Some kind of journal

Joining the forum, and starting an online journal was part of how I wanted to start the new year. Seeing as I suck at the physical journal process (writing is tiring and feels more time-consuming than typing). My physical journal hasn’t been updated since Feb 10th 2020 I believe…:person_shrugging:

Should this one end up having a lot of posts I might work off of a monthly journal model so I don’t have to scroll an ocean of text. Lol

Today will be the second day of a sadhana I’m doing jointly between Ganesh and Chinnamasta which will last a minimum of 11 days but I’d like to go for the whole month. I want to start the year strong. Last night I started, using a Shri yantra I had bought some time ago (goldplate 10x10 in), I annointed it with Barbie Garret’s slut water™ as an offering to Ganesh and stated my intention for him to remove obstacles in my physical life. I out on the Ganesh Vandana (YouTube or Spotify) lit some fire in a small pot ontop of the yantra and recited one round (108) of his mantra. I could sense he was pleased. I thanked him.

Once again, I anointed the yantra and told chinnamasta my intention for her to help me work through my internal and mental obstacles. I put on the chinnamasta Gayatri mantra (chant central on YouTube or spotify) and did a round of her mantra (ॐ हु चिन्नमस्तयै नामो नमः). As I go forward I hope to do more than that. Say at least two rounds of 108. Ideally Id like to do ten. But that might be a little gungho…

This’ll be the outline for this “sadhana”. I might add or remove to this. Ideally I’ll do this on an empty stomach (4 hrs fasted). In conjunction with this practice I want to do a daily energy practice (Qigong: I’ve been rather lax for awhile as I’ve seesawed between apathy or laziness). Some pranayama and/or chakra exercises. Time allowing…

Earlier today I was asked for a blue candle. I hemmed and hawed a bit. Then I was reminded that it was an energetic treat. Very well…

Grabbed a candle, one of the last two blue chime candles. Need to buy more.

“Push energy into the candle and empower it”, ok…

I like to work with colors.
“Blue, black, green…”
Very well then.

I begin, using my index and middle fingers to push energy into the candle. Inhale, exhale and push…first, dense black energy, then electric blue energy, then green vaporous energy, next blue flames…

“Too much…”
You can take what you need from it as it burns. Anything else can dissipate or you can store it for later (if you can)
I sense a smile. This answer was met with enthusiasm.

In the middle of this charging, I had removed my fingers from the candle and she seemed to eat some energetic residue from my fingertips. Much like you would eat brownie batter from a bowl with your fingers. I found this rather amusing…

Intuitively, I sense the candle is ready and finish. I feel a bit drained. Success.

I grab a lighter, envision the flame being consecrated/empowered and light the candle.

Mentally I see an enthusiastic spirit in front of the candle “eating” the energy coming off of it. Job well done.

Some days back I had been doing some energy raising. I decided to freed and empower my servitors/familiars while I did so.

First one, I pushed energy into and gave a boost.

Second one, she’s rather a bit more temperamental and moody. Hecate helped me in the creation, maybe that’s her twist? Lol
Wouldn’t come at first. Finally comes, arms crossed looking away.

Lose the attitude.
“Don’t feed the energy into me directly!”
Pffft, well how do you want it then?
Whatever, I’ll just feed it into your sigil then…

I draw out the sigil energetically. Strong energetic lines, vibrant. I start feeding energy into it and create a surrounding sphere. After a bit of this, I shrink the ball down and condense it it to a small grapefruit size.

Alright, here it is…
Take. It.
“I want a rune…”
Sure, I can do that.
(Start to envision Uruz for strength)
“Not that one…”
Hmmmmmm, (intuitively) Nauthiz…
Why that one?..
“I want the power to bind your enemies…(to operate under constraint and persevere)”
Very interesting…(I sense some kind of competiveness or jealousy is at work with this request) very well, I like that answer.

Let’s see, what color…
(Mentor) “don’t overthink it”
You’re right.
I envision Nauthiz within the energy ball, RED, crackling energy.

She holds her hands out for it. I don’t remember if she absorbed it or if I gently pushed it into her…

Suddenly she collapses on her back and starts convulsing like an epileptic…
Oh, fuck…was that supposed to happen?
“Hold her til it passes”
If you say so…(shit)
After a moment she stops convulsing.
Now it’s like a cat that got catnip…
Alright, alright, that’s enough of that. I close down and go about my day. Phew…

Jan 31st I had had a few drinks (absinthe)
Fuck it. Let’s call Lucifer!
I chant a round of his enn on my “demonic mala” (only for demon enns).
I grab a tealight, guess I was feeling spunky.
“Lucifer, be with me in the coming year, (shit I don’t remember), let me drink deep of the abyss and within that abyss…(other stuff)” light the candle
I hear a deep male voice laugh
“YES!..hahaha…VERY bold…”
Oh, shit. What’ve I done?
“You may regret that later…”
Oh well, fuck it. That’s neither here nor there. What comes, comes.

Earlier that day, or the night before I was told the following:
(Female voice, Lilith) “DARKER spirits will be coming now…”
(“Darker spirits” dafuq does that mean) Right now?
“No…moving forward…”
In the year ahead?
“Yes…(how do you feel about that?)”
I’m ok with that?.. Dunno if I’m ready, but I’ll handle it best I can.
(I sense amusement)

Fast forward to last night…

Instructed to open the altar and lift a fire (manifestation base, energy conduit)
I had received communication. Strong presence. Azazel?
Some instructions, curiously something about “energy bridges”? I will know what to do when its time to do it (apparently). I’m supposed to bridge energy to myself somehow, I received an intuition flash, something about circuits (energy meridians?). Bridge is emphasized a few times.
I think I get the basic gist of it…is that all?
“That’ll do. Close down.”
Very well then…

1 Like

Jan 3 Sunday bloody Sunday…

I had a rather bizarre dream.

There was a man on the run? (The phrase “man on the run” seems to conjure the Beatles song in my head) I might’ve been the man, but my experience seemed to shift between “characters”…such is the nature of dreams…

He seemed to be running from a group of criminals, mafioso types or something. Particularly there was a woman among this group that was dressed like a goth Carmen San Diego. A sharp shooter. Give her a gun and she could nail a fly in the distance at a moment’s notice. She was the primary and paramount threat. She was out to kill the protagonist of this dream.

I don’t remember if it was ever clear why this man was on the run…

At one point there was a group discussion. Seemed gambling, and owing debts to the wrong people were at play. Some really stupid gambling, that may have been related to some family history on my father’s side. In my disbelief I levied heavy criticism and scorn on these guys.

A group now assembled, somehow they got the jump on “goth Carmen” took all her guns and were on their way to Mexico.

I now saw “goth Carmen’s” side of the dream. Rummaging frantically through everything “…need a gun. There has to be one…they got away…this isn’t good, and I’m PISSED…”

Her colleagues arrive. Slowly they enter the building trying to talk her down from her rage.

Apparently, she’s dangerous to her own people.

They hand her a tazer that looks like a gun. She immediately turns on the person that handed it to her and tries to take him mercilessly…

“Well, now…why didn’t I hand you a gun? Haha” he mocks. He knew she’d just kill everyone in the room and be on her merry way…stratch that. She’d be on the warpath.


Dream cuts to outside. It’s a sunny winter day. I can feel the warmth. I can tell that the days are lengthening with the promise of spring on the horizon. I seem to Intuit that this works against her somehow…is she some kind of vampire? She does wear a big black sunhat…

A voice…the sun?
The sun is talking? It’s mocking her…
I don’t remember what was said…
Something along the lines of “you will run, and you will chase, but your quarry will elude you…(something about under the sun)…(something about time not being on her side)…(indeed it would seem her “powers” are diminished under the sun’s Ray’s)”

Was that what was said? I don’t remember…

When I think about it, there was something strangely “Quentin Tarantino” about the dream.

Does this dream have any significance? Or is it bullshit? I’ll record it all the same…if nothing else, recording even seemingly nonsensical dreams should improve my dream recall by practice. But goddamn that was wierd…

2-something AM…

Woke up from a dream that was most certainly bound to be a nightmare about goddamn zombies

Thank God, cuz I hate that shit

The signs were there. deep foreboding, an unaware public. Glowing eyes in the woods as I rode around what seemed to be a double-decker bus kind of thing (huh, wtf?). Which at some point I fell off of while on the way to some place I was working at.

I was undeterred and jogged the rest of the way through the supercreepy woods. Before this I had been seeing a lot of glowing eyes in the woods along the dirt road. I had even seen (just a glimpse, a flash) a rather sinister looking coyote. Scavengers

this was the tail end of what seemed to be a sequence. I had actually driven through the woods a couple times. Each night there would be more glowing eyes, and an evergrowing sensation of dread

I get there, apparently I’m working in some kind of kitchen. I’m livid
Not only did I fall off my ride, but one of the others is talking smack.
“He gives bad advice…”
I had been trying to warn these idiots that something wasn’t right. Whatever, fuck’em…I hope he’s first…

Rage, I’m raging in the kitchen…but I feel that heavy dread. Waiting for the moment that the door swings open to reveal the living dead ready to pounce.

I woke up.

Probably from the gnawing paranoia of what felt like the promise of a creeping terror.

Let’s rewind though…

Ah, yes. Rage
I had been eating earlier in the dream as well.
Sperate dream? I don’t know. The line where one ends and another begins can be confusing at best. I digress…

Earlier I had been doing laundry or something. Putting up clothes.

Someone asked me a question. I hate this person…I respond very negatively. Now I’m in a bad mood.

Kitchen. There’s a radio. It’s playing “Destroy what destroys you” by Kreator. Rather loudly.
It’s then followed by “Amok Run” off the same album…Hordes of Chaos…for a moment, a certain riff seems so clear and obvious to me…I could probably figure it out if I had a guitar on me right now…oh, well. Another song might’ve played, but I don’t remember. I want to say…“absolute misanthropy” from the same album. I don’t know.

After…no…during?..before? I don’t know.
I grab a drink…but for some reason I decide I need to grab a stuffed animal. There’s a whole pile of them. I’m compelled to grab a seemingly innocuous teddy bear. Something’s attached to the bear…a spirit?

Before all this I had been outside. There was a conversation with a child. There was a conversation with a child the night before in another dream. Deja Vu…

I don’t remember what was said. A continuation from before? Recurring dream? The previous time it was a little girl, telling me of her troubles with other kids among other things. This time it was also a girl, but I don’t remember details. Is she like some kind of inner child figure? A representation of childlike innocence and naivete? Who knows…

Perhaps in relation to this child, there was some brief bit about Thomas the tank engine. Don’t know what that’s about…was there a baby during this dream sequence?..I feel like there might be been…

Let’s fast forward…

Before the driving through the woods…and the encroaching zombie nightmare…

We had made a stop somewhere to gas up it seems. So many people…
It almost felt like being in a crowd of refugees. But more like there was some kind of mass exodus taking place. And yet, it was more like being in a crowded bazaar.

A vehicle in particular stood out to me.
A dark red square scion thing.
Somehow it was rather large on the inside. I had seen a brand new twin bed through the window. A traveling couple? There was a bit of a hippy vibe to the vehicle…
But, it had this red velvet interior thing going on. Also there were red curtains on all the windows with plastic covers to keep rain if them.

Really, it looked like a hearse in a way… A portend of death?

The driver when she got out, was an older woman…maybe…mid 50’s? She had that “bohemian” look going on, but she was wearing a pink thong with some kind of see through scarf with fringe and lace embroidery on it around her waist in some kind of makeshift skirt.

I feel like I’m missing something…

Oh, well. That’s all I remember.

Before I went to sleep, I had been seeing waves in my vision. Black waves coming from my peripheral and moving towards the center. I could see them more easily if I opened my eyes and stared into the darkness. A symptom of fatigue maybe. The beginning of hypnogogia?

Almost 5am…

I haven’t been able to go back to sleep.

For awhile I had an eerie feeling, but I think it was some leftover disturbance from my dreams.

Yesterday I missed a day of my sadhana. Shit…technically, I’m supposed to start over, however…I think if I just pick up and double up today I’ll be ok.

Silver lining…

I’ve been meaning to work on my morning routine anyway…

Let’s do this

Something I didn’t mention. When I had gone to sleep, when I closed my eyes I seemed to be able to “see” through my eyelids. Not the first time I’ve experienced this. This usually comes with an expanded sense of awareness and everything is “seen” in varying shades of dark ethereal blue, and black, but kind of vague. When this has happened in the past it usually follows meditation or deep relaxation practices before bed.

Jan 4 Mon

So, this morning I had done my current mantra/sadhana practice.

Got good vibes. Ganesh, then chinnamasta. For some reason it seems I need to do more of her mantra…

(One more [round])
(One more [round])
Alright, then…
(One more [round])
On it…

I just kept going til I got (that’s enough), at which point I sensed that this was very good and somebody was pleased.

Work was still, uneventful.
A couple of times I got tingles on my scalp. Notably, when I was lost in a sort of fantasizing. I was visualizing myself singing a song in a basement doing music stuff (I’ve been doing this sort of visualization off and on since maybe 2015 or before, I usually find it rather empowering in its own way), and I started getting really into this visualization. Maybe it was the lyrics, or how strong the visualization was (when I’m really good it can be like operating in two world’s simultaneously, I’ll even feel the vibrations if the music) but that’s when I started getting tingles on the right side of my scalp.

After work I had gone to the store. Wouldn’t it figure that I’d park in the spot right in front of a vehicle with a license plate that ends in 666. Clearly…I must be doing something right…

I had gone to the liquor store, but was largely uninterested in any alcohol while I was there. I made a small purchase and left.

At 6:15 or so, I sat down for my sadhana once again.

(Incense)…(sandalwood preferably)
I don’t have sandalwood…
(Don’t worry about it for the moment)
I dunno if I wanna light up incense everyday

Can’t find my rudraksha mala. I’ll just have to use the bead bracelet I made of obsidian. 27 beads around, so four rounds equal 108.

Set up the Shri yantra, light candle, start the Ganesh Vandana, start chanting:

Om Gannaanaam Tvaa Ganna-Patim Hava-mahe
Kavim Kaviinaam-Upama-Shravas-Tamam |
Jyessttha-Raajam Brahmannaam Brahmannas-Pata
Aa Nah Shrnnvan-Nuutibhih-Siida-Saadanam ||
Sri Mahaa-Gannapataye Namah ||

Ekadantaya vidmahe, vakratundaya dimahi, tanno danti prachodayaat

Om gan ganapataye namah x ____

Once again…
(One more [round])
After a few extra rounds, I sensed satisfaction.

While the rest of the Ganesh Vandana played I changed some buns mantra…

लां, वां, रां, यां, हं, हूँ, ुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुुु
Lam up to 7, vam 3-5, ram 3, Yam 3-5, ham 3, hum 3, the addition of zhen, li and thum, and finally om…

Now, chinnamasta…
Put on the Gayatri mantra…

Om vairochandi Cha vidmahe, chinnamastayai dimahi, tanno Devi prachodayaat

While that plays I chant her mantra, Om hum chinnamastayai namo namaha

Once again
(One more [round])
I continue til satisfaction is reached.
If you insist …
Let’s see what I got, how bout dragons blood?
(Yes, but get sandalwood)
I’ll have to buy the sandalwood

Lit the incense in front of the yantra and let the rest of the Gayatri play out. Done.

Earlier I was told to do 10 rounds of one of my main spirits enn tonight. I missed a night last night. I had been told previously to do it every night, and had been doing it as I go to sleep for a while now.

The moon is about at the half phase tonight. I need to charge my servitors but might do it tomorrow. I charge them on halfmoon days, and give offerings to my main spirits on full and new moon days. It’s a sort of schedule I guess. Though, the last couple of moons I was told not to worry about it.

If I understood correctly, I was told a few days back I’ll need to work with ereshkigal it seems. I have it in the works to make a round clay tablet with her name and epithet in cuneiform on it.

Jan 5 Tues:

Where shall I begin?

Dream recall:

I tried to hold onto as much as I could, but some things slipped through the cracks, and it’s a bit jumbled…regardless

At one point there seemed to be some kind of war going on. I was arguing with somebody about boats?

He wanted to know why the large battleships and stuff couldn’t get “there” fast enough. We’re in the middle of some kind of waste and bikes and ATVs
And jeeps or something in military colors are zipping past us jumping off hills and stuff.

I was like, “because dumbass! The large boats are way heavier and slower! And anyway, it’s better to send in the smaller faster boats as scouts! Reconnaissance!”

At this point I started to see an aerial view of the northeast United States and lower Canada. I somehow knew that “there” was New York, but also had the distinct sensation that Canada was somehow gonna be involved or come into play…

It’s fuzzy after that…

I’m somewhere, it looks like it’s a bit in the sticks, but more like the outskirts of an urban area. I’m in front of a building with a metal door. The building is concrete, it looks like a bunker that goes underground or something.

People are running past me, there’s a general sense of flight, and running away from something.

Two women stop in front of the door. I recognize one of them. From earlier in the dream? Apparently, at this moment were not on the same side. She’s got a gun. I don’t remember how, but I manage to get the gun off her while she’s distracted talking to the other woman…

I go to fire the gun (it actually looked like a toy gun but was apparently “live”)…
Click, click, clickshit

I’ve already displayed lethal intent, no turning back…I lunge and begin to strangle her, the whole time I’m saying “I’m sorry! I didn’t want this for you! It was supposed to be quick! I didn’t want to put you through this! If only the gun had worked!”
She’s taking a long time to suffocate…I start to question the need to kill her at this point, and she starts to pass out. I let her go so that she’s not dead but unconscious.

For some reason she turns into a doll? The doll chimes “I’m not dead! I’m okay!”

In spite of the attempted killing, I now proclaim “I’ll find a way to turn you back! I’ll save you!” (What the hell?)

I don’t remember much else, oh wait!
Once again there was music! During all the chaos, “Total Death” by Kreator was playing! Or was it “Endless Pain”? Then again, total death is a track on the endless pain album…
A pattern seems to be emerging? Two tracks from the “horses of chaos” album the previous night, and a track from the “endless pain” album last night…what does it mean? Will this continue?

Upon waking as I’m opening my eyes, I could hear two male voices talking and commenting on a matter that’s been bothering me for awhile (and was seeing a sort of hypnogogic vision) but I won’t discuss that here as it’s rather personal…

Somewhere before nine o clock I was working and I started to feel a sort of defiant “fuck around find out” kind of feeling coming over me.
I began to think, “is this me, or another?..Belial?”
Upon this thought I got (CALL ME…). Belial? (yes) well, I’m working but my co-workers not around at the moment…(invoke me) I begin, “lirach tasa Vefa wehlic Belial…Belial…come Belial! I invoke you! Alash tad’alash tal’ashtu! I invoke you!”…

My coworker walks in…(it’s gonna have to wait dude, my break is at nine thirty…)

Break time: I begin to walk out to my little secret space out in the trees…I can feel the pull. It’s almost like autopilot. Start walking and the pull takes you the direction you need to go…

I get there. I’m turned to the northeast a bit. NORTH, I begin again
(nothing fancy…just do the invocation…)
Okay. I begin. Now, invoking Belial can be a bit frustrating. It tends to turn into a giant nitpicking over my choice of words and the way I go about it. Eventually we arrive at what’s agreeable, but I’m just not feeling it.

Didn’t bring my A game today. So, I narrate what I can’t seem to visualize…“a black cloud of earthen demonic energy descends upon me. In me. Through me. I am filled with the energy and essence of Belial…” After a bit this seems to work.

I feel a tad nauseous. This doesn’t really happen normally. Did it work? Or is he displeased about something? (In the past, displeasure with something or dislike of something has manifested as nausea to some extent or another. Example: being in the store trying to select a correct offering and mentally promoting “this one?” Only to RECIEVE a bout of strong nausea in the pit of my stomach, “nope…definitely. not. That. One.”)

(good enough)
(go, don’t worry about it. Keep things simple)
Well okay then. I return to work.

Later in the day I was feeling a sort of undercurrent of rage.

My coworker has a problem with trying to tell other people what not to do or to control the environment based on what he doesn’t like. He and I have some history together, so I’ve bumped heads about this before and he generally won’t fuck with me, but he will fuck with just about everyone else.

I can tell he’s gonna try to fuck with the other guy over something, and I’m just waiting for him to. I wanna let him have it…“And who are YOU to tell anyone what they can or can’t do? You have no authority here! Why do you try to exercise control over others? Why do you think you get to control this space?” Or something along those lines.

To be clear, I realize there’s a bit of a personal shadow involved here. Part of that is my reaction to such behavior. The other part is my dislike of such attitudes and behavior. And yet another part is my personal history with this person as we conflict on various issues and generally don’t see eye to eye. Moreover, we have fairly different worldviews and values. Also, he’s just plain arrogant at times. He’s used to getting his way because a lot of people will just bend like Reed’s in the wind for him.

Most of the time we can get along though.

But at this particular moment I fealt like I wanted to take him down some pegs. This never happened though. The day went on without incident or bickering. Rather dull tbh.

legion: adventures with servitors

During the course of the workday, it occured to me (not for the first time) that I’m kind of sitting on a servitor legion. And I should out them to better use. “Idle hands are the devil’s tools” as the saying goes…

This needs some explanation.

I have a primary servitor with many subordinate lesser servitors under her command. In reality they are extensions of her.

These lesser servitors have a house with representative objects in it. Their shape merely has to conform to a certain base but can be of a somewhat fantastical nature according to her design to fulfill various auxiliary roles in keeping with her primary function and purpose. Though they do have some roles unique to themselves. They are not to exceed a certain (undisclosed) number.

Now. Having purchased Barbie Garret’s “Slut water™” back in early November I had been using it off and on for a bit. One of the things it’s good for is “growing relationships”. Now in my mind, that’s probably good for enhancing the loyalty of your (long-term) servitors/familiars…not only that, but could be used to invoke/bless the energy of Astarte and other associated spirits into your servitor/familiars…

With this in mind…

Mid-Nov methinks?
I don’t remember if the moon phase came into play…was it full? I digress…

I brought out her image, that has her sigil, name and runestave. I pushed energy into the image. I then anointed the eyes, mouth, and third eye areas of the image, as well as her name, sigil, and runestave. I invoked the power of Astarte and co, and asked her to bless and empower my servitors with her energies.

I fealt a wave of energy coming off the image. A very pleased loving energy. Affection. Definite affection.

Now. The minor servitors. I placed the objects stored in their house in a chalice. I out a few drops of lavender oil in the chalice with some water. I put some “Slut Water™” in the chalice as well.

Next followed a sex magick rite. When the time “came” I released my creative essence into the chalice while envisioning the boost of life and vitality and enhanced rebirth I gave them. Indeed, in my mind’s eye what was released was in fact these minions. The primary servitor was a part of this process and words were pronounced over the proceedings as well as invoking the blessing of Astarte and associated spirits. At the end of all this, I moved the chalice to the altar and covered it so that it could “incubate” as it were. There was a sense that one if the spirits involved would preside over this and my primary servitor over the course of the night. A sort of caretaking.

Ultimately I let this stand for two days consecrated before cleaning up the objects and returning them to their house. Everyone powerd up, I kind of forgot about it and went about my business…


I was doing some energy raising, Qigong.

Somewhere in the middle of this, she walks out of the corner of the living room seemingly in a upbeat mood and announces:

“They’re ready now!”
Ready? Who?
“Our children!”
Our…children? (Aw, Jeez…)
“Yes! Look at them!” She was beaming

I then saw in my minds eye, all these mini servitors assembled before me in tight formation like an army. I couldn’t help but think of attack of the clones

“They just need your final empowerment! You need to energize them, and give them your seal! (my sigil)”

I held my hands out in front of them and started to push energy out and towards them. I gave them my blessing.

What followed was a MASSIVE energy drain.

Qigong was over at this point. Only sleep would recoup me. Any further energy work would be like jump-starting a dead battery.

She sat down in front of me. Clearly pleased with these proceedings. She held out a hand with one of these mini servitors. It was my understanding that this one was somehow the leader or commandant in a sense. First and foremost amongst his brothers and sisters.

I don’t remember what was said, but I do remember getting a pledge of loyalty and a salute. Also I think he called me “Father” (jeez)

He then proceeded to climb on my shoulder and head. My understanding was that he would personally be on hand at all times as a sort of watchman.

He then bit me and drank some energy…

I looked over at her,
“hey now. I can’t be having that. You need to keep them inline.”


“If they get too unruly I’ll need you to eat them and reabsorb integrate them”

This was met with a look of indignance and offense…

“Okay, okay. Maybe that was a bit much. If they become problematic you’re gonna have to send them away. They’ll have to go their own way in the wild.”

This was met with a sort of sad agreement.

“C’mon, now. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”

Now, before this exchange there was something else.

After the energy drain, one of these little ones had crawled into her mouth, and I could see it end up in her belly (or rather…womb?).

“Did you eat him!?”

No, he will sit in my stomach for a time before being reborn.

(My understanding was that this was some kind of mutation and incubation process. Not only that, but during this process she receives energies from these lessers and thereby can acquire enhancement and learning through some kind of symbiosis)

She wanted me to let one reside in my stomach as a sort of personal guardian or ward (or something), but I was leery of the idea and told her no. That I might consider it in the future.

I guess she’s more of a bonafide familiar now. Albeit with a legion of subordinates.

They have current standing orders that involve rotation and some functions they perform in the background.

Thinking back on it, the one that bit me implysvthey have vampyric qualities. This needs to be experimented with.

Furthermore, they may have a few other enhanced abilities I’m not aware of as a result of this rite.

I’ve been toying with the idea of creating a sigil they’re bound to that can be used as an astral fate to station them in places for one reason or another. One or two would function as sentinels to guard this gate, while others would come and go through depending on their objective.

I already have a determined sigil. I just have to bind them to it, or “install” it.

In doing this I feel like it would be wise to create some more servitors to act as a larger defense/offense in case trouble should arise at one of these gates. OR if by way of reconnaissance something interesting was found by these gates.

An idea I’m floating, is a sort of “ranger” with dog/wolf team (think Aragorn from Lord of the rings)

He could track and deal with astral threats. Could be sent on patrols, and other things but spend the rest of his time watching the home or be sent on a more local patrol whenever I’m somewhere. But his main goal would be to act in case of attacks on these theoretical gates.

That said. All of the above sounds kind of crazy. But it happened to me. Lol

At the store I procured some sandalwood incense for my current mantra practice. I will do my mantras before I go to bed. I don’t plan on being up late, so I may keep it real simple tonight.

And, that’s Tues…

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Jan 6th wed 2021:

Last night I kept it simple with the mantras.

Lit sandalwood incense, lit candle, placed in front of Shri yantra.
Started with Ganesh, did a run through.
Then chinnamasta.
Was asked to do a few extra rounds, until finally satisfaction.

(You’ve done well)

Having failed to do the prescribed ten rounds of my main spirits enn the previous night (only managed three before succumbing to slumber), I endeavored to try again. Mentally counting as I ran the beads through my fingers while I laid in bed. Made it about 7 rounds I think (7x108…764) before once again slipping into sleep.

dream recall:

Speaking of dreams, on reflection it’s a little funny that…

The “nos” in my username comes from hypnos (Greek god of sleep).

Moreover, in qliphotic literature…Arachne, and/or Akkawabisha(sp?) (Or Luluwa) though primarily associated with Satariel, has a lot to do with Liliths sphere of Gamaliel. The sphere of the moon which is heavily associated with dreams among other things.
I digress…

So, I don’t really remember much.

I do remember there was some sexual stuff.
I was with a decently attractive mature woman. It seems like there was some kind of edgeplay going on. This seemed to go on for a good stretch…

I was wanting to make out, but this seemed to be a bit of a turnoff for her.

She was supposed to be the cougar in control while I layed back as she edged me.

I wasn’t properly playing along…
At some point I woke up.

Other than that I can’t seem to recall much.

Temp this morning was 57°? But it looks gloomy and it might rain…felt some moisture in the air but the air is mostly still though the sky is overcast.

Jan 6th 2021, night:

So, today I ended up working with one of the loudest machines at my job.

Naturally, this meant I could intone or chant underneath the noise while going unheard, or looking like I’m singing or mumbling/talking to myself.

I started with one of EAs chants (itz rachu kantantu, etc) about three times, followed by the black flame chant I learned from Behemoth Xs video, and rounded it off with Alash tad’alash tal’ashtu. (Few repititions)

Black flame chant

After this I started intoning and chanting the bija mantras for the chakras…

Lower three, muladhara (root), swadishthana (sacral), and manipura (solar plexus) I intone at a low pitch and try to resonate in my diaphragm (because thats closer to those chakras).

When I get to anahata (heart), I switch to a medium or higher tone. In singing, they talk about “chest voice”, located by the heart.

My understanding is that a proper chant of ॐ should start from the diaphragm, move up through the chest and “pharyngial bridge” and end at “head voice”.


I maintain a medium or higher tone for the vishuddha and Ajna chakras so that the note resonates close to them.

When I get to the crown, I start low and move up, getting a resonance from the bottom going up (as best I can).

Since I’m standing while I work, this work pretty well. If I overdo it, I’ll actually start to trance out if the intonations/chants are long.

In addition to the regular bija mantra, I add hum, after ham (hum हूँ is chinnamasta bija mantra and I believe associated with the throat, which has to do with her iconography, that is, cutting of her own head), then I chant “thum” (I don’t remember where I picked this up but my understanding is it’s associated with the ajna chakra somehow). After these I’ve been using the Taoist healing sounds zhen (heart?) and lí (ajna), just for fun really.

Having done that, I then started Galdr. First, just reciting the runes in an authoritative voice with intent. Then chanting them slowly on the exhale much like bija mantra.

I did this over the course of about 3 hours I’d say (or almost that long…maybe only 2…)

I largely spent the rest of the workday lost in thought. Some rabbitholes I don’t feel like writing out tonight. Maybe later…

Latter half of the shift I started to feel a strong sort of defiant energy and rage. Not anger, but just a strong defiance. Perhaps a side effect of belial invocation. Speaking of which there was no invocation today.

Earlier in the day, I saw a spider. It came crawling right toward me. I let it do its thing and go about it’s business.

Generally I’ll catch them and take them outside for release. I’ve been doing this for years. At least since 2014 I’d say…

I consider this one to have been a good sign. Someone is pleased.

At lunchbreak I went to Whataburger and on the way, ended up behind a vehicle with a number for “how’s my driving?” That ended in 6661…hail Satan…

Did my mantras today. I don’t know for sure, but it seems any desire for alcohol is largely diminished, and it seems my sexual energy has been pretty low-key, and under control. An effect of working with chinnamasta?

Circling back to the previous day’s entry…

I think I may have a target to send my legion after…

A man at my workplace had been bothering me for awhile with his bullshit until I had told to straight up fuck off a few times.

He stopped parking next to me and now parks on the other end of the lot which I find amusing…that started BEFORE I told him to fuck off. Hahaha

He’s an out of touch motherfucker who doesn’t seem to realize his bubble of comfort doesn’t extend to everyone. He also seems to think that when he talks to people that they need to present him with something that’ll impress them. On top of that he has a sort of punkass personality where he wants to constantly bust people’s balls All the time.

I had actually thrown a minor curse at him one time that he really aggravated me. I don’t know that it stuck though, as for one, it was on the fly and secondly, it was hard to forget and let go because I had to keep talking to the bastard for a few weeks.

Fortunately, he’s been pretty quiet for awhile, and kept to himself. This means I’ve been able to largely forget about him and forget the curse I spoke against him while smacking something around with intent.

Lately he’s seemed a bit miserable, and I think I overheard something that might be suggested he has a money shortage. I don’t know for certain though.

With all that in mind and remembering what I wrote down about my legion the followed occured to me…

Who better to test my wouldbe legion on?

It so happens that I have his picture on hand and have been keeping it on a back burner, just wishing a bitch would…you know…just in case he makes me pull the trigger on a hard curse.

It might be fun to use his picture to send my “children” after him. To vampyrize and cause nightmares. And possibly some other things inline with their primary purposes.

I really like this idea…hahahahahaha

Jan 7th 2021:

dream recall:

Let’s see…

Don’t remember much except that I was a truck stop after having gone from one store to another.

There was a lady. I’d seen her a couple times. Had a junky vibe about her…or something. She just seemed kinda batty…

There was a girl I haven’t seen in some years somewhere in this dream (I only remember that she made an appearance for a moment)

(At a previous job I worked in retail, she was a regular to an extent that would come by from time to time. She was tall, skinny, had long blonde hair and a narrow mousey kind of face. Frequently walked around barefoot. She was also into a lot of drugs from what I could tell. Among other background problems. She was actually pretty cute in her own way, and I kinda had a thing for her, but wanted nothing to do with her lifestyle (lol). Years later, or more specifically, about a year and a half ago…I’d seen her and she was almost unrecognizable. She’d gained some healthy weight, had a daughter, seemed to be married and doing well. Good for her. Thinking about it now, I hope she’s doing well despite current events right now…)

Returning to the previously lady (not the girl), I was helping her with some things, I don’t remember exactly what, something to do with a machine. At some point she had a tablet and seemed to be pulling up porn for some reason…I laughed about this, and was like “haha, are you pulling up porn right now?”

For some reason I felt like I was being pushed to get with her somehow. I was like, ("yeah…no. I could do better. I don’t need to deal with whatever this lady’s situation is. I’m not out to save people from themselves…)

At some point her and a friend seemed to have booties, gloves, and hoods/masks seemingly made from tarp (becuz covid I guess???)

After that I woke up…

last night:

One of my spirits seemed to be wanting something and kept trying to call my attention (during my mantras somewhat annoyingly…lol) but I couldn’t seem to get to the bottom of what was wanted. 🤷


I was in bed, and was falling asleep after finishing my enns…

Suddenly, I hear a “click” like the light from my ceiling fan. I see a flash behind my eyelids and everything goes bright for a second like the light was turned on.

Then, darkness again…

I said, “*No way…that’s fucking awesome! You didn’t just do that! Hahaha, I’m pretty tired. I’m gonna go to sleep, but thanks for that manifestation. That was *super cool! Maybe in the morning I can figure out what you’re wanting.”

Now, what’s interesting is…earlier last year (this past spring) I’d experienced the same thing, but in the morning.

I had kept hitting snooze on my alarm and after a bit, as if to say “Wake up sleepyhead!!!” I heard the ceiling fan click on, and saw light from behind my eyelids. This caught me off guard and I jumped up immediately to see what was going on (was somebody in my home!?). Darkness…only me in my apartment. No…fucking way…after that I was like “well, I’m up now…hahaha”

So to have that happen last night was great.

Something else of interest…

The night of Jan 2th, I had received a spirits name.

This is the first time that’s happened.

It was very matter of fact and nonchalant …

“…I’m [redacted] by the way…”

I was caught off guard.

Mainly becuz I was actually on the toilet…

I said, “well…that’s nice, and I’m honored to RECIEVE your name…buttttt…could this not have waited? Please…I mean…c’mon…really now…

Despite this…when I speak this name and try to talk…I get…absolutely. nothing.

Which is a bit frustrating.
Was it fantasy? own psychodrama? Did my subconscious/unconscious mind make it up? On the other hand, it is an actual name I can look up. I don’t know that I was consciously aware of this being a name in any capacity…

Just a passer through?

I just don’t know…

Now, what does make this a bit more compelling is the following.

Earlier in 2020, I had made a petition spell for a spirit mentor/companion that could be viewed as a sort of loose or minor pact (though not in the strictest sense of the word by any means) that would end after January 1st 2021.

To RECIEVE a spirits name the very day after that previous “contract” (if you will) is very interesting to say the least…

Or was it a sort of “hey, my name was [redacted], it was nice Workin with you and getting to know you…”

I don’t think this was the case though.

As Jan 1st I was sensing a sort of sadness off and on along the lines of “this is our last day…”

I honestly felt pretty guilty that I didn’t have the decency to think of some kind of send off or closing ritual or celebration. I’m a shitty friend…2020 didn’t go anywhere near as I planned, but still…

So, the question remains. Did I make up this interaction? Who knows…

Im afraid I must add a correction in regard to the previous entry…

That was not the first time I’d received a name from a spirit. (That is, without divination and solely through clairaudience)

The first time was the following:

Some time after moving into my current habitation (2…3 months in?), I woke up and next to my bed was the silhouette of a man made of a sort of vaporous, shadowy, cloudy, black mist. I don’t remember if there were eyes or not.


Upon beholding this figure, almost as quickly as I became aware of it, it faded almost like a cloud of steam being blown away, or like the fog that comes out of your mouth on a cold day only to fade just inches from your face.

For the brief moment that I saw this figure it leaned forward and I heard a male voice say “Ed…”

After that I woke up.

This didn’t scare me. On the contrary I just laughed it off. I didn’t sense any malice or anything, and to see and hear something like that was both cool and exciting.

Looking up the name Edward reveals thatvit can mean something to the likes of “prosperous guardian”…

At any rate, I poured a shot of whiskey for Ed and offered it to him as a token of friendship or being a gracious host.

I kind of had the feeling he was here to watch over me for a time and keep an eye on things.

Nothing much more came of “Ed”. 🤷

Today’s been pretty lackluster so far. Looks like it wants to rain. I’m tired of the winter gloom and want spring to arrive already…

servitor ideas I’ve toyed with but didn’t implement

“Battery men”

Servitors that appear like batteries with arms and legs, maybe faces.

They would gather and store energy so that they could feed other servitors. They would gather this energy from piwerlines and transformers as well as some other elements.

There would be alternating teams that would leave to gather energy for a fortnight while the other team stayed home to feed energy to others (never giving out more than half of what they gathered).

In addition, the electrical energy they gather would function as a defense or offense by issuing electric shocks. Such a servitor would undoubtably attract astral parasites I don’t doubt.

Furthermore, these battery men could use their electricity/energy to empower and amp up astral electrical fences as a temple defense, OR they could charge the astral temple or physical one with energy for the workings or benefit of the magician.

They would also have their own (preferably large) quartz crystal for energy storage and to rest in.

I had actually had a sigil drawn up and everything but never pulled the trigger on this idea…

“The twin angels”

Angelic twin sisters embodying opposite spectrums of light and dark.

I don’t remember what their purpose would’ve been…

They would’ve been housed in two garden angels I’ve had for a few years that are weather worn and have seen a few seasons. I might’ve repainted these angels and drawn their sigils on them or something.

I actually have a proposed sigil lying around for this idea, and I even had names picked out.

I remember now. They would’ve been astral hostesses to help make spirits comfortable within the temple. One on either end of the spectrum so that any kind of spirit could be accommodated.

I think Lucifer might’ve implanted some energy in those garden angels. Or was it that I wanted him to help me create/empower them?


Create a servitor and house it in an aquarium Buddha that Ive had for some years and used to use for mantras or would burn incense in front of when I was trying to find some peace of mind.

His job would be to mediate when necessary, but otherwise just sit and meditate while chanting mantras in order to bring their energy into the temple. Or something along those lines…there might be been some other purposes but I don’t remember.

“Earth angel”

An angel of grounding. Her job would be to ground energy in me or the temple.

Pretty straightforward.

Her house would be an angel figurine that I’ve had for some time going back to when I was a little bit Christian still or worked with Christian imagery from a psychological model. This figurine had sat on an altar for some time so surely it has some latent energy about it.

Oh, and her energy would change with the seasons to match the energy of the season. She would also have something to do with elementals. Maybe.

One method of feeding would be to simply play the song “earth angel”

“Undead maid”

Because zombies…

She wouldn’t be gross, just undead.

Able to detach a hand to send it out in a manner not unlike “thing” from the Adams family.

She would get energy by visiting the local cemetery and absorbing energy there (preferably without drawing the ire of the dead or bringing back bogeys).

She would be aligned with death energy and under the matronage of Hecate. If allowed, she would join Hecate’s host for the sake of learning (or act as a sort of mutual servant between me and the queen of witches). OR act as a go-between for me and Hecate to relay messages and such…

In a similar manner (not a zombie though) a Butler servitor to run astral errands. I suppose I could do this on the fly for a quick servitor that will just dissipate after completion of activity.

“Wood elf or dryad/nature spirit”

She would go out to talk to trees and look for agreeable nature spirits who may be interested in working with me or being allies. She would also ask for spare energy from the trees and plants that she could bring back to the temple. Or something like that.

“Guard dog or hellhound/wolf”


Though…if it was big enough. It could serve as a warg for other servitors to ride…:thinking::laughing:

Lemme see what else…


Pretty simple.

Different droids for different purposes. They could be switched into sleep mode when not engaged in something.

I could model one like IG88 from star wars for attack and defense.

Probe droids for patrol, drones for surveillance, etc, etc…

They could work in tandem with aforementioned battery men for a power supply. :thinking:

Recently I’ve felt a strong pull towards vampyric stuff.

I was really feeling compelled to either create a vampyric servitor, or obtain a vampiric familiar.

I tried looking around but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of info on this type of servitor/familiar.

Michael w Ford’s book of the witchmoon has a small passage though. I need to read through that…

It’s sort of tempting to see what the Akkharu sigil from the Simon necronomicon would yield but I’m a bit dubious about that…

Yet further still, there’s a rite in “Queen of Hell” where you get a vampyric familiar from Hecate. Dunno what I make of that.

On the other hand, getting a vampyric familiar from Hecate or Lilith would just make sense. Or, get their aid in creating one (in case I needed to dissipate it, though alternatively id rather release it into their hands to become a part of their legions should they get out of hand). I really hesitate on this one though.

Perhaps synchronisticly, when I was really feeling a pull towards a vampyric servitor/familiar I came across a box in the thrift store that rather looked a lot like a coffin…

I didn’t buy it though. One, as it was poorly made. Two, it didn’t merit any serious work that I might do on it.

Though…it did have a certain “old world” kind of charm about it…almost gave me a hoodoo/voodoo vibe about it as well…

Jan 9 '21:

Missed a day, now I gotta catch up.

First, dream recall:

The previous night I went to sleep late and didn’t sleep well I guess. Nothing to recall.

last night on the other hand…

I seem to have had a visitation.

I found myself on a couch in a living room of some sort. I was watching TV or whatever.

At some point I began to feel a presence on the end of the couch…

Now, I’ve had various dream interactions before and though I’m used to it, it’s a bit of a tossup as to whether it’ll be pleasant or jarring…(I might elucidate, or save it for later. Might even make a topic about some of it, we shall see)

I was on guard to say the least.

I sensed that the presence was had a strong type of personality, but was…what’s the word I’m looking for here…calm doesn’t sound right, but this presence had a certain confidence about it (“it” sounds a bit demeaning but that’s not my intention) that was how shall we say, of one mind without doubt. Resolute? Really what I mean is I didn’t sense any subterfuge or alterior motives.

This being felt somewhat masculine, and yet that doesn’t seem correct. It felt a bit…primordial? Words seem to escape me for a good description. Nevermind.

there was NO, I repeat NO hanky panky, sorry to dissapoint…hahahaha

Anyway, just about when I started to think (“well…what are we doing here?”), It started to come over near me by my legs and I’d get these intermittent waves of energy that would kinda wash over me. Every once in awhile there’s be a sort of…“squeeze” of energy when it would flare up and feel denser.

Overall it’s energy felt kinda tingly, and at moments prickly (like when you’re foots asleep).

I then begin to feel these intermittent hands that seemed to have nails or claws.

What followed was a kind of dance where I’d feel it’s energy moving around/on me in a sort of sensation play game or something, while I’m sitting there taking this in trying to figure out how comfortable I am with this and what or who I’m dealing with.

I asked a few questions but never heard anything. Well, I tried to strike up some conversation anyway…

At some point these hand started going up my shirt running up my stomach and chest.

Still a bit leery of everything I was like “are you a succubus?”

I was becoming more comfortable, and these hands started to kind of flick or poke my nipples with their nails. Seemed like it was a bit cautious to do that. I responded, “not entirely my thing but you can play with my nipples a bit, I think I might like it”

The hands started moving around more…

Suddenly my legs are held together and slowly moved up in the air.

At this point I was like, “oh wait. No. Yeah, let’s NOT do that. Is this going where I think it’s going? Cuz I’m not down for that…”

I brought my legs down, and they’d be slowly pushed up again a couple of times before it seemed to give up on that.

Suddenly, more tingles moving around. Dense prickly energy in alternating spots.

Then I was kind of poked? A nail in the ribs. Prickly, stinging energy with the sensation of a hand squeeze and a poke with a nail.

This made me jump just ever so little.
“Hey now, let’s play nice shall we? You don’t gotta do that.”

It wasn’t a thing of malice. Quite the opposite actually.

The notion that comes to mind is an image of a gorilla poking around something it doesn’t quite understand. A sort of “hey c’mon”. But with an inhuman incorporeal being I can’t see, only sense.

This kept up for a bit before I finally just got annoyed with this whole situation, and said “Nah, I’m out.”

I got up and walked around the rest of the dream. Tbh, I was just a little worried that I’d be followed around, but to it’s credit, it more or less stayed in place and/or kept it’s distance. A few times I felt the field of energy from this being here and there as it kinda hanged back with a feeling akin to, “hey…I’m still around.” But this also had the feeling of how an animal you just befriended follows you at a wary distance (once again, let me stress that I do not mean to demean with this example. Its just what comes to mind, take it as you will)

I woke up shortly after this. Wow.

I tried to feel around the room. Emptiness

More than likely this occured on the astral somewhere.

In the darkness I proved, “hey, you there?..still here?..that was really interesting. Thank you for coming, and thanks for the interaction!”

“Did you want to interact with me now that I’m awake?”

Aw, well. Such is the nature of these things at times.

I’m 99.99% sure that it was an INCUBUS

Now, of particular interest is the fact I was getting some synchronicities in regards to other things. And while reflecting on past seeming synchronicities that I was never sure about one thing had popped to mind.

Sometime in spring 2020? No wait…was it the winter before? I don’t know for certain, but I’d been getting these oddball things that seemed to point to incubus related stuff or whatever. The most prominent example being at one point I was looking for something innocuous on Amazon, I believe a lampshade? At any rate, I’m browsing the housing department…

I see an ad, “The Incubus” a horror movie…wierd.

Further down, an ad for a movie “Dare to Love” (or was it a book).

Uh, uh, no. Lol
I had honestly thought it was Asmodeus fucking with my head. 🤷

So this begs the question whether or not this memory may have led up to last night’s little visit.

Is Lilith having fun with me, at my expense?

I woke up somewhere around 5:20? When I finally checked the clock.

Alright, so back to yesterday…

I’d had some synchronicities, one of which is that Michael W Ford seems to keep coming up. Which is funny, because the night previous I had been going through “The Book of the Witchmoon”, mainly to look up the part about vampyric servitors (though now that I mention it, that section talks of created incubi/succubi servitor/thoughtforms) as I had mentioned previously.

While going through it, the part on creating a wolf/werewolf atavism stuck out to me…

It seems simple enough in execution, and apparently the goetic Demon Marchosias comes very much into play.

I couldn’t help but think…
If all I gotta do is sigilize an atavism, perform a rite, smear blood and/or sexual fluid on sigil and burn (there’s more than that), then how hard could it be to create other atavisms (using Michael w Ford’s words…)

How many different shapeshifting forms can be created through this method? What other animals could I implement? Would this extend to vampyrism? Could I just sigilize and create a “vampire self/form” that I can just call up or invoke and dismiss?

How many other spirits (he calls elementals) can help with this type of work?

Ideas. Ideas. Ideas…

Moving on.

I have a notion that I might be pointed in the direction of some chemical gnosis.

My intuition tells me this has something to do with the abyss (lesser extent it feels like it’s about cracking open my senses more and something to do with the astral).

Speaking of the abyss…

I have a feeling that’s really gonna come into play this year. Not only that, but that it’s gonna be a big part of the next phase of things I’ve been working on for months at the behest of Azazel (and some others), but also the prelude and/or the dovetail into working the Shadownomicon…

Everytime I think about timeframe “March” comes up as the month I’ll start the Shadownomicon (at least, at the earliest it would seem. Unless I’m sorely mistaken, or delusional).

Currently I have seven charged and open gates, but I’m on a break from that for the first three weeks of the year. I was told right before the 1st of Jan to just chill and do something else for a bit. Okay. Lol

Speaking of gates.

A point that perhaps requires elucidation.

Previously I mentioned energy bridges or something along those lines. I was dodgy about the details. Dunno why.

What I was told seemed to indicate that with involvement from Belphegor somehow, I am to bridge energy (from Thagirion/the black sun?) To my astral/energy body. Not sure what this entails or what exactly this means.Not sure I truly understood tbh.

Circling back to the abyss, I’m supposed to do something with ereshkigal (also something about the Simon necronomicon…I suspect in relation to the abyss and Ganzir?) which was mentioned in tandem with whatever this Belphegor energy bridging thing was. Interesting. Belphegor, Lord of the gap also has necromantic associations to the dead from what I see. I intuited Hekate might/would be involved with the Ereshkigal thing. That might just be my own assumption. I’ve read that ereshkigal and Hekate are interrelated or the same (I don’t like to conflate that much). At any rate, I’ve gotten synchronicities of those two together off and on for awhile. I dunno.

Death current shit fo’sho.

Speaking of Death current…

Duchess Bune.

I had her sigil drawn out and put away for awhile. I’d been feeling a pull for awhile from Bune but resisted.

I think it was dec 30, I made an offering to Hecate of absinthe (she wanted some), and she had me pour some into the little jar of grave dirt I use for offerings to the dead. (I’d gotten this grave dirt from a seemingly abandoned and overgrown cemetery. I left some coins as payment after I felt that this was acceptable and that I wouldn’t anger the spirits there)

Suddenly I was pulled to grab Bunes sigil.
It immediately had a lot of energy about it, and was pulling my hand around. She wanted a shot of whiskey (I have some scotch on hand). She wanted her sigil nearby my image of Hekate. She also had me offer a stick of incense to the dead in aforementioned grave dirt while invoking her name. I did all this and she seemed satisfied.

In addition to these things Hekate had me grab Murmurs sigil which I’ve had on hand for some months moved near her image.

She had me make a sigil of murmur and charge it. Then place it hidden around my apartment somewhere. My understanding was something about keeping unruly spooks or something inline or out. 🤷

I asked if I should dismiss and burn this sigil now that 2020 was about over, and it had been around for some months. I was told no.

Whereas previously I got a sort of grouchy vibe from Murmur, this night I felt an agreeable disposition. I asked if Murmur would like me to pour out a shot of whiskey for him. No, nothing necessary.

In regards to Murmur, the following is very interesting. I was actually told to make and open his sigil the night if the day a band called “lamp of murmur” released a new album. I didn’t know this (or about this band) until the next day when it happened to coincidentally show up on my social media. Naturally I was a bit dumbfounded…

Back to Bune.

Bune has necromantic associations. I suspect she’ll be involved in whatever deathcurrent stuff seems to be in my future. Possibly in tandem with Hekate, Ereshkigal, and Belphegor? I dunno.

Bune had told me “I will be with you in the year to come…”

I hope that means I’ll have financial help. Lol

Yesterday I had a bit of a personal trial. It was a very throat chakra type of trial. Though that’s not all it was. I won’t discuss it here.

Needless to say, I had to express myself, some things had to be out on the table, I had to make a firm stance on something and speak from a place of personal integrity. Had to be at odds with a family member.

I think it was overall positive, and it may have fundamentally altered an interpersonal relationship. I think it’s safe to say I passed.

I’d seen various numbers yesterday. 111, 1111, 555, and after work while on the way to a buffet to eat I was behind a vehicle with a license plate ending in 666…must’ve made Satan proud.

I got a fortune from the buffet, had a feeling…it read “your wealth is your reputation”…I was immediately reminded of the havamal:

Stanza 76:
Cattle die, kinsman die, and thyself too shall die.
But one thing I know if shall never die.
The reputation of one who has done well.

I chilled the rest of the day yesterday.

Was tired, so I just did my mantras mentally without any fancy goings on.

Now I’m caught up I think.

Quick anecdote:

Something interesting I remembered is that off and on I’ve gotten impressions of hands with claws/nails in my mind’s eye while I’m doing magic stuff. Notably, when I’m raising sexual energy but at some other times as well. The last time I saw something like that, it did look like a more masculine kind of strong hand with claws. I think purple skin as well (not sure though)

I have to ask myself whether or not it might be related to my “incubus (or whatever)” encounter last night. Has this entity been around me off and on for awhile?

जै छिन्नमस्ता देवी

ॐ हूँ छिन्नमस्ता नामो नमः ॐ
Mantras done and out of the way…

I got a little fancy today. The last two days or so I just did my runs of mantras with no frills. Actually the night before I kinda went ham, and played as many chinnamasta mantras as I could find. This time I wanted to go big.

Earlier today I had a nap.

When I had layed down, I felt a pressure on my scalp/crown and there was a strange sensation like a sort of megnetic energy pole inside the top of my head. It felt like it would’ve been in the location of the pineal gland, but I’m not 100% on that. I felt this pile shift around just ever so slightly once or twice.

Napped for about four hours.

Today’s been a lazy day for the most part.

I went out to go to the store, was gonna get some beer or whatever.

Well, I didn’t feel like going to the store after all but kinda had a feeling like I was supposed to do something else. Drove around a bit, and then was sure I was getting pulled to Walmart…

Once I was inside, I just let myself be led around by spirit (my spirit/s)…

First I was taken by a cupcake stand, kind of like a quick glance (is a treat desired?). Start heading to the back of the store. Stop in front of a mask display and I looked at them a bit. Funnily enough I was made to get out of the way of some folks (distancing I guess).

Then the clothing section. Shirts, then drawn over to the sweatpants. Dunno why, I got a bunch of new clothes for Christmas.

I was lead over to a stand of cold medicine. At this point I was like, “ok, I get it. It’s winter, I need to keep warm, not get sick, and stay on top of my health. Are you being a worrywort?” Lol

I decide to grab some soda.

On the way back up front I’m made to stop in front of a s’mores stand. Specifically in front of the Hershey’s syrup.

“Hershey’s huh? I don’t get it.”
I start to feel nauseous. Something is wanted and I’m not understanding. The nausea comes and goes a few times

I’m Turned around, led into the aisle that was behind me. Face a small wine section.

Hershey’s+wine…“you want wine and chocolate…now I see. Haha”

Looking at the wine in front of me I was drawn to the Apothic Dark, but my head was made to look down. White wine. Hmmm

I had been drawn to white wine in the alcohol section proper too.

I hemmed and hawed a bit. Decided I’d worry about all this tomorrow. Make a mental note.

Jan 10th Sun '21:

Dream recall:

I seemed to be somewhere that looked a lot like the home I grew up in.

My sisters and some family were there.

At some point something begins to feel off, and it’s apparent there’s a bogey or something in this living room.

I don’t remember the sequence of events entirely. Something levitated across the room? The lights might’ve flickered…

At first I was like, “guys relax. It might just be a regular spook” or something to that effect.

I start to wonder if my presence somehow brought this around, or if it’s something they’ve attracted into their home for some reason.

Is it one of mine? Causing me some inconvenience?

Soon it begins levitating/poltergeisting a knife and flying it around in these little oval laps (kind of like a kid flying an airplane, but with a knife. And in a manner somewhat reminiscent of sharks circling).

Oh, hell no.

I can’t let this stand, and a lines been crossed. Can’t be having rogues run amok.

Guess I gotta try to exorcise it. Shit.

I say “Put the knife down! By my the power of my voice, and the authority of my will, I command you! Drop the knife and let it go! Now!”

At this it almost seems to wanna hide, and the knife floats into some kind of shelving with cubbby holes.

I grab the knife (I know, risky) as I see no sign of it letting go, but it’s ability seems diminished.

What was previously a knife, now is a piece of thin metal in the shape of a hand. Was it doing a mudra?

What the hell? No matter. A piece of metal could still cut people.

I get a bit nervous. Whatever it is, didn’t relent entirely. I need backup.

Who can I call on that won’t wierd out my practicing Catholic sisters?

Light bulb goes off. Archangel Michael!

On the one hand, I’m loathe to resort to anything church based. On the other hand, considering the situation I can’t let my personal misgivings get in the way of achievable results. Moreover, if I go with something they recognize and will ascribe to I can enlist their aid in the process and there won’t be a conflict of wills.

I am the magician/sorceror. All that matters is my will. Paradigm be damned. Nothing is true, everything is permitted…

Let’s do this…

I tell them I’m gonna need their backup.

I begin, “St. Michael, I call you! I need you here, and I ask for your aide! Come, I summon you!” (Something like that)

I begin to feel a surge of presence and energy.

“Start reciting Michael’s prayer!” I say, and begin to do the same.

Suddenly, I see a light above me shine down. Like a spot light. Everything around me grows dark and I feel my spine become very erect and rigid. My crown feels like it’s being pulled by a magnet. Indeed, it almost feels like I’m going to levitate in some kind of abduction manner.

For a moment my sisters are like “what. The. fuck.”

After a moment I begin to unconsciously pace around In a circle with a demeanor of “can do”, and “let’s kick some ass” in a seeming possession of some sort. (Angelic possession?)

“Whatever you’re doing it working!” They say. This fires me up.

For some reason, I start talking and shouting like a preacher or something (ewww).

“Michael! Evict this wayward and rogue spirit! Bind him up and chain him! It has displayed itself threateningly and will not be tolerated in this space! Evict this spirit! EVICT this spirit! Cast it into the abyss (note: I say abyss. Da’ath. Not “hell”) and any other spirits that should not be welcome here! Evict! Cast it out!”

I get my sisters to join me in a chorus of “evict this spirit!”.

I go around a bit doing this making sure I hit other rooms.

I swing open a door, and despite this being a home…the door opens into what seems to be a part of a church like what the priest would go into before services. A high ceiling, and another door that seems to lead into a larger area. All shrouded in a thick darkness. Something feels rather off about it. It’s a darkness and stillness that feels like a dense forest at night. The promise of danger and things unseen hiding within the foliage. No matter. I will exorcise this too. I’ll exorcise the goddamn church if thats the problem…

Seeing the structure is beneficial to sound, I begin to sing Michael’s name and some kind of phrase I don’t remember. Holy shit, I was loud…the reverberations resounded throughout the space.

I felt a sense of fleeing. Whatever it had been was on the run.

I decided it felt like it was done.

“Well I think that took care of it. But you’re gonna need to keep an eye out, and take some measures to keep things like that out.” (I said something like this)

I don’t remember much after that.

I woke up shortly after.

That was wierd. I don’t know what brought that shit on.

Though, lately in the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about Raphael and Gabriel. Maybe this was Michael’s way of getting my attention? (Jeez dude…)

Jan 11th '21 Mon:

Dream recall:

It’s a little all-over the place…

There was some bit with what seemed like a lab, and some mutated dude that looked like a big mutant pile of flesh with a face. Wandering around a darkened lab. I think I was on the run from him. He very much reminded me of the villian from the first iron man movie…there was another mutant but don’t remember much about that…

The previous day I had watched “the secret of NIMH”, so I wonder if this had an influence. …

At another point I seemed to be at some kind of car/race meet or something. Vehicles all-over the place. I was wandering around there looking for something.

I met a guy who had a few different choppers that were in various stages of completion. He was a bit dissmissive of me to which I took a bit if offense.

At yet another point I was looking outside from inside a sheet metal she’d if some sort. Outside was just unkempt land like what you may see on a corner if a ranch that doesn’t get much upkeep.

I saw a Liynx popping a squat and taking a shit. It turned around.

This lynx looked very unkempt, disheveled and a little out of it. Kinda like it mighta had rabies or was kind of mental somehow.

It started walking toward me.
I climbed up a bunch of boxes to try to get away from it, throwing boxes down at it. Eventually I got away and was outside the premises.

I looked at what seemed to be a large compound of unkempt land with some buildings and some concrete slabs here and there.

A strange little patch of noman’s land out in the middle of what could’ve been suburbia or civilization. Strange…

Yet another part of the dream. There was an older man, mid 50’s? What was he up to? Students. Was I one of these students?

A girl gets up. He has her hand him a shoelace. “No don’t! It’s a ligature!”
He begins to strangle her. I jump him and fight him a bit.

At one point the girl was being strangled by a rosary hung on the wall. Why?

I begin to strangle the man. What’s good for the hose, is good for the gander.

At some point he’s now across from me talking to me while I strangle him (taking a long time to die…)

He’s starts to go on a long ramble about how he’s trying to acquire a new younger body. That he’s already killed a younger man some distance away, and that killing him will free his spirit to inhabit that body. If that happens he’ll be too strong for me.

The whole time he’s talking and for a bit of the next portion, “Dark rites” by “dated” is playing in the background.

Huh, “dark rites” eh? Can’t say that I conscioussly knew the name of that track…interesting.

Is this some wierd qliphoth shit?

I decide I must destroy the body he will inhabit first.

At some point the person I’m strangling turned into the girl.

I stop just as it seems she’s about to skip from life. Did she die?

There’s a sequence of events I don’t properly remember.

At some point the girl is thanking me for strangling her? “You saved a life today…” (What the fuck?..)

That’s about what I remember…wierd, wierd shit.

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Got my mantras done. It surprises me how easily I slipped into the practice.

Maybe it’s because I’ve done sadhanas in the past (one I maintained for a space of three months more or less).

The previous night I went to sleep early because I was tired. I knew I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night so I used Spotify to listen to the tracks I’ve been using, and mentally recited my mantras before falling asleep. I also put my hands together in a sort of mudra as I lay down. Pointer fingers and thumbs touching with other fingers folded together. I intuitively held this above my solar plexus chakra. I felt some energy move around while I was doing all this but I was fairly groggy so I don’t remember much about that.

Today I charged my other primary servitor familiar.

I gave her a BIG boost! She plays a more active role and seems to require more energy. Also, I’ve been neglectful and the last time I really needed her she showed up looking Haggard and tired so I had to send her home to rest and recoup. That night I gave her a large offering of blood and fire to get her back on her feet.

I played some Ambience, and set up her vessel. The clay plate/talisman I created for her, three tealights, and a blue chime candle atop her vessel. Her image on the wall behind, incense and set up my fire bowl. I drew out a sigil for burning. All of this was atop my dresser, but setup as her own altar with a blue cloth, and a plastic mat I drew her sigil on.

I won’t describe the whole process, but it took awhile.

She was very agreeable, and received her energetic empowerments and sustenance.

If I charge her after the other one she becomes very jealous and temperamental. So I decided to give them each their own day for charging so as to mitigate this.

The past few times I’ve called her she’s seemed moody. Disgruntled, maybe. I think she feels underappreciated or perhaps she doesn’t feel like her abilities are being put to good use.

Everytime I think about her temperamentalness I’ll mentally get ("…leo… :leo:"). Hecate’s doing? (Hecate helped me in the creation) So evidently she’s a leo…I don’t know what that has to do with it but whatever. She is a bit competitive with my other one though.

At any rate, she’s very chill today.

Earlier I was at the store and at one point I was browsing houseware. I was in the kitchen aisle and I started to feel a loving energy on me. Dunno what that’s about…I was also pulled around to some other things. Seems like decorations may be desired…

The day previous I had charged my other primary servitor/familiar.

I could sense that it didn’t seem to really be necessary. But again, I’ve been neglectful…

Similarly I set up a sort of altar with red cloth. I sensed red was wrong. Her primary element is earth, and an earthy color would be preferred it would seem…three red tealights (by contrast these were A-okay). A stick of sandalwood incense. Her images and her creation document (Damon brand method). She also had received some Ambience.

I gave her an energetic offering that took awhile.

In the begining she excitedly sat on my lap and looked me in the face. “I want more!” (Referring to her minions).

To which I responded, “No. You’ve got plenty, and anyway you need to be stronger than they are so you can keep them in line”

She seemed to like this answer.

When all was said and done, she gave me a kiss on the forehead as the offering was completed.

Later she came to me and said “I want more!” ( This time she meant energy)

I said, “not today. Maybe later. I’ll try not to let there be such a long stretch from now on.”

Her: “do you swear?” (Holding out her pinky)

Me: “you want a pinky promise?” “I won’t do that. Words have power and I don’t like to put my word on something if I might not keep it. You’ll just have to take me at my word for now without any promise.”

She said “okay!” and beamed.

Le sigh

At first they were kinda like zombies, but now they have so much personality, and I love them. I’m proud of them too.

Jan 12 '21 Tues:

Last night I got to bed late, and I think this made it hard to recall anything.

No dream recall this time

Earlier in the day I was feeling a sort of rage. But under the surface. Not rage at anything in particular. Just a sort of silent rage (rage might be too strong a word, and yet anger isn’t it either…I dunno, why overthink it right?).

This seems to happen around 8-9 am like clockwork.

Anyway. This is something I acknowledge as a part of me. Rage is within me. I am not rage. I acknowledge this aspect of myself, I accept it for what it is, I do not shame myself for having rage within me, and I do not shame that rage for being there. It has its own time and place, and it has a life within me. I watch it rise up, and I watch how it sits within me. On its own, disengaged. It’s actually kind of fascinating…

On another note…

I’ve noticed for weeks, months…that when I’m having certain types of thoughts, usually about how something angers, offends, or otherwise rubs me the wrong way, that my head will start to tingle. At moments it’ll be the whole crown depending on how lost in these sort of thoughts I am. It doesn’t seem to matter how engaged in these thoughts I am, only the subject of these thoughts and I’ll start getting tingles.

I have no idea what that means, whatsoever. Is it related to a spirit or entity? Or does it have something to do with my crown or sahasrara chakra? If so, why?

On this point, it’s also curious to note that occasionally when I get into these trains of thought, my spirit/s will start to try to get my attention usually by turning my head (partial possession). As if to get my mind off things. Dunno why, as these are usually more absent-minded thoughts but I guess they don’t like my dwelling on such things. 🤷

Did my mantras today (I don’t feel like I’ve hit the point where I need to stop yet. Guess I’m in for the long haul…)

Speaking of mantras, I had to buy a new mala since I can’t find my rudraksha mala. For some reason, my intuition was that I need a green mala…

I ended up buying four for the price of one. I received them today. I’m a little annoyed that the beads are so small. Don’t think that was apparent from the listing. Whatever. They’ll work. Something I do like is that they’re doubles. 216 beads. 2x108. As double rounds or more of 108 are a big part of this mantra practice I’m currently maintaining…on that note, I did two rounds on this new mala for chinnamasta (that’s what was wanted apparently). 108x4=432

Green one isn’t pictured cuz I’m currently wearing it.

Got my enns done too. Missed a day last night and got called out for it first thing in the morning. :sweat_smile:

Somebody just touched my right side above the hip I think. A wave of cool tingly energy. Been awhile since that’s happened.

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Jan 13th '21 New Moon tonight:

Dream recall:

Tried to retain what I could but it seems a lot passed through my grasp.

That said, I seem to remember being presented with various choices kinda like a game show.

There was a man on top of some pile in front of and above me. He was the one “quizzing” me with these choice questions.

It’s too fuzzy, but there might be been something about some kind of matchmaking? Like there was a match for me? I don’t know…

At some point the choices took a different angle and it seems there was a push to get me to accept a certain situation or choice of some sort. I took some issue and started to argue this.

I felt a bit suspicious, and when I started to ask who this was on the pile I mentally received a name (…Belial…).

At this point I found the whole thing a bit amusing. “Belial…you messin with me?” Lol

There might have been a short exchange after this…I don’t remember…

Was there something to do with animals? Bird or…frog? Or another animal? For sure bird?

I don’t know…

The funny thing is…I’ve been getting that feeling like I need to check in with Azazel. So, before bed I voiced aloud the following, “Azazel, I know I probably need to contact you. I’m tired right now, but I invite you to communicate with me in my dreams. Hopefully I’ll remember. My recall is pretty good right now…”

As I lay in bed last night, I also spoke to the spirit or spirits that are usually around me a bit before I fell asleep. Though I don’t think I got any response from them. Which is fine. Lol

This morning, before I left I said “whoever’s coming let’s go” which is a something I’ve kinda fell out of the habit of…

Been doing that for most of the latter half of 2020 (I live in my own, so I can act crazy like this lol).

Sometimes I feel the spirits that follow me out the door. For a time it was consistently 3.

Once I felt a train of what seemed to be 9 spirits file out the door behind me.

I digress…

One of my main servitor/familiars elected to stay behind today and “watch the fort” so to speak.

She told me before I left “I want a treat…”
Not sure what she had/has in mind. I’ll figure it out later today…