Some kind of journal

[crookedpathfinder]

This afternoon when I got home there was a distinct stillness in the temple (apartment).

Like all the air got sucked out.

Nobody home…

That in mind, though it’s not usually my thing…ill probably do some kind of banishing and wipe the slate clean. Or rather, an aligning. Either way, I need to clear out the old energy and call in new. I’ll probably do Asenath Mason’s version of the LBRP from “Tree of Qliphoth”. Then again I might do something completely different. Probably will…we shall see.

I’ve learned that on new and full moons some of the spirits that are usually around will leave for a time (sometimes this can be a good week or so, sometimes longer).

In the past I’ve experienced upticks in astral interactions around the new moon. Moreso when I’m working for some reason. Maybe that’s cuz I’m “out in the open” so to speak…

I’ve “seen” some interesting things on these occasions.

At work, after asking if it would be a good idea…I created a rather large sigil of Belial. I opened and activated it, rubbing my fingers around it clockwise so that it’ll push Belials energy OUT. I then breathed energy into it. I saw in my mind’s eye a hand giving me a thumbs up. I might’ve heard Belial chuckle. I proceeded to hide it in my work area somewhere close by. Hahaha

I’ve done this before with Belphegor’s, and Leviathan’s (Dukante) sigils.

I had Leviathans out in the open since it really doesn’t look much more than a goofy drawing to those not in the know. It was out for…maybe 3 months?

I’ve had Belphegor’s sigil at work for maybe a month and a half or so now. Hidden.

I’ve also hidden an inverted cross at work for the span of multiple months before removing it.

Let’s see…what am I on about anyway?

Moving on…

While looking over S. Connolly’s Daemonolotry Goetia looking for spirits that might help with “shapeshifting” (inspired by Michael W. Ford’s “book of the Witchmoon” in which Marchosias is used to initiate lycanthropy), I came across Ose “can change a man into any form”, and Andrealphus “can transform men into birds”. This should prove interesting for future ideas…

Actually…not entirely unrelated. I happened to look at the entry on Dantalion…

“Authors notes: Helps one relate with others on an emotional level. Teaches emotional intelligence and heightens empathy for others.”

A chord was struck, a bell rung, a light had gone off…

Weeks ago I had been advised to work with Dantalion, or that Dantalion wanted to work with me.

Unrelatedly (or actually, maybe it was totally related) I’d been told something to the effect of “You’re emotionally closed”.

Ironically I have a strong heart chakra, so maybe being emotionally closed is a defense mechanism. I actually can be somewhat sentimental when I watch a movie by myself.lol

So, I guess I gotta get around to contacting Dantalion at some point.

Today I was feeling that pull towards the vampyric…really need to start delving into that.

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 14th '21 Thurs:

Dream recall:

It’s a little choppy. I didn’t sleep well, and had gone to bed late…

There was definitely something notable, but I forgot.

The rest seems kind of mundane.

The family cats had gone missing for some reason.

I was out and about doing something for some reason but I don’t know that I really achieved whatever it was I was apparently trying to do.

I was on a quest for energy drinks.
I was at a gas station and it felt like there was something important about it for some reason…

At some point my belt popped and broke. I was unhappy to realize how big my stomach looked (I’ve gained some unnecessary weight which I guess is coming up in my dreams now, probably should fast it off).

When this happened I met and started talking to somebody who, now that I’m awake I realize probably appeared during this sequence because they’re overweight.

There was a girl I recognized, though I don’t know from where…with this other person.

I was trying to get myself out together for a job I haven’t worked in years but was failing miserably. Shit, I’m late and barely found my uniform…

There’s something else Im missing, I’m sure of it…oh, well.

If I was to interpret all this I’d say it’s largely about having or feeling of loss of control or stability. Just not being on top of things. I guess.

[crookedpathfinder]

Gotta give myself a pat on the back for maintaining my journaling thus far. And for my ability to almost daily recall dreams.

I didn’t expect this to go this well. Haha

[crookedpathfinder]

Mantras are done…

Fire was wanted apparently, and in the big bowl.

This generated enough upward draft to start spinning my ceiling fan at a slow regular pace. Lol

I might wanna be careful with that in future. Maybe not as much alcohol. But it does give me ideas…

Feel like I should do a cord cutting ritual…
Kind of wanna go with Hekate, but Michael has been coming through apparently and it seems he’s one of the gotos for cord cutting. We shall see…

I’ve been meaning to incorporate the Three suns meditation into my routine somewhere…

Though I do a “Four Sun’s” version, where there’s a fourth black sun that you imagine going down through your spine.

Also the way I do it, I inhale each sun Down through my spine and for a few breaths I “pump” it’s energy up and down a few times throughout my energy body with a long inhale and a slow exhale. On the exhale I visualize the sun’s energy or flames blazing throughout my energy body. Then I let it go and move on til I get to the white sun.

At the white sun, I’ll pump it a few times and then visualize it setting my energy body alight with blinding light akin to a welding torch.

At the black sun, I’ll once again pump it a few times, then I’ll visualize it blackening my energy body with dense black/blue/purple energy and light. A deep darkness with a sort of nebulous energy surrounding it and emmitting from it. Think Dark Matter.

From there what I had did in the past was move on to shielding and other stuff. Or would just jump right into the void meditation.

Pumping the sun’s up and down the spine is with the intention of energizing and clearing the chakras.

This time last year I was doing this fairly regularly at work during my breaks. I’d go off into a part of the building that’s not used, sit in the dark and begin visualizing.

Honestly…I need to do a lot of things. Lol

Speaking of chakras…

Maybe up to about two weeks ago…

I was off and on getting this phenomena where my sacral chakra would activate, but it would have a distinctly hungry sensation. Like sexual hunger…which is a wierd sensation to say the least. This would come with arousal, but didn’t really feel like lust.

It was sporadic, but it actually started to worry me. “*Wtf…I’ve never heard of chakra hunger…is my chakra turning vampyric!? What does that mean? Why? Is something wrong with it?..is this an opportunity? Should I explore this vampyrically?..is it a spirit?”

Well anyway, at some point I connected it to a spirit interaction. Funny way of getting attention. Hasn’t really happened since I made that connection though.

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 15 '21, Friday:

Very little dream recall. I know they were vivid, but I didn’t sleep well.

I remember that at some point I was in the workplace and somehow I’d grown to be 7 ft tall or so. I had to stoop down to get through doors.

What does it mean?

---

When I got my first break at work today, I left for a secluded part of the building in the dark. Grabbed a chair and sat down with eyes closed.

I decided I would do Asenath Mason’s qliphotic middle pillar, and then her version of the LBRP as best as I could remember (as I understand it, though my intention was less banishing and more balancing).

Come to think of it, that’s backwards as the middle pillar should come second…oh well.

When I got to the balancing, I started in the west.

Here, I realize I might’ve had something else reversed…the four angels of prostitution come after the quadrants are called. Oops…

A reverse invocational pentagram of black flames…who goes in the west? I intuited it would be Eisheth. Okay.

I called her, and a black shadow with glowing red eyes in the silhouette of a woman walked up out of thin air…

(I was facing east) she came up behind me and placed both hands on my shoulders for a moment. There was something else but it slips my memory. It was interesting. Was it really Eisheth? or what my subconscious came up with?

I proceed through the rest until I return to the west. I then call on the elemental Lord’s. I don’t remember who was stationed in the south, so I went with S Connolly’s attribution of Flereous (Haired). I might’ve called Satan in the center, don’t remember.

[A quick note on Flereous. I’ve only called on him a couple times, usually for balancing like this. The first time I did, I had my eyes closed and this is what I saw…
While reciting his enn, there was a wall of intense red flames in front of me. These flames were also DOORs that were rather large. Eventually they opened and this is how he appeared to me. I saw a man who face was obscured by the shadows of a widebrimmed hat. I believe he had long unkempt dirty looking hair. Blonde? He was wearing a large duster, leather I believe, and leather boots. There was a feather of some sort in the hat. His clothing looked very worn and weather-beaten and the duster might’ve been tattered in some spots. The entire ensemble gave me a sort of…midieval vibe? Like someone you find in a forest that was a looter maybe. Or a ranger like in an RPG or something. I remember getting a bit of an intense demeanor. Not really the most friendly.]

As this was practice, I made sure to thank all involved and give the license to depart.

Around this time last year or so, I had been told to practice something along these lines and had been doing so in the same space.

I later kept getting a mental images of red flowing eyes in this room. I finally went to check on it, and could sense a sort of perturbed feeling. Not happy (also when I was walking up I got a mental image of a dark shadow with red eyes, large frame tall walking towards me with the demeanor of someone fetching you for something).

As I had not been polite enough to do a proper closing or giving license to depart, they were unhappy with me and annoyed. I’ve made a mental note of this ever since.

Later in the workday I started to feel very calm. I was very contemplative and going over a lot of stuff that I don’t feel like writing out.

At some point I started to have the very distinct feeling that I’m on the cusp of something. Like I’m on the threshold of something new. A feeling that I’m about to have some kind of release and walk through the next door.

This feeling also came with a bit of a teary eyed sensation. The feeling of having reached the end of an arduous journey and finally arriving at your destination. Of having endured a lot to get here. A bittersweet happiness and gratitude that it all be behind you soon. The feeling of having made it. That at long last, you’re about to open the door to the next chapter…

All while feeling a calm and serenity and going about my work. This lasted for about an hour or more before fading away. I still felt this calm for the rest of the workday though.

I don’t know what that was about…

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 16 '21, Saturday:

*Dream recall:

So, I was u and down a little.

For sure I had some kinda dream before I woke up right at 2:55 AM but don’t remember what it was. I probably should’ve got up and did something magical but I was tired and needed to catch up on my sleep. Haven’t been sleeping well the last few days.

Anyway…

Here’s what I do remember.

I had parked my bicycle and locked it somewhere at a gas station. The rundown ugly kind you find in older parts if cities and neighborhoods. I was at this station for some reason I don’t remember.

I leave this station and go on a bit of a journey or something don’t really remember only to finally make it back and get my bike and leave.

There might be a break here where on dream ends and another begins…

I’m at some version of my apartment. Evidently, the maintenance guy was fired and replaced by the lady that handles a lot of the office stuff and calls at my job. She’s out there using a weedwacker and shit. Hmmm

Alright, here’s where things get very interesting…

Keep in mind, I’d been listening to a bunch of music yesterday afternoon/night. Some of which was a playlist on Spotify called “Café Africa”…

(In spite of this being an apartment complex) I see what looks like an African (Nigerian?, Ethiopian?, no idea…they were definitely from overseas though…) Family and extended relatives moving in. Large family.

Judging by the furniture I was seeing they seemed fairly well to do.

Moreover, I guessed they had twins. I was seeing a lot of twin furniture (NICE looking furniture). Case in point, there was a set of side by side cradles, made of some kind of wicker with dark paint or stain. These cradles had some kind of fancy curtains above them, two little teepees of lace and silk to draw closed over the babies.

I never saw any children though. Mostly adults, dressed somewhat formal in most instances. A lot of older women. The elders of the family, aunt’s, cousins, etc.

They seemed like very upbeat people. Cheerful.

There’s a divergence here for a bit.

There’s a man. Jeff goldblum? (I’d watched “The Isle of Dogs” yesterday, and believe his voice was one of the dogs…so this is a bit funny).

He had a machine he was using that would cancel out all sound, and was apparently supposed to have some kind of unpleasant psychological effects I guess. Was he some kind of mad scientist?

At some point I’m joined by a girl I used to work with at a previous occupation.

She’s short, maybe 4ft something? I’m 5’11 and she only comes up to my chest more or less. A short, kinda chubby black girl with a raucous laugh, who can be a little sensitive at times (she’d cried like a child in trouble with her mother a few times when she’d gotten in trouble with the manager). She has a little boy who’s beloved by her elderly father, an older black gentleman who’s body’s been beatup by a life of hard labor, short, upbeat drives a truck. Rancher/farmer type of guy when you see him.

We decide were gonna stop Jeff goldblum (god, that’s wierd…)

We start making our way through a small corridor with multiple bedrooms, each one has some kind of bedding against the wall. I digress…

I abort because we can’t make it before the machine gets fired up again. (Though we apparently had a counteracting machine of our own we had fired up to cancel his out before venturing to stop him)

Now, in the back of this hallway there was an entrance to an ornate staircase leading up somewhere, this was shrouded in darkness and there was that sort of thick unnerving feeling like a low hanging cloud or fog of foreboding…

Evidently she went to check out the staircase.

When I was some yards away she suddenly called out "_____! Help! I saw two glowing #$#& (did she say eyes or bald of light?)! I’m scared! I’m telling him he needs to crossover! Help! (Sounds like something about what “he” wants but I don’t remember…).

Oh, hell no…

I jump into action, and when I get to the entrance I can feel a field of repelling energy. She was cowering in front of the staircase with her head down and her hands on her head.

I can’t get close…

“I need you to grab my hand! I’m being repelled but for some reason you can walk around in this energy!”

After some coaxing she grabs my hand and pulls me in front of the staircase. Feels like walking against the current of a river. I never let go of her hand, because she’s my anchor and the only thing that keeps me from being booted out by the energy.

I never actually see the entity (seeings not my strong suit.)

I hold out my right hand (projecting side) and begin to shout.

“By the authority of my will, I command you to back down and begone!”
I am the magician/witch now. At this proclamation and show of power she suddenly looks at me like a deer in the headlights.

At this point the curious happens. I begin to speak with the voice and inflection of an older black man. An African accent. I seem to be channeling some kind of elder? I could actually feel my mouth moving in my sleep in an unintelligible kind of whispering/mumbling.

The man that seems to be channeling through me has a sort of upbeat confidence about him despite the situation. He/I have got this. I’m working through him as much as he’s working through me…he seems to be enjoying this almost…

I/he/we start again, “Hecate, I call you now! Come and help me banish this entity! I INVOKE you!”

“As a child of Hecate, I command you spirit to leave!” (This is interesting because I would never call myself a child of Hecate in waking life. I don’t consider myself a child of Hecate, so this brings up interesting questions…)

I say some other stuff I don’t remember, and the energy seems to be dissipating.

While holding her hand I enlist her aid as an extension of power. Between the two of us we have a balance of masculine and feminine energy. I give her instructions as we proceed to project energy and banish any miasma or residue of the entities presence. I have to encourage her because she keeps saying “but I’m scared!” With her eyes closed.

I don’t remember much after this but I’m pretty sure we got rid of it and shortly after I woke up.

I got up and walked around a bit. For a moment I saw a little bright light like a spark or bright white led light fly by my right peripheral vision. Though, for context’s sake my head hurt and it kinda felt like I might have the beginnings of a migraine (sleep hangover). That said, I watched this teeny tiny light fly right by me very vividly. Looked right at it. It flew about a foot before dissapearing all in a second or less. I dunno. Maybe a trick of the eyes, but I won’t completely discount it.

This is wierdly similar to the dream I had with Michael.

Am I doing exorcisms for people in my sleep or something?

I’ve had dreams in the past where it seemed like I was giving people psychological advise or help before, and they’d react kinda funny, like I was in their dream and caught them off guard or something…

Was it me or the man apparently channeling through me that proclaimed “as a child of Hekate”?
What was the significance of the implied twin babies?
Did I see this girls ancestors?
Did an ancestor channel through me?
Were they people, or just some type of African spirits?
What was the deal with the spirit in the staircase?
Did Hekate have me doing something?

If so, I thank her for this interesting experience. Hail to the queen of witches and lady of crossroads! Mighty Titan and goddess!

This might tie into something I was thinking about yesterday, but I’m not typing all that up right now. Haha

---

On the subject of African spirits, Id like to relate the following…

When I moved into my current apartment (mid to late Oct 2019), I had a strange dream within the first week or so…

At some point I became a bit lucid.

I was laying in my bed.

A beautiful thin African woman walks up wearing blue/green clothing. Tribal? She had a green headdress scarf. Formfitting dress, and a sash not unlike an Indian sari. She had a very calm, centered, and self assured confidant personality. I don’t remember any jewelry. She seemed very simple, grounded. Very calm, almost angelic.

I liked this lady.
I wouldn’t say she was making eyes at me, but there was a look she was giving me.

I don’t remember much of what was said except a rather curious statement…

She said “If you let me sit on your chest, I can help you. I can give you financial help.” Or something to that effect…

I think she crawled up on me at this point. I made note that she was barefoot.

I said something to the likes of “well, I like you and you seem like a very nice lady. You have a beautiful energy about you. Ive got no problem with your offer. Something, something, something…”

I don’t remember if she straddled me or seemed to kneel down on top of me with a calm sort of sweet smile.

I woke up shortly after this exchange.

Never really came into extra money or anything, and never had any further interactions with this lady from my dream.

Here’s the interesting thing…

Some weeks later, I found out that the young man two apartments over (dude had a funny habit of running past and down the stairs every morning like some kind of bad anime trope) was an African exchange student. Though I don’t know from where…I’d heard him talking outside a few times and he had a very heavy accent. The go-to guess would be Nigeria, or Ethiopia…if memory serves me right those are the two countries that immigrate to the states the most from the African continent.

Looking back, I wonder if this lady in my dream was something akin to a hamingja.

I don’t know anything about African spirituality so all I can do is guess.

Funnily enough, this dude got evicted some months later. Money problems? I dunno but it’s interesting to note.

There was this one night late spring where I was laying back in bed. Right in front of my face just a few inches away I audibly heard what sounded like a black woman say “Byyyeeee…” Softly in an amused tone. With a sound like, “I think you’re silly…but I like you.” I just laughed at this. It was so out of the blue. Very cool.

There was also this one time at work before leaving this last summer maybe mid June? Or was it July? Again I audibly heard what sounded like a very beautiful soul music type of singing/humming come from behind me (let me emphasize, that it sounded really good). I wondered (“what radio station is that? Damn, that girl can sing”) It was time to leave so I went to make sure the radio was turned off… It. Was. OFF. I thought it had been ON and the source of the singing…
I asked my coworker if he had heard that beautiful singing…

“I didn’t hear anything…” He said.

“No.fucking.way… you didn’t hear that? I swear I could actually feel the vibrations like it was coming out of the radio…”

At this I got a dismissive attitude. And a sort of “dude c’mon. You’re being crazy…”

(I don’t remember what I’d been doing magically, so this might be been some kind of passerby)

I don’t know that these things are related at all. But they are interesting occurrences nevertheless…

[crookedpathfinder]

Burned some old chaos magic sigils I’d been sitting on for some years. Don’t really know what they were all for.

One was a set arranged around a chaos wheel from '09 I believe.

Casting, and cleansing…

I out lavender oil in the alcohol base and anointed the sigils and pages from the old notebook.

I lit the fire and chanted the chant for rousing power:

"Itz rachu mantantu vespacha kaltamu
Itz ranta mant kala mant atzu beltazu
Vaskalla itz rachu kantantu velchatza!"

"Alash tad’alash tal’ashtux3"

Then I invoked Hekate.

I could feel a pressure on my third eye during these proceedings…

I breathed energy into the fire, and drew invocational pentagrams over the pages.

Using tongs I burned them in the order my intuition told me…

"By my holy will, I commend these sigils to flame and fire! That which is great and best shall come to pass! That which is not in my best interest shall burn away! They shall burn away along with the past motivations that wrought them! In the crucible of my will I commend these sigils to the flames! I commend you to flames! Burn! Burn! Burn away!"

Towards the end I heard and felt a chuckle bubble up out of me just a bit.

Hekate was amused? (The kind of laugh a teacher or parent might make when a child or pupil does something well, putting into action their lessons)

I closed down and finished…

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 18th Monday:

Missed a day. Gotta catch up.

No dream recall as I was kind of up and down this morning (gotta stop hitting snooze)

And the day before I just couldn’t retain the dream. 🤷

---

Yesterday was a lazy day.

I felt a lot of negativity wanting to well up out of me. Cabin fever I suppose…

I was messing around with my tarot cards, and it seemed pretty obvious that they were wanting to talk. I got a rather interesting reading that sent Down a bit of a rabbithole. Got on YouTube and used my higher self to pick out readings that might corroborate. There was definitely a pattern, but I remain somewhat unconvinced of the information I was receiving. Time will tell…

I was gonna keep it real simple with the mantras, but when I got to Chinnamasta’s mantra I went all in anyway. 🤷 I was gonna keep it at 218 repititions, but evidently more was necessary. Ended up at 654. Sheesh.

I had previously gone to the store, and when I was there I remembered to Hekate had told me to make an offering to the dead. I’d received the intuition that the offering needed to be bread. And when I was getting the bread at the store I knew it was supposed to be soaked with a bit of liquor (I’ve got some scotch at home.)

In the midst of getting the bread ready, I was made aware that Bune wanted my attention.

Also, I needed to put Murmurs sigil by the jar of grave dirt I use for offerings to the dead (portable cemetery anyone? )…

I was instructed to pour a small libation into the grave dirt in addition to the whiskey soaked into the bread. Okay. I also lit a candle and placed it in the jar.

It only felt fair to give bread to Hekate as well while I was at it. Garlic was requested, and I always try to have a jar of minced garlic in the fridge so I obliged.

I was asked to play and recite Hekates enn during these proceedings, so I did. I have a yak skull mala of skull beads that I primarily use for Hekate (as well as Kali). I’ve previously done a 90 day stint with this mala to energize it. Mostly it sits by her image, but last night it got put to use.

Afterwards I was asked to play and recite Bunes enn (understandably, I felt a little annoyed to have do all this after the mantra practice I’m currently on but it just be like that sometimes…)

At one point I closed my eyes, and I could see a blurry Brian shadowy image of a large brown serpent dragon thing with whiskers and bright red eyes. It seemed to have a rather intense aura, rather primal and fierce. Bune???

By the end I was quite tired. It was late, and something about reciting Bunes mantra made me rather sleepy towards the end…

(Not the sigil I use/d but I like this one)

The question remained…
Well, do I need to do Murmurs enn too while I’m at this? (“NO”)
Intuition: murmurs sigil is a ward. In case of unruly dead. He doesn’t need to actively be called.
(“You don’t need that energy right now…”)
For a moment I get a rather heavy, dark, almost feral impression. I remember Murmurs energy feeling rather intense and bit grouchy months ago when I had initially made the sigil at Hekates behest and guidance.

Yeah. Okay. Probably don’t want to deal with that at this moment. lol

Point noted.

I went to sleep with the skull mala on, and it was midday when I had to laugh at myself realizing I’d seemingly unconsciously picked a green shirt to wear today. And at a hurry no less. Wonders never cease.

I went to the store and had ended up behind a license plate with 222. I’d seen 2:22 on my phone at work. Passing a car while parking I noted 777. On the way home leaving the store a sign right by the exit next to me. A phone number ending in 666. I laughed out loud.

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 19th '21 Tues:

*Dream recall:

It’s choppy…

At some point there was this whole thing with some girl talking about POWER, it was a whole diatribe or whatever…

She was wearing a skirt or kimono…think it was a kimono.

The whole time she’s yammering about power and he she wants it or she’s getting it, she’s. Got one foot on some guy, and for some reason she just has little streams of water running down her legs. It was like she was getting RIDICULOUSLY wet talking about power…I woke up, 2:50 AM

Jesus, what the hell…go back to sleep.

At some point I see Vlad Tepes, yes…Dracula, the impaler of wallachia. Riding around on his horse with some of his men and banners flying in the wind. At first I was really there (incredulous at what I was seeing…because holyshititsmotherfuckingVladTepesinfrontmewhy?), But then it was like I was seeing it on a TV.

There was some guy going on some kind of ramble about Vlad. Don’t really remember what the gist of it was. Trying to connect him to Spain I think. 🤷

At some point towards the end of that I remember seeing some chick burst into a bunch of bats. Because vampires I guess.

Then I woke up, and had to get ready for work.

There was also a lot of wandering around dreamscapes. I remember taking a shower in some fairly nice looking apartment or hotel. Elevator? I think I remember going on an elevator. Really though anything else is too fuzzy.

---

Was feeling a lot of rage at work between nine and ten thirty or so.

Been feeling unproductive and it seems to be getting to me.

Last night I got the tarot cards out again. I had previously reordered the deck, cleansed with Palo Santo and shuffled it a bunch to really clear the deck. I then wrapped it in my black silk cloth I have and set it aside.

I was interested to see what this did.

Sure enough, whereas before I was getting cards flying out fairly quick, this time there was a good deal of time where it was like a new deck and I didn’t really seem to be getting much from it.

It might not be the best approach, but my approach is mostly intuitive and I don’t usually ask a question. I just see what the cards wanna tell me…

At some point the cards started to plop out and I got a reading that was rather a bit interesting. Not really sure what to make of it. Took a pic for future reference.

Nine of swords had plopped out first. Anxiety…

Next three cards fell out. Intuited that I should reverse the order.

Judgement, king of wands facing towards judgement. Then Ace of swords. Hmmmm

Next fell out two of cups. For some reason I felt it needed to be sideways the way it fell., Then fell out death…

The interesting bit is that the queen of wands fell right on top of death. King and queen of the same suit, two of cups, judgement and death…wow.

Next fell out 9 of cups, and five of cups.

On the bottom of the deck after those, the empress…

Afterwards I placed it on the shelf with all my crystals (not a ton but a god number I’ve had for some time…) And placed a black tourmaline upon the deck.

A previous reading looked like the following…

First fell out justice, the next two cards I don’t remember too well …_____ & I wanna say…nine of pentacles?

Above those three I got the heirophant and the empress…

Just as I was thinking…“justice could be a legal thing…but justice+heirophant+empress could be interpreted as a wedding I think…”

I shit you not, out falls the queen of wands, the queen of pentacles reversed, and the page of cups facing the two of them. Two love interests? Two potential “wives”? Mind-blown

Dunno what that’s about, maybe I unconsciously influenced the cards…maybe I ended up reading some one else in the apartment complex. I dunno.

Certainly interesting though…

Really should practice more divination. At least for the sake of exercising my clairvoyance…

Earlier I had lay down on the bed for a bit, and almost thought I felt something on the with me. Not enough to say for certain. If there was it was super subtle.

[crookedpathfinder]

Happened to remember the previous reading. So I recreated it for future reference.

Since I had the deck out, I thought “I’ll ask about the outcome of my current mantra endeavor with chinnamasta…”

Lo:

It took a bit, then rather suddenly the Ace of wands fell out (bottom of the deck, Lovers). Very nice.

Then out fell Temperance (bottom of the deck Queen of wands). In keeping with what chinnamasta represents…

Next fell out the Lovers, very interesting, and the strength card had flipped over.

Next three cards flipped over. Nine of cups and knight of cups flanking either side of the two of swords.

Finally the star card jumped out. Shuffled a bit more but nothing else was jumping and I sensed a finality.

When I picked up the Lovers card I realized Eight of wands had been stuck to and hiding behind it. Whoa…

Very interesting…

Speaking of mantras…I need to go do them.

[crookedpathfinder]

Two days behind…

Jan 22 '21 Fri:

Dream recall is poor.

I had good retention in the mornings but my lack of discipline in just getting up without hitting snooze multiple times the last few days has me messed up.

What I do remember is from this morning.

At some point, I was talking to somebody about aliens…

I remarked that I had seen one at the foot of my bed once (maybe more?), and that I had written it down in my journal.

I went to grab my physical journal and while thumbing through it I saw all kinds of drawings and wierd writing that I’d never wrote or drew in there.

This perplexed me a bit and I was having trouble finding the entry.

That’s about what I remember.

Really wierds me out because it felt like I had had a few visits by some kind of “alien” type beings when I was talking about it in the dream.

I don’t want to overthink it. But it raises some questions.

Then again, it could just be a Titanic nothing. Lol

Maybe I should do a divination on it…

---

Been keeping up with my mantras.

I’ve gone back to the basics with Qigong, and am doing that during my lunch breaks the past couple days.

Wed I was at my outdoor space I use at my workplace.

When I was finished and closing up my Qigong routine, I heard a bird above me and it had either knocked it thrown a berry at me. It hit my head landed on my arm and exploded. Kinda smelled like jelly…
a sign of some sort?

I’ve had other signs out there before.

Once, a jumping spider descended right onto my forehead after I was talking to…Naamah was it?

Another time I had just placed an incense cone and lit it for Azazel and just as I out the flame out a crow flew by and cawed quite loudly not even ten feet away. (I’ve actually had lots of crow synchronicities since last year) when I went to light another cone for a different entity, I realized that my lighter was out and I wouldn’t be able to light anything else. I was then told “it’s as it should be…”

Last night I was doing pranayama in the middle of my mantras. Might’ve overdid it, my face and teeth started tingling like crazy after doing a good bit of a technique I learned from Somewhere

I had gone to the store to get some flowers for my altar. Yellow seemed to be the correct color, though I’m not sure why. Also, white wine?

I found a bottle with a design that’s basically the star from tarot. Felt compelled to buy this one particularly. Considering my last tarot reading ending at the star, I feel like I’m being told something…

So far today I’ve done my Qigong, will do my mantras later but otherwise today has been rather uneventful.

Got out of work early today. Got home at 3:33…

When I had out my laundry in the dryer and got back upstairs I happened to look at the time and it was 4:44 at the tail end of this song…(Spotify)
How interesting.

I’m tired of all the overcast weather and just dreary yuck of winter.

I want the sun and it’s solar energy! I want spring!

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 23 '21 sat:

Holy shit, I dreamt a lot of wierd stuff…

At some point there was a battle of some sort.

Don’t remember if I was the one fighting or just observing.

There was a girl or being that would whip around these sticky tendrils of what looked like a tarlike substance that could cut open holes in the veil or something.

At one point one of these holes became a large round portal and an eye started peeking through. I heard a low growl from a large creature and at the bottom of this portal I clearly saw floating letters that said “Behemoth”…
During this, the girl of whatever was flying around with a very long tounge that had a large hole at the end that would float and billow in the wind…

There was this whole bit with Superman. There was some guy that had previously been defeated living in the desert. Because he had crazy ice powers. Superman’s brother? He told Superman he was miserable. Superman responded with something to the likes of “if you make me call the mother (something) army, it’ll be too much and they’ll conquer/destroy the planet. Don’t make me do it. Just stay put…” Then he flew off.

There was a brief moment with some superhero guy flying around with something like a metal pyramid on his head. (Think pyramid head, but with shazams body or something…🤷).

There was some kind of space segment like star wars and star trek.

I was trying to get something back from these people.

Thee was some kind of wedding that needed to be stopped. A chair that would turn people to stone if they sat in it. Various figures were relatives. Aunts, grandfather, others. A girl who may have been my significant other (not someone I know or recognize)

At the end I decide to stop something. I shove a man in a sort of darth Vader suit down. I hold open his jaw and proceed to break it and in a fit of pure murderous rage begin to stomp him into absolute hamburger.

Towards the end I’m just swinging and slamming the pulpy mess (which strangely has the shape of a teddy bear) into walls as the authorities arrive. During this horrific murder I get the sense I’m actually expressing someone else’s rage at their father (like I could hear their voice in my head while I was stomping, don’t know why…)

A different bit where I was looking for something…

I had to get it a a large house/mansion that had a junkyard in the back. Huge trees with LOTS of birdhouses hanging from them, and tall fences. A sense of foreboding…

I was going to sneak into the back to acquire whatever it was I needed.

I hear people talking about how strange it is that this junk seller is so successful and has a large house. I begin to see the inside of the house during this conversation like a vision.

The interior is very lavish, but many parts of things are made from bones. So many bones. Various novelties as well. A sense of dark secrets, secret big connections, and that this man and his family are not at all what they seem. The house was very Adams family in a way (just with a lot of bone decor).

There was something about getting insurance from some guy because he dented my vehicle.

I was in a van later, late for some kind of church event or whatever.

There was something else about a change to the management at my apartment complex, and that there will be weekly trash pickup from the door instead.

I had given an Asian man a string of red shell beads, but also my check for the rent accidentally. While rummaging through a pile of crap I saw my passport and other personal effects (*gotta clean this mess…I thought).

I had briefly looked at the tv, “Superman pt. 4”…(when did that come out?)

There was something about a murder…

Big court case. The girls boyfriend and friend were implicated somehow…

The same girl, or perhaps another had been carted off by some madman who called himself (I don’t remember). I saw a brief vision of this…

Two large doors open. A large husky naked man wearing some thin sheer fabric as a sort of cape. He has on a hood made of fresh human skin with eyeholes cutout. In his arms an unconscious woman, her body veiled in some sheer fabric like someone who just died. The man was raving and laughing as he fled, but I don’t remember what he said.

Evidently a bloody fingerprint on a small square of paper had been found behind a photograph at the courthouse somewhere. Was it a clue? Was someone at the courthouse involved?

That’s everything. I jumbled the order in some places, but whatever.

Also…Justin Bieber? (Somehow part of the court case)

Last night before bed, I was instructed to open my altar where I’m keeping open sigils/gates. I was previously told to take a break from some previous work.

Could this be related to some of the more bizarre dreams I had? I also had two glasses of wine last night though…

[crookedpathfinder]

Just received a bit of mail from a relative that appeared in one of my dreams last night.

They have a rather curious address. But I won’t discuss that here.

Bizarre synchronicity…

[crookedpathfinder]

While going through a planner to check the moon phases (wrote them down for the whole year) it occurred to me (have this marked down too, becuz reasons) that on the twentieth we moved into the sign of Aquarius.

Now, Aquarius is the sign of The Star Arcana.

The last tarot reading I posted, I definitely felt that the last card (the star) was very important for some reason…

Was it sone kind of hint as to a timeframe or something?

Curious.

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 24th '21 Sun:

Because I had missed a day, I went a little extra with my mantras. Although, I kinda feel like I might actually be done, but I’d rather slog it at least to the end of the month…

Dream recall:

At some point I seemed to be traveling around with Zak Bagans…

We went to a house that was supposed to be haunted in a wierd looking neighborhood (overgrown weeds, lawns, tall hedges and otherwise very unkempt lawns around seemingly abandoned houses).

Nobody was there and for a moment it seemed like we might break in for a look-see.

While checking out the neighborhood I remarked, “don’t feel right around here. We better not mess around too much or stay longer than we need too.”

I stood in front of a large derelict house. Tall hedges, and among the empty weeds in front and empty pots I saw some garden angels, and dog statues?

There were at least three or four identical pendants hanging from them…

At first I remarked that they were Sitri pendants …

But the sigils looked closer to Aim’s (though they changed after a glance)

When I read the name around the sigils, it seemed to say “Glasya Labolas”…

I said something about them being wards, and briefly wondered who lived here… …

I was told we were at the wrong place and needed to go to Las Vegas.🤷

My brother starts talking about Shadow people and there’s a brief conversation on the topic, while mentally I receive some odd visions of shadows in some different settings including seeing one climb a telephone pole while following a train leaving a rather large city on the outskirts going through what appeared to be “countryside” in a loose sense. I was watching through the window of the train…then it became a video he was showing me.

There’s talk of a hospital were supposed to check out.

I see a vision or sequence of some back alley like you’d see in a movie with people milling about, and a guy in a suit and hat (think mobster) walking around that was apparently the apparition that’d been seen.

At some point we stop in some little shop.

Looks like the owner sells, flowers, vegetables, and a lot of seeds for people to garden.

I feel bad for him because I know the pandemic has probably had a negative impact on his livelihood.

A basket full of tomato seed packets in staring at while I feel bad for him…

While I’m here a recieve a piece of mail. My tax return, and a bank statement from a bank I no longer use.

Also in the envelope, the following:

A certificate, with black accents. At the top is an artwork reminiscent of Michaelangelo, and the type of art the Catholic Church is so find of…

An old man with white hair and beard, seated proudly in what could be a throne. Not unlike the emperor arcana. He’s wearing a lot of robes like biblical art. He has ram horns and piercing eyes that may have been glowing. One hand was up against his chest, was he holding something?

Along the top in a gothic font it read:

"Bal, the Black"

(Yes, one “A”. Lol clearly it was supposed to say Baal…)

There was also a lot of Hebrew writing on it. I thought it looked rather amusingly like some kind of baptismal certificate.

This turn of events tickled and amused me, and I just started laughing, and kept laughing after hiding it under something. Apparently there had been an earlier allusion to Baal, but I couldn’t remember.

At some point an old man that apparently recognizes me and had known me as a child speaks to me. Something about Connecticut? No I’ve never been there…that I know of. I don’t remember my childhood too well actually.

He starts telling me things, and I ask about what kind of child I was like. He gives me an assessment that seems a bit negative about how he thought I’d turn out. I’m not offended but a little shocked maybe. Really? Was that the impression I gave this man as a kid?

At some point I woke up. There was plenty of other stuff, but I don’t remember.

[crookedpathfinder]

Yesterday I was a lazy oaf. Kept stuffing my face and had rather a bit to drink. Guess I needed that little bit of a dionesian break.

Jan 25 '21 Mon:

Well, so last night and this morning was interesting…

I don’t remember what I dreamt, but I woke up with the name “…Baal…” In my head. Checked the clock, 4Am. Not but a few moments later an absolute deluge of rain starts coming down for ten to fifteen minutes…I chuckled at this. Wow. Either I got his attention, or the old dude wants my attention. Goddamn.

I then spend the next couple of hours drifting in-between sleep and wakefulness.

Initially, I can see the rest of the bed and the room next to my bedroom.

I start to see these rippling waves of black energy with crackling black electricity or whatever flowing by my feet to the right into the next room.

Somehow I just knew that it was Azazel. I started to hear a lot of low voiced talking in the background of the next room, and some rather impressive growling…

Somehow the energy gives me a slight anxiety and I felt a bit uneasy. The talking and growling was a bit creepy too. I decide “I don’t feel like dealing with this right now…” So I decide to leave and head out the door…

Oh, wait.

There was this wierd bit while I was lying in bed where I kept seeing a female, but it was like she was being projected into me by Azazel or something. Somehow I thought this had to with my mother. It was rather a bit disorienting because at times I couldn’t tell if I was having my own experience, hers, a mixture, or whatever. Dunno wtf that was about…

Moving on.

So I’m out the house, going down the road ruminating on whether or not a banishing later might be a good idea because I don’t feel like dealing with creepy shit, and/or whatever energy might be left behind by what I just experienced…

I come upon a McDonald’s. I go inside I guess to order something.

I walk up to the counter, and after a few questions the girl at the counter says, “Hmmmm…you say…Azazel to me…”

Dafuq!? Lol I start to wonder if this girl is a witch but never ask. After a few more questions she says, “you’re a Scorpio right?” I tell her she nailed it and we high-five each other.

At some point I’m looking out the window, and I see a bunch of rather impressive funnelwebs outside covered in dew and morning light. I make a mental note if possibly gathering these webs for spidersilk that I may use…apparently oblivious to the fact they’re floating in the air without proper supports.
(Here I must note that Friday night I tried to
invoke Arachne, which I have not done before. I was very tired, so all I did was recite the invocation with the intent for her to influence my dreams. Perhaps these webs are an indication of success or her leaving a calling card in my dream…)

There’s a bit where I’m having trouble finding my vehicle and it’s drizzling.

I end up in a different house and at some point make note of my mother napping on a couch randomly. Huh, wierd.

I then get sucked into trying to play a movie that somebody apparently had tickets for. Despite the fact were in a home theatre. Also the build of this home is strange. Kinda like the inside of an RV or something.

I did twenty minutes or so of Qigong at my lunch break today. Went to the thrift stores and scored a few finds.

It’s finally sunny and the temp is fairly warm. A nice change at last. Almost feels like spring…

dunno if it’s related to the Azazel stuff, but I’ve been feeling this sort of twinge if anxiety throughout the day.

Then again it could be the alcohol from the day before as alcohol has a way of giving me anxiety at times anyway.

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 26th Tues:

Nothing dreamwise.

What I dreamt was largely inane crap, and though I seem to recall there was something amusing, I’ve forgotten over the course of the day…

Last night I did an extra rounds of Qigong, while fumigating the vessel for one of my servitor/familiars. Also, I was listening to Behemoth-X’s black flame chant the whole time…

(My thumb is blocking view of the vessel)

Towards the end I started to feel a bit of tingling in my face and something else. Don’t know if it was the chant or the extra energy work…

I pushed energy into the vessel for a bit before closing down. Thought about making a blood offering as well but then decided no to.

Today, no Qigong. Just didn’t feel like it.

I did however play an hour of Satan’s enn with some sandalwood incense to bring that energy into the temple. Had a shower then proceeded to recite five rounds of my main spirits enn (108x5).

I also did a round of Bunes enn. I drew out a new sigil now that I have colored pencils on hand, and burned/dismissed the previous tiny one I had on hand. I was gonna go with regular green, but was impelled to use the lighter green.

I was nudged to draw out the more complex sigil, but I tacked the other one above it anyway just because.

Still got my other mantras to do, which I’ll probably recite mentally while I lie in bed before sleep.

Has a few shots of scotch and feel feisty. Like I wanna burn shit and fuck shit up. Hahaha

Before coming home I had gone to a couple different stores. Grabbed some rose incense and some red tealights at dollar tree. The incense is mostly for Lilith.

Also I’d seen a lot of triple numbers cruising around. Normally I don’t read into the numbers much unless I see a lot of repeats. I did see 666 though hahaha
Generally I take it as a sign I’m still on the right track or that I’m in course…

I was gonna do it today, but will have to try later. I need to connect with Agrat bat mahlat…

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 27th '21 we’d:

Dreams were fairly mundane.

Largely consisted of abandoning a dilapidated building or whatever (lots of drywall needed to be replaced).

Then returning to see it all fixed up and thriving. People talking to me cuz they recognized me.

The meaning seems fairly clear. Letting go of something you can’t handle or that’s a bit beyond you, and letting someone else fix it.

Also, I was in a strange building or area and it felt kinda creepy, I was sure there was spirits around or something…

---

Qigong on lunchbreak for 20 mins. Cold today.

Today’s a laid-back kinda day I guess. Earlier I had made some offerings at my main altar. Might make a few more.

Been feeling some shit, and it occured to me that I should do a return to sender spell.

Looked one up on YouTube. Big synchronicity in the users icon.

Red candle, placed in salt with following incantation:

"Go back now from where you came…
Intentions sent, returned the same.

I send to you the karma you’ve earned.
So take this as a lesson learned.

ALL reversed to where it came…
With these words and this flame."

In addition I chanted other things and:
“return, reflect, return, reflect”
"Imbibe now the poisoned cup you have drawn…
Drink deep of the venom I return to you…
Let your own judgement be upon you, drink deep of what you have wrought…
Imbibe, and drink deep.
That which you have sent to me I now dig back into you…"

At some point I felt a “lift”…

I went to watch something and the very beginning of the episode had another of the same type of synchronicity which I won’t discuss at this moment.

Hail Lucifer!

[crookedpathfinder]

Jan 28th '21 Thurs:

This week is going by fast…

Not much recall, the course of the day and bad wake up habits have made a large part of it slip away.

There was something about a computer.

Also, I was (dreamt) teasing someone who was doing an online stream on my TV or something and she got annoyed with me. She said “this is your last warning”.

I expressed my apology and that I meant nothing by it. Lol

---

Reflecting on how much of a lift I’ve gotten after last night’s reversal spell, I decided to procure a few items for future such workings. I was weighing whether I should do another working but really go all out…doesn’t feel necessary though.

Also, it occurred to me I should probably do something of the sort monthly. Maintenance or whatever.

What bothers me though, is that I was feeling some wierd shit before I had done that and can’t help but feel that I may have dodged some kind of bullet. Though what kind I couldn’t say…

With that in mind, I also bought some coarse sea salt for a cleansing bath.

Just before I got home, I ended up behind a car with 6066 on the license plate, and a raven decal. A good sign, Malphas perhaps?

Cleansed my home with Palo Santo.

I’ve been charging and feeding my more active servitor/familiar a lot lately. Previously I’d been a bit neglectful. Every night I give her a candle, and I’ll pump some energy into her vessel if I’m up to it.

Interestingly, I’ve been repeatedly compelled to place her vessel on a candleholder I recently bought. Almost like a pedestal. The first time this occured I was told “…this way, the respect she deserves…” Or something to that effect. This made me feel a tiny bit guilty.

Earlier when I was lighting her candle for the day, I started pumping energy into her vessel. When I was almost done, I was pushing green energy into her vessel and mentally I saw her kind of fan it away as she said “no master”. Oops…wrong kind? I stopped at that point, and she expressed her gratitude and appreciation.

Cleansing bath:

I poured out a good bit of salt, and some scented Epsom salt I got at the store.

I grabbed my “sword”, and imbued it with bright light.

First an upright banishing pentagram over the salt. Then pushing light energy into it.

Then, an inverted pentagram, and pushing dark energy into it.

Then pushing lunar and solar energy into it. Then pushing green healing energy into it.

Finally I seemed to reach peak saturation. I had also said a “programming incantation” over the salt while doing this. I then ran my bath and soaked for however long.

At the end, I did a few deep inhales and exhales to push out any negativities and mentally it looked like the water took on a thick almost tarlike sticky composition. Yuck!

Strangely, I was told not to drain it and to let it sit. Something about letting it reach maximum absorption of everything it just sucked out of me before letting it drain. Ok? 🤷

After that I was told I need to do a proper banishing. LBRP then I guess. Banishing isn’t really my thing, but sure why not.

Been feeling a pull to metatron. Dunno what that’s about. Playing his “enn” from YouTube right now…

Recently I was reflecting on a grounding meditation I was doing last year around this time. It goes as follows…

Grounding meditation:

Assume a meditative posture.

Imagine that your head, skull is a seed.

Focus on the sensation that your head is a seed in the ground, and the feeling of soil and that very earthy energy. Really feel and saturate yourself with that sensation. Imagine the smell of soil. Darkness…the darkness of being buried in the earth …

You aren’t close enough to the surface to feel the sun just yet. You might even imagine that it’s winter and the earth is dormant.

From your head/skull, a Taproot sprouts…

Going down your spine and out your tailbone. Imagine it sucking up nutrients and energy…

Now, you start to feel the warmth of the sun above you…it’s time.

Imagine that your “seed” (skull) sprouts and pushed itself up to the surface. Into a great tree.

You are now tied to the above and below, with your head smack dab in the middle.

Imagine the serenity of a tree blowing in the wind. You may imagine the weather changing, various weather cycles. Feel the sun’s radiance and warmth feeding you through your leaves. Feel the stability of your trunk. Feel the calm and the patience.

When you’re ready, bring your hands up in a lotus mudra…

Next, imagine that on the side of your “tree” is a big exotic flower where your hands are.

Picture the following.
On the inhale, see energy flowing into the flower (also heart chakra) like a green and pink fragrance wafting in the wind, but in reverse. Into the flower.

On the exhale, imagine that a green/pink healing energy covers your body and reverberates or flows all-over you in an act of photosynthesis if you will…

Do this till you feel ready to finish. Then picture the tree and its roots retracting back into your skull, and close up however you might normally do.

[crookedpathfinder]

Missed a day…

Yesterday I had no dream recall.

Before I got to work, I happened to check my trip meter at a stop light (I use it to guage my mileage every tank of gas)…111.1 miles. Nice

I was filling in for another guy who was out on vacation. His stuff involves weighing and measuring. 666 came up a couple of times.

Yesterday’s magic repeating numbers seemed to be 555, and 888.

I must be doing something right. Hahaha

At this point, following my intuition, I feel that I’m done with the mantra practice I was doing with chinnamasta and Ganesh. Actually I was done a few days ago, but chose to slog it out a bit further. Unless I’m compelled otherwise, I’m dropping it for now.

My Shri yantra I have on hand should be rather energized I imagine from the twenty plus days of mantra work, and the tealights I’ve burned over it during the practice. (Really I feel I could’ve done better, but I didn’t do too bad I suppose.)

जै छिन्नमस्ता । जै गणेश ।

I was compelled to take a cleansing bath again (salt). Took a really long soak.

Afterward, it seemed I needed to do a really good banishing. So I banished, and then did some other things.

I don’t know what it is that seems to be fucking with me, but I’ll need to be more diligent about my shielding and whatnot. A good reason to practice better discipline. Lol

Last night around 12? I performed a self love rite with Astarte. Went really well. What a lovely, wonderful goddess!

Edit:
Feels like I should note the following since I thought about it…

During the rite, I got a lot of activation in the energetic gates of my feet, sacral and surrounding chakras (mostly the sacral), and the front of my crown. Afterward, I felt a sort of “magnetic” or energetic pressure in my third eye (I don’t know if anointing my third eye with my own blood played a part in this or not). Also, I had been compelled/told to anoint my temples with Slut Water™ (as opposed to directly on the third eye, or what I usually do which is put it on my crown and work it into my hair). Anointing the temples might merit some experimentation. When all was said and done and the rite concluded, I dealt some vague nausea but I had been fasting since lunch time, and finished at 12am or after last night.
End edit.

This was probably the first step in some shadow work I’m needing to do. Despite all the work I’ve already done, it seems there’s a few points where I’m not progressing, or have failed to go further. I don’t like feeling stuck.

I had used cuniform for Ishtar, and the word “love” around her sigil, as well as the number fifteen (one of her epithets is “the fifteen”).

I had meant to do some other things but felt a bit tired and drained, so I ate and grounded myself with some tv before going to bed.

Jan 30th '21 Saturday:

I dreamt a lot of wierd shit.

There was a very large rat, eating a large but much smaller mouse alive. Starting with the feet and legs, before ripping skin if it face or something.

I was hanging out with some girl. We’re we romantically involved?

A baby cow and a dog. She seemed really fixated on the baby cow.

We started to have sex a few different times, but she seemed to have a lot of hangups so it didn’t really go anywhere. Trust issues? Self esteem?

There was a lot of sexual stuff in my dreams, probably influenced by the self love rite I did with Astarte.

I feel like there’s something else missing. Perhaps I’ll remember later…