Struggled for years, need help

I’ve been struggling and failing magically for years now…

Here’s an example:
I tried to astral project once. It was my first time, I achieved the vibrational state, but got scared and came out of it. I did some research and found out it’s a natural state. Since then I have NEVER been able to get that far again… And years later - now I feel completely unable to do anything and it’s really frustrating. ALL I WANT is to progress magically!

I’ve tried sigil magick and seen success - however it seemed very weak and the effects only lasted a few days.

I think the key to being successful is as E.A. has said in awaking your clairvoyant abilities. This is where I struggle. I have absolute trouble meditating and achieving a theta-gamma state. This is why I cannot astral project. I seem to be completely unable to achieve any state other than alpha-beta waking state - and this is VERY FRUSTRATING.

I tried an evocation once and nothing happened. I was trying to call on Purson to make a pact to help me make money because I am homeless and I so very strongly desire to grow magically and to create the life I’ve always desired…

This all began when I was thirteen and discovered I was empathic (can feel other’s emotions) and this continued for years. Eventually I came across the ideas of magick and evocation. I put it off for years until I felt ready

And that time came when I was about 18. I’m 25 now, and since I was 18 I have been trying unsuccessfully to astral project, evoke spirits, etc.

My only goal in life is to become a living God. I need help, I need to know how to alter my conscious state to reach the necessary state to commune with spirits and to form pacts with spirits to enhance my life.

You’re approaching this horribly wrong. You’re not taking the time to learn the very basics if magic or of a specific system.
Get the book True Magick. It’s new age, but it’ll teach ya quite a few basics.

You’re in the right place kiddo.

Start by searching for T/G sync on the search bar…you’ll find tons of stuff.

Honestly that’s 1/2 that battle, once you get that down, your other skills will start to take off.

That’s been my experience.

What worked for me was starting with ‘Autogenic Training’ that the fool recommended, doing the exercises, and immediately afterwards, focusing your eyes at the corner where the ceiling meets the wall for as long as I could until you fall into the sync.

http://www.welz.us/Autogenic.pdf

After you get it down, it’s really easy.

You just have to keep at it everyday, multiple times a day.

I was using a public computer and running out of time to post

Let me clarify.

Here’s a timeline of my life and magick discoveries:

Age 13: Discovery of empathic ability. I thought I was crazy and my thoughts had no substance in reality.
Ages 13 - 17: Continually testing the insights I was receiving regarding the feelings of others.
Age 18: I had realized I was ACTUALLY receiving and accurately gauging the emotions of others, even when no body language or any such cues accompany them.
Rest of age 18 to 19: I learned to manipulate energy and had become quite proficient in using it to perform lesser magick operations. I could use it to manipulate others to a degree and I had achieved at the time what I thought was Godhood. I used it to gain all that I desire. I eventually become addicted to opiates, specifically, oxycodone, and then I moved on to heroin injection.

Then life degraded to the point where my daily existence was a struggle to get drugs.

Eventually, I had enough of that, and I got on to a methadone program.

Then, having had a taste of what magick could be earlier in my life, I decided to dedicate my life wholly to the ascension to Godhood through magick. I began studying on a daily basis. I obtained a book as a gift from a friend which contains the Thelemic system of instruction. I had originally opted to perform black magick - but convinced myself the right hand path was a better choice. And I studied the thelemic system.

Then I determined I don’t have the time to rise through the Grades of the Tree of Life, to start as a probationer, eventually on to Neophyte, and then Zelator, Philosophus, etc. I don’t have that kind of time. I need results immediately. Furthermore, I have no desire to perform yoga or different “Asana’s” (seating positions) and etc. all of which is designed to be a balanced approach to spiritual growth. Balancing practicality with spiritual growth.

I have been spiritual my entire life and I am well aware of the practical attributes of it due to my being able to feel the emotions of others and thus cater the way I behave to individuals based on what they want to hear, and so forth.

So I re-commit my life to black magick. I obtained a Thoth tarot deck and began learning to interpret the cards, following the knowledge I gained in the book I have in my possession, which asides from Thelemic instruction, does contain a lot of useful information.

I committed to black magick for the following reasons: Firstly, there are people in my life whome I wish to destroy utterly with curses. Second, I desire to shameless self-gain. I am homeless, I have been for a while now, and this is no longer what I desire. I live in a tent, this is where I perform, or attempt to perform, evocations.

I am not an absolute noob. I can move energy through my body, I am quite sensitive as I explained I am an empath, however, I have trouble with clairvoyance, which I believe is the essence of my struggles

I have been studying magick for a very long time. I own a book which contains all the basics - I have studied black magick as well as the right hand path. I had first opted to study self-initiation under the Thelemic system, however, it seems it will take a very long time to progress past the grade of probationer to begin learning the things I actually WANT to learn, such as astral projection.

Now, with all that aside, this is where I am struggling:

I have trouble entering altered, meditative states, such as the T/G sync as I recently learned of through my studies of the works of E.A. Koetting via watching Youtube Videos.

I would very much like to enter the Mastering Divination Course, and eventually Mastering Evocation - but I have NO money at all. So it is my desire to do what I can to manifest money to begin my upward ascension.

I need to learn to relax to the point I can astral project, enter T/G, and etc. This is my chief struggle. I have ADHD, and thus, it’s always been difficult being completely relaxed - this is another reason I had a heroin addiction, it allowed me to relax when I could never do so completely by myself. I have decided that if it is my will, then it will be done, I just have to be able to do it.

In terms of evocations, I am forced to use very basic implements. I have only my tarot deck to use as a circle. I have no candles, incense, or a means to obtain these other objects. I feel as if spirits will not come without these basics. Is this true? Is a circle truly the only necessary implement?

No. You can evoke with nothing but yourself. All you REALLY need is to be able to enter the necessary state, what we here call the theta/gamma sync. A circle makes it easier to centre yourself in Eternity, but it is not strictly necessary. Candles and incense aren’t necessary either. You can easily perceive spirits without them. Get into the state, open the sigil and call the spirit. As you fall deeper into the Rapture, you will perceive the spirit as it stands before you.

If sigil magick works for you, then use it! Work a sigil to learn the TGS.

This is where your journals will help you succeed. Examine your successes, however few, and notice what DID work. Compare that with what did not and repeat your experiments relentlessly.

As Gnosis says, just keep at it every single day.

As you were typing I was going to suggest you master relaxation as it is a key to altered states. It seems you know this and that this is the one things holding you back.

You state ADHD as your problem, yet it does not prevent you from sleeping, does it? Your body contains all the necessary components to allow you to enter the deep delta state. This means you also pass through theta.

One thing that worked well for me in this case was breath control.

If you want to try this method I have outlined one I think might suit your needs.

A count I have used that was extremely relaxing and slowed my mind down as well as clearing it was: Inhale 1, hold 2, exhale 4, hold 8.

Repeat a 2 count about five to ten times. If you feel ok, then increase your count by one, then repeat another five to ten times or so. If you feel your body starting to shake, decrease your count by one, and then maintain that until you feel your state stabilize. You will notice your mind become clearer and clearer as you enter an altered state and become increasingly relaxed.

Example starting with a 2 count.
Inhale for a count of 2, hold for a count of 4.
Exhale for a count of 8, hold for a count of 16.

Example starting with a 3 count.
Inhale for a count of 3, hold for a count of 6.
Exhale for a count of 12, hold for a count of 24.

Example starting with a 4 count.
Inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 8.
Exhale for a count of 16, hold for a count of 32.

Best of luck to you.

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Have you tried studying core shamanism, where you trance-journey into various spiritual realms using just a drumbeat, and very soon, no tools at all are necessary? I’m asking specifically because it requires an active mind, not just passive receptivity.

You sound like you have a similar core of different experiences and capabilities I had when I learned that paradigm, and like me, you should be able to dispense with the drumming, just pick up the rhythm via the MP3 on the page linked below (there are plenty on Youtube as well) and then you can lightly tap whatever your head’s resting on or anything else to give the same gentle pattern of repetitive beats.

This web page has an exercise that I can’t fault in terms of teaching basic journeying, and I paid hundreds of pounds to train in it:

http://www.corpshaman.com/exercises.asp

That stuff works - I’ve seen people completely new to anything spiritual do effective healing on their partners during trainings, or retrieve messages on things they simply couldn’t have known about after just one residential weekend workshop of that stuff, you’re starting miles ahead and this is a handy tool to use to back up other stuff.

I would very much like to enter the Mastering Divination Course, and eventually Mastering Evocation - but I have NO money at all. So it is my desire to do what I can to manifest money to begin my upward ascension.

This is two webpages (quite long) that have a very simple method of introducing you to the kind of inner self that’s that little bit closer to success than you are right now - I got a lot out of it, might be worth reading - DON’T skip the intro, that’s part of the whole deal: The Magic Story.

I don’t know what stuff appeals to you for getting money but there’s a bunch of stuff that’s actually worked for some of us here listed in this thread: Money Spells That Worked.

Apologies if you read it already.

In terms of evocations, I am forced to use very basic implements. I have only my tarot deck to use as a circle. I have no candles, incense, or a means to obtain these other objects. I feel as if spirits will not come without these basics. Is this true? Is a circle truly the only necessary implement?

You don’t need those things, I was evoking godforms, elementals, all sorts for years without them - because no-one had told me not to! :wink:

You can evoke any entity into clairvoyant visibility easily with no tools, tools are like someone getting dressed up for a night out, they’re nice and add to the experience but they don’t make you what you are.

Do you have the O.A.A. materials yet - there’s stuff in there about creating a circle using visualisation?

O.A.A. Lessons On Demand.

You’ve got lots of options, those are only the ones I happen to like or know a bit about.

There are only a few traditional forms of evocation that require specific tools, but (without disrespecting those) tools aren’t necessary for most things, and relaxation’s great but again you don’t have to be perfectly relaxed to get a result.

I’ve often been quite nervous going into doing something and so long as you remember that’s “excitement” and not “fear” :o) it shouldn’t hold you back unless you focus too much on how you have to be free of every thread of tension. Again, that’s nice, the whole “mind like a hollow reed” thing is nice, it’s good to strive for, but not strictly necessary to get any result.

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Don’t have much time to post right now

I have done two evocations thus far. Last night I evoked, or attempted to evoke Purson for the purpose of creating money from nothing, as in one of E.A. Koetting’s seminars he mentioned Purson can create something from nothing.

Today I evoked Belial to help me in this meeting I have with a welfare worker to help me get on welfare and earn a monthly income

In both cases, I utilized the summoning incantation:

“Ettzell maullekell,
testell sauntanell,
easzretz naumatell,
easzhell austerell,
comaa kalla comaa kalla comaa kalla sauntanell,
kamma, kalla, kamma kalla vell,
maevaskalla maesovalla mearosalla auntantell”

The evocation of Belial was particularly interesting. After repeating the incantation approximately 5 - 6 times, my voice took on a very different quality and sound, sounding a little like E.A’s voice would change as he evoked the various demonic kings in the Evocation of the 9 Demonic Kings video. My voice sounded not like my own, this combined with the feeling of presence I took as an indication that Belial was present. I requested help, thanked him, and dismissed him.

I think I am on the right track, I can feel noticeable difference when I am performing the ritual.

I will be back later today, I have requested the O.A.A. material, although I am already familiar with using energy to create my own circle, having material from E.A. Koetting would certainly be a boon to my efforts.

That you’re actually doing this whilst living in a tent is, or should be, an inspiration to all of us, especially anyone holding back from beginning some kind of practice because they don’t yet have a spare room to use as a Temple, or the right kind of athame. You have my profoundest respect.

Thank you. Your help is absolutely appreciated and is really helping me move forward.

I evoked Belial, as the demon of self-governance, and requested his aid in my endeavour with welfare. Today I have seen the efficiency in which he works.

I have secured welfare payments for the next two years. Soon I will have the money needed to purchase any implements needed. After a few months, with a bit of saving, I will be able to afford the Mastering Divination Course, which I think is a good idea to complete first before undertaking the Mastering Evocation Course. Any feedback in regards to this idea would be appreciated.

Lady Eva has mentioned Godforms - could you ladies and gentlemen please elaborate on this? I am interested in learning more about Godforms. I will do my own research as well, but I always enjoy hearing it from people in their own words.

I found this, and think it might be a nicely laid out guide to Assumption of the Godform.

http://hermetic.com/stavish/rituals/godform.html

What is the Qlippoth tree all about? What are the paths of the Qlippoth tree as opposed to those of the Tree of Life?

My overall goal is to become a powerful black magician whom is able to manifest anything and everything he desires. And to go on to form a black magick society I am calling the Ordo Aeon Astron, which is to be a fellowship of like-minded black magicians.

For me, that term covers any entity commonly worshipped as a god at any time, but without claiming to be the “Big G” - so, not “Allah” or “YHVH” or any of those concepts of some being as the one and ONLY God. So, what I mean by it is entities like Isis, Odin, Zeus, Mercury, and so on.

Assumption of various godforms is covered towards the end of the O.A.A. material, I haven’t had that much experience with it because I’ve primarily been working on my own Godself, and then most recently just on my everyday self - but that’s part of my experimental philosophy and I won’t elaborate on it here. :slight_smile:

As for doing the divination course first, absolutely the best approach I reckon - it’ll increase your vision skills and give you a method to verify who, what and when to evoke or otherwise work with, and although I haven’t personally done that course I don’t embark on any major magickal work without doing divination first, or having some done for me sometimes.

That’s all I have on this - hope it helps, and with luck you’ll get better feedback from people who’ve done that course.

Thank you Lady Eva,

I had thought it was in my best interest to take the Divination course first and increase my vision skills before undertaking the Mastering Evocation course.

In approximately two weeks I will be able to afford the Divination course!

I cannot find the ritual called the Rite of Lucifuge.

I have learned Lucifuge is the demon of excess - and excess is exactly what I could use right now.

EA has stated he conjured Lucifuge and is now experiencing excess money, excess this, excess that. This could be very helpful.

In AE Waite’s Book of Ceremonial Magic, he refers to the 4th chapter of the Grand Grimoire as the Rite of Lucifuge.

Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for but it’s a start.

[quote=“NariusV, post:16, topic:3457”]In AE Waite’s Book of Ceremonial Magic, he refers to the 4th chapter of the Grand Grimoire as the Rite of Lucifuge.

Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for but it’s a start.[/quote]

Okay that’s great, thank you, as I just received EA’s complete works

I took some notes that may be useful - they are also found in a Youtube video EA Koetting produced:

Kingdoms of Flame: a Grimoire of Evocation and Sorcery - Cryptic story of a sorcerer's initiation in to elite magick order - Secret ritual formulas given by spirits - Map of Astray Gateways - Decoding of Magick Squares - Original Grimoire of 56 new infernal spirits

Works of Darkness: Guide to Advanced Black Magick

  • First ever guide to rites of black magic free of dogma
  • Introduction to key symbols & principles of black magick
  • Ritual for evoking your first demon
  • How to awaken your dark sight for scrying
  • Initiations into beginner and advanced black magick

Baneful Magick

  • What if you could kill someone, without getting caught?
  • Comprehensive traiing on curses and malefic magick
  • How to evoke violent demons to cause destruction
  • Psychology of transforming into a psychic assassin
  • How to prevent “blowback” and “karma”
  • This book is PURE EVIL - not for god-fearing readers
  • This book is for serious seekers of ascent & those seeking absolute power

Evoking Eternity: Forbidden Rites of Evocation

  • Elementary principles of evocation
  • How to summon and communicate with spirits
  • Guide to angels, demons, planets, jinn, and Gods
  • Ritual for evoking entire legions of demons, choirs of angels, armies of spirits - one simple ritual
  • How to perform group evocations

Questing After Visions: Making Conscious Contact

  • Proven techniques for awakening inner vision
  • Techniques for lucid dreaming & “dream walking”
  • Exploiting psychedelic substances to “force” a vision
  • Rituals for performing prophecy
  • Conversing with your Holy Guardian Angel

Ipsissimus: Mastery of the Self

  • Journeying the path of Godhood
  • Soul travel beyond physical, astral, and soul planes
  • Navigating the Dark Night of the Soul
  • Stories of EA’s OBE’s
  • Meditations and mantras for Self-Mastery

The Book of Azazel: Grimoire of the Damned

  • EA’s journal of 90-day pact with Demonic Gatekeeper, Azazel
  • Grimoire of Azazel’s 33 Demonic Lords
  • Proper Hierarchy of Power
  • Formulas & Gateways to access the Infernal Empire
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I have started Works of Darkness and intend to read through & perform the excercises and etc. therein first

BRO! This is what I am going through exactly. What did you do and get out of this situation.

The OP is long gone from the board.

Answer to his questions, though:

Astral projection is a hypnotic phenomenon related to trance depth. In the past, i have described the 5 levels of trance here, with the basic phenomena that happen at each trance level. Projection happens at level 5. This is not an opinion, but fact - it has been psychologically tested and proven at Stanford and other universities dedicated to hypnosis susceptibility scale testing using double-blind experiments. I explained this many times before on this board, such as here, here, here, here, here, and here, but for whatever reason, magicians today don’t want to face up to what hypnotists and psychologists have known for decades.

If you don’t know how to go to trance depth, Michael Raduga’s The Phase is a shortcut that subsitutes sleep state for hypnotic trance depth. Raduga has you work on your projection when you wake up from sleep, just before or immediately upon awakening. This is as close as you can get to trance depth without any hypnotic training or a partner to guide you.

If you sleep at night and wake up in the morning in a relatively dark place (ie not with lights shining in your face), you can do the Phase exercises and they should have you lucid dreaming or astral projecting within a week.

The OP also probably had a really shitty meditation program. A meditation form i learned from Dr. Paul Scheele is Johannes Schultz’ Autogenic Training (which i outlined here), followed by Autogenic Meditation, which is explained in the book i linked to.

Hypnosis and Autogenic Training are both scientifically tested and have been proven to work exactly as described. If you have trouble with other methods, give them a try and see if they make a positive difference in your practice.

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