Beyond Possibility- Ryce's Journal

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
81

Lately I have been doing my part of ‘taking fire from heaven’. I have been doing that modified shem operation with the goetia spirits and their corresponding angels weekly. I will admit, when my hours got cut from work, I did falter and did not do the operation that week and got pretty lax with my daily practice as well. Basically regressed back to only qi gong, and the bare minimum practice at that xD

However, last week I decided that I had a long enough pity party for myself and rolled up my sleeves… Did the banishing and invoking and the operation. Basking and taking in the powers of the 144 spirits I summoned around me… At the very end I was inspired to see the 144 orbiting around me like satellites around Earth and then they all rushed forward and into me, filling my being with their energy. For a moment I felt ‘free’. Then after the practice, I actually felt better. Better than I have felt in a while. My mood, which has been down, was lifted. I did not feel heavy or weighed down by my more mundane concerns.

Upon realizing this, a part of me wondered why did I stop to begin with?

Besides the abundance of time I now have thanks to the Rona, I think a lot of practitioners get caught up feeling. The rituals lose their luster, their newness, that feeling of awesome power when you preform them. They themselves become mundane. Old hat. Maybe the visualizations are ‘too easy’. For me, I think it was the former: I was used to feeling the buzz and high of ritual. When the energy did not flow as aggressively as it did before, I kind of felt like… maybe I am doing it wrong after all?

I failed to realize that its a good thing that the waters calmed down. The rituals I was doing were not having so much an effect because the energy they were being used to sort, was already, for the most part, sorted. I was to the point where it was just the daily upkeep, instead of the spring cleaning.

So after a break, when I was down and feeling like crap, wallowing in my own self pity there was a lot of yucky psychic buildup of just junk. So when I decided enough was enough and did the rituals again with revitalized purpose, I felt the energy shift again and was affirmed of their power. It also made me realize the above.

Why it is so important, and how daily ritual can really help clear your head and allow you to move forward not only spiritually but with your own life.

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82

Warning- A rambling post about cancer.

I don’t post much about my more personal workings, but I have been feeling introspective lately.

For the last few months, since I found out my Uncle has cancer, I have been invoking Raphael into his aura and seeing that he is cancer free. Well, last month, I was told that his cancer is worse than they had thought and that it has spread far too much and he doesn’t have too long to live. The type of cancer he has is usually a death sentence anyway, since it is hard to detect until it is too late to do something about it. Particularly nasty kind.

So I doubled down on my ritual work for him all throughout December. Actually broke out the candles, spent a half an hour each day directing my own energy towards him and working on his energetic body, trying to get things to flow right. It is hard when you are working on an old man, nearly 63, and he is thousands of miles away half a country away. I’d top it all off with working with Raphael again, invoking the angel directly to him.

This uncle was also the ‘rich piece of shit’ that, just a few years ago, I would have celebrated his death. Now, under these circumstances, I find myself actively working to heal him. It is amazing how a bit of time, introspection, and thinking about the effect his death would have on the family changes your opinion a bit. It may be me just getting older, and finding the past doesn’t matter as much to me as the future, but I blame magic for this as well. As you work on yourself, hone your craft, you really do begin to change emotionally, psychologically, energetically.

It has been this shift that allowed me to have more faith in myself and my abilities, to step out into territory that I would be uncomfortable in, and just give it a go. Which is a huge step for a big ball of anxiety that is Ryce. It has allowed me to come to terms with my emotions, to settle the storm in my own soul. Not that I do not feel strongly about things, I am able to feel more… objectively? To work past my own hang ups for what I believe to be right.

I am not enlightened. I still get depressed, and I still lack motivation some days, but that is all part of the deal, of being human and working to become more. I still feel. I just feel differently.

I don’t want my family to suffer, despite the transgressions and rocky past that we have had.

That is the conclusion that I have come to, right now.

And so I work for their benefit.

My mom won’t lose her big brother if I have anything to say about it.

Just yesterday I got news that the cancer is receding, showing less and less in the tests. He is on medication and going to ‘the best’ cancer hospital in Texas. It went from you are going to die in a few months, to lets wait and see.

I am hopeful, and it is gratifying to see months worth of effort and will taking shape. I was really starting to doubt in December. Which is why I changed my approach from spirit work to more directly influencing the energy body myself. I have more confidence in my abilities as a sorcerer, than I do with assigning spirits to a task xD though I blame that on my lack of real ‘practice’ and deep spirit work, unlike what I have with my own body.

I do not want to take credit for modern medicine and the treatments he is going through. I am just glad that my power can help supplement his journey and we can see results together. I did not tell my family I am doing this for them. They are better off not knowing, as I do not want their own thoughts about my work to influence the magic in general. Its part of the reason why I am so closed lipped about things I am doing, until they are done.

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83

RE: Uncles Cancer

So, I got some really good news.

Yesterday my Uncle went in for surgery so doctors could further access the situation and see if they could do anything for him. The main problem was, the mass was attached to an artery and surrounding veins making it really hard to get to, and they were not sure that they could do much of anything.

Over ten hours of waiting later, and being prepped that ‘you shouldnt hold out hope’ and seeing Uncle off who was crying thinking he was going to die, he comes out of surgery and the doctors were able to cut the whole thing out. When they got in there the size of the mass shrunk and was way smaller and more manageable than they thought. A real miracle.

Chemo and magick won out this time.

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84

magic is stronger than cancer :sunglasses:

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That could lead to a dangerous train of thought.

But I poured SO much time and effort into helping my Uncle, I am glad that it could actually help and have some physical impact on his life. Nearly an hour of working on him every. single. day. From the day we found out he had it, up till the day of the operation, where then I even connected with him while he was under in an attempt to make sure that it was going to be gone.

Stupidly enough, it has been ‘my biggest magical undertaking’ to date: taking over 150 hours of my time.

Even then. Yesterday, I still had creeping doubt in the back of my mind.

It has given me a lot to think about. Especially about what you said. I don’t want to set a precedent or claim full credit, but magic can do truly wonderful things. Whereas I have had my success, there have been a lot of magicians with similar situations who have failed :frowning: Though I guess that can be said about nearly all branches of magic, not just healing.

I am glad that I was able to support him and his health with my work, but also relieved that he was able to get into one of the best cancer hospitals in the US (you bet I greased those wheels with intent too, because they only accept patients via application RIP).

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86

you’re right on one thing, it might lead to a dangerous line of thinking. oversaturation in ideas of grandeur ends up loosening the grain that holds it together. Live harder, and see what I mean. The counter is always confidence, the grain of that magick. it only takes a moment to seal a reality away.

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Very true. There is a balancing act, I believe, just like you mentioned.

I am overly cautious though, and it has been that side of me that has been holding my own true power back for quite some time.

We all have our shit to work through though. Confidence is a big one for me especially. Growing up as I did, I fight against negative programming all the time. Against constantly apologizing and feeling ‘worthless’. I still do it, every time I make a mistake.

Anyway xD I am getting off track.

Thank you for your words. I don’t mean to dismiss your support, and I appreciate it. I just am being the careful person that I am, and don’t want to feed anybody’s ideas of grandeur about magic (I’ve been bad about that in the past).

It took a lot of work that wasn’t even talked about on here xD

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88

You’re apologizing again. For you, not for me, I say this.

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Small Update:

I’ve been told by my aunt, and seeing my Uncle’s progress, Dr.'s are stunned at how fast he is healing and recovering. Of course they think its a ‘work of God’ and I am not one to correct them. I don’t care if I get credit in their eyes, and them not knowing what I have been doing is probably for the best. I don’t want them overthinking my involvement as that can get tedious. They are very superstitious (not that I am not, but in a different way xD).

I’ve been told that I heal quite fast myself, and being able to stimulate that within others is quite amazing. Especially considering he is over 60 years old and so surgery itself is high risk. This is one of the first times I have had such confirmation of my abilities from an outside, unknowing source for something so immensely serious (and the first time I have centered healing magic extensively on somebody other than myself).

Doing all these small rituals and meditations for my Uncle has helped keep myself consistent with my own practices. I am literally doing some form of magic every single day beyond meditations and my banishing ritual routines. It’s helped me past my own issues when I have been stressing about money or some other mundane thing.

I have been working with my subconscious mind, trying to get it to better absorb my will and to be able to do more ‘absurd’ things like Telekinesis (I have not given up T.T). Hopefully this working can open me up to even greater possibilities as I get closer and closer to accepting the fact (subconsciously) that I can effect reality to a greater extent than just pushing thoughts and emotions into people, etc. The subtle low magic that I have been doing all these years.

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With my family out of immediate trouble with sickness and whatnot I found myself able to focus more entirely on other goals, such as moving that damn pinwheel xD

While I have not moved it yet, I think I had a breakthrough in thought about connecting more deeply with objects in general. It is easy to say just connect with it, flow your energy towards it, sort of ‘infect it’ brute force way of forming connections and ties with objects. See your spirit, your consciousness, fill up the object and try to ‘be’ it… This has gotten me far in manipulating people and overpowering their will with my own, but I have not made any progress with imposing my will onto objects (seemingly!).

I was meditating today and I had a sort of realization. What if… I have this backwards? So I tried the reverse. Instead of moving my consciousness onto the object, I gradually experimented with the thought of the pinwheel I am trying to connect with. I saw it in my mind, and instead of reaching out for it mentally grasping at it, I instead began to wonder about the object.

Whats it like being a pinwheel?
How does it feel to be balanced on that tack like that?
Its at rest, what does that feel like?
How does spinning feel?
What does the paper feel like?
How would I feel if I was green like the wheel?
What does green feel like?
Being within that glass dome, whats it like?

I was filled with this curiosity about the experience of being the object. Each question prompting more to pop in my head and me to imagine ‘whats that like’. The more detailed it got, the more complex the questions got, the more I felt my own mind slow down. The less I was ‘imagining’ the answer, and the more I was just ‘experiencing’ the answer to the questions through the POV of the pinwheel.

It was truly odd. And in a blink of an eye 20ish minutes passed.

These questions, being curious about the subject, and gradually sinking deeper and deeper into meditation allowed me to experience what ‘its like’ without brute forcing an energetic connection.

I think this is the deepest I have ever ‘felt’ an object before.

I have a ton more work and experimentation to do, but I do feel like I am making progress and am on the right path.

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91

So my practices continue as regularly as I can manage. I don’t beat myself up if I miss a day now, but have become calmer. I have found that without the ‘stress’ of ‘ya gotta do it every single day’ I get better results because I do not because I have to but because it is something I enjoy and has become routine. My personality is shifting. I am both becoming more laid back and learning to stand up for myself in social situations now. I finally feel ‘worthy’. Worthy of what this world has to offer, and beyond the material to the subtler forms of existence. And so, why not? Why not me? It is so selfish to want? To use magic to gain an edge?

I don’t know.

I feel like I am coming into my own with my practice, finally.

While doing my daily exercises, constantly I am getting to the state where I can visibly see etheric energy and the power I am able to draw into the room. Feel it. Perceive it with my astral senses. Not once in a while, but every single time nowadays.

I hope that I am at the cusp of a breakthrough of some sort.

Anyway, I keep reading, studying and memorizing correspondences. I keep trying out different ways of drawing down power using the basic formulas of ritual, and sometimes without the constraint of ritual. I am getting to the point where I don’t have to the QC to feel that I can shift to the proper state to hype myself up to draw power and command my Will upon the world. Not that it was the case to begin with, but various books have stated the baby steps. I came to these rituals with some competence and experience already with manipulating currents of energy, so, maybe, naturally I am progressing faster? Maybe its a state of mind thing, where I already knew I wasn’t constrained by ritual? Continuing with energetic practices can only go up from here, right?

Anyway, I feel that I am onto something and advancing quite nicely. So I am going to continue with it and see how far I can go.

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