THE POWER and the MADNESS in the mania... just BLEW my 24 inch guns out, BROTHER

I’ve been watching Macho Man RANDY SAVAGE and Hulk HOGAN after a day of meditation

Here I will be posting a lot about my personal struggles in overcoming drug and alcohol addiction, depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia. I will be working on my chakras, meditating, exercising, eating healthy, and developing a routine that will put me in the physical health and state of mind to progress as a magickian.

I actually didn’t play the Sims 4 all day today like an asshole

Today I made this altar for King Paimon (my brother put it together and I painted it) because he wanted his own spot on my altar, which I had, but when my brother gave me this shelf I had the sudden urge to paint it

I meditated and did this, that is pretty much it. I spoke to Aeshma briefly, who knocked me out of a depression spell, so thank you Aeshma for that.

Anyway that’s all for tonight I think

hell yeah brother


I was supposed to sleep out in the tent tonight.

Well, I’m in the tent, but I didn’t sleep at all. So I mean… I kinda did what I sought out to do.

I’ve been in a horrible state of constant exhaustion and complete lack of motivation. I thought taking a break from all of this would help, but it’s been wearing me down even more.

Tonight while sitting in the tent, I put on the song Pagan Poetry by Bjork. I listened to this a lot when I was 15 and started really getting into magick. I remember how carefree I was – I didn’t concern myself with following other people’s rituals or practices. I just tapped into my own spiritual power and practiced magick entirely on things I made up myself.

I realized that the reason I have been so drained is because I lost sight of that person. I have been overloading my brain with information, and neglected my ability to take the magick within myself to create my own practice, write my own rituals, follow my intuition and get creative. Doing this draws out the most power from within myself to accomplish any magickal/spiritual goals I set out for myself.

I started writing my own grimoire, too.

It’s safe to say that I am myself again, and I have a newfound energy and excitement in my work.


That was really uplifting to read. Im happy for you. :slight_smile:

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I really appreciate that, thank you.

I decided that before I start getting back into the usual swing of things, I am going to focus on spending more time in nature. I live in Alabama, so there are plenty of mountains to hike. I have to look around to see where else I can wander off and go camping. I’ve also been looking into elemental magick. I think this is the best thing to do in order to heal and get back to my roots.


That sounds like a good plan. I like working with the elements myself. I hope you find your healing, I agree being outdoors is so good for the soul (says the agoraphobic) but I have memories of it being good for the soul :laughing: especially in the middle of nowhere in the hills. I live in Scotland so I can relate to that.


I love Randy Savage … his older stuff with Elizabeth. I always admired how she stood by Randy and supported his goals. He was actually super protective of her and even after Thier divorce he’s the reason she got a contract with WCW it was a nice contract and she really didnt have to do a whole lot. It all went down hill when luger got in the picture.

Anyway , nice altar :slight_smile:


I smoked weed for the first time in ages, and when I smoke, I have to immediately isolate myself in a dark room. I used to think it was due to my mental illnesses, but this last time I realized that I was immediately thrust BALLS DEEP into some kind of chaotic collision of the world we see and the spiritual realms that bleed into it. It’s hard to explain. I no longer feel of this earth, and the humans around me look strange.

I mention this because I smoked and then spent the night watching MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE and actually forgot I made this journal until my second reply lmao

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Today was ridiculous.

I spent three hours at a blood plasma donation center only to get turned away because my blood pressure was a little too high. I mean damn. Why don’t they check blood pressure FIRST? Wouldn’t that save a lot of time?

So my dad is giving me a quarter of his high blood pressure medicine so I can do it again tomorrow. I can donate 2x a week, and it is $50 a visit. I’m trying to think of ideas of what to buy for my altars and magick and for the demons I work with.

Then I got a really bad allergic reaction to castor oil. I read it was good for acne! But hen I looked in the mirror… jesus christ. I got flashbacks of the bathroom scene in The Fly with Jeff Goldblum.


After such a frustrating day, I cried in a cold bath for an hour. I have healing ointments, benedryl, ibuprofen 600, ice packs, valium, and wine, so I’ll survive.

Tomorrow I’ll post about my spiritual goals and endeavors.

Today I took a bath with a coconut hibiscus bath bomb, and I used himalayan pink salt. I just held a a few handfuls in a tight fist, closed my eyes, focused on filling it with cleansing intention with help from Seichem, and threw it real aggressively in the bath water. Continued to focus on charging up that bath water, and then threw my own private metal concert for two hours.

I WAS going to do some chakra work, but SLAMMING to old school slipknot was honestly the most empowering shit I’ve done in a few weeks. I really needed that.

Here is a lesson I often forget, when I overwork myself relentlessly searching for more magickal power:

The most incredible magick is done through self transformation, and as we use our most rich, luxurious shampoo & conditioner, and we moisturize and exfoliate and adorn ourselves with flowing bath robes of silk, sparkling jewellry, and hydrate with clean, cold water, do we not transform into our own perception of beauty? I’m sitting here, I smell amazing, I feel amazing, I look amazing. I’m glowing. I just stared at myself in the mirror for an hour, took time dressing and putting my hair up and using my best skincare products, and I thought – this is magick. I am focusing on bettering myself, I am taking the time to look and feel my most beautiful.

And as a result, I feel powerful. I feel like I could kill someone just by looking at them.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, it is the most powerful thing you can do.


This is the part where dark magick can make you go crazy.

I always lived my life thinking I would die that day, take zero regard for my safety, and wonder how I keep waking up the next day.

This is helping me, but I’m being told unless I address my issues face on, this temporary relief given to me will wear off and I’ll be worse, and I’m getting there.

So I took a nail file to my face, and basically sandpapered my face skin two weeks ago. I just keep going into psychosis.

Thinking about therapy.

Anyway, my eating disorder is back after I thought I kicked it once again. So here’s the only song I can relate to right now.

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If anyone sees this and can offer any advice, I would appreciate it.

Or if you’ve been where I’m at, just wanna share your story, whatever.

I’ve always had mental problems and I just exasperated them by dipping my body into the black water without taking breaks for air.



So I was working with King Paimon, Lucifer, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, and Aeshma on a matter of things – I had no money, I was suicidal, and I was stuck in a toxic, abusive atmosphere in a state I wasn’t familiar with as well as balls deep in a psychiatric medication addiction.

Here I am, five months later – I have a job with a good amount of money saved up, I’m in a healthy and positive environment, and I am no longer stuck in the midst of a horrible mental breakdown.

AND ! I am no longer on any medication at all, and If I ever use alcohol recreationally or in ritual, I don’t overdo it and get blackout drunk.

I just bought Aesnath Mason’s books – The Rites of Lucifer, The Tree of the Qlippoth, and Lilith: The Dark Feminine (I think those were the names)

I’m reading up on and getting to know LIlith so that I can do a ceremony to formally accept her as my Matron and have built her an altar with red roses, and black, white, and red candles.

Everything is going amazingly.


Today I am going to create a ritual to contact Belial. I’m spending the day meditating and writing out the ritual. I’ve been thinking about him ALLLLL DAYYYY since yesterday.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and confidence issues as well as having a hard time standing up for myself and putting myself first.
I think he made his presence known to me so that he can show me what he can do for me. He helped me get through activities yesterday that gave me anxiety, so I want to thank him and begin working with him.
I’m super excited. I haven’t felt this giddy over a demon in a while, and having him lend a hand to me with this much attention and care has really amazed me. I’m astonished by him right now.

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Looking back, it’s amazing how much I’ve grown and gone through as a witch. I was in such a state of distress and anxiety and depression.
I have an amazing job, I meditate at least once a day, I exercise and eat healthy, I sleep a perfect eight hours a night.
Keep practicing. It WILL PAY OFF. I PROMISE.


Also I just bought a king paimon pendant. I’ll take pics and post them when it comes in the mail.


Just wanted to say I’m happy you were able to get through all of that with sheer determination and hard work. :fist:

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Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that.
I almost lost myself in a really dark place. I was taken to the brink of insanity and was able to come out on the other side with everything I worked to accomplish.

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I’d like to give a special thanks to King Paimon.

Today after I got off work, I meditated and danced for King Paimon while burning him incense at his altar as an offering.

He got me through work today because I felt exhausted and defeated. I repeated his enn on my lunch break and came back into the office feeling euphoric and motivated and extremely focused.

I’m so grateful for King Paimon. He was there for me from the very beginning on my path. He showed me patience and kindness. He taught me everything. He gave me dreams that reflected back at me all of the turmoil within myself so that I could stand up and do something about it.

He held a mirror to my face and told me to fix what I had done to myself through years of struggling with drug abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, and trauma.

I stopped making excuses for myself and began to put work in for the first time. I shed myself of my victim complex.

King Paimon helped change my life. There aren’t enough offerings in the world to thank him for what he has done.

Hail King Paimon.
Linan Tasa Jedan King Paimon.


That’s blood on my shirt from the offering I gave him the day before yesterday
And that’s my altar for King Paimon
I’m saving up money to really deck out his altar and buy him good offerings

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