I believe that one who practices meditations regularly can more easily pull themselves out of negative states of mind. But I see this is also not a fair comparison, because that person wouldn’t be in the negative state of mind for as long. Also, I am not accounting for people who may get so depressed that they won’t even meditate. Also, one could be put in a coma or suffer stroke and forget about meditation. Note to self: live a healthier lifestyle.
I got my ass kicked at gym for one reason; they’re fucking HARD on you calves. Even the fucking marine boy fell on his ass because it was so tough, and he’s the most fit guy in the class.
So in other words, I need to immensely improve my calves, unless I want to bleed for my A in this class.
Also, I just had a weird success with telekinesis on accident. I guess It’s because I’ve been using physical improvement on my own flesh for a while.
No one cares, but I need to write this out. I can’t stop myself from hurting any more than I did. I’m done. I can’t boil down my feelings to be more simple. With as many negative patterns that I’ve destroyed, with all the times I’ve forgiven myself and corrected myself, for all of my healing, and ALL of my healing, even when I finally accept my forgiveness, even then, I still hurt when I see him, and I finally know why. It’s simple.
I’m in love with him.
and that’s really the only reason why. That’s sad, isn’t it? I can’t kill this feeling without killing my love for him. Because no matter how many times I heal, no matter how much I search within myself, I just hurt from love. That’s almost comforting. I am done. I can’t do anything else.
That’s not something I’m used to, it’s the nature of real love. Leaves you hurting, and it leaves you questioning. Leaves you stronger. I feel light and airy. But still, the truth remains; the only thing in my way is love, and that was always the goal.