Starting to think I must be some sort of a magick Junkie , I keep finding myself wanting to evoke or invoke something, constantly wanting to do some sort of magic of some sort, maybe vamp somebody that needs to have their ass drained a bit, or simply a healing that I need to do on my own arm do to a burn that seems to be infected. I have all of this magick at my disposal, and I can’t currently use it because I swore off magick for one week, I’m having trouble with just one week!!!
I think might as well just admit it, I’m addicted to magick. Not sure if that’s good or bad.
At least I have my Crimson Lovely keep me on the straight and narrow until the end of this week.
Ground, it helps. I was reading one more member in BALG was addicted with magic, untill the spirits told him to stay away from anything spiritual for a year. The spirits don’t want us slaves to our addictions, even if that addiction is the Occult. So, even if you can’t stay away, eventually they will force you to stay away.
It becomes an addiction if you want to stop but cannot, so if that’s truly the case, yes, bring it under your hand and find something else to fill that space with.
EdX courses, learning a language, something like that maybe, where any spare 5 minutes can be used for research.
I feel stronger, more confident, and a lot more aggressive. Maybe it’s Satan raising his at the serial Banner in my name, maybe it’s me and bracing my adversarial nature, but I really feel a lot more aggressive, I almost threw myself into a fight earlier that I wasn’t even a part of.
I wanted nothing more than to tear this dude limb from limb, some junkie looking little punk was getting in somebody’s face at a dollar store that I was shopping at, I wanted to put the guy in a fucking wheelchair.
I feel my inner Darkness growing, getting stronger, more brought to the Forefront of my sight.
I wonder what’s going to come, I wonder what else is in my immediate future? I could do definition to find out, but I’m not going to break my magical fast. This isn’t something I’m doing for some being, this isn’t something I’m doing as a part of a pack or a deal, this is something I’m doing for myself, and if I can’t honor a deal with myself, then how in the fuck am I supposed to honor a deal with these wonderful being.
Yeah sis, I’m not reverting back to my old ways, I’m simply trying to be more tolerant, it’s not easy whenever you see some of the stupidity that I see on a daily basis. But I’m trying my best to try and give Humanity a fair shot.
Thanks to some of the people that have responded to me on this chat, I’ve been able to go shopping without throwing up from being exposed to many people’s energy, I’ve been able to master quite a few things in my life that I was having a lot of trouble with, and yes, you were there for me whenever I was at the edge, so there’s nobody on this forum, save for one or two idiots, that I don’t like.
I know you’ve always got my back, and I have yours.
Whenever I wrote that, I wrote it out of love for the community that we’re both apart of, I’ll keep my opinions to myself regarding the junkie whose legs needed to be broken.
How about reading, or pranyama? How about hiking or rock climbing? How about a trip up to the Rim to the lakes up there? Theres a place on the North side of Payson where you can find gemstones. Pan for gold. Go collect peyote buttons and send magical necklaces to your friends (okay, totally illegal and jk), take up wood carving. Non magical doesnt mean mind numbing. There is more to life. Youve been stagnant far too long.
I know how you feel, “peace is the enemy of memory, and it seem like there past was a dream” not having time for yourself and having too much leisure time and doing nothing during said times leads to depression, you should get out, go for walks out side, like others have said go on hikes, if you would like go to your local Occult Store or Botanica to meet like minded people, get into reading or art and get a new book, see a movie, hell go get a few drinks and try to meet others, doing anything that makes you happy is good for you and i care about you and if you need to talk about it more dont be afraid to ask, and if you need help dont be afraid to reach your hand out to me
I know its a little out of your taste but give it a listen and it might help you, Music has really helped me.
Yeah, you’re probably right, I have a habit of being a loner, I’ve grown to distrust people pretty bad.
Never have been much for being around people, people tend to let you down, turn on you, look for ways to hate you, and even if they do show any tiny amount of kindness, It’s only because they had a inner voice that said that they should, or they were pushed into it because their mother was sitting with them, or they felt they needed to do a good deed for the month.
I’m trying, very fucking hard, to be more social, but I feel as though it is a wasted effort. I feel like I am waiting through wasps, and trying to be friendly with the wasps, in hopes that they won’t sting me anymore.
But I am trying, I’m trying so hard to do the normal person thing.
Just not very good at it. I’m not very good at going to bars, I’m not good at being in a social group , and I’m really not good at going to a movie, mainly because I find movies to be boring, people to be vile, and I have to worry about my car being stripped in the parking lot, again, by people.
It’s not easy, it’s not easy to regain trust in humanity, especially after they’ve let me down so many times.
Yes, understand you, i dont know why i still trust people. But i still believe that in everybody there is somebody good, maybe its my kindheartedness or how i was raised but dealing with people all my life i have learned that given the chance there is always good in people and god damnit i just want people to see the good i see in others, people are ass-holes and people are dicks but i think if given the chance people will be good.
yes in everybody heart there is a Rapist and a Nazi but there is also Doctor and a Humanitarian, its just about giving people the chance to show there good side.
i always try to help as many people on here as possible because i run with the philosophy that doing a good act will help others do better acts. “If somebody is missing a smile then lend them yours” thats what gives me straight, not my faith but the belief that humanity will stop this infighting and help each other.
I care about you and everybody here and nobody will stop me from talking to and helping as many people as possible, i dont care is fucking Mother Teresa reincarnated right in front of me telling me to stop, i wont, and i want to give others that same faith in each other i have and i want to help everybody, so yes i do care for you even if you dont care for your self, ill fucking drive my ass back home to AZ and slap your ass if you think nobody is here for you.
I really do love you bro and there are people here that love you as well, i really do want you to get better and im and everybody here is well here for you.
