Greetings, all. I’m new here. I found this site and I feel that it’s the best place to (hopefully) get some sort of answer or input regarding my situation…
The ‘cliffs notes’ version is this: many nights for years now I’ve felt a presence and heard a voice that instructs and/or commands me to do certain things sexually… it’s only when I’m alone and the sexual acts are only ever involving my, ahem, “tools” (so to speak), but quite frequently I find myself unable to control my own free will and performing sexual acts on myself according to what this entity is telling me. There will often be instances where I don’t really want to do these things, but I feel a presence (for lack of a better word) commanding and even forcing me to do them. Sometimes I’ll just be minding my own business and suddenly that ‘voice’ will be echoing in my head and before I know it I’m following its instructions and nearly exhausting myself as I use my toys and such to do as the entity instructs me.
In general, it’s not a bad experience. Frequently I will get off and 99% of the time my orgasm is better than anything I’d experience with a human being. But other times I feel almost like I’m being controlled in a way, and even if I want to stop and go to bed or something, this entity will demand that I continue. I’ve had a few nights where I’m near tears and I want to stop, but this entity somehow forces me to continue. And I’m expected to treat my toys/dildos/etc as though they are him-as though they represent him or are actually him in some cases. There are times when I’m compelled to perform these acts even though I might not want to, and all the while that voice is speaking to me and instructing me further.
I can’t talk to anyone about this because I feel like I sound insane, but I believe in the idea that spirits, demons, etc can and do connect with us. So to me the whole experience is very real and not ‘all in my head’. But i’m very strong spiritually so the fact that something has broken through my protective barriers is a little concerning to me. And yet, I sometimes find myself looking forward to our time together.
I’m just curious who/what it could possibly be that i’m having these experiences with…? Any input is greatly appreciated. I’m at a loss for answers and there are nights where I’m just too drained to do much of anything, and yet he (this entity) can somehow force me to do things. This lack of control is the biggest red flag that suggests to me that there is something interacting with me that is not of this world.
**also (and I’m not sure if this is relevant, but I feel like it is): every time this entity engages me in these acts, I’m instructed to give a blood offering. Only a small symbolic gesture-a solid cut on my arm or thigh deep enough to bleed for a couple minutes-but a ‘sacrifice/offering’ nonetheless.
Please introduce yourself here. it’s a forum rule. Thanks.
Also have a looks over these as well. And Welcome.
My apologies. Thank you for informing me of the rules! 
Huh. Last night I was visited by a particular entity (she’s still here I think), and there’s been quite a lot of sexual activity since. However, it’s nothing violent or anything like you described. So I’ll leave it at that.
As for the entity that’s troubling you. I think I have a hunch who it might be. But, first, can you describe him a bit? Do you hear a specific type of voice (deep etc)? Any distinct manner of speech, or?
There’s no specific or distinct tone of voice or accent or anything. Definitely male in gender, but other than that there are no defining characteristics except that the voice is always very calm yet commanding. In other words; he will ‘ask’ me to do something at first, but even when it gets to the point of commanding/forcing me to do these things, there’s never any angry or aggressive energy-it’s more a coersive and confident tone. Like he knows I’ll do it anyway even if I’m trying to fight it. There’s no stress or violent energy in it. And then as I’m doing what he commands me to do, often times he’ll have an encouraging or ‘approving’ energy.
Does he exhibit a sense of humor, be it dark or otherwise? Does he ever laugh at you or something?
And I wouldn’t call it ‘violent’, really-I mean, sometimes the acts are definitely more rough than I would prefer, but not physically damaging.
It’s almost like an abusive lover in a way. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, thankfully, but the balance (or rather, imbalance) of power plus the end result of satisfaction/orgasm/etc all remind me of the traits of an abusive partner.
He never laughs at me; he does seem to enjoy when I’m performing a more uncomfortable act for him, but the things he says while I’m doing it are in a very comforting tone. I never feel objectified or treated like shit. Even after I’ve done something uncomfortable against my will, I might feel a bit used, but not damaged to the point of ridicule. Does that make sense?
I know what you mean.
And you know what? It turns out, that I am in a pact with the very being that’s having “fun” with you:
Belial.
Most of the time it feels like an exchange of services, in a way-a ‘tit for tat’ type of thing. I’ll ask (or sometimes, beg) to be allowed to stop and go to bed or whatever, and he’ll say something like, “I’ll let you go but you have to do _____ first…” and then once I do whatever it is he asks, it’s 50/50-sometimes I’m ‘let go’ and other times he asks me to do “just one more thing” (ie: 1-3 more things) before I can stop. And it feels like I absolutely cannot fight him. No matter how much I want or need to stop, it’s like I’m physically unable to do so.
Yup, sounds like my boy Belial, alright.
Do you think it’s Belial? Because he’s the one that kept coming to mind (randomly; I had no specific reason to identify him), but I’m not super knowledgeable about him so the things I’ve read online thus far didn’t specify his connection to this type of thing. However, as I said, his name has come to mind repeatedly.
Yes, I literally just asked him. Since we’re in a pact, we communicate outside of rituals as well, usually when I’m taking breaks from my work, or when he has something important to say.
Interesting. How would you suggest I proceed from this point onward? I’m a confident and very ‘in control’ type of woman in normal, everyday life, so these interactions kind of throw me off…to have that feeling of no control and total submission to something that isn’t even corporeal is new to me. I mean, when it comes to working with spirits and such in my usual magickal works, that’s a different story. But this never feels like a give-and-take situation or an agreement of sorts. It’s like he has complete control of me.
Want me to try “channeling” him so that you can get direct replies from Belial himself? I’ve never done it before, so I think it would be interesting. By channeling, I mean to focus on what he’s saying, and type it here. Not let him possess me or anything.
If not, I’ll just tell you what I think.
Hmmm. Well, you have a pretty solid connection with him, correct? So I think I’d first like to hear what you think about it. I’m hesitant to have someone contact him on my behalf because (and correct me if I’m wrong) I feel like whatever it is that he and I have is on a deeply personal level at this point. I mean, obviously I’m talking about it on here so there’s a decent amount of ‘sharing personal stuff’ going on, haha, but the more deeply-rooted, spiritual connection between him and I (for better or worse) is one that I don’t think should be affected by anyone else’s energy beyond a casual conversation like you and I been having. Does that make sense?
Okay, well, it’s like this: Belial is having fun with you. That’s all there is to it. If he wanted to develop a proper spiritual bond with you, he would have approached you differently. Many women on this forum have worked with Belial, and as far as I know, he didn’t humiliate them or abuse them. Sure, he might’ve been a bit pushy, and a bit of an ass, but again, as far as I know, he never does these things to people he wants to form a real bond with. And of course, I know some women outside of this forum who are close to Belial, and not once did he treat them like this. They said that he’s stubborn but never abusive to them, so it seems like a pattern.
tl;dr: It’s all for his amusement.
Now, as for what Belial has to say, he simply told me he’ll stop either when he gets bored of you, or when you learn your lesson. Then there was laughter.
I won’t interfere. This is apparently something you’ll have to take care of on your own. What I think you should do is try communicating with him. You can look up his sigil online, and just talk to him.
Thank you so much for your input and for taking this time to talk with me! I so appreciate it.
With regards to using his sigil and communicating with him: any advice or ‘do/don’t’ type of info I should know before initiating contact?
I mean, I’ve obviously already had ‘contact’ on a communication level with him in a way. But as far as a serious conversation, I want to be sure I’m going about it the right way.
No problem.
And, the trick with dealing with Belial is to show backbone. Don’t be submissive.
Good luck!