per email, i suggested them to let me tranfer the money,
if anything else fails.
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Heat and cold, waving through me.
As “today”, i left the house, and found myself greated by wild, fresh but “heavy” wind.
The air had more wieght than usual, it was, as the strong winds from devils reef had followed me into this world. And then i listened to the ost.
Fiction, the reason i get more drawn towards the old ones,
since there is nothing drawing me towards any other group of entities.
~While listening to the “monotone”, re-recorded tapes, i feel the rythm.
Heat and cold, never really leaving. The very physical excitement and fright.
Listening to that harsh voice, reading out loud the “shadow over innsmouth”,
while arriving at work unusually early, as i was instinctively looking for some grater privacy in doing so. I managed to get more done than ever, and the cold waves had driven my forward,
in a organic, steady fashion.
I cant help, but thinking about gathering some wood planks or cheap cabinets, painting them,
decorating them and dragging those things into the forest.
Considering what we know now, its frightful, that a man from the early 20th century knew what was only discovered recently, or fairly hidden in the east since times before the buddha. (~2550years)
THE MAD PROPHET
Even though, its true he was a fairly racist person in his youth, closer to the end of his fairly short live, it faided drasticly. Anyway… even if maybe not exactly a madman himself, he left his ficiton, to awoke the within anyone that was about to come.
I feel the irrational urge, to go to the woods, and chanting til collapse,
in front of those signs, glowing in the dark.
I feel, that the ambient music feels impotent, compared to the rough recordings,
speaking the words as they were written, without any distortion of translation.
“from beyond”. thats what i think about, while looking at radionic devices, and scrolling through youtube channels like “mangetic minds”.
I beg this madness to fill me, its curling tentacles at and through my skin,
feel so exciting.
I must not return, but even if i would dared to do so, it, they would drive me back.
~The concept of solidity and individuality, is tortured, desintegrated while considering these things.
…I came to think, that might what we consider “prana” is nothing but a race of smoke-fluid astral beings, which we just absorb on a regular basis… I mean: What do we really know?
Now, now i understand my the first appeal of the “pseudonomicon” again,
even though its not really a grimoire, more a foundation, a way of approching them,
The madness, knowing that you cant run, cant escape, cant hide.
The old ones are outside, and inside…within anything.
Is this everwaving storm of forces, the call, the offer of the madness i seeked for all that time?
The voilating push towards the greater truths and powers of the existence, the becoming?
The soul devouring act, that turned Asura immortal, but mad?
The realization of fishmen heritage, below devils reef?
The gift of remote answers, to quesitons never asked, brought down from the thickened vitae of Malkav?
I greet you. I cant let you in, since your already are inside… all i can do, is to acknowledge you.
It does not matter anymore, if im mad or sane.
~It would be greater delusion to attempt to ignore them.
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That moment when you are buzzed and loving every minute of it… Brandy
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Those that work with prana/qi/ life force energy and experience as a tangible visceral thing is regularly can only tell you their experiences. In my own case i see and feel it either as lines of force composed of the various energies i work with or as forces of current similar to those that run through the ocean.
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Yet. i find the words of the fictional madman to (might even) counter your statement…
something like:
“do you really believe that there is any such thing as form and matter?”
…considering that, even radiation can be a life form, since gravity and speed of light isnt as fixed as preached…
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Tmw
Anyone want to?
Sending out the call
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How painful; i realize that i cant just start building my alter and their altar the same time.
~Something new and portable, no more excuses, like: “i cant carry that heavy piece of sandstone everywhere” or some bullshit
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Form and matter are relative. Just as the rest of what we experience as reality is. Hence the illusory nature and thus the malleabllity of reality. But it is only illusion to the divine or the all hence while in the circle emboding the divine self/ the all ect we can manifest the reality we want.
To the human mind and experience this illusion is very real you find this out very fast if you attempt to breka what we know as the laws of physic. But on the energetic and spiritual level these laws are living beings. Gravity, night, darkness, light ect are seen as the gods, titans and other entites of various traditons.
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funny, i got a sloppy maintained thoughtform,
looking like a black flame, with a blinking eye with white pupile and iris
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For example this is why exploring traditions that have kept their practice for thousands of years can give you perspective.
For example one of the recent insights i got hit with is Cthulhu is connected energetically to the lower self composed of the subconscious and unconscious mind. This is why when you work with him shit can get stired up cause you are forced to confront the mental and emotional issues tha have been denied and repressed.
It is also why Cthulhu is seen as the priest of the old ones with his connection to the subconscious mind which manifests our reailty.
Monotheistic cultures hear this and get an image of a preacher or bishop ect of some kind. While those of traditions still connected to their ancient roots see the shaman, wizard, mystic, magicians or initiator into the secrets of spiritual traditions.
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Hm… like a personified silent hill, in a sense?
But isnt it the whole LHP theme, to descent to the primal roots, and thereby passing the rejected and hidden?
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TMW… at this point I can’t even recall My dream and I’m not going to read about yours, thanks anyways. Mine was about my life etc… not important now. I feel memories are more important than dreams, anyhow.
Btw, plastic bank cards do wear out, it happens. Good luck with all that mundane stuff, stuff will just happen like that. No sweat but annoying. I hear that much. 
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TMW you allow your depression to be transformed into rage.
TMW Hela comes forth, frees a few hundred souls from a prison, and makes you one of her warrior priests.
TMW your life makes sense again.
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The point of the lhp is power plain and simple. Tangible manifested power
This 
is why i focus on practices that yield tangible practical results.
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@Dinmiatus gotta go for now.
~I’ll read anything you might write later…
Let us then discuss, the matter of opening portals, for our personal hell.
Personally: i find the mad idea interesting, of turning a worthless mediocre neighborhood, in my type of silent hill -remember: it started with just little alessa, turning silent hill into her reflection.
If not possible… nightwandering and “seeing things” will do fine…
LETS ALL GO NUTS 
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Again we have very different ideas of what hell is.
But i ascribe to the monotheistic idea religion has twisted the idea into.
Look into the norse underworld and the goddess of the same. This is the origin of the word hel and helhome/helheim
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i know.
And think of the word “hell” = bright
Or the goddess which had been reduced to a grims tail: “Frau Holle”
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The word was used cause they couldn’t get rid if it so they hijacked it for their own agenda.
I do not know the background of the creation of that story so couldn’t say one way or another although i know the goddess your talking about.
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TMW I need good advice and boom! Here it is. 
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