In 2007, I fell hell over heels in love with this guy. We had a crazy, intense whirlwind romance and for about a year, he was my world and I was his. Or so I thought. A year or so in, I found out that he had a one night stand with an ex of his. He was shit at covering his tracks. I was not in the least bit suspicious and the information just fell on my lap. Anyway, I lost it. I was heart broken like never before. I lost two stone in weight in the space of a week. I could not eat or sleep. I don’t think I had ever experienced such pain in my life ( and I have been through some pretty serious shit). He spent months begging me to forgive him and trying to work it out. In the end, I couldn’t stomach what he had done so I broke it off with him.
I was determined to get away from him, but I just could not get him out of my head. My head was all over the place and I did a fucked up love spell. I came up with it myself somehow. The short version is that there were some tissues he had used on himself after sex one time when he came begging and I was weak. I collected them.
After he had gone, I melted down some red and pink wax candles. I put the spermy tissues into the mix and allowed the wax to cool a little. When the waxy spermy mixture had reached a temperature and a consistency which allowed me to mould it, I moulded it into the shape of a man. Specifically his shape. He does not have any specific features that make him stand out, so the best I could do was get his body shape right. I then carved his name into it along with my intention. For him to come to be with me and stay. I think I said something like may he not rest and may his heart burn etc, etc… I knew the ritual was working when he started calling me on my phone while I was doing it. He called repeatedly. At least 10 times. The phone was on silent, and I saw it flashing out of the corner of my eye. This gave me confidence.
I laid it down in its own little bed, which was an old sewing box with black silk cloth lining it. I had pink and red candles burning for the ritual. I dressed the doll in rose oil and the other candles in rose oil as well. I created a sigil out of my intention, charged it and placed it inside the box/bed with the doll. I also placed his photo and a written version of my intention in the box. I put all of the items underneath the doll and then closed it.
At first I kept it in my house. Then something urged me to bury it in my front lawn. So that is what I did. I forgot about the whole thing and got on with my life. I started dating other guys (just drinks or dinner) to keep my mind occupied in my spare time. In the mean time, my ex was going crazy with desire for me. He was declaring his love on a daily basis, sending me long emails and soppy text messages and basically losing his mind over me. He was even more intense than when I thought he was in love with me when we were actually together!
So anyway, one of the guys I met turned out to be really lovely. We saw each other lots and although I did not have the mad passion for him that I had for my ex, I grew to really care for him. We ended up dating for almost five years, much to the alarm and disappointment of my ex.
The new hubby and I coasted along comfortably. I cut my ex off to give the relationship a chance, but i knew I was not over him. He spent the next four years trying to win me back. I had my own place. By the fourth year, he would turn up at my house (he lived 200 miles away) and propose marriage! I was in a state of confusion by this point and I thought the best thing was to send him packing. The first time he saw me after the four years, he broke down crying because he thought he would never see me again. A part of me was secretly glad that he was suffering, but the part of me that loved him could not stand to see him in pain. I comforted him as best I could but sent him away.
Long story short, the new hubby and I broke up and I got back with the ex a few months later. For a few months, we were blissfully happy. But then doubt started to creep in when I caught him lying about silly things. The old pain came back and I just could not trust him. Pretty soon, he started to disgust me. I saw him as this pathetic man who just could not control his libido when it came to other women. He had not cheated on me again, but that is how I started to see him. He begged me to stay with him and gave me all of his passwords to everything and licence to check his phone. I did not want to do that, I wanted a man, not a mouse. And a man that I could trust. It got too much in the end. Too painful for him, so I had to let him go again.
A year later he seemed to have matured a bit. He started chasing me again, with the usual wild declarations of love and gifts. I still had not stopped loving him, so eventually I gave in and we had yet another joyful reunion. Again things were heavenly for a few months, then he started getting needy and desperate for my attention. He would test me by ignoring me all day to see if I would contact him. When I did not, he would have a tantrum and tell me that I did not care. He needed constant reassurance and attention. If it was not given for whatever reason, he genuinely thought I did not care. There was nothing I could do to convince him that I cared very much other than move 200 miles to live with him. I could not do that and he could not move to me either for work reasons. We were stuck in limbo. Eventually, he broke it off with me because he said he felt like I did not give a shit. I met someone else and he respectfully backed down. Telling me that he needed to be out of my life in order for my new relationship to work.
Despite all of that turmoil, when I was unceremoniously dumped by my latest boyfriend, this ex was the first person I turned to when I was in a bad way. I called him at 1am and he listened patiently for three hours. He has been a constant support (via phone only) ever since the breakup and has asked for nothing in return. Ironic huh. We work better as friends than lovers.
So I know 100 per cent that love spells do work. It is about your intention and how much passion your pour into the spell.
The spell can not make the relationship work if you are not a good match though. In our case, we simply did not have a strong enough foundation for me to be able to trust him again. If we had already been together for four or five solid years and had a solid foundation then maybe it would have worked. Ultimately, the thing was broken from the day he cheated on me and no matter how much we both wanted it, we just could not get past that.
Maybe another spell to help build trust would have worked, who knows. I guess I will never know. But even now I know that he genuinely loves me and wants the best for me- which is not necessarily about wanting me for himself. He wants me to be happy and I want him to be happy.
Did the love spell bend his will and MAKE him love me. In this case I don’t think so. I think he already had very strong feelings for me and the spell intensified them to the point of obsession. It does not really matter anyway. The spell worked. Years later, I know I could go back there if I really wanted to.
Intent is everything.
