I make the observation that this is internalising a failure as an aspect of your personality - you win, you are proud, boastful; you fail, you are humbled, lowered mood.
I’m sure this is the natural reaction of a mammalian creature to goal-seeking and to attaining varying results, where emotion and brain biochemistry are affected by input from externally-perceived things, BUT, still, I strive to have this as my aspirational philosophy, some parts are easier to attain than others:
If—
By Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same”
If you take most comedies, the comedic fall-guy will usually be someone who gets all bloated and obnoxious on the rare occasions he gets the upper hand, and then falls back into self-hate and a kind of learned-helplessness, full of petty grudges, when he’s reduced to being a loser again.
These make for entertaining television and are to some extent found in all of us, but I believe when aspiring to non-ordinary levels of power, influence, and responsibility, we owe it to ourselves to ditch the rollercoaster rides and stay level on course, taking all things as merely feedback. Save the emotions for our loved ones, and for times that’s a fun game to play.
That said, if you want to read a post I made a few years ago after a massive fail, rather emotional as well, it’s below, also some good advice from E.A. in reply (I did later sort the issue, it was lack of understanding of some observer-effect issues and other things of that nature):