We need to talk about respect people's experiences (good and BAD)

Hey, so I’m here now to talk about something not much pleasant.
Not long ago I posted this:

About how Lucifer left me be deceived for 7 years by an impostor. The same way that people who had a wonderful experience with him share such experience whenever the opportunity come/someone ask about him/about it, I share mine too. It’s fair. While many were/are supportive, including in my original post, and others through the comments I made just ignore which is fine, some people were not so nice and replied me in a way that made me feel like they were trying invalidating my experience. Diminishing it.

So I’m here to make an appeal. Whenever you see someone sharing a bad experience about someone or something don’t interact with it if you don’t have any kind, supportive or similar word to say, don’t comment things like “just because you had a single bad experience doesn’t mean…” or anything that sounds like you’re blaming the person for it. A person’s bad experience don’t invalidate your good experience, just like your good experience don’t invalidate mine. And both must be share so newbies and anyone who wanna try that experience be aware that not always will be a good one. Be aware is not be afraid.
If you think there’s something wrong, that there’s not way that experience go bad, that it must be the person’s fault, than why not try to help them understand what actually happend and see the truth instead of just judge them and try invalidate their experiences? So if someone said they had a bad experience with x entity and you think that’s impossible that this entity do what he’s been accused of, well instead of invalidate the person experience, why don’t you help them than see what actually happened if you’re so certain that the experience didn’t happened cause that entity would never do that?

My point here than is, when someone post, comment about their bad experience with someone or something, if you can’t help in anyway, not even with a kind word because you don’t believe in that, than don’t say anything. Just don’t reply, ignore. “I’m practicing be kind instead of be right” that’s a great line from a book that in many case we all should practice. When someone is hurt by their experience the last thing they need is hear people diminishing their experience or pain or invalidating the whole thing. You don’t know how it was, you don’t know how they felt, be more empathetic with a human being before get so desperately to defend your idol/god/father/lover/etc. spirit.

Be kinda people. All experiences are valid.
If you have nothing constructive to add or any way to help or any kind word to give don’t say anything. In fact this goes to any post, thread here I guess.
Thanks,

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I understand what you’re saying but in this section of the forum there are going to be people that have dissenting views of that of the OP. The OP shouldn’t take dissenting views as a disrespect of thier experience necessarily. When I post I know that not everyone is going to see eye to eye with me all the time. They have the right to disagree with me and post it. It’s a public forum.

If I don’t want to be disagreed with I go to the journal section and post. Hell, I even had someone disagree with me in my own journal lol. Don’t take things as personally I think I’d tell you. Your experience is valid and true to you and someone else disagreeing with you doesn’t invalidate what your saying.

I do think you’re right though that some people just enjoy tearing others down and that’s a shame, but most of us can see right through that.

Just keep on doing you and don’t worry about others views as much maybe.

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If you feel like something is unnecessary and/or abusive you can use the flag feature and the mods will examine it and determine whether or not it needs to be deleted (for that matter other members can flag such things as well)

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I understand this. But I think is wrong someone disagree with your experience. Like you said your encounter with x being was this and that and someone come and say " no it wasn’t, i know this being he would never do that" I mean, this is not disagree to me, is disrespect and try invalidating the other. The person is welcomed to share their experience and point out how different it was, but telling they disagree that wasn’t that way or blame you for it is very unkind and unhuman to me. And of course everyone can and will say anything they want. But I wish people were more kind when someone said they had a bad experience with something. Experiences are not made to be disagreeable or not.
But I appreciate your words :slight_smile: thanks.

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Got it. But I don’t think it was ever a case to be flag. Just words that made me felt that I/my experience was being invalidating.
But thanks :slight_smile:

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I respect the opinions of other members on this forum others whether I agree with them or not, everyone should be allowed to express themselves as long as those posts are within the forum guidelines. If you feel there are members that are offensive in terms of their responses to others, in addition to flagging the post, please also feel free to use the ignore/mute function.

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I understand what you’re saying sometimes people have a condescending or mocking tone with thier replies to your experience. That can be infuriating I agree with you. Like you said it’s ok to have a different experience and point that out without belittling someone else, there’s a difference you’re right.

I agree that people should consider kindness when they make thier responses especially if there is a disagreement.

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The goal of this forum is the open discussion of magick in all its forms, and you cannot have a proper open discussion without criticism, or dissenting opinions. A dissenting opinion or criticism of an experience is not disrespectful, as long as basic courtesy is maintained. I, for one, enjoy debating with those who disagree with me as it strengthens my own opinions and experiences by forcing me to think critically of them.

The rules here specifically state no trolling, harassment, or insults, and to respect other members, but that does not mean everyone is required to automatically accept what someone else says. It is possible to respect the person, but still question their claims.

This is not, in fact, true. There are many people in the occult who role play, or overly exaggerate, and one of the ways we work to validate common experiences with spirits is to question them. We help people deal with imposters and parasites, for example, by measuring what is described against our own experiences of the same spirit. Critical thinking sometimes seems like a lost art these days, but it should be part of every magician’s arsenal.

Negative experiences with popular spirits do happen; they are not all cuddly teddy bears as some would like all to believe, so if you feel you are being unduly attacked for your experience, or someone is being discourteous, please flag the post, and myself or @Mulberry will take a look.

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Sorry to hear you felt hurt and disrespected. I know I had nothing to say on Lucifer or his actions on your thread.

Some people here can be insensitive and I know for myself I sometimes put my foot in my mouth and then go and stick the other one in as well without meaning harm. Not saying that applies to the comments you found disrespectful (it may or may not).

I just want to say I really hope that you don’t let a few bad apples and hurtful or disrespectful comments stop you from continuing to share here and learn here, and do your magick rituals and that I hope you keep doing magick and learning ok?

That’s all I have to say and to sum up I hope that you keep on keeping on magickally and I’m sorry you felt disrespected here.

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Eh…no

The problem with a forum like this is that everyone is pretty much free to say almost anything they want regarding magick, and that can lead to a lot of outlandish claims. For instance, I just recently had a debate with a dude who made a declaration that all pacts fail. Not “some” not “most”…he said all pacts…and this was based on his “experience” which he himself admit was very little. Stuff like this is a level of wrongness that even the most reserved of individuals can’t let slide. What good would it be for newcomers to have them read something so obviously incorrect, without seeing a different point of view in the same thread?

I’m sorry but this isn’t a safe space for incorrectness. Its a forum meant for the discussion of magick…and sometimes those discussions involve a little cross-examination of peoples experiences. This isn’t people “being rude.” This is people maintaining standards for the forum, which sometimes comes through healthy debate. The only thing that you are really entitled to on here is a thread free from moralizing and personal attacks. Everything else is fair game.

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I know what you mean in the sense that it’s difficult when people state opinion as if it was fact. A lot of people lead with emotion and don’t know how or take the time to be diplomatic, and to be honest that takes an effort sometimes that in the moment we all forget.

Maybe try not to take it so personally, I really don’t think it’s ever meant that way. And it really says more about them than you. Someone with better communication skills can often say the same thing without offense.

Here’s the thing, just because they say something opposing, doesn’t automatically mean they are right and you are invalidated, not at all. :slight_smile:

I think you can trust that most people on the forum are plenty smart enough to see what’s going on, and they’ll make their own minds up, although, people being aggressive may not realise, their attitude actually puts people off listening to them. So let them make themselves look silly and you come up smelling of roses. :rose:

But I think is wrong someone disagree with your experience.

Well, it’s only their opinion, and we are all allowed our opinions. :+1:

In magick pretty much everything is occult, that word literally means “hidden”, so opinion and UPG are subtle and very personal. Different people sense things differently and newbies especially don’t always get that… Rudeness isn’t ok, flag it and as @DarkestKnight said, we’ll help you with that. There’s no reason people can’t be civil. We can help them learn :slight_smile:

It definitely takes bravery to put out your occult experiences on the forum, and I applaud that you are doing that… I guarantee you if I wrote about some of mine, I’d be ripped apart and possibly ridiculed, (aka my post analysed and deconstructed, but it might feel like that until I get over it!) so you might be doing better than me! I once wrote an opinion post on being fine with potentially being quite mad… I just don’t tell people. :joy:

But maybe, just maybe, sometimes someone will have a good point that has value for you, and yeah sometimes it’s just the forum all chattering together. But it will have always have value for some of the people that read and don’t comment.

If you’re not looking for opinions or answers, a journal is for sure the way to go, and we can help you move and clean up any existing topics to become journals if you like, just flag the first post and use the “other” option to let us know. :slight_smile: :+1:

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I think we’re not too bad at noticing these people, and for those of us who have been here a while, they don’t last. They come, they go, and we’re all still here chatting about magick.

Even if they stay just this side of the “don’t be a dick” aspect of the rules not to get suspended, which they usually don’t, they fade off, because BALG doesn’t descend into drama filled catfights often, and the amazing member moderation system here keeps the peace very effectively.

Did you know, that if only about 4 people flag a post it gets automatically closed and the member silenced for a few hours?
And that the Trust Level 3 and 4 members, with “Regular” or “Leader” status, can all move posts into a private non googlable area out of sight for mod review if needed?
So, even if a global mod isn’t around, the collective members of the forum itself make the forum self healing, and fix things before they get crazy.

And they’re very good at it, and wonderfully discerning and thoughtful about it, not one of us has abused this privilege, and our forum hums along pretty well without anyone having to get heavy handed. :smiley:

This is not fertile ground for trolling. Without any extended drama to feed on trolls go to greener pastures. I do think that’s awesome. :slight_smile:

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@DarkestKnight or @Mulberry , @Luana says she wrote this post in response to something I posted. I’ll post the link, please feel free to take it down/let me know why it’s unacceptable if you find it to be.

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One more thought… this here means something important about your post @Luana, or anybody’s posts really.

Nobody in the collective membership of the forum flagged your OP as inappropriate, off topic, suspect or larping.

Regardless of the opinion of a minority of posters, the forum as a whole thought your post was just fine and dandy. If it wasn’t, it would not have gone anywhere. :slight_smile: :+1:

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That was an interesting discussion, you were trying to help, gave your opinion politely, and there’s really everything right with that. That’s what a discussion forum is for. :+1:

I might add, it also takes courage to disagree with people sometimes, so good on you. :slight_smile: … We wouldn’t have a forum if we couldn’t feel ok voicing our side of things.

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Agreed. I was following the conversation, and I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

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Yeah, I like Discourse forums. I’ve been occasionally trying to get friends to use it for their communities, I mean it does have its pros and cons, but I’ve always been rather impressed with it and constantly wonder if it is the magic piece that if deployed in certain contexts would allow the change I want to see in the world to actually happen.

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Hi Luana, I still have problems knowing which buttons to hit for a reply. Ah here it is. I feel you totally. My adult kid is a channeler. First she was a medium n 2012 and she would be put on s cloud. Then she would see them in person and tell me what they were saying. Coz she didn’t like the cloud thing. Her first channeling it was the real McCoy. I could tell they were genuine. But then later on it was a different entity using the same name. I was very sure becoz one time he wanted to gossip and I stopped him cold. Then another time he did a healing on my daughter for her chronic pain and he was talking about his wings and I know wings are symbolic. I had a small zohar in aramaic on the dresser and he accidentally saw it and was surprised. He said oh you have the zohar and I said yes I do and the imposter never returned. Buy one time my kid did a genuine channeling against her will she was fully aware but a being began yo talk to me thru her. Whst a grouch a meanie. I asked for his name snd he said conscious mind, all he did was point out my faults which I dont agree with any of them.Luana don’t get dismayed its hard to figure out who is who and what is what.

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Thanks for standing strong in your principle - Respect. I feel you strengthen the Community.

Maybe yes, Verdo. Seems like there is a language barrier. The sentence is indeed incomplete, as if translated as OP wrote, writing faster than the brain makes the switch from native language into English. It happens. There should be something else between “wrong” and “someone”. That’s clearly a (linguistic) Romantic pattern right then and there. Portuguese, Italian, Spanish, something like that.

Just my two cents, but I think we should ask OP if they meant something different.

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