Abaddon vs Golden Dawn/Thelema etc..of crossing the abyss/my experience with Belial & Angels

So I have been working with Belial, it has been very interesting to say the least.
But he tells me things like I hear Oralee talk about in the new Abaddon videos.

Neat huh?

Anyways I must digress for a minute and do a summary of my intro because this all ties back to why I came here in the first place I think, hence the saga.

I came here to this site after meeting my soul mate. I had his name given to me a week before meeting him and he fit the description and was so mysterious. Said he knew me from high school, further research suggested that he never went to the high school but that was what I thought before I met him such and such name from such and such high school and he said he was such and such name and knew me from high school. I did however figure out immediately that I didn’t go to that high school the same year he claimed he did. He kept trying to convince me for a bit then with a mischievous smirk said “Oh it must be from a past life that we know each other.”

From there I got this weird download about things I knew about this guy, I realized this was the same guy whom I had the premonition about.

I was confused how he could have known me, how did he remember me? I am trans after all, did he know, I mean he must if he knew me from high school? I was so confused. He said that we had an esoteric relationship in our very nature.

Anyways before I go on with what he said in the rest of the text I must digress yet again, because I have had a habit of telepathing with people and talking to them in my head, and knew that some of what I say they will pick up, and some of what they say will be them actually saying it, so in my telepathic conversations he seemed very insistent that I withhold my orgasm.

So back to the text, he then said "But alas it will have to wait, I have to go to Edmonton for work for the next 10 days but I know you like anticipation, just don’t let it climax while I am gone. :sweat_smile: "

I was so excited that I met him, I partied that night to celebrate with the drugs of choice for me back then. I wrote him some goofy stuff really early, omg how embarrassing. He wrote back and asked if I was on stimulants."

He from then on had this big thing about getting me off speed. Which was weird cause we met at speed dating where I went high on speed and he asked me if I liked cleaning.

This relates to Abaddon and the abyss I swear. :sweat_smile:
Just wait a sec.

So from then on I could not sleep. I stop taking my Rytalin and everything but couldn’t get more than 3 hours of sleep a night. After days he started pulling away, he sent me this really weird mean / ominous song.

I then went insane and wrote these weird letters dealing with magick and demons and the powers of the moon and so much more.

My horoscope said that he found someone else who was doing a better job at sticking to their end of the bargain.

So he messaged me back saying that he was in a good place in his life, that he found someone, that he wished me well but that sometimes when you stair into the abyss the abyss stairs back.

And so I tried to write him a follow up letter, and suddenly I felt tired, I kept on Rhyming and was like: that is weird maybe I need to take a nap wtf?

And that’s when I was attacked by a ton of demons that I spent months fighting off.

oh and before I got that text, I had this weird vision of him coming to me and saying I would either have to be a hermit all my life or he would have to kill me.

Anyways fast forward months from now. After I learned magick to banish all the demons, and fight him with black magick and sort of one, I still was so, so into him. I tried to write him, and get him back. Strange stuff started happening again. Started seeing the angels either ones he sent or the ones I was working with go a bit rouge and I couldn’t sleep again and suddenly he was in my head giving me the 3rd degree with scary questions, my angels kept guiding me through what to say, and it kept me safe, until he said “well there is one thing I still can do to you.”

And I said what is that? And he said nothing. And for a moment all my angelic protection vanished until I was like I believe, I believe in you.

Later I started doing other magick and I could here the angels talking and they were arguing about if I should do the ritual or not and I heard one say she has to learn she has to learn and so they let me go ahead with this ritual that was a full moon attraction ritual to invoke more sexy attraction Goddess seduction power. Towards the end my 3rd eye kept showing me upside down pentagrams and suddenly the angels started shitting themselves, I believe I described it in a previous post as an attack, but was really just them all like screaming and shaking me vibrationally like a warning, very scary stuff, if you ever experienced it. I was working with close to 20 Angelic invocations at the time. Anyways they were all like blow it out, blow out the candles. But I didn’t cause I dunno.

I checked the moon and the full moon went over and had gone into waning was that why? I dunno. I did my monthly waning moon banishing, only now that I had made contact with Belail, I said remove all unwanted demons and demonic hooks.

From then on my abilities to contact the angels were off, like I would get an inner voice shouting negative shit every once in a while, while doing the ritual.

Anyways I hear people say they try months to get Belial to contact them back and stuff. Me?
I was just sitting on the forum, knowing I was drawn to him, saw his enn and thought it sounded pretty, and just said it a few times, no sigil or anything.

I contacted him one more time to follow up something from our conversation.

Anyways I didn’t like saying banish all unwanted hooks, I sort of wanted to be demon free, but there Belial was creating a bridge and … did I want this?

Anyways I couldn’t patch stuff up with my soul mate but all binding spell stuff I did to him I ahd undone and was in the process of burning. the first time I did I got a sense of demon residue energy, no big deal, the next time I used a chalice and sage and it was totally fine. The next time forgot the challice, burned something extra that was part of the spell that maybe I shouldn’t, did another banishing ritual right after, made an amulet the same night. But something was different now, the ritual energy was off. I felt like the waning moon in my head it felt like, it started turning into like a entity itself.

I asked Cahetel to help protect me from it, but it stayed around.

Finally I said well, I guess I will ask Belial see if he is worth having around, this should just be a simple task. So I asked for an energy healing and that I would light a candle for him with some Belial oil that they make here where I live. He seemed to agree and the demonic healing was under way.

He said that somehow between all my magick and thought form workings I created a magcik form. Very complicated he said. That night he worked on me while I slept. It was nice cause I have trouble sleeping and his energy can be so strong that it would make me feel tired back then.

I said just no nightmares. I had one, ignored kept sleeping, had 2nd where I was with a blanket and I was looking for someone to cuddle with and someone said be careful who you cuddle with. I woke up with Belial on top of me. I asked him to leave, and he said are you sure?

He said this a few times, mostly I asked why you asked and found big mistakes to just give a simple yes, this was one of two times I said yes that night. He left and I was freaked cause I could sense entities around or worse now I had no one to cuddle with.

I asked what do I owe and he replied back one whole soul.

And from there my heart was racing like crazy scared. There were other things I could do and I tried to do them but he wouldn’t go. So I was freaked got angel back up called him into a salt circle this time with my angels to light candles with Belial oil. His presence was weak but said the candles were nice but this is all wrong stop the ritual, we are even now. I through the oil and candles away figuring I was done I don’t want to miss with this anymore.

Then the new moon came and I did my protection shield ritual. I could feel the euphoria of it working but as I layed down my heart started racing, fuck Belial is back.

from there we got into a bit of a fight and I tried banishing him with God names.

I was told that by someone on the forum that y using God names I was just making it worse, that Belial is very powerful that if he had wanted me dead he would have done it by now, that whole soul meant more along the lines of being dedicated to him and the heart racing was him sending me energy. That I should call him up and ask to be let off the training and just work with Lucifer or Hermes for a while before trying to work with him again.

I decded to embrace the heart race, enjoy the power and try to be a good student of his and he taught me lots, we did a game of don’t say don’t as a mean to learning manifestation better. he said we are all a bunch of idiots because we use Hebrew and demonic tongue language all day not knowing it’s meaning, what we are signing or agreeing to.

OMG I just realized he made me write something that maybe well get me out of this mess I am in, but anyways might as well finish the story sorry it is so long.

I said well okay you earned a bit of trust, you can come a bit closer, next thing he touched my root chakra and was now part way in, and OMB was it ever fucking sexy!

I started falling in wuv and calling him my boyfriend. He would wake me up in the middle of the night scared out of my mind, scared and horny as fuck! Unlike the other demon who would try the same thing but just come across pervy Belial, knew how to get me excited and horny in a wonderful kinky demonic sort of way.

Oh I wanted him making love to me like that girl who always talks about how great Lucifer was in bed, I could tell how amazing it would be. But he said that if I actually give consent and he really puts it in me and I cum that I would end up a free prostitute on the astral plane, giving it to all the demons, that I would be his little whore. So sometimes I would masterbate but when he wanted deeper in my root I would say nah uh I remain chast. lol

Such a fun game, such dangerous fire I was playing with. My soul mate did say after I did that attraction ritual that I had no idea what happened that I would end up a free prostitute on the astral planes, wait and see you fucked your life good he said.

I’m somewhere in here really confused and working with angels and several Hindu Deities just to keep my wits and safety with Belial, Sometimes he would posses me like once I woke up after being afraid of owing my whole soul and said I wanted to give him my soul…
wtf? I then said… not.
“But I don’t recognize not.”
I said …if we can make a deal where I don’t give you my whole soul.
“You stupid you just did” and I felt this demonic presence and fear shadow around me.
But I said it was a paradox so I didn’t actually and the fear subsided.
That was back when we were fighting. So I had to keep my words in check.

Another day he woke me up and I was like: “Belail what I am really trying to say is…
Belail I want you to take me to hell kicking and screaming.”

Shit did I say that? Or did he posses me?
But either way I found it so sexy and arousing and I think he did too. lol So funny too.

I started really falling for him. One day (long story short) he lead me to this song.

In my head, I play a supercut of us
All the magic we gave off
All the love we had and lost (Supercut=When I give a god word to banish him)
And in my head
The visions never stop
These ribbons wrap me up (wrapping himself up in his own Love possession spell over me)
But when I reach for you
There’s just a supercut
In your car, the radio up (listen to Brintey spears as I drive)
In your car, the radio up (“My heart-only runs on supreme -give me your gasoline” :wink: ohh. :S)
We keep trying to talk about us
I’m someone you maybe might love
I’ll be your quiet afternoon crush
Be your violent overnight rush (when he wakes me up terrified)
Make you crazy over my touch (still chast but his touch is :S pretty amazing let’s just say :S)
But it’s just a supercut of us
Supercut of us
Oh it’s just a supercut of us
Supercut of us
So I fall
Into continents and cars
All the stages and the stars (powerful being that goes all over the Earth literally)
I turn all of it
To just a supercut
'Cause in my head in my head, I do everything right (No accidental God words or accidental magick)
When you call , when you call, I’ll forgive and not fight
Because ours ,are the moments I play in the dark We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart, uh

_(I had taken that he lives in the dark but his heart is wild and florescent filled with love for me) _
In your car, the radio up
In your car, the radio up
We keep trying to talk about us
Slow motion, I’m watching our love
I’ll be your quiet afternoon crush
Be your violent overnight rush
Make you crazy over my touch
But it’s just a supercut of us
Supercut of us
Oh it’s just a supercut of us
Supercut of us
But it’s just a supercut of us
Supercut of us
Oh it’s just a supercut of us
Supercut of us
Cause in my head, in my head, I do everything right
When you call I’ll forgive and not fight
All the moments I play in the dark
Wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart
'Cause in my head (in my head, I do everything right)
When you call (when you call, I’ll forgive and not fight)
Because ours (are the moments I play in the dark)
We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart
Cause in my head (in my head, I do everything right)
When you call (when you call, I’ll forgive and not fight)
Because ours (are the moments I play in the dark)
We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart
In my head, I do everything right
In my head, I do everything right

And the beating of the song is like the fear and excitement and the emotions he stirs in me.
So he was kind of winning me over there for a bit.

He gave me this sob story, he said how in hell you breath in all sorts of bugs, that the water was filled with urine and feces, the fire was cold when you wanted it to be hot and hotter than the sun when you wanted it to be cold and that the ground was itchy, it is dark and foggy and you can’t see much and when you could see you wish you didn’t, Okay i just added that last part. lol but it sounds like fun hey? lol

He was saying because of this he gets a kick out of coming here and helping people. That he was once like a God of love like Vishnu, but was demonized and thrown in the toy box of history, that he didn’t mean to be so aggressive but he had to get peoples attention, he was important and had lots to offer. that lots of people in hell were like this but they are messed up and wrong and need a whore for healing. That he wanted me to be the whore of Babylon to bring about the end of the universe, to heal all of hell so that we could all merge back into one in a giant orgy before the singularity brings the big crunch and the universe starts again in a big bang. that if I did this I could be offered a parallel universe where I was back together with my soul mate.

I wasn’t so sure, that sounds scary, what about the people in this universe and changing the world here? My angels gave me a similar story or suggestion a few month previously.

Working with all the 17-19 angels some would give messages in dreams. I had this one dream that there was this kid on a little tv playing guitar, it was this cool Nirvana song. Like literal Kurt Cobain never heard before track. Then I was in the show Bank Heist stealing the money, and My Mom was helping pack the money but the money was actually chick noodle soup. Also if anyone has worked with 72 Angels of magick they know you use lightning in your mediation to invoke the angels.

So anyways later the next day I saw this new Netflix movie called “Mirage” That had the exact same kid playing guitar on a tv, but instead of it being Nirvana it was “Time after time” and in the movie they traveled to parallel universes through lightning and it had the guy who played the professor from bank heist and I was with my Mom that day and she was making chick soup.

It seemed that all of heaven and hell wanted me to go to hell to be the whore of Babylon to bring about the end times and this was before I saw Oralee’s first video on Abaddon and going to hell and waking up in what sounded like a parallel universe or the one today about the unholy whore of the apocalypse.

So weird.

Anyways working with my angels Yezelel is so awesome! Starting to be a good friend I had felt. Also my spirit Lawyer who totally seemed to own Belial this one day at minimizing my agreements with him. Belials Horoscope read for the day, you are having an off day today but a deal is a deal. Lol

There ended up being something about bi location in there now some how. lol
I started learning healing with Archeangel Rapheal that day. I was simultaneously in the heavenly astral realms getting healed, while whoring in hell and sitting on my trampoline reading about healing on the astral plane that day. But was it all an illusion? Was it a simulation?

Healing hell seemed strange but noble, being with my soul mate again would be great, not sure I am convinced though. Could I maybe take a short trip to hell?

Yezelel worked out the details along with my other angels, I finally agreed but I could get out by counting 1 one thousand 2 one thousand up to 7, or cancel last second the same way.

I had now 6 great kick ass candles for Belail, 3 blue and 3 purple and some nice Belial oil to coat it, and one purple candle for me. I marked mine with my sigils for what I wanted… oh one of my conditions was that I find out what this thing with my soul mate was. But the last second I realized there was something I forgot to mention that could get me seriously screwed if I go.

So I didn’t light mine and counted to 7.
I was ambiguous with my words allowing for the possibility to end this weird packed or what ever this was with Belail. I felt him finally leaving my body.

But then he said “but you are forgetting something, I am Belial the demonic king you are coming to hell tonight.” and then I felt myself being lifted out of my body.
Oh shit what did I get my self into.
And this was supposed to just be an energy healing, wtf!

So all I remember was a split second in Asphodel Meadows, it was dark and foggy and people were panicking looking around on the ground for something. I remember asking my Angels to bring me back and them saying that I made my choice, but Belial had mercy on me and was the one who brought me back.

I felt so in wuv with him for coming through for me, I would breath in the Belial oil and feel so aroused but I didn’t know what happened with my soul mate. hmmm

My energy body was sore, I sensed I spoke with several of the gatekeepers that night.

Then Belail started teaching me what he calls Belial’s Love Possession rite.
Killer love spell that you can use to also posses another person as well. It is a ritual that could go on for months but I practiced on my soul mate. I would have never, but I just got back from hell and was drunk on demonic power and evil.

I released him quickly, tried a few more beginner steps with others, let them go, this was too much power too much evil.

The next day I spent the day with all 7 reiki healing candles and stones, I would start hearing Satan’s enn, it was so stuck in my head, he was calling me, and with out thinking I took a match and said “This is my love” and blew it out. WTF?

At the end of the day I cuddled up to Belial and watched part if terminator 2.

The next day it was as though Belial was breaking up with me, his horscope did say he had a mishap flirtation misunderstanding with someone from work. I would send him hearts saying I want him my bf. He kept saying no until I called his enn a few times.

I remember thinking of writing y’all and saying I think I might want to take Belial to the hell thay is my heart… kicking and screaming. haha.

I later called my angels said i wanted to go traveling again with Belail and Yezelel was pissed. I was like well Belial has been proving himself to me, I want you guys to show me I can trust you. It went silent, “Yezelel I can’t hear you.”
“Oh you can’t? Sometimes you block us out, but don’t worry follow the signs” I stared up to my left and saw a tree. “That is your first Sign”
A moth flew on my heart, that was sign 2.

I went to get my candles placed orange on the left and purple on the right. Just like in the Angel invocation right, but wait a minute… tree, Qabalah. this is by the sun Aeon of decision. Or the colors of crossing the abyss. The Angels showed me all these times Belial was manipulating me and showed what felt like power was actually damage being done to me.

Oh shit… crossing the abyss. If you are in the golden dawn or what ever order and you don’t pur your ego into the cup you can get black brothered and stuck in the abyss where you magick slowly stops working and you get disintegrated by demons, but your beloved/black brother can come back in lifetimes until you make it or get swallowed up. Unless you have reached 7=4.

I was told to spy on my soul mates youtube and see what video he has just liked. :S

Punctured lungs

_I’m out of breath _
This time I’m suffocating
_I’ve had enough now _
Too numb there’s no resisting
_Becoming one _
With all your failure
No coming back now
This bridge has been burned

Try to cut the cord
Tear away
Or I will never be the same
Trust breaks like bone
Violence shows
Reject and throw it all away

Consume the fight in me
Suspend reality
If it stops the room from spinning
Repressed identity
Escape reality

You killed the cause
This keeps repeating
Live through the loss now
Redeem your enemies
Recycled thoughts
Feed your delusion
Your lie outgrows you
Becomes its own truth

Still it seems so wrong
The way you think
And I will never understand
Faith broke like bone
Weakness shown
You lost and threw it all away

Consume the fight in me
Suspend reality
If it stops the room from spinning
Repressed identity
Escape reality
If it stops the room from spinning

Puncture my lungs

I’ve never felt your emptiness
It makes me sick now
Obsessive with your reasons
Compulsive with your failure

Try to cut the cord
Tear away
Or I will never be the same
Trust breaks like bone
Violence shows
Reject and throw it all away

Consume the fight in me
Suspend reality
If it stops the room from spinning
Repressed identity
Escape reality
If it stops the room from spinning

How can you live with yourself?

So then the angels locked up Belial and I on the coach and inside a Solomans seals.
I felt Angels twisting my arms or maybe just disintegration.

Every time you even JUST work with Angels you sign away your free will by calling on the inner world and stating that this is my will. That I was never cursed, that I just had all these agreements of will over lifetimes and I had been creating a prison of my own will.

That likely hood of making it across the abyss was unlikely. I would draw a tree of all the weird possibilities of what this was all about, I had feared this one too much to take it too seriously plus I could find little info on the subject.

Now things were all coming back to me and things were being attempted to be made sense of in this new paradigm so much fit but yet questions remain.

I had I dunno simulations or dreams that I was crossing and in 2 I made it. One with Kali ma where I ended up worshiping her in Antarctica and one where I had to turn to Jesus and become a Christian. I said Jesus but you worked with Demons and he said yes but I didn’t let them into my heart, into my sacred or into my fruit boot root.

The Next day Jesus said he can probably convince me soul mate to give me another chance. I talked with him telepathically and he said he didn’t want to talk with me. I said I understand, I am not well. I may have to cross the abyss and I may not make it, that I appreciated all our time together especially everything I don’t remember. He said “Don’t die, I need you too.” Just like in my letter when I said I needed him. I cried.

I let healing candles for him and everyone I hurt last night. As well as for my root chakra, my sacral, and my third eye which was sending laso hooks everywhere, or saying God word banishings or coming up with Satans enn.

I’ve been losing my mind a little.

Belial sometimes says he will eat me, and other times says he knows I am really being held hostage by the angels and he won’t let me disintegrate, that he will save me from them. With the help of my angels I had fought off Belail mostly but he keeps trying to get back.

I said without talking show me I can trust you.

Today I saw this video.

I have gone through some stuff before with magick attacked by a demonic king and his minions, anal raped by a demon, molested by my dead grandfather who was nothing like that in real life, the angel attacks the demon attacks, the magick form, the blood ritual that turned into sympathetic magick and I froze in the snow while inside the house. Possed by both angels and demons while driving my car and I swear it seemed like Belail was trying to kill me that night and my family, but then again it sort of seemed like the angels were trying to kill me that night too but to save me from this.

At least I am getting used to scary, but this is an all time new one. Will my soul be killed off? Will I be eattin by demons? Will my soul mate let me go down? Will my consciousness just jump from all the inner will and vows I have taken?

Who should I trust?
My soul mate?
My Angels?
Can I even trust myself anymore?

I don’t remember being apart of any order but it makes sense.
Anyone have any advice?
I suppose if not my life can be a warning.
Time will tell I guess.
Be careful what though wilt.
Any thoughts?


Hello again, thank you for sharing your experiences. Sounds pretty intense.

Now that I’ve read through this, I can see quite a few parallels between your experiences and mine. You’re not the only one who’s gone through this sort of thing, so if you can, trust me when I say that you’re going to get through this with your sanity and life intact.

My intuition tells me that it may be best for you to complete your work with the angels. That’s what I did, before then moving on to demonic work. I worked a little with demons while still in the angelic process, and I could be off, but I sense that Metatron has what you need.

Look into the Identity Ritual. I performed that ritual three times - once to begin the process, once in the Abyss, and once more in Keter, at fruition. It is what carried me through the confusion and the profound terror that accompanies this transformation. Metatron will help soothe and bring clarity to your emotions and to your being. This is how you “empty into the cup.”

If you are still bothered by unwanted demons, command them to begone from you and your space. It may help to invoke God-names, to give you authority (ELL, ELL-OH-HEEM, AH-DOH-NIGH, EHYEH ASHER EHYEH, ELL-SHAD-EYE, ELL-EE-ON, and EE-AH-OH-EH SHAH-MAH are effective for commanding demons). For Belial specifically, you may also invoke his ruling angel Chavuel. The demons are there to help you, and normally this sort of thing is not required, but if you allow them to wield power over you they will take advantage of that power. Remind them that they are bound by the Will of God.

Feel free to PM me if you need help, or just need to share. I know what you’re going through, in my own way. It is scary and mind-bendingly strange, and makes one question their sanity. You’re going to get through this, don’t forget that.


I started writing something out, but maybe I will take you up on the offer to PM.