[Onion's journal]

My mom used to beat me, and I’m disabled too, so I can understand your pain

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:purple_heart:

15th July, 2021
17:46

And the break continues! I didn’t really decompress yesterday, and today my whole body hurts. Academic stress still eats away at me, ah well.

I got my regular tag today!

MOTD:

Did divination on a drawing I sort of channelled? My guides just showed me things and I drew them out.

Cards: The Tower in Reverse, The Hierophant, The Ex
mpress in Reverse.

Spent a little time with Hades.

Tried meditation with some Lucifer themed music. Does he like classical music, or waltz, by any chance? I always feel a more artful side of him when that music is involved. It’s like he’s dancing in a huge, empty hall in his palace, with grace in each step and he’s not flowing with the music, he is the music! It was like watching a song being played.

I fell asleep though, I tried meditating when I woke up but I couldn’t do it. So while I was talking to him out loud about it, it hit me that there was an information exchange, and that I should stop apologizing if I can’t do something and respect myself a little more.

Chanted Michael’s hymn and felt a bit more levelled? I don’t really know how to put it. I was feeling a lot drained but I got it back after calling him.

Today’s dinner is okra curry and roti. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

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This is good, the tower reversed a milder awakening, the hierophant Hearing (a key, music or otherwise, like the gold and silver keys at his feet, are a symbol of authority, but also sound as they are bell like. Sound and color, when properly used with tarot can heal). Not sure what express is. According to legend, Lucifer was the original choir teacher of all souls and angels to sing for the Lord.

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It’s the Empress, I didn’t notice that typo :sob::joy: Thank you for pointing it out!

He was? I didn’t know that! Definitely explains his affinity towards art.

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The Empress also is attributed to Venus., or the Morning Star.

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I don’t do readings, I haven’t been here for 3 months.

I’m still learning tarot, check out the Divination category if someone has opened readings you’ll be able to get one before the slots fill ^^

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Ooo
Thank you!:heart_eyes:

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The shadow on my door moved and I swear I saw someone walking outside wtf? Is this what I’ll have to get used to when my senses develop? :sob:
Calling Michael and going to explore💪

16th July, 2021
18:31

The giveaway results will be out tomorrowwww :laughing: Excited for it! I’ve laid the groundwork. Studied a chapter in Biology today. I took rest yesterday, today my body doesn’t hurt.

MOTD:

Checked-in with Hades today morning. Will do again before heading to bed.

Today my sister saw the tally sheet I had stuck inside my bookshelf of me counting the days of the Master Protection Ritual. I still haven’t finished it, I keep forgetting to do it!  ̄へ ̄

I just chuckled and told her it’s something that I’m doing…(which I am).

Intense tarot session with Lucifer today. I knew very truly he was there. I downloaded his sigil in my phone, so I put it up and rested the phone against the wall. I took 3 deep breaths, chanted his enn 7 times and let my breathing fall into a natural rhythm. I felt he was behind me. I shuffled my deck a few times to get the energy settled. In my mind’s eye I saw his hands prop my arms a little higher so that it was easier to shuffle. Then I shuffled some times, till he stopped it with his hand and told me to use the card on top. Then it also settled into a rhythm. I pulled 3 cards.

I let my mind wander inside each card and saw them moving, like those 3d effects people are using with their images.

I pulled 1 clarifier for the 3 cards, and everything fell into place after that. I again, saw in my mind’s eye him telling me something. I took a deep breath and mirrored him till words started forming and I started talking and feeling what I was feeling at the same time. Like a 3rd-person PoV experience. Before it began there was a pressure buildup in my forehead and not my pineal gland.

I think this went on for 30 minutes or longer. And in those 30 minutes I never touched my phone screen, yet it didn’t auto-lock like it usually would after 10 minutes. Only when the session was done was I able to manually lock it, it didn’t close till I had one final thought.

In between I focused out my eyes and looked at his sigil, it flashed, confirming his presence. My dog also sat down by the door. I thanked him, and closed the image.

After this, I got up and walked around to ground but was unable to. I felt Michael watching me and he guided me through some stretching exercises. His expression was also “No shit, Sherlock” when I was doing one wrong and told him it didn’t feel good/it hurt.

So he corrected me, and I’m feeling better. Therefore, I finally sat down to write this journal.

About that shadow thing I posted before this, very creepy. It literally moved, it never moved before this. It moved as if it wanted to hold me. I felt a wave of fear (this has never happened before) and heat spread over, till I knocked myself out of it and went back to normal temperature. I stared at it, it didn’t move. I called Michael (because I still was very creeped out) and felt a bit more comfortable. This happened right after I woke up from my nap.

My spirit guides sent me a song today, I enjoyed listening to it.

Today’s dinner is aloo dum and roti :heart_eyes::yum: I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

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July 17th, 2021
18:14

My knees hurt. I’m very restless and probably hungry. No studies…no. My keyboard is making errors in autofill, if I skip any corrections, I’m tired. Having bad knees sucks, folks. Not cool.

MOTD:

I dreamt of the Shadownomicon last night, even I became a shadow in it. I took @norse900 's advice on how to go about it and did shadow work.

Thank you for the advice, the shadow today definitely wasn’t as intimidating as yesterday. I started a separate shadow work journal here:

Was very tired and sad after it. I had lunch after it and found a feather. I didn’t write what I did today, I’m adding stuff from the beginning. I’ll do more when I have energy. I’m very lazy right now.

Same as yesterday, checked in with Hades.

Checked in with my guide too, we chatted for a while.

With Lucifer, I did said shadow work. The weather was nice today evening, so I invited him to enjoy the weather with me.

Used my tarot deck with Michael today. Chanted his hymn thrice, opened his sigil. It flashed and I asked him if he had any messages for me.

The World, The Two of Wands, The Hanged Man in Reverse.

Today’s dinner, I don’t know what it is. Probably idli. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

Edit: didn’t win the giveaway ( ̄. ̄)
nevermind~

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I…I think Lucifer left???

I did some divination,
The Devil and the Ten of Swords.

Did he really leave? I can’t seem to get through to him…

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July 18th, 2021.

In the grand scheme of things, we’re all so tiny. I didn’t do what I wanted to, I wasn’t able to. ADHD sucks. Today’s MOTD will be merged with this.

I never knew how hard it would be when a spirit leaves or just goes poof. I mean, Hades does come and go, but he’s constant now. I don’t know why it’s different with Lucifer.

I can’t sense him, can’t feel him, can’t see him at camp. It’s not an astral sense thing, I can still feel my guides and Hades and Michael. His door leads to an open garden instead of a corridor now.

I wasn’t feeling good last evening, and Lucifer left last evening too. I was overwhelmed, I bawled my eyes out in the shower and washed my face with cold water. Who, among the people I know in real life, could have understood? No one. So I mustered up some courage and talked to Hades for a bit, and somehow managed to not break till bedtime.

I was fine when I woke up, but I was scrolling through the gallery and saw his sigil. I told him I missed him, I opened instagram and found a synchronicity with his name. It made me feel a little better, but I missed him even more after that.

I’ve never felt this way with any spirit. I wasn’t anxious that I angered him, I probably would’ve noticed by now right? There’s an hour left for 24hrs to complete. I was just, very very very sad.

In the afternoon, I wrote a letter addressed to him. Poured my heart into it. There was a chance of someone walking in, so I held my tears in. I finished it, hoped it reaches him and he reads it and put in with the pages I’ve dedicated to him.

I miss him, but I’m not wallowing in that feeling now. I got too attached to him I guess.

If this is a test, I’ll do my damn best to pass it.

Talking about instagram, the immense happiness of tapping delete on a follow request…pure bliss.

I haven’t talked with Michael yet, I’ll do so after this.

That’s all for today. Today’s dinner will be good. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day.
-:purple_heart:

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July 19th, 2021
18:30

I’m trying a new technique, where I immediately write down what I want to enter and save the draft. The date is written, the time is not.

I was able to say bye to Lucifer, till the next time we meet, that is. King Paimon has stepped in.

I’m in a spiral. It’s neither upward or downward. It’s not right or left. It is a spiral, it is non-linear, but it’s going somewhere. I watched someone read from a book that, “New paths unfold as you walk”. Just saying, a map would’ve been convenient :joy: (Not complaining though)

Studied a bit of Renal…stuff. That’s all. My head’s been hurting since morning. It’s a little better now, though.

Went for a walk today.

MOTD:

Not much tbh🤔

I found two more feathers today, one grey and one white.

I was watching a spell on YouTube, when I suddenly saw Lucifer. It was…something, but it was beautiful. I wish I could show you all just how beautiful it was.

It was a really big hall. Think this but a hall, a huge one, and sunlight instead of moonlight.

images (80)

And Lucifer (it was him, his hair here was blonde but his eyes were fiery like the sun) was dancing in it. I couldn’t hear any music, he just danced. After a few steps there was this huge burning snake which coiled around him, he raised his hand towards me and the snake wrapped itself on his hand (now a bit smaller in size) and hissed, as if beckoning me.

So I did, I went closer. I don’t remember if I danced, or if I did anything, but I do remember him smiling. Before it disappeared, everytime Lucifer moved his wings, the air that got pushed was on fire.

I drew some of it. I used the simplest figures for the dynamics, and tried my best to go a little bit more detailed on 2 moments:


In the afternoon, I meditated to King Paimon’s enn. I took a nap after, because of the headache. I’m pretty sure I was in a half trance in the nap.

I woke up, washed my face, etc, and pulled some cards with(?) him.

I remember that after watching a video on the Seed of Life, I sort of was “up in the clouds”. Needed to ground but it was difficult to come down. Before I did, I saw myself about to jump in a lake of lava or fire, but someone covered me, called me an idiot (which I deserved imo, who sees fire and jumps into it ( ̄. ̄) ? ) Then I was back in bed.

Did some training with Michael today, I was very wobbly and not completely into it, so he pushed me even further. So after many days, training is coming back to track.

For Hades, I don’t sense him anymore either. But that’s alright, he is always there for me when I’m about to through some tough times.

Today’s dinner is cabbage curry and roti. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

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20th July, 2021
19:02

I had to rest today. I really did. Rest and ground. The headache had continued when I woke up, I wasn’t able to properly do the sword banishing. My mum wasn’t feeling well and even she had a headache, which in turn worsened mine. I cleansed and it subsided, but it didn’t work for long.

I checked in with everyone, and told them I would not be doing anything today including magick.

In the morning I played Brawl Stars, then I listened to some grounding music and fell asleep. It didn’t work.

Had lunch, fell asleep again. This time after a spirit guide reading, and as I drifted in my sleep we talked. I remember but I don’t remember what they said. It’s in between.

Then I woke up, I was still having my headache, I was still feeling crappy. After the “nap” in the afternoon I realized what exactly I was the issue. I went to King Paimon and talked to him about it.

He gives really good, solid advice. Always something that I need.

I felt better after talking to him.

In the morning, I felt my root chakra pulse. In dusk, I felt my 3rd eye pulse. Sometimes my heart chakra feels very active. I’m still learning on how to go about with my chakras.

I had an apple, and painted in the evening. FINALLY my headache is no more.

Today’s dinner is aloo patal curry and roti. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

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21st July, 2021
18:21

I studied today. I felt King Paimon while solving chemistry questions (organic chemistry). I’m thinking he has an affinity (?) for science which has a bit more math, I couldn’t feel him a lot while studying biology.

Went on a walk today, occasionally felt Michael beside me.

MOTD:

Had an extremely weird dream last night. I was inside a temple. I discussed it with my mom and we’ve narrowed it down to 2 deities: Lord Surya, and Lord Shiva. Because of the time, surroundings, altitude and the prasadi. But here’s the thing I didn’t, and couldn’t tell my mum.

Lucifer was there. First he sat down on his knees on my right (I was sitting on the floor, wearing a traditional dress), he saw me then stood up and walked to my left and stood there.

By this time in the dream I hadn’t lifted my head, when Lucifer stood up I thought “maybe I should see what it is too” because well, he was looking ahead. I usually never look at idols in temples directly since childhood. Especially after starting magick because looking at them makes me feel part of their energy which at times was quite intense.

I was about to look up when boom! the freakin alarm rang! :sob: I snoozed and tried to get back to the dream but couldn’t :pensive:

So now my mum is taking me to Lord Surya’s temple this Sunday…or some day. I’ve dreamt of this temple before, this was the sequel. I’m hoping part 3 comes before Sunday so that I can narrow it down.

Chanted King Paimon’s enn and meditated. His enn feels very earthy? As in, it’s very grounding and centered. Doesn’t make my head feel airy, it makes my feet feel heavy.

Checked in with Michael today.

Read a book.

Today’s dinner is curry and roti. Whenever I write curry please understand I do not know the name of the vegetable in English. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

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If King Paimon is Azazel, but Azazel is not King Paimon🤔
I’m thinking of it this way: Say we take two rocks: both have a different composition, but the same source, i.e Earth/Soil.

Now let’s think of a new rock, and it goes through weathering, leaching all that chemical stuff, then we get a new rock.

This new rock is different, and it’s not the old rock. But the old rock is the new rock because it has the ability to become it, has all the properties to become it.

In the end, they have the same source.

Different, yet the same. An ore and a mineral…

22nd July, 2021
18:36

Have you ever been stuck in a release cycle? Always releasing so much you immediately think “what’s next” right after one is complete? Cause I’m stuck there. I feel like I’m stuck there. I can look for anything and keep digging up old scabs, I’m afraid if I don’t snap out of it I’ll get myself in a vicious cycle. I’ve learnt to relax but I haven’t yet learnt to move on.

I didn’t study much today. Went for a walk, found a really cool feather.

MOTD:

Spent a lot of time with King Paimon today. Chanted his enn and meditated with it, talked to him about stuff.

I felt that I had to talk to Lucifer today, so I did. I wrote a petition to him, the contents of which I will not disclose.

Talked with Michael on my walk, on the last round. He wasn’t too pleased that it was the last round when I called him. Now, Michael’s not my P.T, but whenever I’m on a walk while talking to him my speed always increases and he pushes me to brisk walk and not walk.

Don’t make “if I get this right I will do xyz, if you get this right I’ll do abc” with spirits. I’m speaking from experience. I had to do planks today because of it :pensive:

Today’s dinner is Bhel Puri :dancer: I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

P.S: Pulled the Tower today. Sooo, we’ll see.

Edit: Also have been seeing many 7s. 77, 777, etc.

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23rd July, 2021
18:21

Studied today. The course I’m enrolled in released a few exercise papers in physics. I’m absolutely terrified of actually solving it and entering the answers. I got so many questions wrong in Chemistry…I need to solve them of course, but I’m just so…hhh.

Anyways, I was painting today. The feathers I had found were in the jar I usually use for water…I didn’t take them out and filled the jar. I WET the feathers. This is me on a daily basis but I was a little sad about the feathers, they were pretty :3

MOTD:

Meditated with King Paimon’s enn. Talked to him.

Lucifer’s name was everywhere today, I was very confused if he was sending signs that he’s around or if it was sign for me to start a working with him. I said this out loud, and on my walk I felt his presence.

I usually am able to tell the direction, but I couldn’t today.

M: Where are you?
L: Where am I?
M: Right? Left?
L, laughs: Right, left, in front of you, behind you, above you, below you. I’m everywhere.

(I’m learning about “as within, so without”)

While nearing the park I usually go to, I noticed the trees and the concrete.

L: What do you think this is?
M: ?
L: What do you think this is? What do you think this (the trees, buildings, etc) is?
M: Condensed chaos. Everything is condensed. It’s all limitless.

Today I called Michael on my first round (on Lucifer’s suggestion), talked to him while I walked.

Angelb1083 was doing tarot pulls yesterday, I was recommended to look into working with Belial. I’ve been reading about him on the forum, but I haven’t considered it thoroughly since I have not been getting any signs :thinking: I’ll go with my gut.

Today’s dinner is curry and roti. I hope everyone who reads this has a good day!
-:purple_heart:

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Absolutely beautiful meditation track I found:

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