Hello, BALG. It’s been a while since I last posted here. I haven’t been practicing magick very much until recently. During the last few months I’ve been struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts and some circumstances in my life. Now I’m back in the game and I really want to know if my current experience is real or my mind is just playing tricks on me. Sorry guys, it’s going to be a long post.
Since the beginning of this month I’ve been trying to establish a connection with Gremory. I tried to evoke her before but I didn’t feel much during the rituals. Neither have I got what I asked for. Perhaps I was asking for too much or doubts hindered my magick, I don’t know for sure. But I didn’t want to give up on her. This time I decided to change my approach.
I started with daily meditations on her sigil and enn chanting. Just to create a psychic link between us. During the first meditation I tried to imagine what she looks like. The image of her came to my mind effortlessly: a fair woman in green dress atop of a camel. I greeted her and said that I wanted to connect to her and work with her. Then she started talking to me. I couldn’t hear her physically, of course. It was just a pleasant voice in my mind. She told me she liked persistent guys and she expected me to be the one. She also told me she wanted an altar. I felt like something pressed my whole body and for a moment I physically saw a shadow on the wall which looked somewhat like a woman in a dress.
Then I meditated like that every day. Every time that woman in green appeared in my mind. She looked at me, touched her hair, walked here and there. And she talked to me, of course. One time I had a very interesting experience. She was staring at me and started sucking her finger. At the same time I had a very strong pleasant sensation in my Swadhisthana chakra. Not lying, I was moaning like a girl. It didn’t last long, though.
But it’s not only meditations. I often hear her voice and see her in my mind in my mundane life. She keeps telling me that I need to sleep more, trust my feelings and stop doubting myself. This is very difficult for me. Last Friday night I decided to fulfill a full evocation ritual according to @Mike_Bee’s guide I didn’t ask for anything, just gave her some offerings and asked a few questions. She agreed to work with me, told me she could give me more that I could even dream of. She also specified once more about the altar. She wants one SOLELY for her.
Next morning I opened BALG on my way to work. And this is what I saw, a guide about making a pact with a spirit. This thread was bumped at night just when I was going to start the evocation. Guys, I’m a little scared. Could all that be real? Does Gremory want me to make a pact with her?
Thank you for reading all that. I’d really appreciate if you share your thoughts.