My self progression journal


#1

I thought I should write about my self progress and experience in general. Some stuff has been changing in me since i started evoking/invoking, I hope to a better end. One thing for sure! I am not that terrified as I used to be before starting this. I seem to be outgoing sometimes and selfish in a good way! I am the super introvert type and will always put everyone first. I mean I used to be the one to apologise in a super polite way when it’s not even my fault! :no_mouth: but now I wouldn’t mind lashing out and being rude when am attacked or threatened. I have to find a balance.

Also I am working on my senses and asked Lucifer and King paimon for help. Since I have done this I seem to feel drilling in different points on my head and my back. My ear dumps feel sore and pops from time to time. The back of my eyes too and it feels like something pulling my eyeballs out when I close them and meditate. I have been having pretty weird dreams of being experimented on. I can’t recall details but I wake up sore and feverish. Something is at work or am a nutcase :rofl: both works for me lol!

On the other drawing journal I finished drawings for Lucifer and Lilith. Now I am working on one for King Paimon but I seem to lose my focus. I am not sure if I saw him in a dream because I just can’t recall. The fun fact is I had a dream while I was working on Lilith. I had a visit from Asmoday and I still remember it. He was floating in space teaching me how the earth works! When I asked “is it god” he said “its a god” and pointed to read a word and I read it asmodeus! He was wearing a blue tux! Yes I took notes lol! I will be drawing this later! Must love unexpected guests :blush:!

I am trying to meditate alot lately either in bed or hearing theta music’s all day. What I have noticed is that each time I reach a TGS state my cats snapping me out of it… just as soon as I hear a word or see the rain, one of them jumps to me and snaps me out… I feel like I am being pulled in two different directions and it’s giving me headaches… each time I try evoking even without meditation I have a cat on my lap… when I lock my self in the toilet they freak out trying to get in… I wish I could understand what they are telling me…

Well that’s what going on with me for now! I’ll be updating as I progress.


#2

Working on TGS so much that I actually got it for a second between my naps at night! The rain was so clear and I heard the voice just like the TV thingy! My room was blurry and I was in bed. The only clear thing I saw is a snake on my sheets and thought if I go back it will not be there. Then just slept somehow. It might be an indication that king paimon was there?
So yesterday I decided I need a break before I lose my mind and health. I chilled but yet called Lucifer last night. :rofl: I just can’t help myself… my clairaudiance getting better but only when am trying to sleep! :blush: I heard musical and someone talking but forgot what he was saying :rofl:.
I have noticed that am getting signs and information to what I might need. Videos and readings :thinking: I think it’s time to study.
Still getting headaches and pressure at different parts of my head if I try to focus. Aspirin didnt help much with it.


#3

A while ago I asked Belial for help with something at work that was affecting everyone. So yesterday when the issue accursed again, someone got me a permission to go home lol! It was a weird day thanks Belial :kissing_heart:
I have noticed that when I open King Paimon sigil the light in my eyes goes off for a second and everything around the sigil fills liquid white! Also I get a floating feeling. Still I need more work on this and King Paimon being too patient with me :kissing_heart:
Also in doing some readings that I got guided to I finished the book of azazel. It strengthened my connection to Azazel. Also I had this idea to detached from everything am working on. it’s when you detach from what you want it manifest? Well before I sleep I actually let go of the idea of trying to improve as if I will wake up tomorrow and all this will be just a dream of fantasies!
:rofl: guess what! Azazel decided to play with me this night! He tied my hands and feet together! I can still wiggle! He spoke alot I couldn’t understand! He said something about YOU THINK ITS THAT EASY! He freaked me out that I screamed for Raphael and Michael for help! Azazel laughed at me and let me go! :rofl: well I would say it worked in a twisted way?
Today it feels like the fog and pressure in my head cleared out. I’ll enjoy the silence until something comes up?

:thinking: ok so I just remembered what I saw! Some kind of a Greek goddess person? So majestic his/her eyes made me shy and blush I couldn’t keep looking! Not sure who was it… I still struggle with entities identities…


#4

Things getting weirder and weirder for me. Getting alot of headaches and my chakras out of balance. So I finally noticed king paimon presence in my dream! He shows up in my dreams but invisible! Another spirit in the dream had to tell me that they see someone around me! It was weird because I remember the spirit eyes was black. I tried to hug the air and it was solid! And said “yes that’s mine king paimon!” I got a protective feeling! also I could swear I was in the daylight seeing the sun at some point and felt a seizure while my body in bed?
Throughout the day his energy was lingering with me and got alot of inspiration! I can see that something is different about me but still the same?!
My goals is to be able to hear and see while 100% awake!


#5

So I found my self two nights ago dealing with some shitty emotional crap and got spooked out. I thought who is best to deal with me and called king paimon! Totally felt like am running to dad after a nightmare… yeah I still don’t understand my self…
King paimon with his invisibility seemed familiar to me in reality and the physical senses. I opened my eyes at night feeling some invisible magnetic field on me! I KNEW WHAT IT WAS! I reach and held it! It was solid but I see my arms! I sqweez but my hands still away like it’s stuck there. Lol he knocked me out so I don’t think too much! After all I was the one who called him because some shit spooked me! lol when I think about it! I really hugged him twice and he didn’t mind!
And finally before i wake up in the morning I see king paimon on his camel in the desert! he was going away and I couldn’t get a closer look. He gave me a chant and I forgot it… it was on a paper but still I forgot it! And he told me in an audible voice not to do something again! But I forgot what that was! I seem to have my head in the clouds when he is around! He is a sweetheart.
I have seen a reptilian but he didn’t indicate who he is so am assuming it’s a guards? King paimon had so many walking behind him and what sounded like a musical. The only thing he let me see is the camel! The red velvet robe and some kind of golden crown! So that what I draw…

Last night I was trying to see Belial. He showed me couple of things I need to remember! It was more like a human beast! He had an assistant showing me around also I started cleaning his place for some reason… his assistant was some kind of a grey?!. Oh and I ate some ice?! It felt real! Can’t figure what my mind is doing to translate the physical feelings I get! Brain please why do I eat ice?!
Belial possessed me and was making my hands itch my face alot! Like he isn’t used to my skin?
I knew he entered because my eyes flashed a white screen and I heard him say hey! so then I told him do what you want as long as I get to see you and you leave me by 5 am! I was awake btw…
when I think about it possession isn’t that bad! It’s just feels like you got stabbed in the chest with a dagger if you try to resist or panick!
He looked something between a gorilla and a goat! He had horns. Belial chuckles alot! Like alot! I couldn’t get what he was saying but I got every chuckle!

This is a huge progress for someone who’s yet to understand the spirits world and it’s communications.


#6

Good job! :ok_hand: And I chuckled a bit on this


#7

:rofl: lol yeah! I think its how they start with possession by feeding you something! And translated to me as this!


#8

So this time I asked Azazel to show him self to me so I can see him and draw him. Well he didn’t try to freak me out this time, but he stirred the pot.
Azazel came to me as human I fancy! He flirted even called me “hey sugar bag!” He tried but I went away… He tried so bad and often to grab me, but I basically pulled away and got sad… then he said “you don’t like it? Sorry! I will not do it again”. I really went sad mode turning away…
Then my sister came to me and asked me what happened why didn’t I like it, and asked “did you want a girl or a guy?”. So I said “It dosnt matter if it’s a human I ain’t fucking it! I belong to the demons”. So I literally refused Azazel without knowing… I just realised it’s him after I woke up! To me that was a human I have a crush on and I had no indication otherwise. I am not lucid so my subconscious mind is the one controlling my actions! Even my subconscious dosnt accept humans interactions. That isn’t the point here! I am trying to improve my senses and seeing entities! Am not about to draw a human I actually know… I mean that’s wrong… I just can’t do it if he looks like someone I know! No matter the level of crush I have! I ain’t drawing or fucking a human I know… not even in my dreams…
I guess better luck next time…


#9

So I tried Azazel again. It seems he is trying to break some of my subconscious programming. I just keep forgetting what was it! What is holding me back from ascension. It is something to do with how I got raised… am just guessing…
Well this time he showed up as some energy field with lots of different colours. He talked telepathically. Like lots of emotions and stuff!!! I have to try calling him again since it seems he isn’t concerned with what I will be drawing as much as helpping me overcome some shit…
When I went back to bed again I have felt all the entities around me! It was real! I slipped in what I call a glitched dream! Like astral but awake! I was trying to reach my phone! Some romantic went down hehehe! Then it got weird to a dream where I see my self wearing a silky white dress and someone was gazing at me. Then he brushed my hair and told me it’s a nice offering. Then I realised this spirit had the same hair as mine and I remember who he was because I offered him my hair before. So I started lucid or just thinking about what is going on! He disappeared as soon as I tried to say something… I looked at my self with the dress it was magical!!! I am never in to dressing up, that was insane like my skin was shimmery! And felt like this is how they see me?!


#10

This week was a rollercoaster of emotions and most have no cause. I felt sad, anger, depressed, alone and awkward! It was like a flood! But still felt some sort of happiness, oneness, loved whenever it gets overwhelming. Sometimes I felt heavy almost choking on my own breath and then I felt relief like a weight got lifted. :thinking: I think Azazel training me emotionally?
Oh well! I invoked Lucifer automatically just because I wanted a back up! I would do anything just not to cry! I see no reason to! I woke up at 3am like usual to do some mediation. Put 2 candles up and called Azazel because I am yet to draw him! And Lucifer just because I felt the need to do so… went back to bed to trance or snooze lol!
I was in a trance half a wake! I heard 2 men talking behind me! One said “are you ready for this”. the other said “am digging in!”. my neck felt weird and stiff! I heard sucking sounds and winds not really sure! For what felt like a while i started moaning! I was thinking is that me? Why? Oh shit! Am feeling good?! Huh!.. then idk why but I got louder… I got too loud that I woke up… I don’t know what was happening but I know I liked it so much!!! And no it wasn’t sex :thinking:


#11

I am done drawing Azazel so I thought I need to call on Lucifer to adjust my self! :rofl: detoxing from that emotional mess! I had couple of dreams where I am being hugged! All I thought is yes hugs! I didn’t mind that a dark thing is holding me! :hugs: felt loved! And I know it was Lucifer :kissing_heart:
So when I woke up at 3am set a candle and Lucifer sigil already in my pillow. Went to snooze and that’s when all the weird things happens!
Either something is happening to me or am just crazy! Lucifer came to me again or he was already around since the night started! this time! I can’t explain what was that but I got vibrations like before the astral glitch! He held me and urged me not to move! I got flashes and heard voices! He showed me all the faces he appeared as! Was so much! Flashes and quick! And then when the vibrations stopped he told me “she is sanitizing”. I felt a cold wet behind my neck and a female voice! done! Then he was saying things in demonic tongue and felt like some cutting on my neck! And he put something there! And told me it’s ok everything is going well and “now its only 12 days”. He chanted whispers again and blowing on the sides of my neck! Before he leave he said “sleep baby girl”! :rofl: I expected a kiss at that point for some reason! Then I heard voices and I was like flipping the channels to a radio and hearing something else… I woke up feeling something in my neck and like I have invisible surgery wounds. The pain runs from the back of my ears to my lower back!
12 days? :sweat_smile: if nothing happens it means am a nutcase and I should go admit my self in a psych ward!


#12

I am too anxious to what is happening to me during the 12 days period! Am counting the days! 11!!!
I asked Lucifer to help me understand what is this! I need to prepare my self so I don’t freak out later!!
This time the shadow was with me since I went to bed from 9pm! I have seen it holding me in bed! I got some dreams of shit am actually afraid of! When I snap out of the dream I feel him holding me! Like it’s ok it’s just a dream… Lol this time things went to sex all night I don’t remember when we stopped! I slept inbetween and he showed me things! I looked in the mirror and my eyes was almost black! I don’t remember the conversation but it was about awakening! I also see him behind me like a solid black shadow!!! No face no arms no nothing!!!
So here is my theories:
1: I am part demon and getting awakened?
2: I am being turned to a demon?
3: It’s a possession?
4: I am delusional?
Anyway what am expecting is to hear and see while 100% awake :thinking:

On another note I don’t know who to draw next?


#13

10 days! :sweat_smile:
I find my self attracted to sigil magic! Made heaps! Also making up some sort of letters ritual! By now entities should have a mailbox! :rofl: since am limited in doing rituals, I write letters to them and burn the letters when I can! Now I thought instead of drawing the sigil everytime on the back, why not have one as a portal and put it under my clearglass that I use for burning things?! Am totally making up shit! Will make it less obvious that am doing shady shit!
So this night was weird as well! I kept going to the void involuntary! I never went there at will! Everytime I sleep I feel the floating sensation and I open my eye in total darkness!!! Happens about 6 times and when I go back to my body! Hmmm… how do I explain this?! my body was getting fucked?! :rofl: no better words… sorry… nothing scary though! Eventually I got tired and said “oh well! Enjoy” and slept in the void!! :thinking: so how did I wake up you might wonder?! :rofl: like this! :sleepy: Renich :drooling_face:Tasa :sleepy: Uberaca :drooling_face: Biasa :drooling_face: icar :hugs: Lucifer :no_mouth:! I cant explain why do i chant to wake up… i didn’t even realise i was chanting in my sleep…
All and all was a good night! The void is relaxing! I will reach at will one day!


#14

9 days :thinking:
Did the banishing ritual before I went to bed last night. Nothing happened. Dreams? No nothing?! I don’t even know… today am too sleepy! Feels like I didn’t even sleep… for some reasons am creating ritual with origami! Just some more inventive way working with papers! I might make it a thing if something comes out of it!


#15

8 days!
:rofl: I seem to go crazier and weirder! Yesterday before bed I asked Belial to help me learn to Astral travel and projection at well! I also wanted to know how bad he wants me to offer this so cold offering… well my dreams where hmmm… I don’t need to say… the thing that stood out is I had blue teacandles in my pants with his sigil!! :sweat_smile:
So now after I master the astral! I have to wear a pants with his sigil for how long and burn it afterwards!!! I know am gonna be slacking… :smiling_imp: there is no getting out of this… this girl has to follow along…


#16

7 days!
So my night with Belial was quiet. I didn’t drop to the TGS state at all! Didn’t even vibrate?! Everything was just black! It was like I blacked out? One idea was running in my head! To call Bael?! So before I wake up I was thinking of my diary and trying to look for Belial sigil! Something told me to draw Bael sigil! I thought Bael not Belial?! Everytime I wanna say Belial I say Bael?! Then I started saying Gaap?! Someone told me Bael Bael!!! Then my sister showed up in my dream angry about me doing magic… yeah… I guess was a hint that Bael would help me stay hidden?! Before I wake up a spirit gave me a lecture about taking initiative and doing things on my own instead of relying on others?!
Well! So I wake up, draw Bael sigil and sent him a welcoming letter! Now I need to learn about him since this is the first contact.
On other note! Repeated times I keep seeing for a while now! 11:11am 1:11pm 2:22pm 3:33am 4:44am&pm 5:55pm 12:12pm it’s like an alarm in my head to look at the clock…