The real question is does this make the app really good or you really good at following your horoscope?
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Idk. How the fck do you discern that when I read it after I’ve done the activity it wants me to do…
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Ik🤣
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If you get a mink skull (you should!) I wanna hear about it! I have one on my altar and I summoned her lil spirit as a familiar to guard my space from low-level parasites and astral trash. I have an affinity with the creatures in the wider polecat family too 
ferrets, weasels, mink, stoats… Such curious and fascinating little creatures
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Lol I can see that, I have fits about fairy all day long… but I loves her.
The whole trickster spirit thing I think lol. Everyone always says I have trickster spirits around me in scans and now I live with one lmao!
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I’ve had a lot of days again that have not really been productive or at least not magically productive. I guess you could argue that I spent the weekend with my children yet managed to have quite magical conversations with my son, who was tickled shitless to read my journals about his green eyed monster, I created a servitor while the boyfriend watched unknowingly, till towards the end that I was not merely sketching, took in some much needed energy while in the shower last night and many other pretty much unnoticeable things that are just a part of my life.
Some days, I feel like I live and breath this magic thing, but that’s not entirely true. I don’t actually consider most of what I do magic, but rather I consider it apart of me and who I am. I understand why summoning spirits up and communicating, scrying and energy work all get lumped into the term magic, but for the most part, that’s all always been a part of my life.
I guess not the summoning spirits part, but I’ve been seeing certain types of them my entire life, so I don’t really consider evoking all that magical despite knowing that it definitely is. Scrying is just another part of something I’ve always done and didn’t realize it was a thing, and so was energy work. I mean having knowledge of how to do it and feel it and all that has helped me go leaps and bounds, but manipulating others with my own thoughts and wants is not so. How magical is it, when a lot of this is just part of who I am. A lot of it is just how I cope with my sensitivities and there’s not whole lot magical about that.
I probably don’t make sense and I don’t think I care, it’s my own damned ramble train after all. The point was I’ve not done anything recently I consider worth the time to mention in this journal, though I’ve certainly continued to analyze my own thoughts, actions, reactions and conversations, (Oh there we go, another magical term for something I just do- it’s called shadow work.) and I’ve continued to do these things that are just part of the real me. The one I hide from everyone else.
Or did. It doesn’t seem like I hide nearly as much as I used to. It seems like life is insisting upon me sharing part of the layers of this onion I call me, with others. My son needs to hear a lot of the ways my life has been different, he’s asking questions and wanting to learn all the while being amazed at the things no one knows about mom.
This journal and the past lives journal, I didn’t set out to share who I am with anyone- just some of what I was doing here and some of who I was in the other one. Inadvertently it’s ran into the ramble train of who I am. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but somedays I’m not sure I like it. Somedays I’m not sure I can maintain the distance between me and everyone else that is necessary for me to feel comfortable, if I’m sharing. Guess I’ll deal with it and get over it, because I won’t let myself cop out when I know it’s for my own good.
Today I didn’t really do much again. I brewed floor wash for use in the new apartment, and this one, as I should hopefully be moving into the bigger apartment this weekend. I like the hands on witchy things, I think largely because I can’t visualize with aphantasia, and partially because it’s essentially energy work in disguise. I’ve always wondered why no one throws a line into spells and brews talking about how it’s the intent and energy put into something, that often makes it work. It also gives me a chance to tune into the plant spirits and sometimes there’s some pretty cool conversations that pass between me and them in more of a form of knowing than words.
As far as what goes into my floor wash, it tends to vary based on what’s going on and what I feel needs to go into it, but I pretty much just brew them like tea, mop the floor then come back later and sweep up the herbs if necessary. I feel like my intentions and energy direction while doing all of this is more important than the actual actions, or what I chose to go into my brew. I’ve set aside in a jar for moving in/out- I’ll be adding hot water to make it moppable anyways, so there’s no reason it needs used today.
I also took a moment to brew up an oil featured in the Keys of Ocat. I’ve been putting it off for no particular reason, and it seems as good of a time as any to do it. It’s not her exact recipe, some of that knowing shit took place but it’s similar and will serve for most of my intended uses and hers. I’m pretty sure you can find guides on google for how to do cold and warm water baths for making herbal oils, so I don’t feel like I need to get into it, as I’m sure you can find a better method than my own. I did use coconut oil for my carrier as it’s what I had on hand for witchy purposes and I managed to decide I wanted more oil than I originally put in so of course I dropped a big blob into my water. It’s all good, just means my jar will need washed, but throwing that detail in there to remind myself I’m human.
I finished my day by brewing hibiscus leaf and chervil tea. I’ve been meaning to test this chervil stuff out, based on Connolly’s words about it and using it in a tea for spiritual communication, so once again, today I was just like why not, I can’t do much until my land lord shows up later tonight or tomorrow so. I might as well sit back and enjoy a nice cup of tea, and see how it affects me and my ability to communicate spiritually.
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I’ve once again been on the ramble train that allows me to learn more about my own damned self. It seems to be an endless thing the last year or so, and with all the traumas I’ve faced in life, I shouldn’t be as surprised as I find myself being when it happens.
I am however somewhat struggling with which entries go to which journal here lately. It’s all related and yet it’s only so related and is a clear reflection of the mess I call my mind.
I want to talk about my fear of the dark. It’s something I’ve mentioned in many places, including my other journal and the memory that I’ve been hiding from you guys- honestly goes in the other journal but what I’m going to do about it- goes in this one, so I’ve got a interwoven mess going on atm.
I don’t like to talk about the things that make me uncomfortable, especially when my reactions to them are near phobia like and not logical at all, but here we go.
When I was a small child, after my blood brother was born, my mother would often leave me in the bathtub to play by myself. I started out liking it but, she was honestly a flake and had a tendency to forget me. She managed to forget to pick up from school many times in my early years as well. I’d find myself the only kid outside of the building, cold, wet and alone- well after the last teacher had left and the doors had been locked. That isn’t relevant, other than to show how flaky she often was after the schizophrenia really set in.
My early years however she wasn’t quite as bad. I’ve already talked about seeing something while in the bath that caused me to scream bloody murder for her to come, then flaking out myself and using the excuse I loved her/missed her when she showed up because I knew she wouldn’t believe me if I tried to explain what I saw and why I was screaming.
In this particular instance I was roughly 4 1/2 years old. My blood brother (then sister) had already been born, we lived in the house on Cardinal Lane and she put me in the tub and went to take a nap with my blood brother. Normally it was mostly okay. I’d see things, that I knew weren’t on this plane, that I knew no one else could see and usually it was okay. Sometimes it was like little pixel shaped things, the green and blue were friendly, the red pixels were not so friendly.
This time it wasn’t okay. The bathroom was upstairs and she had put me into play in the bath while it was daylight out. I was okay until it wasn’t daylight out. I remember it gradually getting darker, and fear slowly setting in. My mother didn’t hear me calling and I knew if I screamed for her, I would be in trouble again. Eventually it was so dark, that I didn’t feel like I could see anything around me and I was scared. I remember feeling like the darkness was swallowing me, it surrounded me and it moved and it felt like it was smothering me, trying to make me a part of it.
I got out of the tub, just to find myself looking into the mirror of what seemed like a pitch black room. I’m really not sure why what I saw scared me so bad, it was only another face. I saw my face but there was an adult face also. A face I didn’t know or recognize at all.
I think where I am going with this is, I’ve long known about my aversion to the dark. I pretty much rarely sleep in the dark alone. The bedroom in my current apartment is so dark when you close the door to the living area, that I can’t sleep in there. There are no outside windows and the placements of the windows in the living space means it’s nearly completely dark in there.
It reminds me of being scared as a child. If I go into the other room, shut the door behind and the light is off- I have to cross to the other side where the light switch is and very quickly turn it on. Most days I know exactly where the light switch is, even in the complete darkness but somedays?
Somedays I’m panicking so hard by the time I get the five or six steps across the room (Thank god the room is wider than it is long) and I flounder to find the switch. I feel the panic flooding my veins and I can’t seem to hold any sort of thought as I frantically search the wall for the light switch.
Part of this necromantic journey is aimed at helping me with this. I can do darkness with moonlight, I am fine outside at night etc, but for some reason a completely dark room scares the shit out of me. I still won’t look in a mirror unless its very intentional, I never accidentally glance at a dark tv screen, or the microwave front, or pretty much any reflective surface after dark- but I don’t during the day either. I’ve placed my tv where I can’t accidentally wake up and roll over and look into it’s screen and…
Yeah I’m ridiculous. I’m being extra ridiculous today because I just received the key for the bigger apartment. I was expecting it, though it’s a bit later than I expected and I intended to get on moving my shit into the other apartment tonight and likely will work on it until everything is moved. My weird sleeping habits won’t be effected by an all nighter and thanks to @Anziel_Merkaba keeping me up till five am giggling like I was a three year old… I slept late today.
The point is, the bigger apartment has a window in pretty much every room. There’s also a balcony and big windows and there isn’t a room that will be nearly as dark as my current bedroom. I’ve been intending, for quite some time to essentially lock myself in the damned dark room… and force myself to get over this fckd up fear that I can’t fully explain. I know it’s because I wasn’t alone in the dark as a child, but I know how to take care of me nowadays, so I shouldn’t have any uninvited guests.
It’s possible I would though, anything nearby picking up on the fear as boils over and flows out of me, so I am thinking that if I insist upon this insanity, just to see if it will help… I should probably start with an entity, go into this room with a whole lot of nothing and… make myself see that I will be quite alright.
Maybe it won’t work, maybe it won’t help but you know what. I’ve been contemplating the idea for months. I’ve though about how I could take my phone and just not turn on the screen, clutch the flashlight tightly to my chest or any number of things…
But if I can bail, I know I will so seems like. I’ll probably move everything over to the new apartment, banish and protect this one, summon up Anpu because he seems to want in on this job, lock the front door shut the other and then… sit in the darkness until it either becomes a part of me I am not scared of or I can’t take any more and frantically search the walls for the light switch.
You guys don’t usually seem to believe me when I say I am bat shit crazy but. I’m pretty set on this insanity and it’s not the first time I’ve been set on doing something that was either going to heal a trauma, or make it 100x’s worse if it went badly so.
Chalk it up to just another day in the life of Keteriya.
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We were both fucking hilarious, and you deserve to laugh and giggle and sleep late.
It sounds like I’ll just have to hold off on cuddling you until it’s dark, so you stop associating the darkness with fear, and instead associate it with cuddles. I’m only halfway joking with this btw. And before you say anything about your ‘ice queen image’ or that I’m ‘ridiculous’, you are a bad bitch who can handle anything the dark throws at you, so you shouldn’t be afraid. I’m going to help you deal with your fear.
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My dreams as of late, have been revolving around puppies. I’m usually pretty good with knowing my self and what the symbols for dreams mean to me. I’m a bit stumped however, as I’ve dreamed about puppies three days in a row. Unfortunately, I’ve tired and sore from moving apartments- and I’ve taken Tylenol pm (four at a time) the last two nights in order to get some rest, rather than obsessing over jobs not quite done.
I do however recall one particular dream, as it really stood out to me as significant.
In the first dream scene from this sequence that stands out, I was coming up on a field of some sort. My son was driving an old ford truck off the field, it reminded me of the ag truck from high school. I knew he had been back and forth and was clearing the field for quite some time. I don’t recall much else from this particular scene.
I then walked into a pet store. I’ve dreamed about this pet store quite often with dreams that felt significant over the last year, but I can’t always figure out why. This time the store was going out of business. There was no longer a monkey in the corner for sale, but there were still two walls of fish tanks. I noted the prices were still extremely high, despite the knowing they were half off due to the fact the pet store was going out of business.
The fish were really unusual. They were not like anything I’ve ever seen before. I noted a white molly that was pregnant. Then I saw what looked like a sting ray, squirmy out of some weird aquarium decoration. It was a mottled orange and purple color. There were other unusual looking fish, but I can’t recall the details well enough to relate them.
I was then outside of the pet store, as if I’d driven up to it. I was leaning against an old blue ford truck that reminding me of my last boyfriends truck. I was talking to my public defender on my phone. He was making jokes about how his cell phone was super cheap as it was provided with his job. He made a joke about how I should get him a new one, and seemed to be trying to flirt with me. A man that watches out for me here locally, who also helped me move my furniture a few days ago in waking life, walked up and pointed out that someone had puppies for sale, at the front of the truck.
It was a cement platform and I looked and there were several puppies. There were two breeds, one was a large breed and the other dachshunds. It was pretty easy to tell the dachshunds as they had longer noses. I wasn’t sure what the other puppies were, though I later in the dream thought they were actually ferrets.
I approached and scooped up a red dachshund puppy that had a white spot on its head like a piebald puppy. She was very sweet and snuggly. I then picked up another that was a black and tan colored, and rolled it over to check gender. It was also female, and I thought that while I was drawn to the first, this color would probably be better as I’ve never had a black and tan dachshund and the red puppy would be more red than piebald colored. It was weird though, because it was more like I was looking at a hologram of the puppy after that point, rather than holding a puppy.
I was already feeling down, because I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to afford a puppy, but I really wanted one. Dachshunds have long been my favorite, and so I asked how much they were asking for the puppies. There was an older lady and a younger one and the younger one told me $330 each. I thought about it, knowing I didn’t have that much today and felt really down about it and almost asked about how much they wanted for the ferret puppies. I ended up setting the puppy down. I walked into the store and saw the man that had pointed out the puppies to me. He was arranging crates and things at the front of the store so that the ladies could display the puppies indoors.
This dream pretty much confuses me. I rarely dream numbers, though it seems lately I have been dreaming specific numbers more often than ever before. The boyfriend pointed out $330 could be 3/30 which is the date I return to court, and there is a theme for most of the dream about not being able to afford what I’m looking at.
I agree, but what does it mean? Is it simply my subconscious fears about the court date and the restitution being more than I can handle when my rent also just went up $100 per month? Why dachshunds then? Those would be my hands down favorite puppies, what I would choose if I could have a puppy so is it instead fear, that I can’t have my hearts desires? Where does the public defender come into play with this, I’ve met him once and definitely didn’t get an interested vibe so, pretty sure that whole little scenario doesn’t make sense, other than I was in communication with him via text for real, a few hours after I dreamed this.
I’m not sure this is related to my magical path, and I’m not sure it’s not so there you go. Just another day where I’m wondering wtf, how is this my life.
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It’s a pitty that in the Keys of Ocat is no working with Astarte or Astaroth as because as a Goddess has power over the dead and as archdemon rules over the Lake of fire and part of underworld 
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Honestly you could evoke any entity through the gates though. I know Connolly only covers so many, but I can’t think of any reason you couldn’t open the gates of Ocat then summon any somewhat related entity through it.
She uses gods, demons and even genius by the time you cover all of the related books. I could be wrong, so I might experiment with it and see what happens.
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You have a good point there. Cool! Another thingy for rav’s “to do” list 
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Lol mines always about 500 items long… 
I take things off the to do/to try list cuz I know I’ll never get to some of them…
I was glad @Dralukmun chose his latest few works, because I had those on my to do list, and while I would have done it differently, he accomplished the goal I had which was just to see how some of it worked and if it was effective or not lol…
I was like YES, strike these off my list!!!
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I had a limited amount time to sleep, after staying up all night last night. My children were going fishing with their dad this morning, so I meant to catch a five hour nap. I however realized about two hours in, I wasn’t sleepy at all… and decided to project with a goal. I ended up dreaming instead, but that’s okay, it’s related to my goal, even if it makes no sense to anyone but me 
I was in my apartment, but everything was a little bit different. I was waiting on the children to come back from fishing with their dad, and afraid I’d over sleep. I ended up taking getting ready to take the trash out, when I realized it was after 1pm, and I was pretty sure their dad said they would be back at noon. I opened my apartment door, and Atropos got out into the hallway. I tried to stop her, and push her back but there was no stopping her. There were lots of cats in the hallway, and she was in heat. A male cat immediately jumped on her, and he was orange in color, but not bright orange- it was more muted. I tried to pull him off her, but eventually gave up. I Somehow figured I’d end up with kittens for this, even if it was a single one time mistake.
Somehow I ended up outside and instead of being my small town, I was outside of an apartment complex or a hotel looking parking lot. I say somehow, when I know I walked down, but I have no idea why or what for, so for some reason I was standing outside of my apartment building, somewhere it is not actually located, pretty much just staring at the sky. My children and their dad pulled up and we all headed upstairs to my apartment. I talked to their dad as we headed up to my apartment.
For some reason, the stairs are always kinda weird in dreams. It’s almost like they spiral up the inside of the building instead of having landings. I opened the door and immediately realized I had a problem and needed to take the trash out again. There was a sleeping bag, with blood and and tissues covered in blood and I somehow got some in my mouth without ever touching it. I started complaining to junior about it, and rolling up to take to the trash. I then bitched my ex out about it, because the trash busted and I needed help getting it taken out, plus I had another bag of regular trash.
My attention kept getting drawn to the fact there was a huge full moon right outside the windows. The apartment was not laid out right at all, but it did have the big balcony windows- just in a different location. I noticed constantly and I finally decided I had to go to the window and take a closer look. I had no idea why it was so grey, bright and huge. Somehow I knew once looking at it, and mentioning it, that it was a full eclipse during the day. We had jolted ahead to 5:36 pm, but it was too early for the night sky to be completely black as it was and I was in amazement.
I took out my phone to try to take a photograph through the window. Usually in dreams, my phone doesn’t do whatever I need it to- if it’s message someone, I won’t be able to find the messaging part of my iphone, if it’s use google, I’ll never get there and I’ll end up frustrated. But I’ve noticed, the last few weeks, or pretty much since meeting the new boyfriend, this has changed. I’m not sure if it’s him, or me further merging with the shadow. Could really be either affecting my dreamscape the way I see it. It’s strange because that’s been how my dreams have operated for years, but suddenly, I have new features in my dream phones.
I have a second set of apps for everything, I’ll realize that one is the normal app and one is the one I need to use. I recognized the app I needed to use while in dreams for my iphones camera, launched the program and took a picture of the eclipse. Predictably it was awful, and the moon didn’t show up at all. Some other dark image did, but it looked like a cartoon overlaying nothing, and I blamed the glare of the glass, but it wasn’t even close to a picture of the moon so I’m not sure how I managed that.
I decided I was going to walk up to the roof. I had forgotten I had roof access somehow, despite the fact the stairs lead up there (They don’t really, roof access wouldn’t be easy and would require a ladder). I essentially convinced the ex to help me take out trash because he could see it better and my son wanted to come too. Madison had no interest in checking out the eclipse, and was sitting at the table in front of the big assed windows, totally ignoring it with her head buried in her phone.
I wasn’t sure how often a full eclipse like this happened during the daylight hours, how long it would last, or anything. I threw out the number of 2 years at least until she got another chance, knowing I’d never seen it happen, but having no idea if I may have missed it somehow while being single and essentially on self imposed lock down. The ex corrected me and said more like 20 years. The daughter still had no interest so I went about getting the trash ready to go. The trash bags were in the bottom drawer in the kitchen to the side, of the this huge one roomed apartment. I ended up with more than I needed I thought, but I already knew the first bag had busted with this bloody sleeping bag.
I never made it to the rooftop. The next thing I knew there were multiple teenagers in my home. There were three boys, two with dark hair and one who was a blond. The blond was super upset, and sitting to the far right of the couch, and the other two were nearer me. I was standing to the side where I couldn’t see them front on, but I could hear the conversation and noticed the two dark haired kids looked like Disney actors. They were talking about heartbreak and how upset the blond was over it.
I immediately launched into a lecture about how heartbreak is everywhere, every part of our lives, and it’s something we have to learn to accept, none of it will ever be the worst thing ever, despite our human ability to convince ourselves of that. If it’s not relationship heartbreak, it will be our children breaking our hurts, our coworkers, our bosses, our Internet or gaming friends. Someone somewhere in in our life is going to be hurting our feelings and breaking our hearts in one way or another 100% percent of the time, and if we let that own us, we will never amount to much. As I spoke I walk around so I was facing these guys head on. The blond lifted his face and told me he knew it was not the worst thing he could feel but.
I never got the but out of him. I was then outside of the building, on the phone with my boyfriend. I was telling him about how my ex had come with five teenagers, failed to help me take out more than one load of trash despite allowing the kids bring the sleeping bag with bloody tissues on it and oh, two of those kids looked like Disney actors. I thought he was coming over but he told me he had just purchased bitcoin, and he had to pick up his access codes from the vault. I was disappointed but not overly so.
I was then, in the apartment building and down the hall was a nurses office of some sort. The nurse dragged me in and I realized I had rescheduled, several times to the point that they probably wouldn’t take anything I said about showing up seriously. She didn’t seem to realize that however and told me about how she was leaving and someone else was taking over and she called the other lady over to ask if they were going to have two people or one and what the plan was. She had a clipboard with a paper schedule of sorts on it.
I ended up walking away and having some strange encounters I can’t quite recall on the bottom floor, near the wood stair case railing that doesn’t really exist. There was a famous guy, wearing crazy clothes- a zebra striped full length trench coat and I’m not sure what all other than it was wild. I don’t recall the encounter, but I do recall him blitzing off away from me, and then some young girl came right up beside me and said If you hurry, follow me to Trenton Station if you want the story. She then jumped onto a bus, and shut the door behind her, it was already pulling away. I kinda smiled, it was cool to be included, to have someone wanting to teach me the ropes, yet I didn’t really want the story so I headed back.
I had noticed every song had fck you in it. I was walking up a stair case and talking to someone that wasn’t actually there when it came up that we were in France, and that was all the music had fck you in it. I was headed to the dorms, but I wasn’t really sure why. I walked up a big wide staircase, and then was suddenly on a very wobbly ladder, looking at people sticking their heads out of the space above the doors. Apparently this was the dorms. I feel through however, and was then in the room below the spaces above the doors for one of the dorms. I talked to the boys in the room, but I can’t recall about what.
Then I got a text from my kids dad, they were really and he was 15 minutes early.
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Wtf!! Anyway it sounds like you’re dealing with stuff through this vision. Just meditate on it and see if you can pick anything up. If not don’t worry about it unless starts repeating.
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Hey @dagar 
watching the movie djinn at the moment… thanks for asking!!! And i am looking forward to know all about Keteriya’s journey @Keteriya
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@Keteriya has managed to use @Anziel_Merkaba as a damned good excuse to be lazy. First I was moving apartments and getting ready for his visit, so I had lots of mundane things to do. I’ve had some servitor work come in, and well I’ve been lazy as shit, days I haven’t felt well because of my lungs and changing weather, days my kids were here etc.
I have however noticed a presence in my new apartment despite regular banishing and cleansing. It was pretty easy to ignore when I had company and the kids here but now that I’m alone, it’s ramped up to a very spooky feel and the knowing that whatever it is, is trying to get my attention.
I find it baffling since I lived on the other side of the damned wall since July, and previously haven’t encountered it. I almost feel like with Samedi and Kalfu’s surprise visit last week, and the fact they keep lurking in the background that it’s a reminder that I not only choose this current direction, I’ve been asking Samedi about it for months.
I sat in the kitchen the other night, ignoring the feeling to the best of my ability of this thing trying to communicate with me, feeling rather freaked out once again and going dammit all, I know I said I was ready but now I’m not so sure.
I find it intriguing and strange how when I use Samedi’s methods of summoning the dead to me, in droves for tasking them and giving them payment for my tasks, that I feel none of this fear. I can feel them coming to me, feel them coming near, listening and then they leave.
Yet when it’s something like this, something I didn’t call, it’s downright scary and creepy feeling to know it’s there lurking and watching, wanting my attention, wanting me to do something for it, rather than to do something for me.
I intend to get back on the ramble train tonight after @Anziel_Merkaba gets to bed and see what this new dead wants from me, I put out the energy that it could visit me for communication while I slept, as that tends to be the easiest way for me to get direct communication and it’s since ramped down, and while I can feel it lurking it’s no longer trying to get my attention. I do however know that ignoring it won’t work and I doubt that Samedi and Kalfu’s surprise visit was entirely unrelated, though I’ll leave room for human error as it was a shit show of hilariousness that seemed to be unrelated to anything other than my visit to the public defenders office.
So Idk, I feel like Idk how to relay my thoughts in a way that make sense to anyone but me, as I am of course bat shit mother fcking crazy and the weirdness is totally getting itself on in my bathroom…
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The fear seems to stem from the fact that you didn’t have any control or say in what’s happening. Honestly I would banish it for coming in uninvited as to me that Is a breach of your authority. At the same time I understand your want to help it. It probably senses that and came to you because of it.
At the end of the day if it’s harmless id go ahead and do whatever you want but I feel like this could be a problem in the future if you don’t figure out how to say “this is my domain and you will respect that by asking for permission to enter”. Then again I might be completely off the mark so take what I say with a grain of salt🤗
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I agree to an extent. I was discussing with Anziel the other day, about how this is why I have such a hard on for being the operator, this is why I don’t do invocation or any type of possession, because I dislike the feeling the dead bring with them, when they are trying to get my attention, when they are doing nothing more than watching me etc.
I agree, except the issue tends to be an issue, when I enter their domain, not the other way other around. I don’t have many just wander in through my banishing and warding, but… when they seem to be attached to a place before I walk in, that seems to be the issue. I notice this one the first night I spent in here, but there was so much going on, that I didn’t notice it to the extent I have the last few days. It seems to want to communicate with me, which is fine, but I’m not sure why scaring me is the way the dead get that across to me. If they strolled in like Samedi and Kalfu or pretty much anything else when it comes knocking, I don’t feel like I’d be as scared.
I’m not sure that makes sense, my fear seems to be almost entirely exclusive to the dead and shadows and I’ve not encountered a shadow since I began merging with the created shadow the last boyfriend sent to me for protection.
I just know, when the dead are here on their own, and not because I called them, it’s creepy and spooky and hard for me to keep control of my emotional states, and my fear.
Seems like this is what I was going to work with Anpu on, this irritational fear. I know I won’t let them hurt me, that I’ve got several things going on for protection and I’m pretty sure it wants help of some sort, so to fear it is ridiculous.
Yet I find my heart racing and fear creeping in, if I’m not careful.
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