I mentioned previously in this journal how I’ve been dealing with a surplus of sexual energy lately that is apparently insatiable, extremely frustrating, and increasingly obsessive. I have been doing some reading, and was inspired to only use my sexual energy with my partner or for magickal use.
I noticed that I was running around the house with a fuckload of inspiration and motivation, but then as soon as I masturbated, I deflated, basically. My mind was not as sharp – I felt foggy, tired, and unmotivated. I even felt a little depressed because I took myself from one extreme to another, and wished that I could go back to that previous state of elation and energy.
So it’s been like two days, and I’m trying to apply my sexual energy towards meeting my various goals. Sex is also more enjoyable, but I avoid having an orgasm because I’m trying to let the energy continue to build.
I have not really read much about sex magick. I have employed orgasm with visualization techniques during meditation and ritual, and I’m not sure if that is what sex magick is or what, but it was always successful for me even with daily masturbation, so I wonder what I can accomplish by using this energy over a longer period of time and for everything I can think of using it for.
I feel good, but in an aggressive and chaotic kind of way. I also look in the mirror and notice that I find myself more alluring, and my eyes look more alive.
My confidence is continuing to build, and my strength (mental & physical) is increasing as well.
While I have decided to stop watching porn, I am still reading erotic fiction, because I think that’s a totally different thing.
Pretty soon I am going to do some yoga, and then wear a pretty long flowy dress and go on a walk. It’s hot outside so it will feel nice to wear something loose and to be free from pants. I’ll do some grounding and meditation.
I’m going to sear myself some rare tuna and eat the other half of my avocado I saved with some sprouts on top. I think a light meal before yoga will be better than waiting to eat afterwards and losing all motivation to leave the house.
Anyway, I hope everyone is well. I’ll report back with any new feelings or improvements.