Spells to Move On/Another Sob Story

[anon58416292]

I wanna share my experience here, I don’t know if you’re situation is like this but I have noticed many that go true similar experiences find there way to this forum because of the feelings of despair that comes with it. So if it’s not helpful for you maybe it will help someone else.

I was once very much in love with a guy. I’ve been in love before but never like this. It was as if the stars aligned perfectly and there were synchronicities everywhere. He was always talking about us being twinflames. I’m cynical by nature like you, the whole concept of it never felt right with me. But he worked really hard to let me feel this was meant to be and I was his best friend, all the girls before me were crazy or treated him horrible. Exactly like with you, saying that he was telling me things he never said to anyone else. Making me feel really special. I was so in love. We would talk for hours and hours on end, the sex was amazing, he was amazing and all the signs were there.

Then suddenly after a year, he would start fights or oh so subtly set me up for failure (gaslighting) and started to pull away from me. He would do his thing with other girls and he would come back and leave again. Not even for sex, in hindsight it was just to see if I would stick around. And I made excuse after excuse for him. Thinking that he always came back because he was just scared for our true love (his words) because he never felt anything like this and he was the " twinflame runner" of the two. This wasn’t love, it’s abuse. Even it’s wrapped in a silk pink bow, it’s still abuse to treat someone like that. It doesn’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you act.

At one point I decided to stop playing this little game with him. I was heartbroken but I still had some self control and rational. But I wasn’t ready to let him go, so I threw everything that I had with my craft at him. Everything. And the only person who got more obsessed and “in love” was me. I was like an addict constantly ruminating and thinking about him. At one point I caved and called him, texted him etc but he just totally ghost me. I was so freaking confused and in a bad place. Affected by my own craft but it didn’t seem to do anything to him. At one point I decided I couldn’t deal with this shit anymore so I had a friend contact a magister who would perform a cord cutting ceremony. He and I were always very in tune before, we could send messages telepathically. The root was deep. People adviced me against it and said it just had to run it’s course and I had to let it “dry out” but I couldn’t deal. I ended up with a tear in my subtle body that even years later still a weak spot. And I never really talk about him because I don’t wanna feed in to it.

Anyway after that ceremony I was doing better mentally, physically I was tired and got allergies I never had before but that all faded away eventually. I think maybe two weeks after the ceremony, at that point we hadn’t talked for 5 months, I suddenly got this nervous feeling and I said to my friend he’s gonna call me and he did. Three times that night and my hands were shaking like a leaf but I didn’t answer. Then he started texting me, emailing me, blackmailing me to contact him. Totally freaking out because I ignored him and seeing an ugly ass side to him. That’s when I fully realised that it was never love from his side. He’s not capable of it. I realised exactly why all his exes were crazy and kept texting him crazy shit when he was with me because to them he did exactly the same. He said to them the same things. He only ever felt fear when the cord was cut because of losing control. Losing his source. Narcs live in perpetual fear. He kept coming back, not because he’s my twinflame runner but because it’s called hoovering and because he needs narcissistic supply. If black magicians are the black hat hackers, narcissists are the masters of social engineering. But there is a more “spiritual” aspect to it, he definitely has powers, sometimes after a fight I would wake up with bruises. Just from him projecting his negative thoughts.

I would definitely look at what someone does and not what they say. It’s a cliche but talk is cheap and it’s the truth. The only way to win is not to play and go full no contact. I kept waiting and telling myself I should wait because with us it’s different and nobody can understand. I read up on narcissism and there’s a book called The Dark Side of Cupid by Eve Lorgen that has really helped see things in perspective. I think you need to look into self empowerment before anything else and maybe a cord cutting. All the best.

[Purple]

If a stranger toss shit in your face or punched you in the face you get mad and not take it, but if it comes from someone we care about it is okay. Love is fucked up. We lose our ground in reality and common sense.

Just start to think of them as just other person. Last week I started to think about my own ex, and realize they are just other random person in the world and I stopped thinking about them. Emotions fuck us up more then we like to admit.

Think about all the nasty shit they did to you from a non-emotional place. Neither mad or happy. Just look at it hard.

Whenever I start to missing other one of my exes I just do that and it stops my longing real quick.

[cynicalbroad]

First off, I want to express how immensely and genuinely I appreciate you sharing that story with me and putting the effort into relaying your experiences. I want to preface what I’m about to say to really hammer home that I will definitely not simply ignore this information, though I will say some reasons why what you’ve said actually gives me some comfort in trusting him more–

I’ve been in abusive relationships before. As such, I’m hypervigilant. I really do think that there is some genuine, not-falsified aspect to the ex in question that makes me continue accepting him. He also wasnt the one who introduced the idea of twin flames to me, nor did he ever tell me we were “meant to be” or etc, just simply stated I was different in ways that do have some amount of truth (eg factually texting me more than anyone else), even if my insecurity causes me to doubt it. I found out about twin flames, ironically, from the girl he dated while not talking to me.

I didn’t really make this clear in the original post, but I might as well mention he really doesn’t… “get” anything from me. I make sentimental gifts (with no monetary value) and give him attention, sure, but I don’t “put out” and while we both acknowledge our continued sexual attraction to each other it’s been a bit more than half a year since we did anything at all. I also haven’t been a source of money, food, etc. It could absolutely just be like in your scenario, where he’s pushing me just to see how far I will go, but I don’t think he has the mental capacity to manage that for any length of time without getting bored.

I am familiar with his exes, and while I don’t really talk to most of them I have overheard what they say in regards to him-- I guess it’s relevant to mention that these girls are objectively nasty people. They typically just comment on how he was too mopey and distant to be an exciting/“easy” partner which definitely lines up with him if I’m being brutally honest (though I like him even when he’s sad, clearly). I honestly, from the depths of my heart, don’t think he has the emotional capacity to intentionally manipulate people, and trust me I’m under no illusion that someone being abused typically won’t or refuses to recognize it. I’ve thought long and hard about this. Of course, his own emotional turmoil doesn’t just excuse or wipe away the stress he puts on me and I don’t even try and delude myself to believe it does, but I think he has a fair contextual reason to behave the way he does given his life experiences.

Now, that said-- do I think everything he says is true? Absolutely not. I don’t even think MOST things he says are true, and I let him know that, and that’s a pretty awful trait of myself. I really can’t paint him in any way to make him even kind of resemble the sole “problem” in our relationship-- I was the one who ended it hastily due to my own hang-ups and insecurities, after all, and was incredibly mentally exhausting to deal with for a while afterwards. I frequently lose my temper and push him away due to my own traumas. I definitely try harder than him, though, or at least to my own standards I do. I’ve been especially focusing on this recently, and about “doing not saying”. I’ve been getting particularly insistent about this concept as of late, and telling him that I will not stand to continue feeling unwanted because he doesn’t try hard enough. But that’s kind of where the whole twin flame dilemma comes in, isn’t it? If he really is my flame, he (not of his own will) behaves the way he does by the universe’s bidding to encourage me to better myself, and I am definitely very very very untrusting and “ice queen-y” and have been long before he ever entered my life. Its probably my defining character trait. All in all, I can say while I have reason to believe that, when compared with your experience, he’s not purely a manipulative dickhead, but there’s obviously issues in him making me feel unwanted. But determining whether that’s my fault for being oversensitive and unable to trust or his for genuinely being uncaring is hard to tell.

I will definitely heed your warning and try to continue being aware of his actions and if there are any potential ulterior motives, and in the mean time attempt to better myself and address my faults instead of letting myself be impacted by what I think he thinks. I also attempted to speak to Saspu, and while I think it may have been effective I really don’t have the skills to tell if he truly heard or not.

[cynicalbroad]

I totally hear ya on all of this. I’m honestly not afraid to admit how much love and emotions fuck me up, but I know most people are, even if we think we’re emotionally vulnerable.

Regarding the thinking hard thing-- In times when we didn’t talk for lengths of time, I ruminated heavily on the bad things he’d done to me-- and ultimately I realized that I had no reason to be as angry as I was because in all situations I was just as if not more at fault. My feelings for him have… mutated, over time. I used to see him as much more pure and innocent, and I don’t feel that way anymore, but the feelings are still there. Everything he did to me is either something I would’ve done in his place, considered doing, or something I HAD done.

I do tolerate a lot of things he does more than I would from others, and while I totally get what you’re saying, I think it’s not really an apt comparison. He definitely gives me things I don’t get from others (like comfortable emotional vulnerability, a strong sense of safety, etc). Obviously I wouldn’t let him punch me, just as I wouldn’t let him truly take things too far, but it’s also like… would I get upset with anyone else for not responding to me for a day? No? Then why do I get to be upset with him, but also deny him any status beyond the way I treat others? Like giving any special treatment whether it be in being particularly harsh on someone or particularly forgiving gets kind of iffy and unhealthy if it’s unbalanced, y’know? Contexts in relationships are paramount, and when you know things were fucked and you’re undeniably better of without the person I can see why your mindset proves beneficial, I can just see some potential flaws in your mindset. Or maybe less flaws, and more conflicts with how I view relationships. Again, I really genuinely appreciate the advice though, and please don’t think I’m disregarding it! Just trying to be honest about my interpretation of it at the moment. I’ll try more in the future-- I don’t think there’s any harm to be done in being aware of the things that have happened to you and accepting the way they make you feel.

[cynicalbroad]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! ATM I’m not confident in my ability to commune with otherworldly beings at all, and am afraid of messing up, but I have read a bit on Beliel on the forum. Maybe when I’m more skilled I’ll consider contacting him, and have already thought about it extensively. I appreciate the input

[Krush_666]

@cynicalbroad

ATM I’m not confident in my ability to commune with otherworldly beings at all, and am afraid of messing up

With that mindset it is alot harder to achieve your goal that you are afraid of messing up…

[cynicalbroad]

I think it’s incredibly dangerous to meddle with things you aren’t prepared to take responsibility for. And I’m not prepared to take responsibility for that. I’m aware that “selling yourself short” impacts your productivity but I also don’t think communing with demons is something you really want to half-ass.

[cynicalbroad]

I really don’t understand why you all act like not rushing into decisions and being hesitant about doing so is such a damnable offense? Especially when it comes to such powerful beings? I recognize my powers are not honed enough for me to jump directly into communing with entities I can’t even observe yet, and frankly I’m not comfortable communicating with a demon as the second individual I ever try to contact… it’s not just a matter of me being afraid of getting haunted or whatever you all think, it’s respect. I have absolutely no business waltzing up to Belial and pushing my will on him when I quite literally started attempting to evoke anything at all just yesterday. I need to be more skilled, more experienced, and more refined in how I do things before I do something like that. I hope you understand, but I know that you won’t and will simply send another “lol just do it don’t be a pussy” reply.

[Lady_Eva]

@cynicalbroad

I have absolutely no business waltzing up to Belial and pushing my will on him when I quite literally started attempting to evoke anything at all just yesterday.

My first encounter with him may interest you, insofar as I doubt he would be offended (as we understand it) by this kind of thing:

Rosier goetic ritual

Belial’s test for me was to take over a dream - not a lucid dream - and attack me with entities of filth and disease to see what I’d do. I’d never worked with him before and he made damned sure I caught his name and saw that he was commanding these beings. There was a lot of psycholgical stuff I hadn’t realised I carried, still, at that point (including the vague back-of-the-head belief “this MIGHT not be real”) and I had to kind of overcome it all in short order and command the dirty little bu…

@cynicalbroad

I recognize my powers are not honed enough for me to jump directly into communing with entities I can’t even observe yet, and frankly I’m not comfortable communicating with a demon as the second individual I ever try to contact…

If you were drafting a movie script with someone in your situation (which I say to put your mind in creative mode, rather than being mired in your own emotions, and feelings of limitation) - what would that character feel comfortable with?

Maybe creating a Talisman of Venus, to attract and give out those energies for love? Or some kind of spell?

Have a think what kind of magick may sit well with you.

I think cut and clear, and move on, would serve you best, but that’s something I gather you may not be looking for, so I only mention it to add my voice that this is how it looks to some outsiders.

If you want to persist, have a think what you DO want to try, and I’m sure someone on here will be able to give you tips.

Finally, I don’t know where I stand with Twin Flames, but you may find this useful to externalise an archetypal perfected male, who will be worthy of your time and attention (albeit, probably not in a directly sexual manner):

Evocation Of My Personal Daemon

This is a working I did shortly after joining this forum, which has been immensely empowering and significant. It’s a 2-part post, but the core lends itself to a very neat “tl;dr” synopsis! The basics are these: there’s a pre-supposition that you have a being called your Personal Daemon, which my source (Magic: History, Theory, Practice, by Ernst Schertel – I’m going to call it “the book” from here on in) maintains is the divine/demonic magickal and powerful part of you, and which can be calle…

[cynicalbroad]

Long time, no update.

So in April I worked with a few entities in the interest of returning this dude back to me. I was immensely emotional, and this likely hindered my results. I made very passive requests-- “give me guidance”, “let me make the right decisions”, “reveal the true nature of this situation” etc, as well. Most notably I worked with Amon. I’m not sure why, but he stuck out to me the most. You can check my posts in the thanks thread to see all the entities I worked with-- I don’t want to mention them here for fear of forgetting one and being disrespectful.

I dropped this near the beginning of May as a conflict happened between me and this dude. I basically gave up all hope on ever having him in my life again, and arranged to get my stuff from him. I preformed a few severing rituals, worked with Archangel Michael. It went like this until around June 10th, when I decided to once again pick up the mantle following some tarot readings I’d been getting for myself that suggested his continue presence in my energy.

I began working with Amon again first, as I have always had a strong draw towards him. I then newly began to work with Asmoday, who had called to me in the first attempts but I had ultimately declined I also called on Paimon, Sallos, Dantalion, and Sitri. Please note I wasn’t just rapid fire demanding the same thing from all of them, but they were all things that indeed correlated to the subject-- minus Sitri, who I asked for success in sexual and romantic ventures to keep me distracted from my other requests.

My main goal was to get closure, nothing more, nothing less. From some I requested them to loosen his mental resolve, from others I asked to ensure his eventual movement towards me. At this point all hope was lost for me and I didn’t expect anything much, but I knew my tarot cards weren’t blabbing about him again for nothing.

Now here’s where I’m an utter idiot. Turns out he contacted me again June 12th, but I never received this message as it went directly to my spam folder. My tarot deck kept insisting that he replied to my request for closure, but I rejected it as I didn’t see any message and assumed I was just reading into it too much.

Yesterday, I contacted Sitri again to get my mind of things, asked for irresistiblity to all who think of me, basic stuff lol. Within the next 10 minutes I got an email. My guy had made an entirely new email account to contact me and tell me that I had misunderstood something.

We’ve been talking since then… nothing particularly positive, really, but it’s way better than the way I thought the situation was. It turns out that despite appearances, my tarot cards had indeed been correct in hinting towards his emotional displeasure. He’s been crying over me whenever anyone mentions me to him, he sent me an almost depressingly sappy break up song sometime after June 12th where I didn’t see it (If you’d like to look it up, it’s Cuco - Hydrocodone), he’d been trying to contact me for weeks (whoops!). I was, and still am, fucking gobsmacked.

I don’t know where my situation will go from here because I’m still not sure if I’m willing to truly bend his will beyond simply opening the floodgates (thanks, Dantalion!) and he seems quite pensive on speaking to me again. I will give him time to think about it. If anyone ever doubts that your evoking of a spirit is working: DON’T. I had absolutely 0 hints in my day to day life that anything was happening beyond my tarot cards, because everyone around me was either working on their own agenda or oblivious.

I am so, unbelievably, indescribably thankful for just this much they’ve done.

[cynicalbroad]

And in case anyone is wondering if I’m actually getting my closure, he said, and I quote: “Im replying to give you the closure you deserve and didnt give you. So any questions you have, you can ask. After that I’ll leave you alone”. I’m finally getting questions answered that have been eating at me for months, and I’m so fucking thankful and I also feel so dumb for not noticing he was contacting me sooner.

[Poppet]

I used Magick to get over a very intense and very toxic relationship. I’ll DM you.

[persephone]

I’m so glad you updated. Out of curiosity, do you think you would be open to another romantic venture with this guy?

It sounds like the cut and clear was an important step in your collecting your thoughts. In my experience, I would get obsessed, do a bunch of workings and then get frustrated at results (or lack thereof) to the point where I don’t want them that much anymore. It usually doesn’t take long after my cut and clear rituals before those results would show up exactly as requested.

[cynicalbroad]

At the current moment, I wouldn’t be able to hold a relationship with him, but it’s because of reasons beyond him, like my own mental health and people around me’s perception of him. I wouldn’t be completely opposed to it in the future, though.

And yeah, doing work with love can be incredibly difficult! It is kind of the nature of the game to be obsessed. The results I’m getting now are still continuing to surprise me, and I’m maintaining contact with Sitri, Dantalion, and Sallos to ensure that this situation works itself out for the best good, whatever that may be. It’s still strange to see his name pop up in my notifications again lmfao.

[NewToThis26]

Look up a Black Walnut Spell. Just be sure that you want to be done with this person before you carry it out.

[Scottish_Pride]

Dealing with a breakup is its very own special kind of fucked up. It took me three years to move on from a relationship once, even after trying countless spells for it (as well as lots of ice cream, lol).

While it may not take you that long to come to closure, it still is a process of self-healing and turning inward. Very much a water-type deal. You have to reflect on why things happened the way they did, find an answer that gives you peace, and just let it go like a leaf in a river.

If it’s possible to keep it alive in your area, even if potted and indoors, get or find a live jasmine plant. While a good last resort, the oil just isn’t the same at all. While not a lot of people use jasmine for this purpose as far as I’m aware, it actually works wonders for your heart chakra. When I was depressed over either a breakup or the loss of a loved one in general, there was a long chain-link fence in my old apartment complex with jasmine vines just crawling everywhere on it like one big weed. During its bloom season, I would walk along it every night and smell all its flowers. I would immediately feel a soothing sensation in my chest, and it was the best thing ever.

Also, here’s the best mundane advice I have for moving on: Keep yourself as well as your mind busy, and don’t stay stagnant for long. Get involved in something that makes you happy, several things if need be. Join a local organization, go out and spend time with good friends, volunteer, try a new hobby or get back into an old one. Countless things you can do. While it’s good to have some time on your hands to spare, don’t give yourself too much, as it just gives your brain the ability to ruminate more. As a side bonus, doing something productive with your time can give you a sense of purpose and that boost of self-esteem that really helps to put you at a place where you can move on, as well as have things to fill the void.

[Eve1]

What you are describing is almost identical to my situation its scary from what Ive read. It resonated every word almost. But I know other details might be different…
Im sitting here now again trembling in the night with night terrors of asking myself where I went wrong, and how I f*cked things up because of my emotional baggage triggers, to the point I cant forgive how it ended and how he said I cant help you, and he thought I never loved his love. And I cant help myself… He dumped me over a month ago. Its been over 30 day no contact too and not a day goes by that I dont think about him, cry, and since went into a mental breakdown beyond any so called ‘normal breakup grief’. I so want him back and wish I can prove I can change but as Im metally got so broken Im too scared to reach out and I believe hes fed up. Love and guilt is plagueing me. Im quite sure he put some kind of spell on me or something. When I was with him he was able without facing me and without telling me at first send physically feeling gnosis energy to me which I was able to feel strongly feel and where and how it travelled! It was pure magic. He learned in an Order once he shared too. We were phsychicly connected but generally he did a good job of protection and shrouding himself. What came after the breakup was not anticipated… I went through a trauma breakdown as best I can describe it and not shure how much I want to share. Now part of this I dont see coincidental but a big magical remorse from him. We broke up over a miscommunication over an intimate moment which sealed in it my insdcurities and his… and days after 4 days stop speaking to him and the mental breakdown setted in so I reached out and spoke to him, he broke up with me, his spiritual friends (a girl too…) agreeing with him that I didnt understand the way he loved, which again I never met his friends personally. (I challenged him alot about his hot cold style almost like emotionally cold at times, his fear of commitment, saying ‘love is free’, people come and go in his life and hes lets me have that freedom kinda too, but couldnt express clearly if he wanted me to stay either etc which made me confused what type of relationship this was, and I said the only commitment I wanted to know that he loved me…which “love” implys commitment so hes withheld with that word too, the word ‘like’ is more of a freer word). It was a shock when he dumped me… we were so close I thought and it took him time to break his shyness and share stuff. I so want him back. Certain things like his kiss and magical connection, and how we found magical spots in woods and parks to do our practices which he was the ‘teacher’ (because thats how our friendship based started)… I wanted to learn magic from him. He was not perfect too, especially towards the end he would say things that I felt were hurtful that trigged off my trauma triggers but he just wanted me to improve and put my traumas and low self esteem behind me.
Everyone tells me to let the obssesion go in order for the magic to even work, but its not something I can switch off (same he didnt understand how I couldnt just swith off and thought I wasnt trying hard enough) but its physically and mentally trauma bonded me in a way in so many levels (that I only can pm you about if your intrested to know more, cuz I feel Ive shared too much here already- like you say, some here can be quite trite) - yeah Im guessing your an Empath too). To be honest most of the time Im too shaken to even concentrate since on trying any rituals but recently I tried abit… but I dont know the heck what to do. He cut me off from whattsapp anyway recently since we werent talking which I was planning on reaching out after the ‘30 day no contact period’ , which shocked me and I dont know what to do. I thought at least Id get closure if he removed me as much as it hurt, but Im too scared to reach out because Im more of an emotional wreck and might make me feel worse if he hammers his point home more. I want to reach out somehow but if its going to be anything like the breakup reminders Im scared it will just tip me again. I just need his compassion and understanding. I dont know if I should go for keeping at the no contact rule and reaching out already or just stay away incase I ruin my chances more… but I feel he thinks “Im the one ignoring him”, but maybe he is too hurt after the breakup and truely doesnt want me because I messed things up big time unconciously but only noticed when I look back… I need help any help and advice anyone can give that is easy enough for me to follow to get this out of me/cut the cords (but I’ll always love and miss him ) or find a way to get through that he is willing to hear me out and understand me and get together again (I wish) in a better communicative way. Im just so hurt I cant bare to reach out again and hear something again I cant cope with, but I so want some sort of closure or understsnding, were he left off tottally not understandinv and thinking Im the bad guy when he left. Do I have the capacity to get together and reignite the passion? How it ended is very unlikely, especially if he blocks out his emotions and well versed in meditation/ focus/concentration in his magic skills, plus his friends are goauding him against me (tbh since the beggining) should I just still give it a try and see by reaching out with a message, or is it just me always just crawling back to him while hes the one who thinks logically and has the self contol… p.s this is my first guy I made a true connection with or ‘dated’ if you will, since my abusive arrange marrige (in my late teens) and I havd been single over a decade and am nearing my 40yr spectrum and never even as a kid experience true love and investment. But I guess I put too much of my baggage on him and I didnt notice he couldnt cope with it, as in the beggining he encouraged me to do so and I learned to trust to be open…
Ok, I wrote much. I dont have family or close friends to share this with and I feel like Ive broken my only true conndction or good thing I had in my life for a time just because I have too much emitional baggage and trauma triggers that through all the abuse in my life I tried to keep afloat, but if you hear from the one you love, and a magical soul (which again, magic and spirit was the only thing since I was a kid that saw me through…) tell me to my face, I dont want to help myself, Im not trying hard enough (when Im so hurting inside and feel like Im trying my hardest to try and shift like a emotional and physical boulder that has consumed your being… ) that Im not trying hard enough, he cant help me and he didnt know what he was doing…- its just that its harder to remove big hard traumas than changing a trait than like being on a diet or something, it just gets stuck, and I hurt him unconciously by bringing up my triggers stuff and him not getting where Im coming from and he was very willing and patient in the begging. I guess I can never be loveable enough how much I try, just too much baggage that I still wasnt able to overcome even in all good will), and Im so causious and not trusting of people. In light of this even more (aside everything else) it proves me as much as I wanted to be loved all my life Im too ruined to keep love once it comes my way, and while I was in the ‘relationship’ I truely felt like I was giving it my all… and yet when he broke up with me he said I only loved him like a crush among other things- which confused me more. To be honest Im so broken hearted and I guess he could do better than me, and in unconcious self preservation, which he interpreted as hurting to him and me not wanting to change, caused him to seal the deal, when I was hoping by giving space he would come towards me and show me that he loves and needs me too. No chance it seems. Hes closed the chapter it seems yet I dont know how and when I will heal from this throwing me back from any progress I made overcoming and surving thus far. I need a miracle, just gone through way way too much than is generally fantomable before I met him and nobody believes and or belittles my experience on top of it… and somehow, with him, it was another milestone of the cherry on the cake that I cant overcome and heal and be a better version of myself if I tried. Oh, if only I could express myself and be heard and understood… anyways, I havnt even covered a complete explination about him and me and its been more of a vent, but if anyone who is magical enough and senses my energy beyond me words here and what Ive been through and has the ability to use their magic please please I beg you (no I dont usually beg) please send love and healing my way… Im physically too weak hardly to leave bed most of the time recently again, yet the severe madness that has persued my life since childhood is still ongoing and I havd to face authorities and religious bullies regularly and the torment that is left and is ongoing til today, so I have to hide the physical and trauma pains as much as I can. Im tired of being mocked when Im hanging by the skin of my teeth metiphorically. And trying til I cant and still prodded.
I’ll end with hoping and wishing we all find our inner hope and happiness and feel worthy and our efforts acknowledged and reach our spiritual goals… good night.
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