How to come out of Dissociative thinking craziness and Have Clarity?

General Discussion
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How to come out of Dissociative thinking craziness and Have Clarity?

Coming out of this:

Which I have written on my Journal, Here:

I want clarity, discernment, self-belief, seeing something with clarity, being sure of something, confident in it, in my judgement. I want to be able to trust my mind, judgement, and thinking.

I call it dissociative thinking, then “craziness”, as in craziness caused to dissociative thinking because this are 3rd house matters, my natal chart, Ketu and Jupiter are in my 3rd house, and even as I can learn, study, acquire information with my Jupiter in a more focused manner adding something to my mental faculties as I even learn, inform myself, acquire knowledge, information, adding curiosity and interest in what I am researching, investigating, with my Ketu I tend to detach from my surroundings to get a clearer view of things, have a more expansive view, bird’s eye view, scanning the field, discerning, seeing what is with clarity, assessing the situation and making trustworthy judgement about it, which help me to then orient myself, know where I stand, and carry forward with my own decisions, deciding myself what to do and where to go.

Healing my Ketu.

Healing my perception.

Having clarity. Seeing, thinking with clarity, discerning, and judging things with accuracy, reliably.

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Believing in Expressing myself, What has come after going after retrieving my trust in My Voice, Self-Expression, and Communication, and something that feels difficult
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I think clarity and confidence are two different things. You can be completely clear that you don’t know enough to make a decision about something, and that’s fine. You can also be really confident and thoroughly confused at the same time. You want both - enough knowledge to make good decisions and the confidence to trust yourself and not keep 2nd guessing those decisions?

I would go to Belial for that. Invoke him and build your inner strength of mind

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I have made these things to come and hand in hand, considering them in a way where I would have thought them to be different.

I think this is your own way of expressing these things. Given my view of it, and what you express here, I wonder if I am getting the actual guidance of what the direction should be, if I am grasping what is needed in the situation. If I am getting what the situation needs.

If you check this:

I speak about a 4th option, beyond the Love, attraction, desire; beyond confusion; leaving the confusion behind, having clarity in a new direction, still retaining my self, being, personality, and expression.

It is important for me to see this, important for me to see options, to have a way out of it, out of things, walking unscathed out of things, preserving me. This is how I function, like you can engage with something or leave. It’s either or, not the fuckery of what this has been.

This is either or which would have been normally so easy, cutting the influences that you don’t want, and standing your ground where you want to want, moving along as you wish to move along, it is this that by wondering if I am getting the actual guidance of what the situation needs what influences the direction, aim, possibility, dream, desire, outcome of where to move into. You still have to believe, see, have clear that there is a way out of something.

Thus, to make the situation once again an either or situation for me, as it is usual, making it easier to engage and disengage from things, and breaking the lock that interrupted either or.

It is either or what I want to establish, without compromise. Either or, saving me and my integrity. In a situation where there has been draw backs to having taken that approach of two dualities. But leaving the 3rd state, and having a 4th option.

Belial is a good call, particularly when you know your aim, and are clear of where you are headed, yourself in hall. I started working with him today, earlier on.

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This is a post which would have my own health and mental wellness in mind.

Let the ego, conscious mind of my self-expression form itself again, believing in expressing myself, being sure and confident in my self-expression.

Regenerating my frontal lobe, making my frontal lobe functional again.

What is uncomfortable about this is dwelling on what I am trying to will, instead of letting my frontal love and conscious awareness to regenerate, because I might not like what might emerge.

At least, I should make the decision that I can always change what I don’t like with Magick. I don’t like the idea of what I have endured changing my desires, interests, and focus. Which is why I haven’t wanted to dwell on the surface.

I still want to take interest in Magick, Spirituality, and the Occult, and have this Magickal, Spiritual, Occult awareness and practice, being actively engaged in it.I do not want to emerge into something that takes me away from it. This I have always made to be present with me, to be part of my path.

I would want to see more of this. I don’t want this to change my desires and interests. I must heal, must surface, clarity must be, and I have always wanted Magick, Spirituality, and the Occult to be there for me.

I would want to say to myself, “Promise me that regardless of what you emerge into, you will find your way back into Magick, Spirituality, and the Occult, in interest, desire, learning, studying, and practice, take interest in it, conceiving of a path anew. That you will keep the Magickal, Occult, and Spiritual dimension of your Self, Life, alive and active. And that whatever I may be be in the present, I still have the agency to check things, that have been in my awareness, have been part of my practice and self-empowerment, and am able to do things”.

What fulfills me now?
What interests me now?

I have to believe that something of me and mine can and will rise again.

It feels uncomfortable to be with myself right now. That has to do with what I have had to endured has impacted my old personality, mode of expression, ego. I want to know myself, have my preferences, and values of aesthetics which are mine. I want to know myself, but what is that? Do I recognize it? Do I have any references for it? The hard part is emerging into something when you don’t even have the same desires as you used to be. But kind still of a double edged sword, but I needed to change the desire for this man, and whatever is there.

I would have wished there was a way I could keep myself, and do away with him. Both for myself, my ego, personality, and values even of colours, preferences, aesthetics, presentation, and image, for my life, my interests, a direction would have been mine. I did not want this to have impacted all of that.

@Mulberry I liked my personality. It is useful to be sure of oneself, one’s expression, one’s image, and beauty, aesthetic values. By Love, desire and attraction, I went onto take action; but this was not the experience, confusion was, and it would have been easier to say how a solution or either or was foreseeable; then there was my might. Between the fight of those emotions, mind, energies, and him attacking me energetically by the Venus aspect being released from my Jupiter for having triggered it, where he attacked when I showed vulnerability, needing to take care of myself after having been on Martian energy overload, protecting and defending myself, from the suggestions, working to maintain my independence, to still be my own person with self-command and autonomy, giving me “cosmic liberation”, I was doing some harsh things to release myself from his attempt at control.

In the case of possibly having a dead personality, I wanted to live again, just free from the situation. But would I have seen a different way being as I have been, when I still saw him there.

What kind of fuckery is this?

I wish there was something from before, other lives, 12th house, my own subconscious which would give me and have given me another option that cleared me all this regarding him, and still retained me, my personality, my expression, my way of being, not only to reach a point of clarity, but to have a way out that doesn’t affect these things in me adversely.

By that advantage of the soul, the things which came by 12th house placements, my Sun was in his 12th house, and his Venus in my 12th house, there could have been a 4rth option saving me, and my integrity, saving with a way out.

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In the interests of the clarity you want, and for you to get more engagement on your posts, I think it would be great exercise for you to condense your questions in one sentence. A TL;DR if you like.

Members can’t really spend the time it needs to read through very long posts, even though you made good use of whitespace to help readability, and then also read your journal - it just tends not to happen.

So people aren’t ignoring you, they may only be frustrated at the opacity of too much all at once.

So, in as succinct a form as you can manage, what is your actual question for the forum?

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The Ocean of Life and Being unify. Mind discriminates and separates, but can serve as a filter to keep unwanted things out.

The Ocean of Life and being absorb things. Mind would differentiate and separate from what they absorb indiscriminately.

I seem to be in a state where life and energy are felt more in being, than it used to be by how I functioned mentally.

Mind united with this Ocean of Life and being, which unify, how does one handle the two in one without losing oneself or the discriminative faculty, differentiation, and choice?

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My Mind needs a place on which to rest, firmly and securely. When it thinks and considers thoughts and ideas, it moves and triggers those things.

In light of what I have to identify with, I would have identify with what is lasting, enduring, and eternal.

How does one function like this?

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I’m sorry I don’t understand the question.

What do you mean by “the Ocean of Life and Being”? What is it that you “have to identify with” - you didn’t say.

Can you give an example? This is, after all, literally how magick works: you visualize and believe a thing to be true and you will affect the probabilities to make it true - also called the Law of Attraction.

If things are happening that you though of, and didn’t want, you must control your thoughts and emotions to not do that. You can use distractions, words to disrupt unwanted thoughts, tapping, NLP and other therapy techniques that work for people will obsessive thoughts to reset and stop thinking of things you don’t want.

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I mean the Cosmic Ocean of Life, Being, which is Life, gives support and energizes. The Eternal Presence.

With “Existence and Presence”, “Mind”, which I have used to do all the things that mind would do, and also used to identify with things, I would rest upon something lasting, enduring, and eternal. And from that place, I would let my mind function. Upon the support of that, I would let my mind function.

Mind needs support of something lasting, enduring, eternal. It had been a basis for being, for identity, as well as thinking. But being is more, or there is more to this than what an Ascendant, or 1st house in Astrology, uses to say what it is. Especially if you are dealing with personal planets in the 12th house, like Sun, Venus, and Mercury.

You want to express yourself, to claim a defined identity that you can see, understand, and even point to, but your self, ego, and what you might call an identity are somehow in this house.

So, the Ascendant’s expression by Mind, communication, self-expression, and expansiveness, by Jupiter, but also by Ketu detachment had been happening on one level. The self, ego, and identity, by the personal planets have are what they are at another level.

The energies of Mind need the support of an actual presence, hence why I said that my Mind needs a place on which to rest, firmly and securely. Which would now be in a presence which actually is, and from there use its functions.

So far, I had been getting away with using my mind, doing all the things that the mind would do + identity, but it had been detached, had not yet been connected to something. Though there certainly was self-determination and will, because I still willed myself to do things, to make my own decisions and get stuff done, even when an actual self, presence, or living presence had yet to be realized or revealed.

These things that you are mentioning, like, controlling my thoughts and my emotions, willfully directing and willing my thoughts, states, emotions, giving myself hopes, dreams, aspirations, and being optimistic, have been something that I have been doing on that level at which the mind had been operating, including the statement or affirmation of an identity, even if how existence felt at the time was detached. So, I was moving with self-determination, because I willed it so, but I might have been detached.

This would call for a connection with self, with something that actually supports life, existence, living. Although, because that sense of self has been in the 12th house, and I have been used to move around in the world by the other mode of mind of doing things, I often wondered how this self would even support my life and existence.

My ordeals have been of that 12th house, what I have felt it threatened in my life and existence, and be trying to hold onto that way of moving, doing things in the world, living, by that Mind and identity.

If on one hand, discriminating, doing things by self-determination, because I willed to, these things might have been detached, on the other, I was facing things in my own subconscious alone. Self, Being, Presence, Life, is needed to balance the detachment of Mind, so Mind needs the support of something more supportive and secure than detachment or disconnection.

I have experienced loneliness on both. And abiding in Presence, and resting the Mind in Presence, from there allowing it to function, and somehow reach some internal state of peace where I am comfortable with myself, the Mind might see and might function, but what about isolation and loneliness?

I had never gone through these experiences. They were new to me. How would I handle them? I freaked out and tried to grasp for whatever I could.

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I know nothing about astrology so I can’t speak to that part; I don’t know what it means.

Well, I think you ARE “handling them” because you are alive and functioning. You are functioning well enough to use the internet. This is not really in question.

Are you saying you want to reach the state of Wu Wei - of doing non-doing, also called the “flow state”? And why is that? I am hearing that you realize that these posts are relatively incoherent, repetitive and unnecessarily long unordered, but you want to be able to think in a more logical fashion?

Why not start ordering your posts by bullet points. For example, instead of walking about a bunch of things then going “how would I handle these things?”, reverse that order - say "How would I handle: x, y, z with the things you want to handle itemized .

It’s a different way of thinking that makes you add structure. When you have added structure, you can then also take it a step further and put the things in order of priority. When you know what in the list is the most important to you, then you will have found what you want to focus on first, and the task becomes much easier to start.