I am at lost of words these days… feeling disconnected from my cards since most are omens… I see the warnings but where is the solution? “Somethings aren’t meant to be fixed” ugh so 
I wait?
This world never lost its shock factor…
The past week I got addicted to coffee even when it hurts to have it… its just bad for me… but I needed to keep up with work 
and at night its hard to sleep because of all the thinking… it feels like my life is on the line here…
Who said coffee ruin astral projection is right! Since am used to projecting spontaneously I did. But I was just folding on myself and everything is distorted… since am used to weird projection experiences I was calm but pissed because I need my sleep and hearing my heartbeats loud gives me headaches… i felt like a slime being fold on it self by it self infinitely…
I need to cut coffee out but I need my job more so fk it… last night I couldn’t sleep so I decided to force sleep and took a sleeping pill… Best idea ever! But yeah my mind still fkd…
I slept the night! Had the most active dream and astral projection! Dragons monsters! stuff that doesn’t make sense! something was trying to eat me so I punched it went flying! at some point i was making honey cheesecake in a jar for a monster or something!
It was supposed to be a nightmare but I didn’t flinch because my mind was so out of it… someone dragged me out of the place and I can only remember his eyes! Was light greenish grey! I have seen him before so I don’t mind what he does and I keep calling him “my son”… idk why its weird! He looks older than me 
idk what we were saying but I remember him say “you can always call Raphael”! That shocked me! So i said “you knew?” And he said “i have always known”! 
I ended up hugging him and waking up…
Yep so sleeping pills and coffee messed with my mind…
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A job well done
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got those today finally! For daily planetary offerings and rituals! Am feeling happy!Got Uriel oil to help connect to him! Idk why he is always on stealth mode!
I had this experience today:
Someone was talking to me in my half sleep! I was sort of dizzy and sleepy with a massive headache! I thought its my brother but then he said he is a demon called Feren or Felen or Fehren! Idk if I got it right or not but its something like that!
I wasn’t sure if i knew him or not but my head was spinning like am drunk and I was babling random stuff to him! So he told me “make sure you drink water when you wake up”…
Then I kinda teleported somewhere and was seeing him shape-shifting! He turned to something like sonic! And then something from avatar movie! And something like a robot human! Everytime we go to a place he change to something else! I thought he is trying to blend or not get caught or something! so he winked at me indicating am right! Is it weird that he seems to know my thoughts?
I also have no idea where we went! It was like a fantasy lands where everything upside-down and stuff with colours that doesn’t exists in reality! I went there multiple times that the things there knows me by name… the place seems to look different for me everytime so am not really sure its the same astral location! I know the things there know me because everytime they welcome me saying “oh you’re back” “I was wondering when you will drop by again” “we were looking forward to seeing you again”… and they would offer me drinks and desserts!
The things there some looks human and most looks like they jumped from kids creatures shows…
And yes when I woke up I drink some water! 
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I am trying to understand how to work with mercury retrograde!
This says I can cast spells with mercury retrograde as playing a joke?! Like it has to feel funny to me?
Orange candle with mercury oil and symbol for the spell! Ill add a sigil of my intent with the corresponding herbs and blood! Or maybe not blood! To be casted on Wednesday the hours of Mercury!
sounds like a plan! Just need to think more about my intent!
learning new things everyday! And here I thought I was slow… well shit! Something is working out for me somehow! I am grateful for this! Mercury sorta had a field day with my emotions for a week or so! Yesterday everything cleared out after invoking Raphael! I need to try harder to stay balanced…
There is a spirit who looks like Scar from the lion king! He keeps hanging out in my room! My cat sometimes gets bigger and looks like a lion but that wasn’t him! I have seen him multiple times when I astral or even roll around in my bed! One time he was a sleep and I was playing with his black hair! It was so soft! He snores like a cartoon 
and one time he was chasing intruders with my cats!
My astral room is practically a zoo! I love it!
Got a new tarot to play with! “Witches tarot”!
A reading with my guides!
9 of wands: Resilience, courage, persistence, test of faith, boundaries.
Queen of wands: Courage, confidence, independence, social butterfly, determination.
4 of cups: Meditation, contemplation, apathy, reevaluation.
8 of wands: Movement, fast paced change, action, alignment, air travel.
“Hold your ground. Exert yourself. Think twice and move forward.”
I woke up this morning tired so I decided to take the day off and continue my sleep! Finished my morning rituals and went back to bed! I was thinking of what was the dreams I had because all I remember is my cat cuddling me all night and remember the purrs! Not sure if I even was a sleep because my sleep cycles are a mess from the exhaustion and stress…
So I dozed off and found my self looking at my mirror… and realised am in the astral! My room was crowded with weird energies! I could feel it because the air was thick! I was trying to stay far from my bed because my body is trying to drag me back! I knew the dread feeling was just the energy feedback so I ignored it and teleported to different dimensions! It was fun but still the exhaustion feeling never left me… I struggled to keep a clear vision because my mind keeps entering the dream land as soon as I enter a dream I get back into my body! I woke up in pain so took my pills and went back to sleep… this time I wanted to call someone and thought of Michael! I traced a sigil on the wall then thought oh no thats Uriel sigil… omg whats Michael sigil? I can’t remember… so i just wrote Michael then I placed my hand on it and said “in the name of Michael I call Archangel Michael” the name glow blue and opened a white hole… 
I was thinking why did I say that and how silly can I be… but it worked anyways… some gigantic white feathery lion came out with 3 glowing angels! I could see the wings but I was at a low vibration so I couldn’t see everything! I heard a female voice and 2 males! One calling the other “brother”! I was trying to remember what was said but they were talking to the other me! The projection me! My consciousness remembers me in my body! For some reason the projection me couldn’t download back the encounter? I realised this so I tried to push another projection out or something so I can keep a memory to remember! I realised if I give up here its all gone… so I got my left hand out up in the air and called for Michael! A hand came out of the blurry light and touched mine! Then i woke up!
I wonder who came with Michael! I think its Uriel since I accidentally traced his sigil I don’t remember my other double conversation but am thankful remembering that it happened! So I wanted to try that again and went back to sleep! Got out and wrote Raphael! I felt the energy presence but my mind 
all I heard is “just sleep”… yeah I didn’t have any more energy to stay awake…
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Today’s reading!
- 4 of pentacles: Saving money, security, conservatism, scarcity, control.
- The Devil: Shadow self, attachment, addiction, restriction, sexuality.
- 3 of wands: Progress, expansion, foresight, overseas opportunities.
- 6 of cups: Revisiting the past, childhood memories, innocence, joy.
This is telling me that I am scared of moving forward!
- 37 Time: “My appearance brings “time” to the forefront of importance. I may be approaching or passing, so be attentive. Use me wisely to provide perspective. Look around me to better understand my investment. Certain cards may slow me down, but sometimes a quick action will get you the crown.”
- 44 Magnifying Glass: “I am the card that suggests to you to take a closer look or two. If you did not get clarity from an earlier view, I can provide more focus and a perspective that is new.”
- 29 Lady II: “I could be you, the reader, or the female subject of your reading or a female partner.”
- 13 Child: “I am young, I am new, I am playful and immature. I am a baby, a kid, or a teenager. Small, short, or tiny are other ways to describe me.”
This is telling me that time will reveal things to me!
This headache is been going on for a while… everyday am in some kind of pain… if its not headaches its something else… tummy aches, foot infection, bone aches, idk what… but it all comes to make me take that next panadol pill (something like aspirin)… i keep trying to avoid taking it but the pain just stops me from continuing my day… nothing wrong with it! Panadol pills supposed to be harmless! But again taking it daily means something wrong with my system…
So here is where am at! I called Raphael to talking about this problem of mine… and now when I go needing to take a pill! It breaks in half!!! So i take half!!! The other half for later!!! Lol idk… taking half the dose is reasonable to keep me going
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Qween of cups: Compassionate, caring, emotionally stable, intuitive, in flow.
You can completely trust your intuition or that of a female figure who is near to you and whom you believe to be reputable.
The chariot: Control, willpower, success, action, determination.
Act and take on with courage the road you have decided to face while conserving a certain prudence in not letting yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions.
9 of swords: Anxiety, worry, fear, depression, nightmares.
Act with strength and prudence, ensuring your ideas are well focused and directing all your strength on these.
7 of wands: Challenge, competition, protection, perseverance.
Make a decision quickly, even consulting people around you, in order to proceed and go ahead, as this is not yet the time to put down roots.
32 Moon: Love and romance, intuition and psychic abilities, imagination and creativity are but a few of the ideas I stand for. I reach across the sky and influence the waters, I am admired all around, I bring fame, I bring honors.
19 Tower: Corporations, organisations, institutions and governments come under my influence. I am boundaries and restrictions, so be mindful of isolation. I describe your ambitions as well as your expectations, and let’s not forget your higher education.
27 Letter: I am a document, I am a message, I am information, I am a package. Sometimes I can be an invoice, a certificate, or a test result. You can find me as your mail, a newsletter, or an award. Look around me to find out more of what I am leaning toward.
So my life is taking another turn 
well… it was expected from the readings… i know my readings have some truth to them but ugh… life can suck sometimes!!!
I wasn’t feeling well this week because I neglected myself… my eyes was burning from my weird sleep schedule… hate and anger issues… frustration… you get the drill…
Last night while I was pulling cards for someone I decided to pull some for me! I pulled Gabriel, Raphael and Michael cards in a raw!!! It was a reminder “when was the last time I banished?”… 
i better do that!!! As usual I felt much better then head to bed! I was talking in my head about life! Basically venting…
I woke up pretty early and was on my phone passing time when this recommendation notification popped
I felt like it’s my answer! And I spent the day while working listening to it!
Some hard real talks… thanks…
I’ll probably hear it couple of times to sink in!
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I cant wait for Saturn retrograde to be over… I am being more responsible than I have ever been… it is stressful 
but hey “if you want something done right, do it yourself!”…
I think “god” talked to me last night! 
OMG! My life is awesome! I am grateful for the experience! Sometimes its funny how easy things get fixed! 
I wasn’t feeling well last night and puked my gut out! 
Now the thing is whenever I puke I get blood spots on my face and my throat gets wounded… so the next day I know I can’t go to work in that state…
I slept the night in pain and had to wake up often to rehydrate my throat because its more painful when its dry! My night wasn’t pretty!
I woke up again 30mins before my alarm goes off! I was contemplating going to work or not! Then thought RAPHAEL ILL CALL HIM! went back to doze off to nap and was kinda of dreaming! And remembered what I wanted to do! Then kept calling and invoking Raphael! The dream scene went blank and a light appeared in my eyelids! I kept at it and a stick figure appeared in my eyes! I thought “is that it! I am getting a stick figure manifestation?!” And 2 more stick figures appeared! So I was wondering what am I seeing here! I know Raphael is here but whats here too! And the names Lucifer and Michael was written on the air!
I must be crazy! Everyone manifestating as a stick figure! Where did my visualisation go! Until I realised it doesn’t matter! I have a request to make!!!
So I was ok I have a request for Raphael! I thought about my issue and something told me “No! Rephrase it”! Until I got the request statement! “It is my well that my throat is healed” then felt some kind of an agreement going on and I popped into a dream!
I was infront of my mirror and pealing my face! It was ewy but the new skin was perfect! Then I got something in my hand like a toothpaste tube and I squeezed it in my mouth! Tasted weird and yellow! Yes I tasted the colour yellow! Then I spit it out! Then the dream stopped and I am back to the original state and rememberd “oh right I made my request and didn’t say thanks yet! How rude of me! Thank you Raphael!”! The light behind my eyelids shined again!
I wondered if the alarm went off yet because this felt like forever! My bed is too cosy to get up! Oh wait! So cosy! Where did the pain go!!! Wait! That fast?! This is awesome! Guess I can go to work after all! Ummm! Ill wait for the alarm before I open my eyes… then I heard a kiss! It woke me up! Aaaaaa! Now am awake thanks… and a second later my alarm goes off!
Ok so I had this experience but whats the result! I’ve seen it after washing my face! My face is clear! No spots! No breakouts! My throat is stiff but no pain! I fkn feel wonderful! All it took is 30mins! To change my painful state to a painless cosy one! 
And now recording this on my free time at work!
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I have couple of books to read by Dr. Joe Dispenza
I finished “You Are the Placebo” and I must say it’s an eye opening to self healing! I’ve realised that my negative strong emotions can prevent my body from producing recovery cells… for a while now I have been putting my body in “fight or flight” mode constantly… so my body thinks that “no time to lick my wounds, just survive”…
I have to fix this!!!
I am now half way reading “Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself” and then “Becoming Supernatural”!
In his books he offers meditation script’s that you can record for yourself! But he also gives the option to purchase them in an audio format from his website!
I think its more personalised if I record mine. If I can find the time to do that soon would be great!
I am having a hard time sorting my schedule… its like tiptoeing around my schedule to squeeze some privacy for my magickal shenanigans… when I get the time for anything, I don’t usually have the energy to focus… and I really need more sleep…
Because of my mind being active and my body exhausted, I end up on the astral alot… its getting more common for me to be on the astral without intending to! At this point I just want a good night sleep… its just so funny when you care about something, it doesn’t happen… and when you just don’t care, it happens constantly! I still have to be grateful about it though because I asked for this at some point…
I haven’t been working with spirits that much lately! Just the archangels for banishing and healing but that’s even not a constant thing. I was called to work on connecting with my Holy guardian angel and higher self! I sorta cheated because I don’t have the time to do much dedication to bring it down, so when I find myself on the astral I just fly up and up and up! Beyond the limits of consciousness! I can’t remember what goes on from there but I am working on that! From what I’ve gathered so far is that I’ve changed everytime I did this.
Even though I haven’t been doing anything with Lucifer, he seems to visit alot!!! Its one of those awe moments that I feel bad about… he seems fine with just keeping a watch and sometimes dropping hints whenever I need! It’s a constant back and forth with me wondering if I should give him some attention or am I just rude for being fine with this?! Or it could be the game that I am playing?! But Belial and Paimon visits too, and they aren’t in the game!
I need time for daily meditation and healing work… my Reiki practice is being neglected… I do get chances to do it while on the astral for people. That’s something atleast!
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Ugh life is too much and I find myself in a rut… I tried every trick I have to improve this but I am too close to the situation to let go… its hard to sleep, hard to eat, hard to live, and I find myself dragging my feet to get the day over with…
Maybe its just today, maybe its just couple of days, maybe it will be over soon…
I just need to detach so the magick I have done can take its course! So I thought merging back to sources consciousness again might help…
Luckly trying to get some sleep eventually just popped me to the astral…
I must say depression and unwillingness to live is an easy way to the astral because you just don’t care what kind of fear eats you. The place I end up in is iffy in all kind of way… smells, looks, tastes etc… puking my gut out astrally and drowning in it… not a pleasant experience…
Took me a while to remember going upwards and changing my vibration. I could say the purge helped with removing some negativity from my astral body so I could recover my light. I got out of the ground to face a huge walls that looked like ancient Rome’s. As usual entities and people walking around wondering what am up to and trying to involve me in what they are doing. I started climbing the walls and ignoring whatever talks to me while I repeat “I must go up”. I reached the top of the wall and felt the astral wind trying to push me down! I took deep breaths to harness energy so I can fly upwards. I commanded “take me upwards” “higher higher higher”!!! As I passed through what looks like stars and galaxies I remembered passing through them. Until it was all dark void, something like Buddha appeared in a glowing gold light. I looked at it and said “I must go higher! Take me higher” and flu to what felt upwards… then beings of light appeared staring at me… I repeatedly said “higher”… until I got locked up in a room!
I tried going higher than this room but I was sealed in there… this is the first time I remember whats after the light beings…
I usually collapse going higher, and source consciousness is pure energy and thoughts, from what I vaguely remembered, so surely this isn’t it and I need to push higher…
Anyways I felt stuck and noticed a missed up looking boy sitting on a table. He looked so disturbing and in pain. I got the impression that one of his pain was me! My cord was coming from him! Like I was in him and I got out! He wanted to show me what I have done to him! But I was refusing this encounter and trying to escape to source…
This idea was pushed into my head “what if the universe is just a missed up child, what will you do?”. I realised source is showing me something it thinks I needed. I got scared in wtf moment trying to reevaluate the situation, examining the boy’s disturbing body and the hole in him that my cord is coming from! I checked myself to see if its even my cord to begin with! Everything checked out to me… I even counted my semi-translucent fingers to check if its a dream. It was so disturbing for me so I decided to apologise to the kid and get back to my body. I didn’t wanna pass through him again so I just closed my eyes and felt my bed to merge back in.
Not sure what to think about this so recording it and going about my day.
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Been a challenging month! But the stars will always align on my favourite! Even a full moon in libra is the perfect energy for kidney healing! It’s good I stored lots of full moon water! Came in handy!
I have noticed whatever I go through and whatever spell I need to do, the stars align the time and the exact energy I need for it!!! I am not sure if this is just to give me spells to do or the spells plans themselves for me?!
What was planed first? The relief or the disaster? Not really sure here but I am doing whatever I can in a magickal sense, along side the physical means…
I learned not to ignore the astrological alignments because I can always benefit greatly from it! It caters to my needs perfectly!
Sometime I do feel like this is all bullshit and I am a nut-job, but I will try everything I possibly can to help the situation… magick is giving me something to do, so I don’t give up!!! Not to mention the friendships that came with it!!!
It has been a struggle to eat anything, but atleast I am keeping up with vitamins and hydration. I think I should make this a proper fast so it becomes intentional and not because of my emotional numbness… since its already happening, why not use it as well!!!
I should charge some eggs and milk with my intentions so breaking the fast with them would be more powerful!!!
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Lol life is funny… Michael is everywhere…
I have been invoking Archangel Michael for months now every morning so I can push through the day!
In the past month alone I have met 3 people named Michael’s! I lost count at 8 I think…
It’s funny it’s rare where I live but it happened… dude the sweet things they say! Like why! This is too much for me to understand! I feel delusional for feeling like it’s a manifestation…
I cant share details but I am grateful for them!!!
What I received means alot 
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
I wanna scream for real…