Suicide has emerged a lot on the forum as of recently. Whether or not these are real claims of help, I will not divulge in but it does cause me to reflect on my own past. As I have mentioned here in the past, I had a period of time where I was suicidal and made three major attempts to end my own life. Stastically, with factoring the methods I had used, I should not be here, but alas I have noticed that I have almost hilarious bad luck when I approach things the wrong way than I need to by whoever makes that decision on the grander scale (thick tree branch break upon trying to hang myself, gun misfiring upon trying to shoot myself in the head, and soaked matches upon trying to set myself ablaze after drenching myself in gasoline. It’s okay to laugh, I do too sometimes and mentioning this was for that purpose). But alas, I am still here very much alive and upon realizing I am quite terrible at ending my life, I decided to approach the issue with something I am good at: ritual and self exploration. I will be sharing a very personal ritual with you all that sparked my ascend out of that state of mind and continues to play a role in my rise to God hood. That being said, it is no substitute for getting help in any way you can. Ritual without outside work tend to fizzle out, so I will be including resources to get help if you find yourself in the state of considering or attempting to end your life.
Source of Suicide
Suicide is classically associated with long periods of depression and feelings of hopelessness. While this is true, as one who lived that mindset, I think the issue goes deeper than that. Personally, I believe that suicide is actually the result of the expectations we give to ourselves based on what society deems as virtues or characteristics to strive for. For example, how many of us have viewed our bodies as being of less value or beauty than another because we may not be as thin as others, our teeth the same shade of white as society deems beautiful, or the fact we don’t have partners coming in and out of our beds? How many of us have felt worthless because we do not have as much money as society deems to be “well off” or the fact we have not found a partner to walk through life with? What makes the life of someone who has all of the things society approves more valuable than one who does not?
Alexander von Oettingon theorized that suicide was more present in “civilized” societies than tribal ones. With the rate of suicide on the rise within tribes being exposed to “civilization” such as the Guarani-Kaiowá tribe in Brazil and it becoming the second leading cause of death for people in their mid thirties here in the US, it is hard to see it not being true to some degree. While depression may biologically serve as being evolutionarily successful (as it promotes deep thought of problems that give birth to creative solutions), we have turned it into a vicious trap. With the added stigma of mental health, the absence of community rituals, and the preying nature of society through both culture and corporations to promote characteristics that fuel its economic growth (the beauty industry is notorious for this), it is hard to find understand how the rise of suicide is surprising. Society demands emotional strength from its citizens while promoting no means of building that strength on an individual basis, indicating the same mentality of raising livestock as opposed to one of a mentor who cares about their student. The social contracts we are born into have a far heavier price than it appears on the surface.
However, there is a silver lining. If we can identify the desire for one’s death as being a byproduct of individuals’ need to meet the expectations of society (usually on a more subconscious level), it means that the individual desires less on physical death and more for the death of their suffering. That can be achieved with a combination of ritual and outside work with the potential of far more success without becoming fertilizer.
The Ritual
Death is a very touchy subject, especially here in the US where we are not really exposed to corpses. Rather than going through the rituals of sending a loved one off at home, we call an ambulance to take the body to a funeral home for someone else to organize the send off (usually in nice, overpriced service packages). However, we can look at the past at rituals of death to help bring an ending to parts of our lives that must come to an end. Many of those at home rituals are the inspiration for this one.
When I first had this ritual performed on myself, it was after I had confessed what I had done to a small group of friends. I did not have money for therapy, but luckily one of those friends had a family relative that was a therapist that was able to help me talk things out. When I talked about the idea for this ritual, they helped out and we essentially followed the steps I will mention, except my actual body was the object of focus instead of the doll. However, knowing that many here are solitary, I thought it would be wise to alter this for an individual to do on their own.
You will need:
-A doll/poppet, such as one of the A,wish faceless dolls.
-A picture of you
-Your hair, blood, semen, etc.
-Olive Oil
-Salt
-Grave goods, such as food, drink, tools (optional)
-Clothe of your favorite color
-A candle
-Means to bury an object or build a pyre
This is not meant to be a ritual that is done on a whim, as it takes time to build. If you have the means to make a doll or poppet, do so. Pour everything you wish to end (go deeper than just your life and be specific on what is causing you to suffer so much that you want to go that far). Put your essence into the doll, especially tears. Take as much time as you need to make it, as this doll is the old you we are putting to rest.
Paste or sew your picture on the doll, using it as a focus point for mediation for the next few days. You must program the idea into your mind that this doll is the old you that is to be released. I actually took an oath of silence and fasted for three days prior to ritual. I will leave that decision to you.
When the time is right, wrap the doll in the clothe lovingly and go to the area where the funeral is to be taken place. Dig a hole in the earth or build a pyre. Treat this less as just a normal task, but as if you are sending a loved one off to the afterlife. Offer a prayer to whatever gods you believe in or to a death deity in general (Azrael was part of mine). You can go into a general formal funeral prayer that you feel close to, one you write yourself, or sing a song (my friends chose the Parting Glass). Anoint the doll with olive oil and salt as if you are blessing it and give it a kiss as if it was goodbye (if using grave goods, lay them here). Then proceed to bury or burn the doll. Take a handful of dirt or cooled ash when you are done and blow it into the wind, saying your final goodbye. Leave the place without looking back.
As you go on with life, getting help you may need and striving to achieve goals, if those old thoughts or feelings emerge, light a candle in remembrance for the part of you that has passed on. Remember that you is now dead, and there is only moving forward now left to go. It will not make the feelings go away instantly, that is where the self help plays a key role, but in this ritual, you are giving up the control they had over you into the realms of the dead. That way the past can be laid to rest while the doors for the future that would’ve been closed by physical death start to open up for you.
I have used this ritual on myself and for some very close friends, altering it to suit their needs or family traditions (one I used a blanket to wrap the individual and corn meal as the grave offering due to their native American heritage). If you are going to take the place of the doll in your ritual, be sure to use the burial option (obviously) and be sure you are being buried horizontally in a very shallow grave without your head buried (you can gently have a clothe laid over your face instead) so you do not actually die.
This ritual has proven to be a game changer for those who take part if approached correctly based on my experiences. It certainly was for me. If anyone out there decides to go along with this ritual, feel free to PM me any questions you may have. Thank you for reading this.
For those seeking professional therapy but either do not have insurance or cannot afford the copays:
https://www.betterhelp.com/helpme/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_t&utm_term=betterhelp_p&utm_content=13899929650&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=p&utm_campaign=177007450&ad_type=text&adposition=1t1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwy97qBRDoARIsAITONTKSv9H90HEBfyHU6CLYZ1b-9KIX1w3Jf_-q_I_wX0HqN6p4gmj4eNcaAj1sEALw_wcB¬_found=1&gor=helpme
And here is both the song sung at my “funeral” and another that has became part of my pre ritual preparations after everything I have had to do to get to where I am now. It’s a meaningful song to me, might be one for whoever resonates with it as well. Obviously, all credit goes to the musicians and creators.
