and will continue to. I am not who I was then and I never will be again.

Always reading your posts and seeing your videos have been extremely helpful and very insightful. Keep up your great work. Thanks for everything you do.


Haha it left out father… Half asleep morning

1 Like

Even if that’s not your intention, this feels condescending and ignorant.

The problem with mental disorders is that people who have them can’t control the symptoms, when they happen or how intense they are. You can only cope with them. And depending on who you are and what your environment’s like, the symptoms could be more or less extreme.

Telling people that “getting rid of it is easy; just ascend” is very belittling and seems to be the equivalent of telling people with mental disorders to “get over it”. It may make others feel ashamed when they’re going through episodes.

Also, obtaining ascension isn’t a walk in the park, as many here can attest. Belial once told me that ascension isn’t the end of the journey either and is not cure for all of your problems. Ascension doesn’t fix mental disorders, poverty etc. It’s less of an end goal and more of another step in a path that never truly ends.

There’s no “cure” for these things. There’s only coping. Life’s a bitch that way. Not everything can be solved through magick.


Allow me to respectfully disagree.
The OP didn’t imply that ascension is the solution to all problems. Yes, life is a bitch, but there are also many ,many people who found peace and happiness, even without medical assistance and the need for a doctor.
Having a pet can cure depression or at least diminish it to some extent , a hobby or a passion can give meaning to someone’s life. I don’t see why ascension can’t help with the above.

Literally noone here said smth like that.

Noone said it was an end goal.
The path never ends , which is why it is so intriguing. After you finish all levels in a game are you interested in the game afterwards?
Sure, you may replay some levels that appealed to you , but you stop caring after a while. Ascension gives meaning to someone’s journey, since the possibilities are endless and there always will be something new to learn.
The path to knowledge can also be healing to an individual.


I agree @Mystic-Void.

I am noticing a pattern now that on almost everything that is posted by the op a certain group of people come in and try to downplay or in my opinion get rude with him.

Anyways I know everyone has a different approach and I still stand by the op being very helpful and insightful. And I once again am saying Thank you to him.


16 posts were split to a new topic: Removed posts: you-re-intelligence-has-turned-against-you-anxiety-ptsd-depression-insomnia-etc/104504/

@C.Kendall thank you. You have overcome a great deal, and your words are powerful, and wish to learn from you. You give us hope. I want to say thank you for for your words of wisdom. I hope moving forward things will get better for you.


Seriously, guys?

Dissenting opinions are allowed on non working threads, and @Prophet is well within his rights to question what the OP said. It is not derailing the thread.

However, arguing over who is right and who is wrong is derailing the thread.

Edit: Eva split the topic just as I was posting :joy:


Important: I see the same people derailing threads by the same members, namely @C.Kendall.

I will just say this: magicians are allowed to share how they used magick to overcome things, I have done it (major depression) others have posted about healing physical illnesses and usually, those are not controversial.

This is a member sharing what worked for them - it’s not open for strawman-type arguments or derailments.

I have left @Prophet’s first post and the first response in place and any further pointless bickering or dishonest claims of favouritism will be removed without notice: I would offer the same protections to ANY member on here who posts about their magick, how it helps them, or their working groups, etc.

Blaming moderation for enforcing rules is a simple way to evade personal responsibility for breaking those rules.


:+1:t2: Nicely put Lady Eva.

Perhaps because he is not infallible just because he is an official author for BALG and some members realise that? Criticism is great. It can help people to become more efficient at their craft. I do not understand the issue.

I do not recall seeing that people cannot criticise theory and give constructive feedback. Unless I am wrong?


There was an entire PM group about “censorship” and much screeching about it on Conner’s previous working threrad, yes, the people involved know about this.

I left the criticism in place and removed the ongoing bickering which inflated rapidly and began using strawman misrepresentations of what was said.


Posting as a magician, not mod, I previously shared this, in response to “How has the Left-Hand Path changed you?”

Saved me from crippling depression that was first diagnosed when I was a child (this was back before every other kid was prescribed psychiatric meds by the way, and it was dx’d again and again afterwards by different docs) - this depression had led to suicidal ideation and intent many times, so I’m going to say it definitely saved my peace of mind, opened up my life, and probably even saved my life.

The core of my depression were some basic and deep-seated traumatic beliefs, acquired from the ambient Xian/eastern/newage spirituality around me, and even things like my family’s political beliefs, plus my own discoveries studying RHP philosophies, that:

  1. there was something wrong with me - I was “fallen” and/or all my problems were karmic reactions for past wrongs (committed in a past life), and that material embodied life wasn’t the most desirable state, so any efforts to improve it were even MORE wrong and damaging; that I needed to constantly watch whether I was “evolving” according to some arbitrary set of precepts that I now recognise as highly likely to induce pathologies and neuroses, as well as being magickally more dangerous than demonic evocation; later as I dug into RHP stuff, that my basic flawed-ness meant I had to always take external guidance on the best way to handle literally ANY situation or even what I could think about things;

  2. there was something wrong with the world - acquired first from my family’s mainly left-wing politics* that encouraged me to actively look out for injustices and feel personally responsible for fixing them, and also to notice them whenever possible affecting me; from the semi-Xian belief that had permeated into me that the material world is sinful, shoddy, second-rate, compared to Heaven; later developed through studying yogic and Vedantic philosophies which lean towards the idea that the “desire world” (material reality) is a place to escape, by avoiding future karmic entanglements and especially actions for the benefit of the self or that increase attachment to the world;

  3. that there was something wrong about being innately psychic and interested in magick - that people like me have to burn ourselves out healing and serving others (that idea is HUGE in core shamanism, “The shaman serves their community”); that to have these things obligated me to a life as other people’s skivvy, cleaning up their mental and emotional messes as a healer, and the more power and skill I acquired, the greater the obligation; that too much involvement in magick and (after a certain point) even just healing people is creating those bad new karmic entanglements;

  4. that there’s something WRONG about every other fucking thing in my own life, that one should take a stance on (for example) social or political issues, like injustices, dictated not by my own heart but by the need to save and serve (poilitics + healing/white-lighty programminhg) or (yogic/Vedantic) strive to see them as part of Parasiva’s perfect universe, in which people and animals are only getting their rightful karmic comeback.

Fuck. That. SHIT!!!

Honestly the LHP for me once I explored it and the philosophy in a structured way (thank you Stephen Flowers) was like someone opened a safe doorway out of a burning and crumbling building, I wasn’t quite at my most RHP-fucked up when I found him, I’d started just going with my own lunacy of “Imma become a goddess then sort this shit out later” (which was a childhood idea that I kind of revived as a way out of RHP lunacy) but it formalised and strengthened my resolve.

And I’ll tell you what, I am a bit weird and I take things very much to heart, take things very literally and I over-think to an insane degree, but I promise you that what I internalised and what was destroying me WAS the logical conclusion of each of those philosophies, remains their logical conclusion, and while I can respect and even like people who proclaim they have RHP beliefs, I just think that’s because they’re not following them through enough!!

  • Family politics - (redacted due to updated forum rules) activism and discussion was part of the air I was brought up to breathe, and it was a CONSTANT onslaught, a 24/7 focus on what’s WRONG with society, the world, etc., so I’ll say it played a part in my earliest depression as a schoolchild because I used to not be able to sleep at nights for worrying about political issues and injustices that were way outside my scope.

The rest, like I’ve said, I have no objection to individuals who hold these beliefs, many of them are fine people, but I personally think they’re pathological and toxic, so please keep 'em to yourselves! :wink:


By “was” I’m assuming it is no longer active?

It maxed out at 500 posts and both people leading the witch-hunt turned out to be being less than honest, I will be making a “Rumour control” post about it in the Lounge shortly, meant to do it yesterday but something more important came up in offline life. The people on it are largely aware of what happened and the minor details left will be covered in there, bear with me. :+1:


Would it be too much trouble to present some of the evidence of their dishonesty in the lounge post you are about to make?

1 Like