Beyond Possibility- Ryce's Journal

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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I’ve been debating the idea of starting a journal for a while now. It would sure help me post here, and be more ‘active’ even though I am an avid lurker. I always wonder what to post, if anything. So here is going to be a space for me to post what I like. Hopefully it will be a working journal, as some other members are quite impressive. We will see what this morphs into.

On that note, had a super inspirational dream last night. Long story short, I slept with Glaysa-Labolas’ sigil pendant next to my pillow and had a dream where I was being ‘attacked’ by a ‘demon’. Dream me looked it flat in the face when it told me it was a demon and I laughed. It looked confused and asked why I wasnt scared of it. Dream me responded “Because I am a Sorcerer” xD Even the me in dreams knows parasites looking for a cheap meal of fear. I then proceeded to stop its every attempt to affect the lives of people around me until it was destroyed >.>’

Looking back, I wish I would have just removed it from the get go, but a dream is a dream, and I woke up with a sense of pride. That ‘demon’ was scary looking (to me) and I showed no fear because I had knowledge of what it really was. Somehow I feel that dream was a test, and that I passed. I dont know, I just know I woke up with a great sense of pride and that line “Because I am a Sorcerer” rang out all throughout the day in my head.

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In preparation to evoke President Ose I drew his sigil in black marker. Unlike other sigils that I have drawn, I got a good feeling while doing so. A sort of reassuring feeling, that even though it is not perfect, it is good enough. I even had -fun- drawing it. There was a playful sort of acceptance towards my work, and I honestly havent felt that way about sigils or my drawing skills in general in a long, long time. So I feel that this experience, while drawing the sigil, is quite particular and special:

The spirit wants to work with me.

Which is good because Ive been wanting to work with the spirit as well. He is one of the three spirits I have actual sigil-pendants for. I thought Id start with three, the three I really want to work with, and get more of the pendants as I want to work with more and more of the goetia. Ose was one of those spirits, while flipping through the goetia, that made me pause much like Glaysa-Labolas.

An interesting note: they are both Presidents. They both share the planet Mercury? I havent researched much into the goetia’s planetary correspondences. I just thought that it might be worth noting. Maybe something will pop up in the future.

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For two days Ive been Evoking Ose. Some notes from the Evocations:

-The sigil vibrates. I feel it every time I say the Enn there is a reaction.
-More mist, but not as strong as when I was working with Glaysa-Labolas. Possibly due to lack of connection to the entity? Lack of focus on my part? I still see the haze, but it just isnt as pronounced.
-I feel that perhaps my evocations would be better if I used incense as well. However, due to my asthma, my lungs dont do good with any kind of smoke. I wonder if there is a way around it? Or am I going to have to focus really hard and just structure them with pure energy to physical evocation (without the help of incense smoke as a guide)?
-I do feel an energy presence. It is more watchful and feels somewhat comforting. I dont know if evocation drains me or if Ive just been particularly tired these past few days >.> but I have fallen asleep trying to evoke Ose (I keep writing his name backwards too ‘Eso’ as I type). To me, so far, he has been a very reassuring presence. Or perhaps he is helping me with my request trying to get me Soul Travel.

To sum no physical manifestation yet. Not even an image in my head. Just loads of energy. I ask my requests anyways, and continue to try to work with the spirit. I might try a Q&A session next time. Wont be tomorrow night as I have plans. Possibly Sunday! We will see.

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Awesome if you can share, there’s very little about him on here. :+1:

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So its a couple days later than I thought I would do it, but I did a small Q&A with Ose, the 57th spirit of the Goetia.

Link to info dump on the spirit ^ Saves me typing!

The Q&A

Ose have you called to me?
Yes

Why?
To help you become you. Right now there is much potential, but it is locked away…

Locked Away?
Yes. By your humanity. Your habits, or lack thereof, are not becoming of personal transformation. Fear not, I have laid the way.

What do you get in return for helping me? Why do you want to help me?
Everything is an energetic exchange. There is one going on now, and there will be others later. I helping you, helps me.

We are familiar with your entry in the goetia. How would you describe your abilities?
Water to wine. Lead to Gold. Transformation. Transmutation. I align the stars and manipulate chance. I bring the inner out. The masses fall way to your Truth. Your reality theirs. Creativity. Up is down, if you want it to be. Have you tried using your non-dominate hand? You really should. Perspective is important.

…

So that is the Q&A. That is all I got through before I felt really tired. Im still newish to this, but my process was simple: Enter TGS with Sigil. Write down questions. Immediately write down words that popped into head after the question was written down.

I have to admit, that I did feel kind of silly doing this, but that is just my threads of doubt. Just me being new. As I went through with the interview, particularly the last question, I felt more confident in the answer. In that, I wasnt just making it all up. The info kind of just flowed out me, and certain sentences patiently repeated themselves in my head until I could write them down. Then he went on. He must have stated “I can bring the inner out” like 3 times before I got to it.

Overall I feel that, for a spirit, he was very patient. His energy was very thick. It felt like a blanket was around you. He still puts me to sleep…

@Lady_Eva

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Good stuff. Don’t feel silly.

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This is beautiful, thank you Ose, thank you Ryce. :+1:

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Preformed another working with President Ose. Some Notes:

When I really got into the thick of things, the shadows around the mirror itself seemed lighter. I preformed the right in almost complete darkness, but there was a definite white aura around the mirror and the sigil, and only grew as I went on and deeper. Soon it seemed to be several inches out. Probably seeing the energy raised during the rite, as I was trying to concentrate all the mist to provide a substance like ‘ectoplasm’ for the spirit to manifest with, in lieu of incense smoke.

My efforts in that endeavor seemed to pay off, only when I stopped trying to call forth President Ose and started to address the spirit with the reasons why I called it. The aura around the pointed up and then reached for me but stopped in front of where I was sitting. I could see, with my eyes, a form forming, in the hazy grey of the mist. However when I focused too much on it, it would lose form. If I got it ‘just right’ then the foggy mass would fade in and out, flickering. No features were revealed to me. Just the fact that the spirit was sitting right there in front of me. Listening.

The spirit flat out told me that if I want better results I need to practice more, and that he would be all too happy to help. I just need to put in the work. Im lucky to get in one good evocation a week xD But the spirits want me to be more consistent and practice more. They seem to think I can fit in more, even with my schedule. So, I am going to try to be more consistent.

After I made my requests and got my advice I thanked the spirit and ended the rite.

Random after thought:

To see that the sigil was really open, I put my hand over it, not quite touching it, but hovering over the space it occupied. The sigil felt like a candle flame. Like I was holding my hand over a small fire. O.o

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So, I havent been posting lately because Ive been busy with work and school and just working on myself. Now school is out for the summer I have had plenty of time to get in touch with my motivations and reasons for going down this path. Lately I have been straying away from summoning spirits, not that I wasnt getting promising results, it is just I feel that if I build a more solid foundation I will have better results than just jumping right into conjuration. To build this foundation I went back to the beginning of where I started, looked through some of the energy work notes I have collected, and decided that I should work on building personal power though the manipulation of internal energy and strength.

To this I have looked into Kundalini raising, delved back into my energy manipulation roots, working with chakras, and learning Chi Kung on top of meditating daily. I also plan to integrate elemental energy work into my path this summer in an attempt to further internal balance.

Ive started a couple weeks ago, and already Im seeing changes in my personality. Things that used to entertain me before I now find boring and hard to focus on: like TV and news. I even find it harder to write with the enthusiasm that I did before, and I love writing. It is something I hope to one day turn into a full time career.

Ever since starting down this new path my dreams have been abnormally vivid and I can remember them much better. Ive been having stranger dreams lately, they involve heavy symbolism and character archetypes. For example, last night I had a dream where I was represented by an anthropomorphic monkey with long rabbit-like ears. xD The monkey fought against the Rat King, ending his reign of terror over the mice villagers. However Monkey couldnt do it alone. When Monkey was struck down, the mice said that they had enough and finally stood up the abusive king. The monkey gave them courage to stand up for themselves, and they literally started swarming and tearing the Rat King to pieces. However the King did not die. To finish him off, Monkey used a chi pulse and tuned his immortal body to ash, and kept the ashes in a sealed urn so that they would not regenerate.

The thing about the dream is that I was able to experience what it was like to be Monkey, and to command great power over the internal energy of not myself but to a degree that I am able to effect reality with it. Monkey also happens to the be the year that I was born in.

So Ive been getting more introspective and deep in my thinking. The more I read about chi/internal energy the more excited I get about the possibilities. I also recently binged on the course offered here Mastering Kundalini and Energy Work. There are some really interesting things brought up within, and I am surprised how simple the techniques offered were.

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So more and more, as I look back on events that have transpired, and even examples as recently as today, I have found that things have been just ‘going my way’ generally. What I want manifests into reality, generally. Especially when it comes to things I dont want to do.

For example at work, we have this list of ‘stuff that needs to be done before you can leave’ we call side-work. Stuff we do between helping customers and when we are all caught up on our other responsibilities. Part of it is taking out the trash. I really didnt want to take out the trash today, and was purposely avoiding it on the list when we were slow. It was a really slow day, almost dead, and the manager comes up to me and asks if I want to go home a couple hours early. I say ‘sure, but all the side work isnt done’ which is a big deal if you get to leave early. She was like ‘dont worry about it.’ And then let me go. On top of that I told her I wanted to buy a snack before I left and she used her manager powers to give me it for free, used it as part of her manager discount I think.

Just stupid, mundane, everyday stuff like that happens to me all the time ever since I started practicing magic and getting really serious about it.

Now if only it would work when I apply for actual jobs within my field of study! But all good things come with time, and I feel the spirits are moving people in order, so when the time comes I get in no matter what. I am slowly building a professional network and discourse with the company, and have impressed many people there. I just need the qualifications (a NERC certification and my degree) and Ill be golden.

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This is a short post that I may expand on later:

I have a long way to go in the terms of cultivating inner power. I have a long road, but I also am inspired by goals, a sense of purpose, and wonder. I am finally realizing what power, true Power, is and how much dedication it will take to get even a small slice of that pie.

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Well…

It seems that my spell failed, but it did actually manifest into reality.

The jist of it was I was trying to ]burn a house down. I projected fire at it, and wished it to be rubble. 5 months later, I hear that they had a fire scare. Someone was charging their phone battery and left it at the house. By the time they got back it was smoking and ready to catch fire. There was smoke filling the room O.o So my wish almost happened. Hopefully this is just the beginning.

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At least you’re getting manifestations. Maybe someone/something is working against you in that respect or you just need to try it again

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I think the former might be the case.

My mothers boyfriend is a magical practitioner. He is fixing up the house for my sister. They want her to move in there, all alone, and I just think it would be an awful shame if the place burned down and that didnt happen.

So I am going to try again! I only did one spell/session, so maybe I need to do more and really build up the energy there.

The rest of this post is probably irreverent:

The thing is, my sister is special ed. She can barely take care of herself WITH prompting. “Did you brush your teeth today?” “Did you shower today?” “Did you eat today?”

She can make simple stuff for herself: like mac n’ cheese and something like Hamburger Helper. But nothing complicated that is more than 3-4 steps. Her IQ is just a couple points above being ‘retarded’ clinically, and I foresee disaster if she were to move in there. It bothers me.

Since I was a kid, Ive known that she was going to die in a fire. A house fire. All alone. The thought just struck me, and I was like 8 years old. It occurred to me after watching CSI or some Unsolved Murders show where there was a person just like my sister. She was living alone, but she had friends to go check in on her. She liked to get drunk (so does my sister now…) and she would invite strange people over (my sister does the same shit. In HS she invited people over she met online. Mind you her personality will always be that of a 13 year old girl. She is stunted to that level of intelligence.) and one night she was raped, tied to the bed, and lit on fire and left to burn. Ever since I saw that episode, I thought, that is how my sister is going to die. Not exactly, but with fire, horribly, alone.

I cant stop them from just dropping her off at the house they bought for her. They ‘think’ and insist that she is fully capable of taking care of herself and that I dont give her enough credit/dont know how much she has matured over the past few years.

She has NO LICENSE. She cant drive -dear god help us if she ever obtains a license-
She needs constant prompting to do the basic things like shower/cook -evidence of this neglect is all over her face. Her hair is always oily and gross looking and her face a constant break out of yuck because she doesnt wash it-
Her intellectual reasoning is that of a 13 year old. She cant have a more complex thought than a 13 year old…
She has a record, even recently, of getting online and talking to people and inviting them over.

She belongs in a Group Home, with people like herself, supervised by professionals who know how to handle this kind of thing if mom doesnt want to take care of her anymore.

Though I am working against time: as they are almost finished with the renovations to the house.

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I just got back from one of the ‘my first successful soul travel experiences’, and it was really weird.

I got a new stone, it is a beautiful piece of polished labradorite. I got it for the purpose of helping me with soul travel/astral projection -whichever comes first-. I want to have fun with soul travel/astral projection first, so I set fun goals while I learn how to do this stuff, that way I wont be discouraged in the learning stage trying to discover the SECRETS OF MAGICK AND THE UNIVERSE in the first go xD So my first goal is to meet characters from video games Ive played, land in their world and kind of explore it. Because… I am a nerd, and I think it would be fun to experience the video game worlds in epic amazing first person unlike what VR can currently give right now :stuck_out_tongue: So I narrow down a franchise: Fire Emblem, and then give each main chara a number, and roll a die to see who I am trying to visit today. It landed on Ranulf from Fire Emblem Path of Radiance (one of the only Fire Emblem games Ive played).

So I set my intention: I am going to meet Ranulf from Fire Emblem. I didnt have any specific questions I wanted to ask, but I was confident that if I could somehow meet the chara something would happen and we could talk ^.^

I laid down, and put on some meditation music, as I do get distracted by traffic outside. I put the music on to help my focus and to drown out the noise of the mundane outside my condo. Then I just focus on my goal. As I am focusing I work on my breathing, I go through my body and relax myself…

When I get conscious next, I must have dozed for a minute, I feel like I am in a vat of some sort, like surrounded by really warm water. I focus on the feeling, and my mind is kind of hazy. Eventually I find myself in some sort of, the best way I can describe it is courtroom. It looked like a courtroom. Not where I wanted to be, and there were figures there. Im not sure how describe them because I didnt exactly see them, I just knew that they were there.

I ask “Where am I?”

I get an answer of resounding laughs.

I start to draw in energy, I can see purple lights around me now, and feel the power within me boiling up “What am I doing here?”

“You are what you are. You are what you eat. Youre here because youre here.”

They said other things too but I cant quote them. I dont remember it all too well. So I ask if there is where I will find Ranulf, remembering my goal.

“You’ll find no thought forms here”

“Then where will I find them?”

My question was immediately answered, not by a voice, but by going through the chambers and halls of this place. I zig zagged around like I knew where I was going and then I came to a door, but it looked like it was covered in a blue curtain. I looked at it and knew that was where I wanted to go, where I had originally set my intentions to before I began the session. So with a glance over my shoulder, the person had caught up with me and was saying something, but I didnt listen and just smiled and walked through the curtain.

It wasnt a curtain. I found myself in a blue void of space, but then I started kicking my arms and my legs like I was swimming, and started to move forward further and further to my goal. I kept my goal in mind, kept repeating the name over and over in my head swimming forward, and eventually I was met with all these lights. They were darker blues, yellows, and greens. They flashed and danced in front of me as I swam through the void of blue keeping in mind my destination. The more I hurtled myself through the void, the more confident I grew that I was reaching my goal, I swam and swam and the lights danced more and more then they all stopped. Just out of nowhere just nothing.

The void grew darker, and I began to doubt myself. I shook my head and kept going forward, or whatever direction I was going in. Soon enough the darkness was speckled with spots of light and they grew more and more numerous as I approached. I kept repeating the name of the fictional character I wanted to visit and kept going forward. It was like something you see in a show explaining space. There were all sorts of stars and galaxies and black holes, I could make out everything in clear and crisp detail and it all passed by in a blur. It was then I knew I was zoning in on my destination. I traversed this multiverse, and I even had the thought I was going through time as well as space, eventually coming up to a planet. It was like one of those epic zoom ins…

I go towards the planet closer and closer, I enter the atmosphere, and start to see features of land, forests, lakes, rivers, deserts. Though I never make it to the surface. Everything goes black and I feel that I have to get up, and so I do. The session ends right there.

I have to say, I call this ‘soul travel’ because it didnt have the feel of an astral projection. What I mean is that there was no white light, no intense buzzing or electric feel. There WAS an electric feel but only enough to keep me lucid and aware of the situation I was in. This was not a dream because dreams feel differently. idk how exactly to describe it.

Anyways this was my first successful soul travel after some time of trying nearly every day to astral project xD

It is interesting and I think I will be pursuing soul travel more and seeing what worlds and universes I can get to. Once Im confident in my abilities I will start going deeper and asking the ‘real questions’ and seeking real masters and trying to meet daemons on their planes of existence. For now, I am happy with my training wheels in worlds that I am familiar with and have played video games of.

My mind is also more open to the possibility of soul travel. I know what it feels like now. I used to think Astral Projection and Soul Travel were tomatoes and tomatoes.

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Note to self AKA this is a self indulgent ME post:

If you practice even a little bit, every day, you will be amazed by how much you grow.

Ive been having to tell myself that lately and reflect back on my journey so far ^

Its not that I dont think this is awesome, and with each new experience I get more and more enthused for the possibilities. The WHAT IFs, and that is a dangerous thing to be enamored by. The ‘What Ifs’ turn into ‘Why nots’ and the why nots to a lack of motivation. “Why Not” as in Why can I not do this after x amount of attempts?!

I need to stay focused at my level, because if I daydream about the possibilities then Ill get side tracked and demotivated. I had a dream recently where I was talking to someone and they gave me they told me that if I havent worked for it, then I dont deserve it (power wise). Which is a philosophy that I agree on. So why cant I levitate or do even minor acts of TK? Because I havent worked on it for long enough. I need to work on building the proper amount of power and mental stamina to do mind/matter shit.

Now with soul traveling, Ive been working on that nearly every single day. Ive had some cool results, and Ive stumbled, but I didnt give up. I worked at it, and now am gaining more and more confidence in my skills. It IS as relaxing and using imagination. I was very skeptical at that at first, even when I heard about in EA’s course. Just got to believe in yourself and not take ‘I cant do it’ for a solution.

Anyways, since joining this forum Ive really progressed the fastest Ive ever had, and I needed to remind myself of that.

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Practicing soul travel.

When I use the darkness when I close my eyes to guide me into the void, and I just start walking straight. I was doing this today listening to a recorded version of Glasya Labolas’ enn, moving forward in the darkness trying to peek into his realm. I did not make it past the veil but I did get physical sensations in my body. Even though the AC was on and the fan was blowing on me, I try to stay cold to avoid falling asleep, I could feel like an aura of heat around me. Like my body was engulfed and energized by fire itself. I could feel the fans air moving with the heated bubble around me, as if this heat aura, whatever it is, had substance. It was very interesting to observe as I kept walking forward into the darkness.

The more and more I walked the stronger it got, until I hit the end of the enn chanting track. With nothing more to play back my headphones gave a sharp zzzzz sound and it broke my concentration. I need to remember to put everything on loop x.x

However, the good part is that I am practicing and I am feeling strange things.

I do have to wonder: Is soul travel as easy as this? Relaxing and using your imagination… It seems too easy xD but it is producing more and more real experiences every day I try.

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This is probably very common but I struggle with anxiety, social anxiety. It is why I like to sit in the middle row in class, its why I like to work behind the scenes and support, rather than be put in the spotlight and deal with people. I am more comfortable with doing things, not talking with people. I have always been a rather shy person, and it has been something I have been working on for years.

A lot of people say they have anxiety, but its not on my level. A couple years ago I couldnt answer the phone without having a breakdown. I am getting better. A lot better. Step by step, but still my progress has been slow and a lot of work. I havent had a real anxiety attack where I couldnt control it in over two years now. Yay therapy. However, yesterday that two year streak came to an end.

I work in customer service while I am getting through college. Ive been blessed with the opportunity to work exclusively in the back, doing kitchen work and cooking things. I have never once been asked to cashier because I made it clear that I have a lot of social anxiety issues and I cannot handle people that well. With cheap food you get shitty customers, that is the client base…

It is a well known fact here in America that people judge you by where you work. Min wage? Expect to be treated like shit, like everyone else is superior to you -because they think they are. Little do they actually know how small they are-. Its almost a rite of passage to work in customer service, yet, with how many teens worked there in high school and guys in college one would think we would be more aware of how we treat people in such posts.

Long story short, I was asked to help cashier. The manager thought I was being a baby not wanting to cashier for as long as I have been there. I got a particularly triggering customer. They and their group of friends walked in the moment the door opened they demanded service. They order the cheapest thing, then pull out 100 dollar bill and expect me to break it. I ask the manager if I can, because like… That is a lot of money. The manager tells me to just do it, even if it clears out the whole drawer (that makes no sense to me but what do I know).

Im already nervous, like I was visibly shaking from just having to deal with other customers. But this particular group wouldnt shut up, especially when I asked if I could break the 100. They started in on me hard, asking me how I was (to which one responded probably 30 and a loser), and asking if we were hiring (dang I could do this job one sneers) and going on and on. I stop answering them, already feeling my heart racing, and they keep on pressing me for answers. I call the manager by name because I cant handle it and the customers continue to mock me by parroting my cry for help…

I had to go away. They were laughing and making fun of me the whole time.

The rest of the day was a fight. I went through breathing techniques, counted in my head, and secluded myself in the back doing whatever dishes and shit I could to just keep moving, to keep myself occupied because I knew if I stopped for one second it would be over. I would break down completely and have a full blown anxiety attack in front of everybody. That thought only made it worse.

Things have a way of spiraling out of control when it comes to anxiety, its like a snowball that builds on itself until you cant control it anymore and then it keeps building and building and building and it crushes you.

I cancel all my social plans after work. I am too drained to do anything, too nervous, too anxious. I take a shower and curl up on my bed. I see the pendant with Glasya-Labolas’ seal on it. I feel drawn to it, I pick it up and curl my hand around it and give it a squeeze. The anxiety is still affecting me, but I have this sudden thought :

‘I can kill them all’

It was extremely comforting, oddly so. I dont think like that, but I did want them to pay. I found myself agreeing with that thought adding ‘The world would be better off without them’. I then fell asleep. I was just so mentally and physically drained by the day.

I just never been comforted so.

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hope you dont mind me posting here, but i just wanted to say i sympathize with you, and im sorry you had to go through that. i know what you’re going through too, as i also have social anxiety…but probably to a lesser degree. Sounds like you need some xanax to use on the odd occasion where you have a serious panic attack. It helps a lot, as long as you don’t get addicted to stuff.

but the temptation to kill them…yeah they sound like scum, no doubt. But tbh i wouldn’t bother. Better to spend your spiritual capital to get out of the minimum wage grind and get a job you deserve with better pay and benefits. Baneful work requires so much energy, and even if you succeeded, theres so many assholes, you’ll be stuck killing these people your whole life xD

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20

Thanks for replying! I just needed to vent :confused:

I didnt do any sort of baneful work. Just the thought was comforting enough.

Monday I said I needed a new job, then Friday an opportunity popped up at a company I applied for earlier in the year. I didnt get the position because of my lack of experience (come on, I AM in college x.x and I know a lot about the field). It was an entry level post, where I was fully qualified. I checked all the boxes. Anyways, the post opened up again, and the guy who interviewed me last time wants me to reapply.

So of course I reapplied.

It is rotating shift work that needs to be manned 24/7. So not the best schedule wise, but I am young and I can deal with a week of first shift then a week of night shift xD and so on. It pays really well (close to three figures) and comes with benefits and matching 401k. Not only that, but if I choose to stick with this company, instead of using them as a stepping stone to get somewhere else, there is lots of room for advancement. A lot of their senior members are retiring in the next 5-10ish years.

So you are right. Absolutely. There are a lot better things to expend my energy on than those fools. I will be way ahead of them. And even if I dont get the post this time around, when I do graduate, I will have a job there period. I was told that by many hiring managers.

Thank you for the encouragement. :slight_smile:

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