To answer your question, I must say that I want results not a emaciating wait for what doesn’t give me the results I desire. For 40 years I thought Christianity was THE answer… i.e “sometime’s God’s answer is No”, well for me it was always no. I have big ideas for my life and I have gotten nowhere time and again ultimately bringing me to realize that “God” is fabricated and a form of authoritarian rule.
Also, my patience is tested and as a result of No after No after No from “God”, I either had to just accept that my thoughts weren’t important enough for “God” to answer affirmatively. Its much easier to say NO. Yet after years of disappointment and sometimes heartbreak, I felt like I was the failure, I wasn’t worthy enough or my desires were grandiose. That I may have those types of thoughts were alarming, yet it was failure after failure and not a peep from a sentient divine creator. So, what am I left to do? Sulk and wallow through depression and turmoil in my life (and those around me- my family actually “disowned” me due to the fact that I brought so much pain to them because I wasn’t what they wanted. So my patience is at a minimum and I think, correct me if I am wrong here, but a life full of NO wears on a man’s psyche and outlook- I want results, and of course right now would seem to be the case, that I can see right away- PLUS the fact that I cannot go make a sandwich as E.A. suggested, I’m constantly looking for results- maybe that’s the issue, but how do I forget about something that is near and dear to me?
I do realize that I ask a lot of questions. a priest once called me “needy” simply because I had a lot of questions? Needy? Damn right I am… I want answers god-dammit! He wasn’t willing to help me and suggested that I wanted for him to teach me how to be a man, and he flat out said “I’m not going to tell you”. It wasn’t that at all! I had a lot of questions about origination, supernatural occurrences, the uncorrupted saints… he blew me off. I’m now wanting to find truth, results and I want them now! LOL, it just doesn’t work that way. I intuitively know that in my soul, but a little something to show that I’ve been heard would be nice.
Not wanting to take up ALL the space here, but BALG was immediately convincing to me, and it has been all I had been looking for in my life, I just don’t want to make a dire mistake. Maybe I am needy- I just counter with "HELL YES I’M NEEDY- I’ve been looking for something that actually works, and I have a lot to ask! My research has convinced me that I have a major role to play in my successes, I’m just so fucking frustrated that I’m not able to totally let go and wait until I forget I even said “so mote it be”. Ugh. Any thoughts would be appreciated from all members, even if you do call me needy.
Just one thing more- I am a veteran of Desert Shield/Desert Storm, and disabled. I live now on a fixed income and feel as though I went straight from school to retirement. I have had amazing experiences in life, but they are all memories! I want to make new memories, have a full life of abundance and by my own design. Being raised in a Southern Baptist church who told me I was immoral because I didn’t follow all their precepts, and the hypocracy of the Roman Catholic church drove me further into mental, physical and spiritual malaise. Some thing no one should EVER have to live a life of continuous defeat and demoralization. So I’m here now, and want to give this my full attention and respect.; Other’s write about their successes, just once I’d like to give a great testimonial and even more as my life turns around into whagt I want it to be- that’s the goal of being a Living God, right?
Some comments, suggestion, admonishments, whatever would be greatly appreciated for which I will be eternally grateful.