Lilith has been a big help guiding me to share my more emotional side to others. I no longer feel the heaviness of the past in my day to day life and I can finally enjoy moments when I can reflect on it calmly. There is much to learn from her and I can see her putting me quite to the test when my work with the Qliphoth begins in a month.
Belial has once again been popping in my mind. He will be the starting point in the journey as he opens the gates of Da’at. Not sure if this is exactly the best place to begin but it seems right so I am going with the maddness. It helps that I have a personal relationship with him.
As the preparations begin, I start to reflect on things he taught me and the vision I asked for the origins of my soul. Please keep in mind that this very well can be UPG or my own maddness but it is the closest to an answer I got.
During my ninety day working with him, he mentioned various times that he has been with me since the beginning, long before my birth. So, as a way to see how and just to frankly see if I could get a vision, I called upon Belial, Amaymon, Azazel and Abbadon. With the four spirits present to add power to the ritual, I asked Belial to show me the origins of my soul. Not a past life, as that bears little interest, but the very source. I allowed him into my body, my mind and allowed my sight to be his as he took me to a place I was familiar with.
This place is what I call (mind you this is my label, not his) the Prima Materia. I experienced it when I worked with Anubis for the first time. It is a world of darkness, but full of shifting beings of things that have yet to be. It is violent, as each tear and slash at each other to break out of it, to become a being. Amongst the shadows, a being fought long and hard to break out, clawing at the others as it ripped away from the mass of shadows and up the stone cliff at its borders. Fighting for being, it climbed, fending off other shadows trying to tear it down. Higher and higher it climbed until it reached a ledge. As it climbed to the edge, a man cloaked in a dark cloak (the form Belial takes for me when I evoke him) stretched out his hand to the creature. “Welcome into being. Continue the climb to ensure you never cease to be” is all the man spoke to the creature as it dissolved into a mist, traveling away on its journey to become flesh. Belial released me from the vision, leaving me drained and laughing as he and the other gatekeepers dissolved out of the space. That was the end.
How much of this relates to my future workings, I frankly don’t know. But climbing up the Qliphoth seems to be the right way to begin to find the answers.