Because he’s able to feel her touch him, and the arousal she’s trying to give him. When he focuses on getting pleasure, he’s no longer in the same mindset and isn’t able to feel things the same way.
Imop. I read the book and he talks a lot about it, and about the actual act of what feels like physical sex took something like 5 years (i don’t recall the exact number so could be quoting off in one direction or the other) to achieve, and that it even after didn’t happen often because of the amount of work it took to be able to feel both types of sensations at once
Eh I’m a woman so I can only say without a partner and with a bad one, yeah same thing. I get bored and need particular types of porn, with particular styles in pubic hair turning me and have to be pretty aroused to bother to try go through with an orgasm because other wise it’s too much work and will take 2 hours of trying and swapping porn, swapping through photos and videos of me with the boyfriend, swapping to stories instead and so on to try to get more into it etc etc.