Lataif meditation log

This will be my journal for my personal findings about the so called Lataif (not exclusively -e-Sitta, that depends on which tradition I choose to affront with my amateurs enthusiasm).

I figured that it would make more sense to separate this topic from my usual journal because I would probably benefit from the knowledge of readers who are already experienced with this sort of workings and who would like to provide their insights to my attempts so far :slight_smile:

Background information: I am not related to a certain sufi tradition or its cultural backgrounds. Arabic is not my native tongue and I am an incredibly slow learner (in general, but especially language wise), I will butcher certain terms and it will take me a hot second to wrap my mind around parables which seem to be kinda obvious to more seasoned practicioners. I am a solitary “seeker” on this ground and it will show.

I am roughly involved with Lataif meditation since the end of 2020. Its an eternal “on off” kind of practice for me so far but the pace picked up the last couple of months.
I hope that this journal will keep/force me into a certain kind of loop.

(warning: my meditations tend to be rather “visual” in general, a lot of the things I am about to post won’t make much sense to the beholder. IF they make sense, the beholder is free to drop me one or two lines :grimacing: )

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I think that it might be a good idea to “anonymize” the still active traditions in my journal, when it comes to my personal experiences with the Lataif. I am not related to any of them and I don’t want them to be subjected to any kind of attention that they probably don’t seek :slight_smile:
I also think that the respective methods and teachings are perfectly researchable these days :+1:t2:

Before I start with my first experience I’d like to emphasize that this working started out as an experiment that should point out differences and potential relationships between the Lataif and my usual Chakra workings. I was really really shallow-minded when I thought that these would be “roughly the same, probably”. This mindset stood in my way when I worked on the Lataif in the beginning; I was expecting a similar vibe, a similar outcome and I found myself utterly underwhelmed because of this. For longer that I would like to admit. As I’ve mentioned earlier: I am a slow learner.

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My first attempt at Lataif meditation was with the so called Sirr, back in late November of 2020.
I can’t even remember what made me focus on that one in the first place and by now it doesn’t even matter, because I wasted a good chunk of this practice with wrong expectations :woman_shrugging:t2:

According to most sources, the Sirr (“secret”) is either located in the right chest, above the left chest or below the navel. Its meant to be white or green in colour and its referred to as “the mystery hidden in the deepest centre of consciousness in a human being”.
It is said that cleansing and perfecting the Sirr will lead to a sort of unveiling; an open Sirr allows the discernment between reality from illusion, the witnessing of “divine reality” in all of its forms. Its opening will lead to change one persons consciousness deeply and permanently.
(wow, re-writing all of this makes it sound like a shit idea to start with this one. Well done, Pariah)

Thankfully, my half-assed and uninformed attempt to open my Sirr was met with nothing but a sudden onset of a heavy iron taste, mixed with a sensation of liquid heat in my mouth. A rather unpleasant dream followed and I don’t wish to recount it.

I wasn’t sure how the Sirr would express itself through the mouth so I did a little research and stumbled over a reliable yet corny (sorry but: Comic Sans) source of information that put the planet Mars, the colour red and the element of Water into relation with this one. For me it explained the dream that I had, and the iron taste in my mouth.

I was a bit dumbfounded; I missed the vivid and rich sensations that I had while working on my Chakras. Feeling almost nothing was a new and sobering experience for me on my path so far and it wasn’t exactly motivating to carry on.

Pariah, 2020, black-and-white:
48fda4ded60adf8a2324cbd95da9d8d6

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It went on like this for a bit. This energy working felt as if I would sit down and watch paint dry. I wasn’t even able to create a meditative “blank” state of mind; recognizing this during the sessions made me fidgety and frustrated in addition. I grew painfully aware of myself (= that I existed in the first place, a shameful sensation) which didn’t help to overcome the meditation block.

So what did I do when I figured that I wouldn’t be able to have instant success and instant results with Lataif practice?

The only sensible thing: getting stroppy over it and ditch it for a while :+1:t2:

How dare these Latifa to rob my brain from the sensation of instant gratification?
If it doesn’t work the moment I sit down and close my eyes it must be a scam!

So I put it away for a bit. Until I was confronted with the need to examine my overall behavioral patterns which almost completely stemmed from a traumatic upbringing. It begged the question about what is authentically Pariah and what is a concatenation of unfortunate response patterns that I have cultivated during an early requirement for self-preservation?
What would remain of Pariah if these patterns would be stripped away? How could these patterns be obliterated in the first place?

Somewhere in the background something must have muttered “idiot” repeatedly, until I finally focused on the Lataif again.

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I may be able to help in this regard. Please delete my post if it was not of any value for the exercises.

Try to surrender to gravity first before doing the Lataif meditation. Get your body really heavy and smile warmly inside yourself before attempting the meditation.

We have something similar in Kabbalah but we only focus on the most hidden center for practical work.

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Never. Your post is mine now.

Ah, that sounds interesting and manageable. I never “smiled” into myself (I think that cackling to myself over how a working turned out to be doesn’t qualify), so thats a new one.

Thank you for your suggestion, I will certainly give it a test :slight_smile:

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My next “serious” attempt was focused on the so called Haqqiah (“Seal” or according to a trustworthy paper “the Real”) or Ana. To this day I have only very sparse sources about this Latifa and back then I figured that I should continue with something that was mentioned so seldomly that I simply could not develop any frontload or ideas about how this “should” correspond to me.

This Latifa is supposedly located in the forehead, between the brows. The colour green is assigned to this point, and also ones “true ego” (the genuine version of your self, so to speak).
Excellent, my old ego sucks and I can’t wait to meet my true and way cooler self.

What I took from this meditation, back then:
a mild headache and the sensation of two fingers (coloured in red, not green. Yes, I do feel colours. It makes up for a good party trick if the dude with the acoustic guitar won’t show up) pushing out of my forehead, as if it was made out of thin paper.

How underwhelming.

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The first Lataif meditation that seemingly “did” something (in a way of how I am used to how things work, that is) was with the so called Ruh / Ruhiya / Ruhi (“spirit”).

According to the sources available to me, its colour is either red or green and its located approx. two fingers below the right chest. Its supposedly connected to prophetic inner vision (later teachings are connecting this Latifa with Anger/Strength).

My entry from back then:

A hot sensation in my chest and in my right side of the throat; the imagery of a brown flat clay vessel (with dark brown zigzag lines as painted ornaments around the brim) with three holes in the bottom. A white smoke emerged from the holes and out of the vessel. In the back of my head a spark of knowledge about what to do with it appeared and dissolved again.

When I stumbled over the concept of Barzakh (a place similar to other intermediate states that we know from other spiritual teachings), I was focused on Ibn Arabis description about how to travel there while still being alive. From my understanding of his teachings this place was also accessible through meditation or dreaming.; while researching about Ruh I stumbled over certain traditions assumptions that Ruh would actually be the soul organ that could “unlock” a journey to Barzakh.

Later researches also left me with the connection between activating the Ruh and another half-state, the so called al-A’raf (although different in its nature from Barzakh).

This Latifa excited me and it motivated me to move forward.

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My workings with the Ruh Latifa fueled my interest for Barzakh and vice versa. For the next few days I was especially focusing on this soul organ, in order to visit this barrier myself.

Since I am also a dream walker I decided to use an Opalite as a physical trigger to “wake up” in Barzakh, if I should slip into this place in my sleep.

Here follows the dream that happened two days after consecrating the Opalite in question (please take it with a grain of salt, I was under medication because of an injury, back then):

After falling asleep I found myself at a bar - and with the Opalite in the pocket of my pants. Time to wake up.

I didn’t mind the setting at all (sketchy watering holes seem to be an integral part of my DNA, anyway).
I seated myself at the bar and ordered a beer before I remembered that I wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol with my current medication. I cancelled the order but stayed at the bar, anyway. I wondered if this place would represent a part of Barzakh where souls would go if they liked drinking a bit too well and as a punishment they would receive nothing but poorly mixed Mojitos or Beck’s.

While I was musing to myself about what this place would have to do with Barzakh (I mean, at least the word Bar …) I noticed that the visitors started to act aggressive towards each other. Cursewords had been thrown, followed by tables and chairs. Flying fists and glasses. And it dawned on me: this is the place where souls go when they have seen too many Bud Spencer movies. Without a feeling of guilt or shame. How weirdly specific.

I stayed at my place at the counter and ordered a beer. The bar girl seemed to be rather unfazed by the whole commotion and I decided to go with her flow. I would let the bar fight pass around me, no one seemed to have business with me anyway. Two men found shelter behind the counter; I watched them smoking cigarettes and nipping at their drinks. I wondered if I should simply walk over to them and join them in their silent annoyance but I didn’t. I drank my beer and watched the counter getting smashed into pieces by people who had been thrown into or against it. I swiveled in my chair a bit to the left or right, dodging flying bits like ashtrays or glasses. Sadly I had to get up again; I couldn’t observe who “won” this fight or who would pay for this massive poor use of bar interior.
I have to make the assumption that this wasn’t Barzakh.

It probably wasn’t Barzakh, but I found it interesting that the sudden aggressive and destructive switch took place in the described manner.

Maybe this little excursion went straight into my own Ruh :thinking:
Either way, it was a success in my book.

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I couldn’t leave the Ruh alone, after the experience mentioned above. I fell back into the old “maxing something out, no matter what” habit, in a way I am addicted to a certain success ratio (a nasty habit of mine that is hopefully transforming into something useful as I write this).

The Latifa in question probably sensed this BS pattern (of course it did, its a part of me after all) and it decided to set me up for a sobering vague experience:

No visualizations this time.
An energy that “felt” blue (I don’t know how to describe how colours feel instead of how they look) emerged from the right center of my chest up to my right eye. The energy would stay inside the right side of my body, not able to reach further. It poured from out of my right chest upwards, at times I had the impression as if it could leak through my skin. The energy made me feel as if I would have two seperate upper bodies. My right eye feels hot and a bit fuzzy.

It was during this time when it slowly dawned on me that this practice is not some kind of competition with myself for more.

Instead of poking the Lataif with a stick at random times for random reasons, I decided to put some work into the process. I returned back to Haqqiah/Ana, because it was the most block-ish process so far with this Latifa in particular.

I found that the subtlety of Haqqiah/Ana is apparently related to the state of Ahdiyat , the Alonehood, a realm of pre-existence and a level of non creation. According to certain teachings this state of Alonehood is “ incapable of being conceived, incapable of interpretation and is beyond all logical bounds ”.

Given that the Haqqiah is connected to the third eye perception I would take it as a pointer towards the “how do I know if my third eye perception is actually open and I am not just making shit up in order to fill the blanks”-dilemma. I haven’t got much out of Haqqiah meditations and maybe thats the point.

My sad explanation attempt, back then:

( Pre-existence = pre-manifestation. Manifestation comes after pre-manifestation. Nothingness is a natural and needed process before there can be something.)

After I convinced myself that I would understand the stuff I just wrote I attempted another Haqqiah working.

in the beginning there was a headache again. I forced myself to sit through the sensation. Far too many thoughts inside of my head about if perceiving nothing is the right thing. After 5 or so minutes finally a bit of silence.

Funny brain sensations: at first it felt as if something physical (like a marble or a bead) would roll around inside of my head in a steady pace. During the meditation the sensation of a slight tingle inside of my head got stronger and stronger, as if my brain itself would be able to feel “tingly”. It came with a pressure, as if my head would be pressed down lightly at its top.

There was a very brief and fleeting idea of how this meditation would work better when carried out with other individuals striving for Alonehood. Probably ego talk about how this or that would be better if circumstance XY could be met instead of the already existing one.

Look at me, talking about alonehood and ego and stuff as if I didn’t react like a pouty child earlier in response to the lack of success.

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Did I mention how I couldn’t leave the Ruh alone?

At one point meditating on this Latifa set me up for an inception-like vision:

  • a desert that looked A LOT like the Sahara el Beyda.
  • a huge square mid-air, framed with limestone. In the middle of the square was a solid black nothing
  • while trying to approach the square one of my sandals broke (what asshole is wearing paper thin sandals while walking on fucking rocks? Ah right, thats me)
  • the surroundings vanished into a purple static the closer I’ve got, only the square with the black solid nothing remained
  • the black nothing inside of the square was indeed solid. And cold to the touch.
  • back to the setting from the start: a desert that looked A LOT like the Sahara el Beyda
  • a huge square mid-air…

I feel actually cold. The word “Helel” could be heard mid-meditation several times.

In this Journal I will leave the word up to speculation. Back then it hit me like a truck when I found out.

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I decided to move on to the so called Akhfa/Ikhfa, a Latifa I was neglecting a bit because it gave me literally nothing whenever I meditated on it.

According to different sources its colour is green and its attribute is connected to the feelings of compassion and hurt. It sits in the center of the chest and if I did my researches right, this one is directly connected to the “hidden knowledge of the universe”.

It was the first Latifa that made me use Dhikr for the first time because I couldn’t see any other options to kick this thing to life.

My visualization back then:

a huge red wall with a huge blue gate. The gate is closed, of course.

Finding a closed gate where compassion and hurt supposedly sits isn’t that surprising for me, in hindsight.

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My second attempt with meditating on a Latifa while utilizing Dhikr was with the Khafi/Khafiya (“Inspiration”).

This one is supposed to look either black or green-ish and, depending on the tradition at hand, it sits either in the forehead or over the right chest. It is connected to the attributes Peace and Agitation and interestingly enough you’re supposed to smell things before they happen and the people around you (not in that disgusting public transportation way).

My experiences with Khafi, back then:

Didn’t realize the sensation of a connection being established from the right center of my chest to my forehead, at first. I DID realize when the connection started to feel as if someone has jabbed a firm and very tangible and large tube in between both spots underneath my skin. The sensation turned into nausea and a light headache the more often I recited the dhikr, I had to stop at approx. 7ish minutes. These meditations are so damn uncomfortable sometimes.

It wasn’t until later when I noticed, that this Latifa was activated almost on the spot at the two locations they’re supposed to be found. It didn’t feel like a success back then, but it reads a bit differently with a little time in between each session.

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I found an amazing paper about breathing techniques and how your breathing should be different when you’re utilizing Dhikr (spoken remembrance) and Fikr (remembrance in thought), etc. It absolutely blew my mind and it is one of the best modern finds I ever came across, so far. The visualization techniques and the emphasis on organ-logical analogy are door openers for me (I will come to my own findings about organ-logical reactions, sometime) and it makes overall understanding so much easier.

I would love to share excerpts from it after I tested the techniques but I am afraid that quoting my source would come back to the (still very much alive) author and the order connected to it, and I don’t wish to make it overall weird for them if they happen to stumble over the authors work on here :neutral_face:

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My next take on Sirr was overall much better informed and accompanied by reciting Dhikr. The meditation went nicely compared to the last time and the reaction in the right side of my body and the white lights are pointing towards a successful response of the Latifa:

The right side of my body responded really well to it; I would describe it briefly as a warm and tingly sensation.
The longer version: it felt as if the right side of my body was filled with thousands and thousands of tiny white lights that swirled around in the dimensions beneath my skin and my body felt much more “real” and present than the left side. One half of my body stepped into existence, the other one got left behind.

It was also during my workings with the Lataif when I discovered by accident that fasting adds a lot to my meditation sessions (not only with the Lataif, but in general. By now I have added one fasting day per week)

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My first very specific experience with this was during a session with Ana/Haqqiah. So far my head was vaguley responsive when working on this Latifa.
Leaving the territory of vagueness, stepping into the territory of organ-logical reactions:
While reciting Dhikr for roughly 7 minutes I’ve encountered a very peculiar stimulation on the right half of my brain (again, the right side of the body as encountered during the Sirr meditation).

If I had to pinpoint the anatomical areas I would describe it as a series of waves from the frontal lobe to the cerebral cortex all the way through the motor function area and back to the parietal lobe. The parts behind that area seemed to feel unaffected by the impulses.
This is the first time that a meditation hitted rather specific different spots inside of my head at the same time. My right (and healthy) eye teared up a bit, as well.

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Again, Ana/Haqqiah.

The right half of my brain feels affected. I can’t quite describe it, but if I had to: it feels as if a heavy object gets placed on an elastic surface that deepens beneath the object as it sinks deeper. Something sank deeper in there.

I feel as if a blue upright triangle is surrounding me (I don’t see it, I feel it with my forehead. Wow, that doesn’t make more sense only because its written now, does it?), the top of the structure is located just slightly above where the cortex would be. The structure feels firm.
My right eye sinks deeper into the socket of my head.

From a paper that discusses motif patterns in Sufism it is suggested that “the triangle is the
geometrical expression of two entities and their reconciling relationship.”

While “Hu” stands for the essence itself (“He”) , the absent one. When reciting this dhikr it is suggested that the dhikr dissolves itself because there is no duality anymore, only “oneness”, “It” simply becomes Itself.

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A small collection of former meditations before I move on to my current practice :slight_smile:

Sirr meditation:

Visuals: the heart is replaced with a flower made out of white marble. I don’t have arms. I don’t need arms. Everything is white and static but in a good way. The flower is heavy in my chest; I am heavy. I am made out of white marble. I am wrapped in a cloth made out of white marble. Everything is white and static and heavy. I feel myself splitting open on several parts of my head and my torso. Not forcefully but slowly.

Akhfa/Ikhfa meditations:

My chest is parting in the middle. A deep and unsightly cut is gaping like an unbridgeable abyss in flesh and bone. Flames are lazily moving out of the gap inside my chest, thin and translucent. It feels hot. My chest, my abdomen, my face, my scalp, everything feels unbearably hot.

A few weeks apart from each other a new attempt, much better as it seems:

a strong green buzz formed in my chest. This buzz trailed further up my throat and into my mouth; I had the impression as if someone would press their thumbs into both of my mandibular joints and reciting felt a bit harder like this.
I could see a figure in black garments sitting in front of me, it felt female to me.

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Today I tried to utilize this approach in my Ruh meditation.
While breathing I imagined a simple lemniscate: following one curve while breathing in, following the other curve while breathing out, switching in between them whenever I would meet the middle of the figure with my breath.

Focusing was a little harder like this but I think I made it work:
the image of a large pendulum inside my body, below my chest. The pendulum consists of a clear material (like glass or polished quartz) and a golden chain. The pendulum stands still the entire time while I breathe along the lemniscate symbol. It seems to be the point of this meditation: breathing around the pendulum so it will not move in either direction.

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An accidental find with this technique: if I imagine to breathe in with one nostril and breathe out with the other as suggested in the paper, while following the lemniscate breathing pattern…I get rid of headaches (even more severe ones like today) and stuffed sinuses. This is only physical imagination, no actual shutted nostrils while breathing (unlike with the Nadi Sodhana, which I always found really unpleasant).

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