Closing old logs for good, gladly shedding old skin, leaving it to an unmarked tomb. Whew.
I’d like to dedicate this silly long-winded post-it note to myself. And to Leraje, because look at the time. Its been five years already. Another five and I will hopefully get that tupperware set for free.
Linking my other two journals:
Not the Hargrove approach, I don’t know shit about that
For hardcore nerds who are wondering how things will turn out if you try to set your Nafs straight for no apparent reason while handling not so pure topics at the same time (exactly one person in the next two or so years. Lets go and grab a cup of tea one day, dear unknown reader):
I will try to be a bit more hands-on and less ramble-ish, this time. I will not make any promises, though. The border in between rolled up sleeves and head in some other spheres is paper thin in Pariah land.
So, whats next?
Immersing myself a bit more in the practical demands of my mundane life. After attaining a comfortable status quo thanks to magick its time to get into less comfortable terrain. After getting sober (2 months and 18 days, according to my first entry regarding this. It feels most certainly longer) and working on my physical fitness I can proudly proclaim: that shit WAS uncomfortable.
Now to even more practical things that are in need of my attention: my hunting license. I’ve finally made the decision in its favour, but I need to square up on my knowledge before I even think about choosing a course. While I am priming my theoretical understanding I am planning on calling on Camaxtli for a bit of additional huntsmen expertise. And for getting in “the zone”.
In lack of a “traditional” sacrifice, as the old Quecholli rite demands it for this deity, ( ) I will go with two paper effigies in the shape of human beings and I will burn them as a symbolic recognition of his fiery nature.
A little bit of a sync, yesterday. While browsing for used textbooks to prepare for the hunting license course I’ve stumbled over “Aztec magic of Camaxtli” by Paul Silva. If anybody is interested in very specific rituals with aztec deities: this author seems to be a reliable source when it comes to an authentic “old school” kind of approach, if you’re into that
Of course I bought the book and came to the conclusion that all of the described rituals aren’t quite what I would currently need out of Camaxtli for my situation
But I found three recipes for ritual powder and I will incorporate at least one of them into my own workings with this deity. I will probably follow the ingredient list to a T because the author warned about “unforseen adverse effects” if any of it is substituted with something else. So, no room for creativity
What else?
My torn meniscus seems to stabilize itself under the guidance of Buer, Mawli and that scary physiotherapist that seems to drag out the exercises for sadistical entertainment. I was provided with two choices: getting a surgery or waiting it out, with strengthening of the muscles around the injured area as a requirement.
So I am currently running (I am not running at all right now) with the second option and are curious about how my long term working with Mawli will play into avoiding the scalpel as long as possible. She provided me with an instant pain relief after calling on her, the swelling and the blocking also receded noticeably.
In the meantime I am continuing my physical training, heeding to every word that Buer has to say about switching things out and maybe letting that third repetition slide for now.
I’ve decided to borrow from some of the elements of the “Ritual for Victory in Games”, as I would see a successful exam result as “victory” and not failing the class as “game”
Things that will stay:
The ingredients of the first ritual powder
The red candle
The three cigars
The drawings of the symbols Sun, Moon, west wind, rain and snake.
The prayer to activate the offering
The master key provided by the author to get into the zone
The drawings of the four constellations volans, pavo, mensa and camelopardalis.
Using the popular name of the deity and the initiatory name to address him
I will not make use of the cardinal directions and the closing rite. I will not plan the rite exclusively for the night time. I will not leave the offerings at the base of a cliff, I don’t have those here. I will burn the cigars together with the two human-like effigies and the ritual powder, letting the candle burn down at the same time. I will change the part from “drawing stuff with your fingers in the air” to “drawing stuff onto paper and burn the symbols as well” during their respective order (opening, middle, closing). I will present my intention but I will also use this rite to say hello to Camaxtli in general.
As soon as I have obtained the tobacco leaves for the powder I should be good to go.
If Camaxtli beats my ass for not sticking to the exact ritual I will owe Mister Silva a heartfelt “You’ve been right, mate”.
Cleansing and banishing musings. I do these things on a regular basis, washing your hands and stuff. I got really physical with it, yesterday. Showering with energetically activated salt and a tea filter full of herbs, washing my hands thoroughly with a self made banishing water (which always seems to be way more warm to the touch than any other of my self made waters that are sitting in the same bottles in the same spot of the house), moisturing up with juniper oil for even more banishing of unwanted energies, washing up the floor boards with a shot of banishing water, using fire on stagnant energies. My body was going through a purging process, as well. I even developed a little fever for a few hours. I grounded the sensations through the palms of my hands, this time. Also: feeling oddly happy about somebodies progress with something after quite some time, as if their blockages had been my own. I am refreshed today, no traces of yesterdays difficulties
Approx. one hour ago I was watering the trees in the garden when I’ve noticed a slight movement behind the compost heap. When inspecting the source I’ve found a blackbird laying on the ground, breathing faintly. When I scooped it up with my hands, in order to bring it to the bird well, it almost instantly died in my palms ( ). I noticed a single blackbird egg close to the spot behind the compost heap with no nest to be found nearby. I took this as some sort of sign - some kind of death and new beginnings trope- and brought the egg carefully into the house. Its now sitting in an improvised incubator (a mini greenhouse with a heating mat and hopefully the right amount of humidity) but I lowkey hope that it won’t hatch.
The tobacco leaves are on their way I have also bought a stash of coffee leaf tea, as I am currently planning out a new powder recipe for Camaxtli in addition. I might use it as a talisman during the events after the initial ritual.
I placed the blackbird onto the same offering site that I am using for Biel; I am usually leaving fruits or bread in exchange for his protection of certain forest areas there. I made a little “bed” out of young beech tree sprouts and covered the bird partially with its leaves, as well. Nature might take care of the rest. I will be busy with turning a single egg around for several times a day, now. The light test suggested life inside of its shell, lets see if we can spin a tale of death and rebirth the next 14 days (probably not)
Did a 12 or so minute long astral travel meditation, as I need to experiment with new sitting poses because of my injury. At the moment a chair works best and I don’t know if I like it. A small success: feeling my right hand materializing firmly around something that looked like a large blue plantain lily. Leraje guided my hand; while the rest of my body faded in and out of this experience my right hand remained oddly consistent.
When discussing the incident two days ago with my friend they asked if this kind of offering would make any sense, as the bird died of natural causes. When expressing that this wasn’t much an offering but more an exchange in terms of “Is this yours, by any chance?” to the forest…the guitar in my altar room played one cord on its own exactly when I finished this thought
The inside of the egg keeps on expanding, so something wants to give it a try I guess.
Last night there was a dream about a woman standing in front of the improvised incubator. She was surprised that this method worked. Lady, please. You are talking to the impro master, here. (being ill prepared for many things in my life had its perks, obviously)
After that dream I had a semi out of body experience that led me through my living room. I ended up in front of the incubator as well, watching the egg moving and a small beak picking away the shell. To my surprise no baby bird hatched but a full grown and fully feathered blackbird, that hopped onto my arm. When I came back to myself the egg laid there, undisturbed.
Bruh…
I’m ready for an ass beating, dear sir. I have received the tobacco leaves. I will burn them this friday and I will grind a powder consisting of the ashes and grounded coffee and a powder consisting of the ashes and grounded coffee leaves. The author suggested to let the first powder sit in the sun for 8 days. This preparatory work takes an awful long time I will let the self-created stray version from that first powder sit in the sun, as well.
What else?
Rain. It has become a rare occurrence, these days. Since my last real rain ritual went kinna sideways ( ) I still won’t incorporate my own energy. For everybodies sake. But I will ask the professionals. Hubal; if someone knows how to not let people die from drought during the old days of Arabia, they are most certainly able to direct a bit of convenient rain ingredients from the North Atlantic into the right direction. And Laukosargas; if someone knows how to handle very local grains and soil ,they will most certainly overlook the nonexistent prussian streak in my bloodline. Dablat will remain as the soils rain holder, it worked perfectly the last months, at least on the areas I’ve assigned him to. If the soil holds the rainfall it would minimize the flood risk
I wasn’t allowed to use a mortar for mixing it together, the author suggested a wooden stick and nothing else. I will let both powders sit for 8 days in the sun and after that I will say hello to Camaxtli for the first time. I have many tobacco leaves left, I will probably craft cigar like offerings out of them for this occasion.
Todays to-do:
putting the workforce for a rain ritual together. This is a very strange crossover (pre-islamic, prussian and enochian) but we are living in strange times and circumstances.
Yesterday I’ve found a reliable wildlife shelter (reliable = they won’t throw the egg into the next trashcan as soon as I turn my back on them) that promised to overlook the hatching process and that has the capacity to handfeed that lil’ dude every 30 minutes for the next couple of days. I did the math on the date of hatching and it should be around today or tomorrow. At least I don’t have to do that difficult “You’re adopted, kiddo” talk, now
One day after the ritual I’ve been met with two rain showers that weren’t supposed to be around this area, according to the maps. I took it as a sign that the work is underway. It will not be a quick fix, but I don’t plan on quick fixing anything anytime soon.
Yesterday night there was a very sudden out-of-the-blue mini storm (around 75km/h) with additional rain for 1,5 hours. That one wasn’t supposed to be here, either. I’ll try to use the little rain that does come down as an amplifier, feeding it into the working process. Going outside during such an occurrence might not be the safest idea but it helps me to get into the zone and to immerse myself with the idea of “rain”. Feeling it, smelling it, hearing it, etc.
Other noteworthy stuff:
Leraje warned me rather firmly about a coworker pretty much from the start. I found that a bit weird, because she was always super approachable, she checked in on me on a regular basis and she always tried to include me into the more private aspects of our mutual job. Despite my astonishment about this warning I’ve heeded his advice, establishing cordial boundaries.
It turns out that this person lied to me about a vacant position in a branch I wasn’t even considering for my further path. She gatekeeped this position from me since the beginning of April, explaining that she was already approached by the current holder of this job as their successor. I didn’t pay attention to the whole process, I was only mildly confused when my boss asked me to apply to this job, last month. I suppose she forgot about her story when she came to me yesterday, bitching about somebody else getting the job although she performed much better in the interviews. The interviews she always told me wouldn’t take place because it was already decided, it wouldn’t make any sense to throw other names into the hat. Tcha. Thats the corporate world for you.
Microphone check on a new divination deck:
when shuffling through the cards I would hear Leraje saying “Its twelve” into my right ear. The card with the twelfth Ogham rune jumped out of the deck a second later. Gort. A field. Ivy. Growth. Hard work. Adaptability. Bonds.
Not too shabby…
I did something along those lines two years ago and it went utterly sideways If my energetical finetuning gets better I will give this another shot, for sure!
I was super confused, I wasn’t even thinking about applying. She literally had no reason to pull a sneaky on me or to keep me away. I suppose that this move was telling me to keep my distance from that one for good Who knows what else would unfold, otherwise.
Yes she was definitely trying to put her worth above your’s and anyone else’s and attempted to keep the job hidden, it might have worked if her superiors actually liked her and wanted her.
Last night I woke up to the sound of…rain. Hitting the roof and the windows. Leaving a puddle on the kitchen floor, as I forgot to close the window there. After wiping up the floor (happily,) I decided to stay awake and to listen to this beautiful sound. The week should have been overall dry. It appears that its not. Yesterday I already had the taste of rain hitting dry soil in my mouth, the entire time. Like an unbearable tease, a trace I’ve picked up but couldn’t connect to a direction. I couldn’t take my senses away from todays rainfall, either.
Thank you, Hubal. The plan worked out for now, according to how the wind currently moves from across the north western oceans.
Or are they?
I feel drawn to a comparative testing working One of my neighbours kids (18+) has arrived at his 420 stage and has become utterly incabable to perceive his crappy music if its not bypassing the threshold of 95 decibel. For almost two years, already. I’ve tried to be a sports about it; the family lives under difficult conditions, puberty is a hellscape, universal sleeping and waking cycles are a collective scam to rob the individual off its natural circadian rhythm in favour of industrialized working schedules, etc. (And considering the heavy intake of mind altering substances that comes into play, its completely understandable that he simply forgets about the many friendly reminders to turn it down a bit.)
So maybe its time for that dude to get finally initiated into the secrets of adult-and manhood, and a very important ingredient is to move out
I selflessly decided that I would help out in that department; spreading your wings can’t happen early enough, when I was 18 I was living the responsible adult life for some time already. While I am currently in the process of crafting a hot foot powder I’ve also stumbled upon the “Ritual to remove people” in Aztec magic of Camaxtli. Sadly it is not really specified HOW these people will be removed. Its not that I’d like to seriously hurt a confused late bloomer with a bad taste in music. I will separate the testing field into two stages:
Sprinkling hot foot powder into the shoes of the target over the period of several weeks and watch if he feels the urge to venture out into his own journey. I’ve never used hot foot powder and I am really excited to work with it for the first time I’d say I am giving it two months in total. If that doesn’t work…
Vibe checking if Camaxtli would be willing to make the target leave without any kind of blood shed or violent events surrounding the removal. If he agrees to the non-violent part of people removal I will create the ritual powder for that. The author doesn’t specify “leaf ashes”, so I will simply dry some random leaves and burn them.
This gives me two “first times” to work with. Hot foot powder and possibly one of the more juicier rites from that book.
I think I might find the “Ritual for personal strengthening” useful, as well. I will perform it on behalf of a friend who might be in need of a little mental boost to unlock their own potential and their own approach to win control over something. Since I have the powder already sitting on the shelf for this I could start right away the coming week
The last couple of weeks consisted of cleansing, purging, purifying. Since its been more than three months of getting and staying sober I’ve decided to reset my energetic system alongside the physical aspects of recovery and restoration. Yesterday I did a bigger and rather thoroughly cleansing of every chakra point in my body and I woke up feeling as if I’d have a hangover For good measure I will also go through every single Latifa with a mop before I continue my workings with them.
Bruh, maybe not the truth of all things. But I’d like to believe that my problem solving skill got way more efficient and more sober minded/clear since I’ve started this little daily habit. I have detected fewer stray thoughts around complex problems.
The entire week has been rather wet-ish, against all weather models for this area. The soil doesn’t feel too shabby, considering the length of the drought that has been going on. I owe Hubal a big one here, it also makes me optimistic for the long term effect (which will hopefully improve some areas out of my geographical reach, as well). I hope that Laukosargas will be able to work with this change of weather, harvest wise.
When I encountered a very sudden and heavy rainfall yesterday I had the idea to use heavy yet short rainfalls (which will sadly be the new reality here) to lock up the moisture into the soil more effectively in the forest areas that are assigned to me.
After a bit of research I’ve decided to request the installation of several new ponds. They will provide a small habitat for plants and animals but they will most importantly store away moisture for the soil around it, providing the forest ground in times of need My idea: placing a little offering to Dablat into each pond (in form of forest materials like stones or acorns, etc.), to emphasize on the water storage aspect. Magical geo engineering on a budget
Dream log because of a physical manifestation of the symbolism:
A very nice lady introduced me to the art of not falling down from a rope. We’ve been hanging from a rope (each on their own), several feet over the surface of a lake. She taught me how to stay on that rope and how to use it to tie safety knots, in case one needs a rest and simply wants to hang in there for a bit. I can’t quite remember the exact context, but I do remember that she suggested that everyone has their own piece of rope to move upwards on. I can’t recall where to. What I can recall:
a bunch of black snakes watching us from the lakeside. I asked the lady if they would behave; it turns out that they’ve been her company.
The symbol sync came to me when I looked at one apple that I’ve placed on Lerajes altar yesterday. A dark snake like line is now showing on the apples surface, it wasn’t there when I placed it there.
Day 1 of the experiment, started yesterday. I am oddly excited to see how it works out (or how it doesn’t work out).
My deepest gratitude goes out to Hubal for the rain. When I was spending my working day outside I was drenched and covered in mud and I loved every second of it. While immersing myself with my natural surroundings I also sealed a deal with a new business partner regarding a possible geographical expansion of my current reach. In less than 30 minutes. The rest of the day I was absorbing the scent of the forest soil, of the trees that seemed to breathe out the entire drought period of July, of the moss and the steel grey summer rain. Completely lost and content.
Other notes:
A mugwort tea session with Orobas bringing the term sadr (the chest/heart area) to light, sadly the rest gets lost in a mugwort haze of happily hacking away a horde of human like things with a chainsaw. I will pull this term into my Lataif workings and I am curious how especially the Sirri aspect will react to this. I am also slowly getting the hang of reading Ogham runes, but they will probably not turn into my favourite divination resource
I also probably accidentally pulled a pay raise towards me when experimenting with ingredients for a fast success powder (basil, pepper, cinnamon, ginger), the other day.
Last weekend I was able to finally throw away the last remnants of “exchange” in between my parents and me. Meaningless gifts and trinkets (with literal price tags still attached to it) that I’ve dragged along the way for whatever reason; I always had a bad feeling about wanting to get rid of it. As if throwing it away would delete…what exactly?
Exactly. All of that stuff found its way into a trash bag and I wasn’t second guessing any items or memories attached to it. It felt like a natural thing to do. I suppose that the cord cutting ritual from some weeks ago is still doing its thing, here.
As if some energy residue was picking up on me being done with it I received a call from my father, the other day. He never does that. He also never asks me to see him. I suppose they either need money or someone is dying, or both. I placed my bets on the latter, though. This bloodline is currently dying out rather quickly and it makes me feel oddly at peace with a lot of things. I sometimes wonder if the current “purging and cleansing” energy in my life is also connected to dissolve this bloodline, leading it to its final cycle energetically and closing the entire book, for good. It doesn’t feel wrong when thinking about it. In that context I should probably lay some thoughts into arrangements for my own last breath, ritual wise. As the officially last one who closes the door and turns off the light, so to speak
What else?
I took a little nap, yesterday. I was thinking hard about how to incorporate the energy of one specific tarot card into a ritual this Sunday, drifting somehow off in the process. Before closing my eyes completely I could see a large archangel shaped figure sitting on the other end of the bed; its back was turned on me and it was apparently watching something from across the room that I couldn’t see. I had to chuckle when I heard it utter "That little shit…. " towards that unidentified presence. I wanted to respond with something; I was thinking about how I almost never receive visitations from them and how crass the difference in between this sublime energy and the choice of words presented to me is. The only thing I could say was something along the lines of “Your outfit is super corny, dude” before falling asleep. Blimey. I would have liked to see the source of this vulgar outburst.
In last nights dream something from out of my old home tried to possess me.
I’ve talked about very odd intrusive thoughts about a very specific piece of wall decor in my old home to my friend; these thoughts appeared shortly before my father called me and asked me to come around.
I haven’t thought about this decoration item for a very long time; back in the day it used to creep me out for years. Its a wooden long mask, probably a replica of an african tribal spirit. I never got over the protruding eyes and its sharp teeth, a large mouth curved up into a nightmare fuel grin. I also never understood why - out of all possible foreign items- this thing managed its way into our household. I still remember how I would walk faster from one room into the next to avoid looking at it, when I was a child.
So, that dream. It was the first time I’ve conciously interacted with that mask. Something from inside of that mask tried to slide into my head and take control. I warned it several times; it would be in for a serious ass beating otherwise. There was a strange interaction that wasn’t expressed in words but with snippets from that beings consciousness. It showed me that it wanted to be re-housed, for a lack of a better word. It also implied that it could create illusions/doppelgänger from other people and it low key threatened to do exactly that if I wouldn’t comply. I told it that this is not exactly the flex that it probably thought it would be.
It told me its name or rather something from that name connected to its state of being. My limited knowledge categorizes this somewhere along the lines of an Akua-Ba transitional stage of a spirit (no human, no already existing deity/demon/nature or ancestral spirit). The mask probably served as its housing and now it seems to be tired of it.
I agreed on at least picking it up for now and re-locate it to my own housing and maybe coming up with a plan about where to transfer its inhabitant to. Which is probably a very stupid idea in itself but I have the impression that this is something necessary. The thought of having this item staring at me again makes my skin crawl.
) I will go with two paper effigies in the shape of human beings and I will burn them as a symbolic recognition of his fiery nature.
). I noticed a single blackbird egg close to the spot behind the compost heap with no nest to be found nearby. I took this as some sort of sign - some kind of death and new beginnings trope- and brought the egg carefully into the house. Its now sitting in an improvised incubator (a mini greenhouse with a heating mat and hopefully the right amount of humidity) but I lowkey hope that it won’t hatch.
I have also bought a stash of coffee leaf tea, as I am currently planning out a new powder recipe for Camaxtli in addition. I might use it as a talisman during the events after the initial ritual.
(probably not)
) I still won’t incorporate my own energy. For everybodies sake. But I will ask the professionals. Hubal; if someone knows how to not let people die from drought during the old days of Arabia, they are most certainly able to direct a bit of convenient rain ingredients from the North Atlantic into the right direction. And Laukosargas; if someone knows how to handle very local grains and soil ,they will most certainly overlook the nonexistent prussian streak in my bloodline. Dablat will remain as the soils rain holder, it worked perfectly the last months, at least on the areas I’ve assigned him to. If the soil holds the rainfall it would minimize the flood risk 
One of my neighbours kids (18+) has arrived at his 420 stage and has become utterly incabable to perceive his crappy music if its not bypassing the threshold of 95 decibel. For almost two years, already. I’ve tried to be a sports about it; the family lives under difficult conditions, puberty is a hellscape, universal sleeping and waking cycles are a collective scam to rob the individual off its natural circadian rhythm in favour of industrialized working schedules, etc. (And considering the heavy intake of mind altering substances that comes into play, its completely understandable that he simply forgets about the many friendly reminders to turn it down a bit.)
My idea: placing a little offering to Dablat into each pond (in form of forest materials like stones or acorns, etc.), to emphasize on the water storage aspect. Magical geo engineering on a budget