Warning- A rambling post about cancer.
I don’t post much about my more personal workings, but I have been feeling introspective lately.
For the last few months, since I found out my Uncle has cancer, I have been invoking Raphael into his aura and seeing that he is cancer free. Well, last month, I was told that his cancer is worse than they had thought and that it has spread far too much and he doesn’t have too long to live. The type of cancer he has is usually a death sentence anyway, since it is hard to detect until it is too late to do something about it. Particularly nasty kind.
So I doubled down on my ritual work for him all throughout December. Actually broke out the candles, spent a half an hour each day directing my own energy towards him and working on his energetic body, trying to get things to flow right. It is hard when you are working on an old man, nearly 63, and he is thousands of miles away half a country away. I’d top it all off with working with Raphael again, invoking the angel directly to him.
This uncle was also the ‘rich piece of shit’ that, just a few years ago, I would have celebrated his death. Now, under these circumstances, I find myself actively working to heal him. It is amazing how a bit of time, introspection, and thinking about the effect his death would have on the family changes your opinion a bit. It may be me just getting older, and finding the past doesn’t matter as much to me as the future, but I blame magic for this as well. As you work on yourself, hone your craft, you really do begin to change emotionally, psychologically, energetically.
It has been this shift that allowed me to have more faith in myself and my abilities, to step out into territory that I would be uncomfortable in, and just give it a go. Which is a huge step for a big ball of anxiety that is Ryce. It has allowed me to come to terms with my emotions, to settle the storm in my own soul. Not that I do not feel strongly about things, I am able to feel more… objectively? To work past my own hang ups for what I believe to be right.
I am not enlightened. I still get depressed, and I still lack motivation some days, but that is all part of the deal, of being human and working to become more. I still feel. I just feel differently.
I don’t want my family to suffer, despite the transgressions and rocky past that we have had.
That is the conclusion that I have come to, right now.
And so I work for their benefit.
My mom won’t lose her big brother if I have anything to say about it.
Just yesterday I got news that the cancer is receding, showing less and less in the tests. He is on medication and going to ‘the best’ cancer hospital in Texas. It went from you are going to die in a few months, to lets wait and see.
I am hopeful, and it is gratifying to see months worth of effort and will taking shape. I was really starting to doubt in December. Which is why I changed my approach from spirit work to more directly influencing the energy body myself. I have more confidence in my abilities as a sorcerer, than I do with assigning spirits to a task xD though I blame that on my lack of real ‘practice’ and deep spirit work, unlike what I have with my own body.
I do not want to take credit for modern medicine and the treatments he is going through. I am just glad that my power can help supplement his journey and we can see results together. I did not tell my family I am doing this for them. They are better off not knowing, as I do not want their own thoughts about my work to influence the magic in general. Its part of the reason why I am so closed lipped about things I am doing, until they are done.