Pathworking My Current Past Life (Shadow Work)

[anon97554939]

Just a memory that belongs in this journal, but went in the other:

@anon97554939

When I was a small child, after my blood brother was born, my mother would often leave me in the bathtub to play by myself. I started out liking it but, she was honestly a flake and had a tendency to forget me. She managed to forget to pick up from school many times in my early years as well. I’d find myself the only kid outside of the building, cold, wet and alone- well after the last teacher had left and the doors had been locked. That isn’t relevant, other than to show how flaky she often was after the schizophrenia really set in.

My early years however she wasn’t quite as bad. I’ve already talked about seeing something while in the bath that caused me to scream bloody murder for her to come, then flaking out myself and using the excuse I loved her/missed her when she showed up because I knew she wouldn’t believe me if I tried to explain what I saw and why I was screaming.

In this particular instance I was roughly 4 1/2 years old. My blood brother (then sister) had already been born, we lived in the house on Cardinal Lane and she put me in the tub and went to take a nap with my blood brother. Normally it was mostly okay. I’d see things, that I knew weren’t on this plane, that I knew no one else could see and usually it was okay. Sometimes it was like little pixel shaped things, the green and blue were friendly, the red pixels were not so friendly.

This time it wasn’t okay. The bathroom was upstairs and she had put me into play in the bath while it was daylight out. I was okay until it wasn’t daylight out. I remember it gradually getting darker, and fear slowly setting in. My mother didn’t hear me calling and I knew if I screamed for her, I would be in trouble again. Eventually it was so dark, that I didn’t feel like I could see anything around me and I was scared. I remember feeling like the darkness was swallowing me, it surrounded me and it moved and it felt like it was smothering me, trying to make me a part of it.

I got out of the tub, just to find myself looking into the mirror of what seemed like a pitch black room. I’m really not sure why what I saw scared me so bad, it was on