My Rough Experiences

General Discussion
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So let me start off by saying this is just an outlet for this anxiety, sadness, and overall harsh emotions.

I seriously sobbed for the first time in years this evening. Stemming from:

  • my true love ghosting me for 6 months straight. instead of explaining her pain to me, she decided to get a new guy to share that with.

  • My physical ailments, one right after another right after another.

  • my loneliness. This is because nobody wants to hang with the mental guy. I have autism and ADHD.

  • My inability to manifest for myself, or anyone anymore.

Even with the best resilience Belial could give me, I couldnā€™t contain it any longer. That true love contacted me today apologizing, and that set it off. I feel jealous, sad, angry, confused, and more in love than I ever did when we were together, despite her harsh treatment towards me. I cried for change. The spirits that possessed me, my temple, and my life told me itā€™s time to get what I wanted, but I canā€™t manifest, and iā€™m sick and tired of it. Iā€™m lucky I can evoke and astral travel, but even the work of Ganesha, Shiva, and Hanuman is still yielding no true results. To the social groups at school, Iā€™m expendable. I talk and all they do is look straight past me, then continue talking among themselves. I have a 100,000$ device implanted into my spine, and a pain syndrome newly diagnosed just for me. On top of that, I have permanent gastritis and Gastroparesis. I consider myself a strong individual, able to stand up for anyone and everyone. Yet, I have multiple lives on my shoulders, including my own. All of my experience in magick is what the spirits tell me. Therapy has done nothing but try to force me to Christianity and Catholicism. If I can get one spell to work, just one, iā€™d be to give me the life I want. Or at the very least respect and admiration by my peers. Iā€™m high-strung, almost rung out dry. I donā€™t know what else to do. Please, help me. I need it.

Signed,
Nolan.

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Just for this, have you tried to find if thereā€™s a meetup.com in your area?

They have all kinds of things going on, meetings for all different kinds of hobbies and interests, and you just show up, no expectations and no pressure if you want to take your time before going back, I have a friend with ASD and anxiety problems and he finds this lack of expected commitment perfect.

Can you translate this into sympathy-bux by blogging about it or something? :thinking:

I know that sounds cynical but there must be other people with the same problem/s looking for info and maybe if you blogged about it, you could 1. help them and 2. monetise the blog with ads, or at least, Amazon affiliate stuff. Just an idea. You gotta work with what you have in the moment, and like I said, could help others if doctors are still in learning-mode over your problem.

Okay friendly advice, and I have my own scars that taught me this over nearly 30 years:

  1. one single blockbuster spell will NOT fix everything in your life, magick is not generally that simple and secondly

  2. the more you attach to needing tangible results, the more they will elude you, I know that sucks and we could argue all day about why, but this phenomena whereby desperate need drives results away is thoroughly well attested, I have experienced it, itā€™s variously called ā€œlust for resultsā€ or just trying to keep your ego (need for validation) out of the equation, and no, itā€™s NOT always easy, I think we constantly have to watch for it no matter what our experience level and overall success rate is (so Iā€™m saying youā€™re not ā€œwrongā€ for hitting this obstacle).

To ACTION! :smiley:

I think for your specific needs, the advice @Norski gives here in this thread is absolutely priceless:

My strongest advice to you is temporaily forget working on other systems for results (stay in contact with spirits, just lay off the needy stuff) and treat the advice he gives in this and the replies like it is THE infallible instruction manual (not intending to embarass the author, just emphasise a point) - donā€™t try to mix other things in, donā€™t try to fast track it, treat it as the one true way because your faith, applied to this and to doing what he has described, will help you get past this dilemma of failure just creating worse feelings of neediness, which (I say again) is something that can happen to anyone if we donā€™t constantly check ourselves. :+1:

PS important ingredient - donā€™t be ā€œme, me, meā€ all the time, try doing stuff for others as well, no ego and no ā€œlook at me,ā€ just quietly and dare I say it humbly, there is real power in this which is why every rich person does philanthropic stuff - again, not to get into the ā€œwhyā€ but you can see this is observed in countless books, from mundane advice to magickal, about how to unblock a stuck feeling or blue mood.

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What about getting what I really want? Those are throwaway manifestations, but this is serious.

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The more you fixate on that, and worry and stress and make everything about pass/fail, MUST, should, etc., the more elusive it will become. That is the shared experience of MANY magicians, I am not just flapping my gums, seach up ā€œlust for resultsā€ on here or in general.

You need to come at things obliquely, like you donā€™t just go up to a girl you like (when unattached) and say ā€œCan I ejaculate in your hole?ā€ - you have to kinda court it a little, not be too grabby and eager.

My theory is that magick is about manipulating probabilities with the mind, and that if your mind has NEEDINESS, that implies failure, because you NEED what you do not HAVE (you cannot feel that same need about what you DO have), so that opens a binary outcome in your mind, ā€œpassā€ OR ā€œfail,ā€ and because ā€œfailā€ is very often the most probable outcome (which is why youā€™re doing the magick, to change that), it will take that route.

There are a million everyday things where you learn HOW something works without first needing to understand every aspect of the WHY, I can almost guarantee you cannot draw detailed diagrams of every element in the device you use to access this forum, any more than I can code for this software - just let that stuff go, and focus on what works - what others who CAN and DO get results are telling you has worked for them. :+1:

Once you start seeing results, and have experienced the feeling of magick working in your favour, then you can start exploring theory, for now my strong advice is to stay with the user-interface, and the rules for that.

You donā€™t try to pry the screen off your phone if a page wonā€™t load to try and dig the page out, because you know perfectly well that this is against the principles by which a phone displays content, even though you may not know how they work in fine detail.

Same thing here - going harder and harder into need for one glorious outcome is more likely to just keep fucking you up, because (somehow, not important to you right now) it is against the rules by which magick usually seems to work.

That tutorial I linked you is the best method I have seen on here for sidestepping this and then slowly moving in on what you want the most, and the boost you will get when results do begin to come will also heal you from the pain and frustration you are currently experiencing, which will help with that desperate needy feeling even more, and this is why I have recommended it so highly.

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People my entire life have, and still look down on me. Try this visualisation for awhile.

I listened to this while writing it.

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Iā€™m in a similar situation too , all my magick has stopped working in fact mostly manifesting in a total opposite way , Keep asking demons for guidance but nothing , it feels like being betrayed by religion all over again . There are so many new things I want to try and learn on this path but how can I do that when my basic needs arenā€™t being met and all my concentration is on this? Itā€™s so sad and frustrating Iā€™m thinking of taking a break from all magick for a month or two .

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This ritual was designed to deal with my suicidal thoughts and attempts, but maybe there is something in it that could help, maybe as a rite of passage from the old life into a new one, as it follows the basic design. I hope it helps in some way

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UPDATE!!!

The advice @Lady_Eva really opened the door to the understanding I have now. For one, even my most absurd ways of going about things have gone extremely well, even to the point of using an anime tactic to obliterate all the energies and lesser spirits inside of a room. The tactic was the use of the energy of destruction, and a mental technique where I see the energies crumbling away into nothingness like in the Dragon Ball Super anime. I still have yet to see the results of my chaotic sigil magick, but I think it wonā€™t work as effectively because of something Belial said after the sigil was cast. ā€œYou attack things too linearly. As you know in martial arts, when you attack your opponent, you donā€™t rush them head-on, else they will counter and attack instantly. What you do then, is you wait for an opening in their psyche, then attack while their defenses are down. Why wouldnā€™t the same work here? you wait for an opportunity, then you attack creatively to attain that desire. The situation will block your attack if you rush head-on.ā€

Now here I am, uncovering how to solve this issue on my own. Though a blinding light flashed all around me at every angle and I felt a snap somewhere in my spirit as I was writing this. Could that elude to something?

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YES! :fist:

Probably saying ā€œHeā€™s go it.ā€ Literal lightbulb moment! :bulb:

Thrilled for you! :smiley:

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Iā€™m thrilled as well! For the longest time, Iā€™ve seen others attack linearly in this fashion, but it might not work for me because my spirit was shattered in the past. That childlike wonder has been long lost, and the universe might be taking advantage of that. So attacking it at the openings is all I can do until I am strong enough to force these situations around directly.

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there it goes again. Black light this time.

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Oof I can understand where you are coming from

Really loosen your grips with it, the more I find my self obsessing over magick the more chaotic my mind and reality can be, there are somethings that help center me like eating right and working out (and other decent human habits).

However these can (and often do) pale in comparison to some of the paranormal manifestations that arrive in our life.

You gotta give your brain some breaks, and ground. Try getting out in nature I think itā€™ll really help.
Are you actively practicing or doing more mind magick?

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I started with magick end of last year and was doing really good ! I would finish working on one thing then start work on a different topic by the time I would finish that , the first one would manifest because my attention was on the second one, but for the past month and a half donā€™t know whatā€™s happening nothing is working in fact opposite of what Iā€™m asking is happening, used to get guidance from the lovely demons all the time that has stopped as well , Iā€™m on a break from magick now but donā€™t get it :frowning: feel like Iā€™ve been rejected by spirits as well after god and religion.

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Some really good advise though thanks :slight_smile:

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Seems like you were doing a lot of manifestation, actively changing the outer world, maybe try something based around the inner world like shadow work and alchemy, or maybe soul projection and alchemy.
In acting class we would have to go a few weeks without talking to strengthen other aspects of our craft, in waterpolo I the coach would make us swim with one arm or only use or arms and no legs, Im getting the sense its something along those lines.

Anyways i hope this light hearted video helps, remember to not take magick so seriously if you give it too much attention and are always trying to please it it can sometimes respond like a stuck up brat. Try loosening and adapting your approach and I think youll be fine.

Also I like how youā€™re taking a break from magick but are still on this magick forum :stuck_out_tongue:

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Yeah Iā€™m talking a break from practicing, the learning doesnā€™t stopšŸ˜‰ might have a tea session with Lucifer sometime without asking for anything too !

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