The Definitive Masterclass Of How To Be A #1 LOSER 💀

Many people on here are miserable and depressed, which (psychological and biochemical factors aside) takes as much if not more effort than being happy and confident, as it requires sustained following of certain specific patterns of belief, thought, and action.

  • I applaud this dedication to the task of bearing the world’s pains, Christ-like, upon your shoulders, and seek only to assist. :+1:

However, some of you may be slacking, and depriving hard-working big pharma execs of their annual bonuses, so I am here to provide the tried-and-true methods of working harder on your soul-grinding unhappiness, so that you become permanently en-specialled by possessing the full set of beliefs and thought-patterns that will make you truly exceptional among your peers. :trophy:

I generously share my Masterclass below, so that you may find it easier to remember (don’t forget to resent me for that later on – it’s part of the process!).

L.O.S.E.R.#1: How the pros do it

Take note of these simple easy steps:


Look at all the problems in your life, compare them to the highpoints of both public figures and people you know, so that you can find out who’s been doing well at your expense. Above all, look out carefully and at all times, for anyone who has ever wronged you. Invest careful thought in making sure everything wrong with your life has a culprit identified, because you cannot let them get away with it.

Make sure to resent them all in every possible way, for their success, their smile, their enthusiasms, that thing they do, and begin to associate all manner of things they care about in a negative way, to spread the poison around and ensure you don’t accidentally forget to be bitter. They’re just waiting for you to slip!


Operate from the assumption that you are a noble survivor in a world full of haters and predators, and watch everyone around you for the ways they’re trying to put you down. You are truly special in the depths of your suffering and comprehension, so anyone who meets you must have some agenda concerning you, it’s only logical.

Hold mental arguments with as many acquaintances as possible long into the night until you’re good and ready, finally blow up at them in ways guaranteed to cause them the maximum distress and embarassment – they fucking deserve it, and the world will realise what a heroic being you were, all along! :wink:


Seek out people who share any of your currently fruitful concepts of martyrdom and your clear-eyed take on what an unjust world this is, and network endlessly with them, swapping war stories and tales of how you were deceived, betrayed, and denied your day in the sun.

Don’t forget your duty to police your inner circle by tearing down any schmuck who starts to get a bit above themselves, make sure everyone knows that ANY attempt to do well is spitting in the faces of all the world’s suffering, and especially, you. Remember: people are either for you, or against you.


Expect all things in life (especially, but not exclusively, magick) to go either 100% your way and blow everyone’s mind, or to fail utterly – ensure that anything that doesn’t deliver above expectations immediately, knows that you reject it by scorning it, and undermining it, and talking and thinking badly of it with bitter intensity.

Just think of all those bastards laughing at your failures, and make sure to project those feelings towards the project! Go for the burn.


Resurrect: as the suffering Christ in a world full of assholes, it is your DUTY to avoid any slick veneer of shallow contentment, by endlessly resurrecting and revisiting your own past pains and failures, large and small, in your mind: convince yourself this is therapuetic, add in shocking and graphic imagery from fact and fiction if you can find any that traumatises you enough.

Failure to resurrect may result in you becoming one of those glib shitheads who don’t feel like the world owes them, and who instead go out and assert their will like they own the damn planet!


Numbers make an excellent a self-torture device on yourself to perfect your holiness, so be sure to number as many things as you can, be they exercise reps, hours spent meditating per day (4 – 5 is a good starting point, begin 3 hours before dawn every day for maximum struggle), calories or grams of macros consumed, and of course, the numbers of your bank account and waistline. Also keep accurate tallies of the numbers of the world’s starving, poor, underpaid, and victimised, who you could be helping if everyone else would just stop being assholes.

The world cannot grant you a more holy misery than by reducing as many aspects of your life and world as possible to hard digits! This really matters and will really help you dig deep into the long slow hours, when you may be getting a bit bored with feeling low, and wanting to move on.


One: there is ONE and only ONE way of seeing things on this planet, I know you intuit this already and I’m here to state you’re right, so spend as much time as possible seeking this truth, believe with all your heart and soul that this quest is working, and - because you draw closer to it each day - make sure to fuck up in every way possible the lives and wellbeing of anyone who deviates from the ONE way of being, thinking, and acting.

Follow this simple and easy tutorial, and I can guarantee you your very own place in the kingdom of martyrs, and front-seat access to the ranks of the justified, once this life is over and that overseer you’ve always known is watching you, finally calls fair play and awards the prizes!

No, this isn’t addressed at anyone specific on here, just a gentle prod and hopefully a wakeup call, go figure on how I know all these things are guaranteed to depress…

Become A Living #1 LOSER! :+1:


This is giving me a few ideas. It also gave me a grin, but … Yes…the ideas.


YES! And let the wisdom of Saint Bateman guide you on this path brothers and sisters! Now can i get an amen! :pray: :joy:


My ribs :joy::joy:


:rofl:, this was so fun to read, but i have a bitch twisted humor, lol!
Becoming a living looser: taking notes to follow all of the advices, don’t wanna be left behind by my crew!:joy:
EDIT: Great topic Lady Eva!


To be a proper loser, it is critical to do exactly what society expects of you - and, if you fall short in any way, to feel guilty and hope you can do better on the next go-around in the afterlife.


Also, while it’s a bit advanced-level, only eating beige foods, ideally a combination of starches and seed oils, assists greatly, along with making sure to hate yourself before, during, and after, as a form of absolution from the food. :pray:

It’s a little-known fact that feeling guilty about eating converts the food into active particles called hibbleflips, a word I just made up, which re-engineer any body into that of a model-like physique within three hours.

Anyone who doesn’t therefore acquire such a perfected form, after a steady diet of fries and bitter sobbing, is simply not piling on enough guilt, and should try harder. :+1:


Clearly this course is very popular in our universities. It must be a mandatory requisite course for every sjw degree program. You must be making a fortune in speaking fees.


I think many people who are on the “opposite” side politically also afflict themselves with aspects of this, especially Look & #, and a general vibe of being ready to give up when change doesn’t happen overnight, so I like to see it as bipartisan and plenty of misery to be enjoyed by all. :+1:


I think this is why it’s important to have a long game and know that it’s going to be a long game going in.


Hmm I took a separate curriculum course, but the basic lessons seem to be the same.
Its too bad they did not warn me that none of the information would be useful in the real world. I was really looking forward to being a full fledges loser. I guess I have to settle for social unacceptably edge lord who conveys everything through my depression or sadness.

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Or better yet repress everything and never work on myself to then later hurt and many souls on my way out. YEAH THATS HOW I WANNA BE REMEMBERED!

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It’s all fun and games till you realise that the expect part actually hits too close at home. :disappointed_relieved:

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That LOSER moment when you think you did the Masterclass, but you haven’t yet cracked this lesson for peeps: that the person you love the most, so, whose values, personality, and overall vibe, you MOST adore, MOST want to spend your life with - has rejected you.

I think I need to somehow craft the “Why Your Ex Was RIGHT To Reject You, But Why You Have To Hate (And Obsess About) Them Anyway” segment.

Typical scumbag online eh, create only HALF a counsel of despair. :smiling_imp:


You are my new spirit animal :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


Unfortunately Lady_Eva you have to make contact even with the ones who hurt you to do the Seek phase and achieve your highest goal :wink:

Knowing that they are the snakes that ,instead of inviting you to their home when you sought refuge in them, they actually were the ones to infect you with their virus,but i guess people are not all the same and you must go through that experience to grow up.

I believe your masterclass can be effective if performed with earnestness.

I needed this.

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So this is what i’m missing out in my search for nirvana!!! No wonder my life feel soooo empty. Thanks for helping me find the missing piece. :laughing:

@nightWizard1 You need to make a proper introduction, it’s a rule on this forum. Please go here:

Holy shit!!! It actually fucking worked this cured all forms of mental illness I’ve had all my miserable life you’re incredible like 1…2…3… waaalaaa MAGIC

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