I’ve been watching Macho Man RANDY SAVAGE and Hulk HOGAN after a day of meditation
Here I will be posting a lot about my personal struggles in overcoming drug and alcohol addiction, depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia. I will be working on my chakras, meditating, exercising, eating healthy, and developing a routine that will put me in the physical health and state of mind to progress as a magickian.
I actually didn’t play the Sims 4 all day today like an asshole
Today I made this altar for King Paimon (my brother put it together and I painted it) because he wanted his own spot on my altar, which I had, but when my brother gave me this shelf I had the sudden urge to paint it
Well, I’m in the tent, but I didn’t sleep at all. So I mean… I kinda did what I sought out to do.
I’ve been in a horrible state of constant exhaustion and complete lack of motivation. I thought taking a break from all of this would help, but it’s been wearing me down even more.
Tonight while sitting in the tent, I put on the song Pagan Poetry by Bjork. I listened to this a lot when I was 15 and started really getting into magick. I remember how carefree I was – I didn’t concern myself with following other people’s rituals or practices. I just tapped into my own spiritual power and practiced magick entirely on things I made up myself.
I realized that the reason I have been so drained is because I lost sight of that person. I have been overloading my brain with information, and neglected my ability to take the magick within myself to create my own practice, write my own rituals, follow my intuition and get creative. Doing this draws out the most power from within myself to accomplish any magickal/spiritual goals I set out for myself.
I started writing my own grimoire, too.
It’s safe to say that I am myself again, and I have a newfound energy and excitement in my work.
I decided that before I start getting back into the usual swing of things, I am going to focus on spending more time in nature. I live in Alabama, so there are plenty of mountains to hike. I have to look around to see where else I can wander off and go camping. I’ve also been looking into elemental magick. I think this is the best thing to do in order to heal and get back to my roots.
That sounds like a good plan. I like working with the elements myself. I hope you find your healing, I agree being outdoors is so good for the soul (says the agoraphobic) but I have memories of it being good for the soul especially in the middle of nowhere in the hills. I live in Scotland so I can relate to that.
I love Randy Savage … his older stuff with Elizabeth. I always admired how she stood by Randy and supported his goals. He was actually super protective of her and even after Thier divorce he’s the reason she got a contract with WCW it was a nice contract and she really didnt have to do a whole lot. It all went down hill when luger got in the picture.
I smoked weed for the first time in ages, and when I smoke, I have to immediately isolate myself in a dark room. I used to think it was due to my mental illnesses, but this last time I realized that I was immediately thrust BALLS DEEP into some kind of chaotic collision of the world we see and the spiritual realms that bleed into it. It’s hard to explain. I no longer feel of this earth, and the humans around me look strange.
I mention this because I smoked and then spent the night watching MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE and actually forgot I made this journal until my second reply lmao
Today I took a bath with a coconut hibiscus bath bomb, and I used himalayan pink salt. I just held a a few handfuls in a tight fist, closed my eyes, focused on filling it with cleansing intention with help from Seichem, and threw it real aggressively in the bath water. Continued to focus on charging up that bath water, and then threw my own private metal concert for two hours.
I WAS going to do some chakra work, but SLAMMING to old school slipknot was honestly the most empowering shit I’ve done in a few weeks. I really needed that.
Here is a lesson I often forget, when I overwork myself relentlessly searching for more magickal power:
The most incredible magick is done through self transformation, and as we use our most rich, luxurious shampoo & conditioner, and we moisturize and exfoliate and adorn ourselves with flowing bath robes of silk, sparkling jewellry, and hydrate with clean, cold water, do we not transform into our own perception of beauty? I’m sitting here, I smell amazing, I feel amazing, I look amazing. I’m glowing. I just stared at myself in the mirror for an hour, took time dressing and putting my hair up and using my best skincare products, and I thought – this is magick. I am focusing on bettering myself, I am taking the time to look and feel my most beautiful.
And as a result, I feel powerful. I feel like I could kill someone just by looking at them.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, it is the most powerful thing you can do.
So I was working with King Paimon, Lucifer, Azazel, Lucifuge Rofocale, and Aeshma on a matter of things – I had no money, I was suicidal, and I was stuck in a toxic, abusive atmosphere in a state I wasn’t familiar with as well as balls deep in a psychiatric medication addiction.
Here I am, five months later – I have a job with a good amount of money saved up, I’m in a healthy and positive environment, and I am no longer stuck in the midst of a horrible mental breakdown.
AND ! I am no longer on any medication at all, and If I ever use alcohol recreationally or in ritual, I don’t overdo it and get blackout drunk.
I just bought Aesnath Mason’s books – The Rites of Lucifer, The Tree of the Qlippoth, and Lilith: The Dark Feminine (I think those were the names)
I’m reading up on and getting to know LIlith so that I can do a ceremony to formally accept her as my Matron and have built her an altar with red roses, and black, white, and red candles.
Today I am going to create a ritual to contact Belial. I’m spending the day meditating and writing out the ritual. I’ve been thinking about him ALLLLL DAYYYY since yesterday.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and confidence issues as well as having a hard time standing up for myself and putting myself first.
I think he made his presence known to me so that he can show me what he can do for me. He helped me get through activities yesterday that gave me anxiety, so I want to thank him and begin working with him.
I’m super excited. I haven’t felt this giddy over a demon in a while, and having him lend a hand to me with this much attention and care has really amazed me. I’m astonished by him right now.
Looking back, it’s amazing how much I’ve grown and gone through as a witch. I was in such a state of distress and anxiety and depression.
I have an amazing job, I meditate at least once a day, I exercise and eat healthy, I sleep a perfect eight hours a night.
Keep practicing. It WILL PAY OFF. I PROMISE.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that.
I almost lost myself in a really dark place. I was taken to the brink of insanity and was able to come out on the other side with everything I worked to accomplish.
Today after I got off work, I meditated and danced for King Paimon while burning him incense at his altar as an offering.
He got me through work today because I felt exhausted and defeated. I repeated his enn on my lunch break and came back into the office feeling euphoric and motivated and extremely focused.
I’m so grateful for King Paimon. He was there for me from the very beginning on my path. He showed me patience and kindness. He taught me everything. He gave me dreams that reflected back at me all of the turmoil within myself so that I could stand up and do something about it.
He held a mirror to my face and told me to fix what I had done to myself through years of struggling with drug abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, and trauma.
I stopped making excuses for myself and began to put work in for the first time. I shed myself of my victim complex.
King Paimon helped change my life. There aren’t enough offerings in the world to thank him for what he has done.
That’s blood on my shirt from the offering I gave him the day before yesterday
And that’s my altar for King Paimon
I’m saving up money to really deck out his altar and buy him good offerings
I came across this while looking for self-empowerment spells.
Your path seems very similar to mine. I’ve recently come out of years of anti-psychotic abuse and marijuana use, with the intent of masking my issues and not having to deal with them.
I just wanna say, well done. You’re an inspiration. You’ve come through the fire with limitless power
especially in the middle of nowhere in the hills. I live in Scotland so I can relate to that.
