This insight brought to you by [insert (the penis heh) practice here].
Some more middle-ish length discoursing today. Starting with some musings on Enochian magick as a whole and then some sex talk.
Let’s start with the Loagaeth tables. Initially I questioned the value of spending a good several hours every week measuring out grids and writing down thousands of letters when I could instead be doing literally anything else. To be honest though I always assumed that I wouldn’t make this far, so when magick encourages me to do something at this point I just fucking do it. I’ve seen too much to really do otherwise. My path is mine, and I imagine that not all of my readers are at a point in their lives where it is appropriate to follow along with what I am doing. I do me, you do you. It amuses me, but a few years back there was a time when I would alternate between summoning Goetia and Lucifer demons every other day, and during this time I received a glimpse into the future where I would “do my magickal Ph.D.” (yes I really did think like this, like a huge frickin nerd). There was a similar occurrence a few years before that one. I am blessed today to be able to stand on the shoulders of titans. I do not know how much of the work I am doing now is truly novel, but regardless I am grateful for the opportunity to explore and unravel Enochian magick.
The Loagaeth tables. I’ve written a few lines of table 5, but I think that I will wait until the next ritual to start really working with these tables, for a few reasons. For one, I need bigger paper. Normal printer paper is too damn small. It’s already a bit of a strain reading the tables from Klein, and that’s a fairly large boke, and I’ll be working with these tables for some years. I don’t think you need to get huge canvases, but you can get larger papers at art supply stores. I’m thinking something that fits neatly in my magick workspace and that allows me to write the letters closer to the size they are in my other sigils (probably still smaller, but not absurdly tiny). Something I heard from an optometrist to promote good eye health is to occasionally look across longer distances and focus on something relatively far away for a bit every so often. I can feel the lenses or whatever adjusting when I do this, and I imagine that’s the point.
If you are wondering why you would bother with these tables, I can’t say exactly for sure at this point, but I did notice some interesting thoughts arising while writing the lines. Maybe studying Japanese has made me develop a perverse pleasure in writing a whole shitload of characters over and over again in little boxes. As a side note, beautiful handwriting is something to be sought after!
Let it be a meditation. Let it be a symbol of your dedication to the magick. In the couple minutes of research I’ve done on the internet, it seems that people like to try and intellectualize some meaning out of these tables, taking great pains to map out all sorts of correspondences and attempting to tie these tables in with other magickal systems. Perhaps there is something to be gained from this, but it seems to me the sort of thing that armchair magicians do. I will have to see for myself, but my approach with magick has always been to put practice first and almost dismiss any sort of theorizing, cognizing, or intellectualizing of what is ultimately beyond such things. There are “theory” ideas which have value, but these arise from a direct experience of magick, and such experiences are only gained through the practice and performance of magick. Writing down these Enochian letters, arranged in these formations, seems to constitute a magickal practice in and of itself, but you probably don’t need me to tell you that summoning spirits and magickal energy in a proper ritual is an entirely different experience. If you want to do “practical magick,” there’s plenty of that out there already, including Enochian methods. If you want to explore more mystical territory, you’re not gonna find it by sifting through books of dubious quality, based on corruptions of the source materials, plagued by biases, sunk-cost fallacies, and egos desperately attempting to justify themselves. I get it, it’s good fun to feel like an occult pioneer, but not all pioneers strike gold.
One thing that I like about magick is how it attracts people looking for all sorts of different things. I like how magick can be about getting your way and getting what you want in your life. I also like how magick can reveal knowledge and open understandings of reality that can only be acquired in the practice of magick. There have been times when magick was more of a supporting force in my life, often on my mind, but taking only a small place in the greater scheme of my daily life. There have been other times, before now, when magick was my life, when I was so deep in that not pushing through would have left me shattered and in pieces.
I have emphasized the importance of maintaining social connections while in the midst of great magickal work, but here I will state the other side of this. Too much time with the normies can be detrimental. For one, you don’t really want to get dragged down into their ignorance. You’ll want to talk about your practices and the cool experiences that you have, not to mention the extremely profound, healing, freeing insights that crash into your mind, but it’s either going to go waaay over their head because they just don’t care, or they’ll invalidate you. Neither of these are particularly enjoyable to deal with.
Some final notes on the Loagaeth tables. It seems handy to have some sort of pointer to help keep track of where you are in the table. You could use your finger, but that may require you to bend forward and hold your arm in an uncomfortable position for a while. I remembered that I picked up some calligraphy brushes a while back, and one of these brushes is very nicely sized for this purpose. The bristles are still stuck together and so form a point, and the handle has a cool look to it. I already gave in to the jackassery and bought a crystal ball so a “wand” is really not a big deal at this point.
On that note, I haven’t seen anything appear in the ball yet, but the angels have said a thing or two about it, and it seems that the back of the eyelids is a perfectly suitable surface to scry on anyways. I do also have this tall mirror that’s been sitting in my apartment for quite some time, and I must say that I feel compelled to paint it black.
As I get into the sex stuff, I’ll also say that one of the brushes has such a soft, lovely feeling to it, with an absolutely gorgeous, firm handle.
I think I’ll start with the gender stuff to scare away the normies before I get to the other stuff. First, I’d really like to say that the proper thing to call people is either assigned male or assigned female at birth. That is what happens. But I do believe that just because you have experienced dysphoria in the past doesn’t mean that you always have to experience dysphoria.
One of the nice things about being non-binary is that people can’t really hate you (and be afraid of you) if they don’t know that you exist. Considering that I have, to my knowledge, met a grand total of maybe two other nb’s in my life and seen one nb actor, that probably makes my occult persona one of the most well-known theys out there, amusingly enough, so I’ll share some of what that’s like for me. If you’re not particularly interested you can scroll down.
Probably the biggest point of confusion for me has been if non-binary is really the most accurate label or if I’m just trans and in denial. I’ve known a few trans people irl (had one for a music teacher at some point), and I’ve seen several “transition stories” play out for various public figures, so I wondered if that’s what you’re “supposed to do” in this sort of situation. I dislike the thought of being a coward.
At least for right now, though, that’s not really me. I stand by the they/them/their, and I don’t feel a huge need to radically change how I present myself to society. There are aspects of masculinity and femininity that appeal to me. Some are more stable, some fluctuate more, but all are at least somewhat fluid.
When it comes to my personal sex life, I do like to change how I present and behave, especially in spiritual and eventually dream practices, where there is much less limiting what you can do. Having various qualities at various times that appeal to more masculine or feminine sexual images or urges makes me feel very good. Often the line between these feels quite blurred, but other times I enjoy being referred to and treated as a he or a she. If in doubt, it’s they/them/their, but I communicate when I want something else, and I am happy to shift one way or the other to satisfy my partner(s).
I have some more things that you can do to make your partner(s) have a good time, but first, I’ll say again that I don’t particularly care about how I present my sexuality to most of normal society. I care a little bit, but really I just don’t give two fucks about any of these people, so why does it matter if they “sir” me or whatever? It just doesn’t. This isn’t even about being called an attack helicopter (not really that bad of an insult, tbh). I genuinely do not care about these people. There are people that I do care about, and with them these things are never an issue anyways. My flavor of nb lets me “straight-pass” pretty easily, especially to people who are pretty socially clueless, which is by far most of them, and I like to use the pass when it makes life easier for me. Sometimes I like getting attention, but I’d rather get the attention from someone who matters to me.
If you’d like to do something for someone who matters to you, it’s hard to beat a good massage.
I’ll admit though that sometimes you want to show them what a beast you are.
Doing your kegels, dear readers?
That about does it for today. I suppose a few more random notes and then I’ll send you on your way. For those who are performing the magick of the Enochian Keys, I’d encourage you to start writing out the Keys in the Enochian script once you are comfortable with your ability to read Enochian. Making the sigils and doing the rituals was enough for me, so you don’t need to really “study” the alphabet or anything. I put a little dot between the words to help keep them separated. Using regular roman/latin characters is fine, but I find it much more natural to read and speak the Enochian words with Enochian pronunciation when they are written in the Enochian script. Enochian Enochian Enochian
After speaking the Key in ritual, then after speaking the Godname across the top of the sigil, I scan each angel name four times, then speak the three Godnames, then sing each angel name four times. As I scan and sing the names, I bring to mind the type of each successive angel, so that on the first time through I think of the first angel, then the second time through the second, third the third, and then none of them in particular the fourth time through. So for Desire it’s Secrets, then Healing, then Transformation, then all of them without considering the labels. It’s easier to do than explain so apologies if that’s a confusing set of instructions.
After I finish calling to the angels, I usually feel the energy arising up from the sigil, down into the room, and from within me. After feeling this for a moment, I notice two spheres of white light. One arises from the sigil, one from within myself. As I think to myself, “I summon this power, this power of __,” I see the two spheres pull into each other, orbiting and spinning around and eventually merging together between my palms. Then I think, “to share it, with all humanity,” and as I do so I stretch my hands outward, palms turning upwards, and feel the energy expand out all around me.
After this I linger a bit and see what happens. I’ll usually at the very least receive some sort of communication, even if all that comes through is “yep ritual’s over good work today.” Sometimes I’ll receive a vision within my mind, as though I were visualizing something, but more recently I’ve started seeing faint images appear in my external visual perception while my eyes are closed, as I mentioned earlier. The “checkmark B” came to me in this way, for example.
Oooone more shout-out to my partners real quick. Hot damn you are wonderful people, and also very sexy.
Ok dear readers stay greedy.
). I could date them but I don’t really feel the need to do that.