[ Untitled ] Eclipse's Journal

Eia · December 4, 2020, 7:20pm

So I decided to start a journal here, taking yet another step from my comfort zone.

Truth be told I hate the idea of having my thoughts, ideas, and just personal ramblings out for others to see, but they say the first step is always the hardest - so I’ll leap and see where it takes me.

For all who may or may not read this, Hi I’m Eclipse/Levi. Whatever you wanna call me is fine, and here is my shiny new journal where I’ll be attempting daily updates of my workings, random experiences, thoughts, and feelings.

At the moment I currently work with Prince Azazel, we’ve been on this little road trip together for about two-three months now? Our relationship feels more like teacher-student at the moment, not that I mind, but there’s a familiarity in his energy, that I can’t help but want to explore, does that make sense? No? Either way, he’s an excellent teacher, always pushing my limits, and often shoving me from my comfort zone so I can truly grow - although lately it’s been more about reclaiming personal power.

I recently took the plunge and asked for a bit of guidance while I do some shadow work, and I think that’s what all this had been leading up to, but of course, I had to initiate the dialogue, or else I would still be chasing my own tail.

Funny enough in al my tarot readings - with many different entities when asked about my growth, the result has always ended with me being in my own way, so maybe shadow work was the first step to discovering these roadblocks and unlocking my potential for evolution, which I look forward to uncovering, but the idea of being alone with my thoughts and even facing myself has always unsettled me in a way, probably just scared of what I’ll see.

In my opinion, the scariest entity in existence isn’t an angel or demon, it’s the being lurking beneath the surface of the masks we wear every day. - Calm down there socrates

Anyway, I did an invocation this morning and just settled myself with Azazel’s energy, it has an odd calming effect on me, but that could also be the meditation so who really knows, but he seems pleased with me for stepping up and initiating our next phase, or he’s just looking forward to fucking me up in the coming times, I never know until the moment comes but that’s also another joy of working with him, almost like an older brother in that aspect where he’ll show you all these cool things, teach you about life, but also never misses a beat when it comes to messing with you however he can. - I heard him laugh after I finished that sentence.

I don’t really know what to expect, but I think that’s the best part right? The mystery of it all, and the ability to re-discover yourself.

I suppose I’ve rambled enough for a first entry, right?

Either way here’s what you can expect in this Journal.

Pathworking and Spiritual experiences.
Sigil practice, feel free to use them and let me know if they could use any improvement.
Tarot readings, mainly for myself at the moment - I’ll probably open up for more practice soon.
Ramblings, and personal topics that should deal with my growth as not only a practitioner but as a person as well.

I’ll probably post self-directed questions here as well, but if you feel the urge to chime in or comment feel free to do so, same with advice, I love hearing different opinions.

Eia · December 5, 2020, 6:56am

During our conversation this morning, while it was brief, I asked if there was anything specific he’d | Azazel | like me to do in preparation for what work was to come, he simply stated to evoke him for five days straight, nothing more, and nothing less.

I didn’t question it as these things usually just end in silence, and over time I’ve learned to either discern any danger or to take the risk and see what I could take from it either in knowledge or experience.

The day itself went well, and I heard/felt Azazel around me at work only in passing moments, either watching or smile statements directed towards those around me. I also found that having invoked his energy this time around made me far more social than usual, people seemed to flock to me and I felt more empowered and dominant in my presence. He informed me that it was only a glimpse of who I could be if I let my fears and anxiety aside and allowed my true self and power to shine through.

Tonight

I drew V.K. Jehannum’s channeled sigil for Azazel - I find that one a lot more effective and easier to activate than others, offered it a small drop of blood in good faith, and began to meditate while chanting a simple evocation.

It was oddly quiet despite all the once present background noise, and I could hear Azazel’s voice in my head but couldn’t decipher many of the words as if they were muffled, and when he finally broke through he was yelling at me to “Reclaim myself.” I’ll probably meditate on that for a bit.

I was taken into a small vision, once again I saw that same figure from my first meeting with King Paimon. She was walking through what looked like a battlefield - or what was one, the earth was scorched and probably still burning by the looks of it, a mass of rubble and probably bodies it wasn’t all too clear, but what was clear was the huge castle or fortress in the background resting on what seemed like a hillside, suddenly I was up there with a robed figure yelling the same phrase “Reclaim yourself.” over and over before tossing me over the edge of the hill and down into what I can only describe as a lake of fire, I could feel the heat of it burning at my body and a bunch of hands reaching out from within the lake as well pulling, tearing, and biting at my body endlessly.

I felt myself start to drift away as my form was torn apart, a black mist rising from the lake in the form of a serpent - possibly a dragon, before evaporating and allowing me to return to myself once more.

I don’t know what the hell just happened.

I believe it may have been a sort of proper welcome to what he has in store for me in the coming time, but even knowing that it was just intense, not at all scary for some reason but just intense.

I did ask what all that meant, and as expected I never got a true answer, his responses were “Evoke me for five days.” I of course agreed, and he left me with a sigil or symbol of sorts, burning in my mind long enough to draw it out and when I questioned him, the response was. “A key to my kingdom, use it, and find me.” So it could be a personal sigil, but the sensible part of me is all too wary about mystery sigils and activating them for lords know what.

It doesn’t give me bad vibes, it just has that same intensity so I’m a bit on guard I suppose - which isn’t a bad thing.

I was told I can share it, but I’m also a bit uncertain because I don’t wanna post anything that could place someone in a bad spot since I’ve heard Azazel’s legion can be a bit…intense, which seems to be the only way I can describe any of this, and if it leads to wherever he calls home, I don’t think it’d be smart to just have people waltzing on in.

All in all, this was my first real look behind the veil of that quiet and composed demeanor, and into a rather once again intense and rather aggressive side of things. I think what surprises me the most is the fact that I’m not scared, just excited about seeing where this work takes us.

After a bit of analysis, while typing all of this out, I’m thinking the whole lake of fire may have been Azazel’s way of telling me to detach myself from this current image I have of myself, destroying a familiar vessel from a prior experience to signify the birth of something new? Like shedding old skin to embrace and allow me to become more open to new experiences.

I do know that my body hurts like hell funny enough, but I’ll chalk it up to mundane exhaustion.

I’m honestly not too certain about what much of it means, and maybe that’s the point. Questions I need to ask myself as I’m progressing and working with him for the next four days.

Who am I trying to be?
Who do I want to be?
Why do I stop myself from evolving?

These are just a few questions I thought of while going over everything that occurred, and of course the big one. “Reclaim yourself.” figuring out how I do that, and what he means by that. I’m tempted to try a tarot reading with him, but I think I’ve had my fill of Prince Azazel for the night, so I’ll leave him be.

Seeing as it’s already tomorrow as I’m writing this, I’ll probably do a reading for him later this evening once I’ve gotten a bit of rest myself, demons are confusing, that is my word of wisdom for the night.

I’d label today as productive.

Eia · December 6, 2020, 5:31am

As planned I went through and did a few tarot readings to try and get any form of information, though I couldn’t bring myself to ask any questions - this feels more personal and too directed towards my pathworking to be answered by cards alone and no real effort or self-exploration, but Azazel didn’t leave me empty handed, and might be alluding for things to come.

Lately he’s been more vague, and not like he can’t give me the answers, but he just won’t, and I appreciate that, he’s not holding my hand but also not allowing me to walk blindly into the fray.

Results from today’s Tarot session
Overall theme of Readings: Change | Progress
Deck: Angel Tarot - Radleigh Valentine

First spread
Seven of Fire
Strength - Archangle Ariel
Ace of Air

Summary
My interpretation from this spread was revision and stepping into power. The seven of fire tells me to be confident in my decisions and to stand tall against adversity, Azazel having said something along the lines of “Adversity breeds power in those willing to fight for it.” I may have butchered that, but he often encourages me to not view everything as an obstacle, but as a lesson and a way to learn and grow. The card of Strength solidifies that, by encouraging me to be confident in my abilities and by removing negtive or hindering mindsets and utilize roadblocks as a way to learn and grow. The Ace of Air reminds me to focus, plan, and act - a phrase I’m all too fond of if you noticed, and to utilize both mental and spiritual strength to make the most of troubling situations.

I did two other readings which in their own ways touched on the same concepts, which I found interesting, the core focus at the moment in my opinion is celebrating small victories - as I often fail to do and simply move on to the next working, self-evaluation as we begin our trek into shadow work. I’m growing spiritually and as a person, I can see it manifesting in little ways in my daily life and in my practice, but I haven’t even taken the time to enjoy that.

It’s interesting to see how the spreads tell me to remain focused, but in the same breath remind me to relax and enjoy my success as time passes. I’ve left the trial period and entered into the phase of planning, reviewing, and action.

I may take a bit of time off tomorrow and just do something simple, tonight I’ll have a drink and offer one to Azazel as thanks, but I feel like I need a day where my mind isn’t on magic and demons. Times like this where remembering to take care of yourself and enjoy life - even in such trying circumstances, make you feel more alive, just to embrace that moment you know? To feel every part of humanity.

I’m rambling, ignore me.

Still no answers to my original questions, but I feel like I understand what he’s asking, or at least I can get the concept, as for “Reclaiming myself” I should find out when I first lost it.

Today was mellow, but productive in its own way.

Also that sigil he gave me is exactly as he says, but it certainly works both ways. All is well on my end, still I’ll take caution when working with it. It’s odd having access to something like that, I’ll question him about it later down the line but for now I don’t have a need for it. Demons are strange, my words of wisdom for today? Take care of yourselves, enjoy the small moments and victories, a win is a win and no one can take that from you. - alright coach calm down.

I can’t help but feel like I’m in for a wild ride, I wanna call on Lilith or King Paimon for advice, but I feel like this is a personal journey and I can’t just run home when shit gets real, I’m honestly just scared of what I’ll see or who I’ll become in the process.

Tomorrow’s outcome is decided by the person we choose to be today.

Today was productive in its own way.

Eia · December 6, 2020, 11:26pm

Might have overdone it last night, but it was fun.

Fun fact for myself, I can sense spirits a lot better when intoxicated, we had a bit of a party last night and I’m still feeling the aftermath of it today.

Azazel and I spoke a bit about my goals, spiritual relationships, and why he should never smile with a goat’s head - it was probably the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.

I’m gonna keep my word and relax today, so movies, video games, and maybe some writing.

Also, last night’s evocation was a bit more personal, so I’ll spare you all the details, but I was in a way lectured or reprimanded, but it was the kick in the ass I needed. The energy for today is rather low, but in a calm way, I’m guessing everyone got the memo about my day off so they’re leaving me be.

I don’t feel as somber as I did yesterday, just tired. I’ve been using a lot more energy both mentally and spiritually on this project. Taking care of myself shouldn’t be this much of a chore, but I can understand the fatigue due to major shifts in energy and almost war-like planning on my end - I’ve been complimented on that by several entities, stating things along the lines of “You think like a military general.” or “You plan like you’re going to war.”

I guess that’s not a bad thing, but I’ve found that lately I may be a bit over-analytical, not so much as paranoid but obsessed with the idea of predicting all outcomes and never being caught unawares - which I know is impossible, but it keeps my mind busy.

I’m starting to see myself through a different lense and it’s interesting to notice the small behaviors that tie into bigger traits, small pieces that make up a greater sum of the puzzle.

Like a mentioned before I feel stronger, I just can’t understand how? I feel like the subtle change in habits is what really amuses me, like I’m learning a new role for a movie - bad analogy I know, but I can’t quite place it yet.

I’ll probably end it off here, I feel like even typing this ruins my whole “Day off” scheme.

Plans for the future

Chaos magic - been itching to make some new sigils - I’ve got a few I’ll let you lot play around with, also have a plan for some personal servitors in the works~
Shadow work - In progress. It’s a slow burn, and I like that. Feels a lot more intimate than just having terrible shit thrown in your face in an attempt to heal you like most claim, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult, one of my favorite songs “Alone in a room” kinda reflects how the process is going, plus Asking Alexandria is always a win in my book.
Pathworking - In progress. Still on Azazel, but I did say he’d be a big hurdle before we even begun. He’s intricate and even informed me that once we begun he wouldn’t stop until we reached the destination, and since I personally asked that he help me in making the first steps towards evolving there’s no turning back and I feel like we’re reaching that point of no return or we’ve passed it. Also I enjoy working with him, so I cound’t quit even if I wanted to. A lot of the work we’ve been doing also preps me for the other entities I have lined up, so there won’t be any reluctance on my end to move forward.

I’ve also been tempted to have another go at the ritual Azazel gave me, the first attempt was good, but for some reason I’ve just been wanting to go at it again. I’ll sleep on it, not like I have anything big planned, so I see no reason not to do it.

Nothing worthwhile to report as of yet, but the day isn’t over yet. Outside of tonight’s evocation I don’t have much planned, although other people tend to enough tossing work my way regardless of my plans - wonder who would do such a thing.

Words of wisdom for today? Drink responsibly because hangovers are a curse on humanity by some asshole who didn’t want us having too much fun. Slow days are nice, don’t make unnecessary moves when you’ve yet to see what the battlefield has in store, patience and calculation win wars. - Alright Alexader the great slow down.

That’s all I’ve got, I’m gonna go be lazy now.

Eia · December 7, 2020, 6:02am

Tonight’s Evocation

“What lies beneath will always be uncovered by those who seek the truth.” Those were the words Azazel left me with, and as always I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

Tonight’s evocation was a bit unusual as I’d been instructed to call upon Archangel Michael - I personally thought shit would go sideways, but I often forget Azazel was/is a watcher and that these spirits are a bit more mature than we are so even if there were animosity amongst them they’d manage to set it aside for any workings.

I personally don’t believe there’s as much bad blood between angels and demons like we romanticize, but I’m not looking to start a debate or civil war so I’ll keep my sacrilegious thoughts to myself.

Anywho, tonight’s evocation ended with me being stabbed by Michael, the end.

He and Azazel seemed more interested in talking with each other than me, so after being stabbed without so much as a hello, they began speaking and the focus was directed towards my back - I’d been having pains for the last few days, but always assumed it was work-related, but apparently not as Michael said something along the lines of “I can’t believe it’s grown this deep.”

So the two of them began playing operation, while I’m sitting here confused as all hell, I did manage to peek over Azazel’s shoulder and see them cutting and pulling at some black mass latched into my back, and after a while, they managed to cut it out entirely, and it did not go peacefully, lashing and screeching before being put down.

After all, was said and done I went into a small trance or at least another vision, the previous vessel that Azazel had destroyed was lying on a sort of operating table, dying and clinging on to what little life she had left. It was weird, when I saw her in my very first vision she seemed so powerful, but to see her now, so weak and broken it made me realize he really was breaking me down from the inside out.

I allowed her to pass in peace, the form burning away into nothing.

Michael then began another process, he pulled a rib from my own form and set it on the table in front of me, a name etched onto the bone, and I gazed into it - almost like charging a sigil.

The material soon degraded into a mass of energy, slowly growing in size until another form stood before me. And in every way she was just beautiful, her skin was literally like the night sky, her eyes burning like two suns as she gazed into me. It was like looking at a mirror, she mimicked my movements for a bit before speaking her/our name and title.

We stayed like this for a few moments before the perspective finally altered and I was her, Azazel standing beside me as he set a crown on my head, telling me once more to “Reclaim myself.” before pushing me off that same cliff, though instead of falling into it like before, I now confidently flew into that firey lake once again.

Michael departed on his own accord, but I thanked him properly as always. I and Azazel spoke for a moment, but only in idle chatter as all that needed to be said, was said.

And he left me with that bit of knowledge that I started the post with.

I do feel that I should tell you all I’m tired and my body is on fire, but I feel good, and we certainly have passed that point of no return.

Through this little process of rebirth, I feel like this was Azazel’s way of cleansing my energy body of all old attachments and influences and now we can move forward with confidence.

My thoughts are honestly all over the place, so it’s hard to settle on one idea and explore it without drifting into another. I think I’ll take the night and tomorrow to meditate on the experience.

I think he just likes pushing me off high places - a true sadist, but honestly, it feels like he’s conditioning me, training me to become more resilient and confident in not only myself but choices and movements. A major theme as of late has been - Plan, Revise, and Act, but how can I do that correctly if I always find myself uncertain in any and all decisions I make? Progress cannot be founded on uncertainty, and I couldn’t properly build a lasting empire on uncertain foundations.

These last few days have honestly been the most active and vocal for not only myself but Azazel as well. Before he was simply guiding and pointing me in the directions I wanted to go, but ever since I buckled down and asked for serious help, he’s been on me non-stop, pushing and speaking and teaching me in new ways.

It’s amazing, I don’t dread the work we have laid out before us, now I’m excited and hungry for more.

Prince Azazel, my teacher, and quite possibly my most dangerous ally. I look forward to learning all that you’ll teach me in our time together.

Now to go along with that new strength I’ve got a shiny new body. Though my next question is: Why were both of my forms female? Perhaps because of an early bond/connection with the divine feminine? I suppose it doesn’t really matter either way, but I am curious.

It was also nice to interact with Michael again, even if only to evoke him, though he seemed to be on a mission as always and didn’t waste any time getting to work - Still a bit pissed about you stabbing me, but it’s whatever.

A wild day. I enjoyed it regardless. Progress once again, and another step forward.

This entry is a little scattered, but I’m tired so I’ll let it be, I’ve already given my words of wisdom for today, and now that it’s 12 I can start peeking around BALG again.

Eia · December 8, 2020, 3:43am

Today was surprisingly quiet, I’m still worn out from their workings the other night, and I was rather restless last night as well, constantly getting up every hour and feeling as if I hadn’t been asleep at all, just in a void state of mind.

I spoke with Azazel today regarding this ‘parasite’ he and Michael removed from me, and how I still felt rather drained and he explained it as removing stale energy from my body would not only re-open blocked pathways but would also require me to rebuild my own natural energy flow to accommodate the recent growth I’ve undergone, sort of an “Energy Rehabilitation” he calls it.

My day itself was rather quiet. I’m still noticing small changes in my behavior, my movements, and my mindset/personality. I’m gaining more confidence, I speak with way more thought behind my words and people still seem to gravitate towards me - not as if I’m unfriendly, but more than they used to. I find myself being more assertive and vocal with my thoughts and opinions, in a way I’m growing more masculine in my energy - which is fun watching take form.

Tonight’s Evocation

I got started a little earlier for once, and like I mentioned before I’ve been feeling drained ever since my impromptu surgery, so it was hard to make a strong connection but I manage to make it somehow. Tonight’s vision didn’t have much talking or intense visuals, it was really weird in comparison to the others. There was this child version of ‘other Eclipse’ and she was wandering around in this field of wildflowers, watching them all bloom to life with her very presence. The look on her face was unforgettable, such awe and wonder in those bright eyes and while I couldn’t see Azazel she spoke as if he were there and asked him. “Where do we go when we die?” and he responded with something along the lines of “We are in existence of endless possibility, death is but a mere milestone as you grow, evolve and enter the next stage, our power will linger forever; some in meaningful whispers and shades of what once was and others in monuments and undying forces which signify what is to come, find your truth and you shall never die.” I may be butchering that, but in the theme of “Reclaiming myself.” I feel like the next course is to rediscover that child-like wonder, to view the world as something with endless possibility, not a simple cycle of life death, the end, repeat.

Working with him has often produced more questions than answers, but I feel like I need to be asking questions and not just going through the motions.

Though truth be told he’s worn me out more in the last few days than I’ve managed while practicing on my own.

I’ve also been thinking, this whole death and rebirth cycle I went through, maybe I’m going through the stages of life again spiritually? That could explain the child’s appearance in my vision. I’ll definitely look into it, seeing as that would imply that each stage has something for me to re-learn, and if the Shadow work ties into it then there could also be different layers of repressed trauma and emotions behind each one as well…or I’m getting carried away and it’s nothing, but who knows. Tomorrow is day 5 of our eviction sessions and I’ll have done my part, even though it feels really odd ending on a Tuesday. I may talk with him and see about going until Sunday to give us a bit more time.

Today was interesting, change is on the horizon. I may work out a new meditation regiment for myself to try and get a handle on my energy again.

All of my senses were on maximum today as well, I don’t know what got into me, but I was just in tune with myself and my surroundings.

I honestly do think I need to take it easy, but I can’t bring myself to slow down. I’ll try and set healthy boundaries so I’m not in such shitty conditions. I’ll have to examine what areas I’m lacking in - sleep.

Oddly enough me and Azazel were talking about my relationship history, a touchy topic - mainly because I try to keep my heart and emotions under lock and key, but leave it to him to go and uncover all the juicy details. My luck with women isn’t the best, long story short. There was also a time where I was emotionally abusive/manipulative - abused becomes the abuser, and I honestly hate that period of time and I wouldn’t dare justify it by saying “Oh we were young.” Abuse is abuse and I was terrible, all because I was hurting myself and didn’t have anyone to go to for help, which of curse led to that repression.

He brought up the topic of spirit lovers, and I’m personally on the fence about all of that, and I just don’t see myself opening up and becoming that vulnerable again, spirit or not, but I’m working on it and actually getting better, which honestly makes me happy since I’d like to be able to share that intimacy with someone.

Back to the topic, I just don’t feel like it’s for me, and seeing how around these parts the options are Succubus, Succubus, Angel, and Succubus I’ll take my chances alone. - I adore Lilith I really do, but if I were to fuck up with one of her daughters, man I don’t want any parts of that. This is the same woman who laughed when I read someone’s post about being fucking terrified of her. Rather have her as an ally than an enemy, and she has sisters, fuck. that. noise.

Alright, personal talk/rant is over, we’re all here for the demons and temple orgies. Can I say that? Is that allowed? I checked I should be clear…maybe.

I’m surprised that I even shared that cluster of thoughts with, and I don’t care if you think I’m a shitty person, I’ll own it, and I have to live with knowing who I was in that time. And to anyone who experienced that I’m sorry you had to go through that, no one deserves to feel lesser in any way shape, or form and I hope you can find healing if you haven’t already.

Okay, enough real talk. I don’t know why I’m in this mood, but it is what it is.

I have two of my new servitors outlined, I’m working on the third and I’ll hopefully have them all up and running soon, nothing fancy, just quality of life improvements on my end since I’d like the extra hands.

Also, I’ve been playing around with an attraction sigil - terrible timing, I know. I’m pleased to say it works at least to a varying degree, in theory, it should be stronger with an intended target rather than an open beacon - as it only seems to open the dialogue for romantic energies, but if you were to say augment it with an entity for love/lust then it may magnify those effects. I’m not into random hook-ups, so I never used it with that intent, more so because I’ve never played with love magic before. I could always use more ~~Guinea pigs~~ I mean…No I meant guinea pigs, so if that tickles your fancy let me know.

I don’t like this, I feel so scattered. Regardless I’m glad to see that I’m at least attempting to heal. Words of wisdom? I honestly got nothing for you today, live life freely and unlimited, only you can decide how far you go and who you become in the process. - well I’ll be dammed, look at you go Aristotle.

This dragged on a bit, but I suppose I had a lot on my mind today, I just feel like I needed to get some of the weight off, not a super important entry, but it was helpful for me…

Eia · December 8, 2020, 5:18am

I apologize for the bad quality, I’m in the middle of copying everything into a new journal.

I used the Liber Null sigil technique, along with inspiration from Lilith’s sigil. I know most use a circle around their sigils, I used a Triangle around this one along with just the design itself.

The incantation also helps if you vibrate it while charging the sigil for use, I also listed a few entities who could possibly help with charging and augmenting its effects. I’ve only used Lilith and Naamah, but the others were potential candidates.

My experience with this - no particular target and unaugmented. Women seemed more drawn to me, and the potential paths for relationships opened up, though I was more interested in seeing if I could design a sigil to reach these effects, Lilith also knew my intent, so I believe she held back as well so nothing major came from it outside of playful flirting.

Note: It works best if you have a particular target in mind. I’d write their name on the back of it before activating, then burn or carry with you.

The incantation is optional, but also from Liber null, so it helps build the energy and intent.

I don’t advise using this for hook-ups or sexual ventures, as I designed it for relationships and influencing love, not lust.

figured I’d finally share a sigil since I talk about them so much. It’s not my best work, but it’s effective, and sharing one will probably motivate me to get back into the practice seeing as I haven’t had the energy or motivation to attempt any lately.

If you do decide to use it, please give me any feedback you can think of. I’d like to get better at this, so making me practice and revise them every so often would be good. I’ll try and post one I’ve made every other day or so, I’m also looking into new design techniques so they may vary in appearance from time to time.

Eia · December 9, 2020, 4:40am

“It is in our darkest hours, where we come to know who we truly are.”

As one could tell from my recent postings, my Shadow work has finally taken the wheel. Yesterday I went from on top of the world, to feeling every repressed emotion, acknowledging all those blocked out thoughts, and it was/is horrible.

I felt like I failed him, and myself.

Then I realized that mindset works against everything we aimed to build, and would only put me back where we began.

I took the day to meditate and relax, all those piled up emotions took a heavy toll on me mentally and I honestly needed a break. I believe while the aim is still to “Reclaim myself,” the tone may have shifted, and another possible task or at least to some degree an offering to assist.

I had a dream last night that I evoked Haagenti of the Goetia, the sigil was clear in my mind along with the name, though it may be pure coincidence, I’ll at least sleep on the idea and weigh the possible benefits/need of doing so.

Tonight’s evocation

Was rather short, I was instructed to face myself and acknowledge these feelings, otherwise, they’d simply serve as my own undoing. I was given another task, to call Azazel tomorrow night at midnight for a proper initiation into working with him.

There were no visions tonight, other than me standing before Azazel on his throne. I’m honestly too drained to attempt a deeper dive, but I can understand his silence a lot better than when we started. This is a simple stepping stone on the path to my ascension, and if I can’t manage this on my own, then I shouldn’t even bother climbing the mountain that remains.

I’ve also decided this Friday that I’ll perform his ritual again. I won’t allow myself to be beaten, not anymore, I’ve discovered a great deal of strength and I’ll use every last bit of it to overcome this.

Who am I trying to be?
Who do I want to be?
Why do I stop myself from evolving?

Three questions that I feel may start to get their answers as I work through all of this. One step at a time, if I can be honest I never expected it to go this well. I’ve usually worked well with infernal entities, but I was wary of Azazel - and for good reason, but he’s turned out to be more wise and level-headed than I’d expected. When we’re not working he just seems to hang around and observe, it was unnerving at first, but I’ve grown to like his energy. He’s got that cryptic wisdom he enjoys offering, and he seems hellbent on making a ruler out of me, so I won’t hinder him.

Nothing out of the ordinary to report. I’ll probably research Haagenti a bit more in the coming days, I’m gonna design a new daily routine for myself - including King Paimon’s meditation, among other things I manage to pick up or find useful.

I think I’m meant to slow down. That’s what the energy around me feels like everyone wants me to take a minute and breath, which I’m trying to do - but I’m a bit of a workaholic, so it’s hard to not be doing something.

We’ve accomplished quite a bit, and I think I need to reflect on that and plan our next move wisely, because if I choose to advance without handling or getting a handle on these recent emotions, then that could add more stress not my work and daily life.

Plan, Revise, and Act are literally being screamed at me right now, and I’m too busy to notice.

I’m gonna take a pause from major workings not already set in motion - seriously this time, and see what would be the best course of action.

Eia · December 12, 2020, 6:41am

So. A break was/is much needed after all. I’m on a small breather from our workings and after looking back at myself a few days ago I had piled on quite a bit of stress and exhaustion, I was becoming obsessed with our work and as a result, I was burning myself out rapidly - my own rookie mistake.

So I’ve been taking it easy these last few days, still researching and meditating, but no major moves were made.

I did a small L.O.A/Manifestation test, setting my intent on monetary gain for a few days - nothing insane, and I only specified once how I needed enough for a gift once. The results were a surprise $100 from my mom on Wednesday, a $20 dollar loan from a friend being repaid, and a $20 tip from a customer at work. So within 24 hours, I managed to manifest $140.00 - small to some, but I see it as a true sign of progress from when seventeen year old me could only manage maybe 15-20 bucks.

Growth my friends, growth.

Also funny enough, $150 is the amount I had noted for my gift, so we got ourselves in the door.

Nothing new to report, I’ll probably be off of Azazel until Monday.

I also decided to move forward with my work with Haagenti, in the process of reclaiming myself I’ll start by working to rid myself of bad and toxic habits, and restructuring myself to mirror that which best serves me.

Shadow work has never really stopped, my mind has been on my emotions lately. Trying to figure out why I feel the way I do and why I react to certain things and also digging more deeply into my past where I stopped allowing myself to feel.

I’m still in motion, just enjoying the calm before the storm. I never forget who I’m working with, but I don’t try to predict him, I just expect him. - Calm down anonymous.

All in all, I’m just settling back into myself. Gonna start easing myself back into work soon, I can feel big changes on the horizon, and that doesn’t come without challenge, so I’m gearing up for battle as best I can.

Eia · December 19, 2020, 5:37am

The timing between these has gotten terrible.

I’ve spent a bit of time mainly focusing on myself, and trying t apply all that Azazel has taught me into my life. My confidence has certainly increased from what it once was, I’m becoming more vocal and surprisingly social, and in terms of energy I feel more “Dominant” I guess is the word to describe it. My goal is to work the Draconian and Infernal current, so I suppose in a way I’m starting to take on those characteristics.

Today I sat down and went over my weaknesses and crippling behaviors - also prior to a petition made to Haagenti for working on me, I’ve been more introspective lately and looking to work more on myself rather than the world around me.

I recently finished the Book of Azazel, and while I understand a bit of what E.A. and Azazel were explaining, I feel like I’ll understand it better once I go through it a second time - which I will. One thing that really sticks with me is “Perfect the body, Perfect the mind.” So in attempts to do so, I’ve been looking for ways to rebuild and annihilate all obstacles, starting with a change in diet and energetic regiments.

Azazel is a tricky entity, he challenges me mentally almost non-stop, testing my patience and resolve to seemingly no end, but always in a way that allows me to see the weak points and blockages. Truly an amazing and unorthodox teacher.

I have nothing major to report, but I’ve yet to engage in any major workings.

Anywho, for any who may be interested, my new and hopefully daily spiritual regiment is the following.

15-20 minutes of meditation, 30 on weekends - I’m hoping to reach at least an hour by no later than Jan-Feb, 2021
King Paimon’s Infernalized Chakra meditation - a technique taught to me by the great king himself. I’ll aim for 30 minutes daily, while each day focusing on a new Chakra, just to try and keep them all in sync.
Claira practice, this one will hopefully be an all-day thing. Where each week I focus on honing and improving a new sense.

Those for the moment will be my three main focuses, that way I don’t run myself ragged trying to maintain them all. Overall to start, it’s a nice and simple practice that can not only keep me sharp but also builds on what I already have.

Also for my own records, I’ll be doing more daily evocations/Invocations of Azazel, it helps with understanding both him and his energy more intimately, AND doing those can also help aid in the skills I wish to develop further.

I’m scheming again, so that can only mean fun things for the future.

I also recently found myself obsessing over my breathing and the importance of breath not only in practice but in mundane life. I had a thought, which linked breathing to Draconian magic - linking it to the element of Fire and the inner core for proper energy control. I’ve yet to look into that any deeper, but it feels like an eastern ideology in a way - but of course, I could be wrong.

Terms like: “Breath of Life” and “Fire Breathing” have been on my mind as well, maybe linking the idea of control - the main principal in Draconian magic IMO, to control over the breath - which I also believe holds a great deal of influence over the human body, mind, and spirit.

SO the work may have already begun. I’ll do more research on the topic and share what I find, I’ve yet to look in the Balg Library regarding the topics, but if anyone has any information or opinions I’d love to hear them, as all of this has mainly been my own thoughts and personal ideas pulled into a view.

I’ll do a bit more digging and see what I find, but until then that’s all I’ve got for an update.

Eia · December 21, 2020, 5:26pm

Just a random thought at the moment that I felt like sharing.

So for starters, I have no background in Hinduism - I like the pantheon, but never looked any deeper than a simple once over.

This could all just be a memory of association for all I know, but my aunt recently gave my mother a photo/painting(?) I don’t art. All I know is that it goes on a wall and looks good, either way, it’s a photo of an elephant with this really fancy looking headdress, and the reason she gave it to my mom was that she loves elephants.

Now every time I look at the photo in the back of my mind I hear the faint whisper of “Ganesha.” I don’t get any bad vibes from the photo itself, or at all really, but whenever I look at it I just get that name over and over again.

I’m almost tempted to call the big guy up and see what’s what, but I’m not too certain about calling an entity I know nearly nothing about on a whim.

It’s not bothering anyone, so I’ll let it be, but I did want to finally acknowledge it ‘openly.’ in a sense. Also, a fun way to say I finally addressed the elephant in the room. Badum tsss I’ll be here all week.

That’s all I wanted to share, I’m back to work with Azazel, so we’re moving and shaking as planned, I’ll try to keep this more up to date.

Eia · December 23, 2020, 1:41am

Tonight I performed the very first ritual given to me by Azazel - I’ve been feeling a call to perform it once again, so I finally stopped ignoring myself and did it.

There was a vas difference between the first ritual and this one. For starters, the energy was much more potent in the room, and spirits - at least for me, have never felt so physical I could literally feel every digit of their hands and various strengths of grips on my forearm as I proceeded.

Also unlike the first time, I wasn’t severely overwhelmed by the energy received from them. During the first run-through, I was drawn to a good point of fatigue, having to try my best not to fall over or show weakness/exhaustion in front of them.

This time it felt more like a surge of power being rushed through me, and while it was certainly intense, I could hold my own and embrace their power in full.

Now that isn’t to say I’m not tired as hell because I am - and borderline embarrassed as my stomach growled like crazy during one of the quietest parts, but that’s all apart of the experience.

I finished off strong, and I feel amazing, but I could certainly use the rest and something to eat - I’m also planning on evoking Azazel tonight to try and discuss the next stage of our work, so far I’ve just been playing it by ear and following intuition or his subtle pushes to move in a certain direction.

My arm hurts like crazy - nothing a pain killer won’t fix, but my mind is quiet and the energy around me certainly feels more alive, everything is also really quiet for some reason, not that I’m complaining, but it’s just so quiet, save for the occasional car or any noise I make.

It’s almost eerie but is also nice enough to be comfortable.

Still having those gradual changes in myself, but I’m learning to flow with them - also taking time to understand why they’re happening versus just accepting them, everything is flowing in a way to make me more confident and powerful in my approach.

Nothing major to report, except odd and more vivid dreams - but that’s nothing to write home about just yet.

Sigil ideas are rather low at the moment, but I plan on playing around with some useful concepts - or typical concepts like Attracting wealth, Manifestation, Growth, and all that fun stuff. I’m tempted to make my own for Azazel versus using other people’s work, it makes the connection more personal in my opinion.

Other than that, I’ve nothing new to report.

Today was slow and cold, but we were productive nonetheless.

dagar · December 23, 2020, 9:33pm

I like this! Good job and I hope you keep going!

Eia · December 23, 2020, 9:52pm

Thank you, I really appreciate the kind words.

dagar · December 23, 2020, 9:53pm

Np lol!

Eia · December 25, 2020, 7:01am

Tonight I spoke with Azazel, lately, his responses to anything I ask have been rather vague, not in a bad way but more so in an “It’s your problem, now igure it out.” manner - the true teacher in him shining once more, so I did as I said I would: Daily practice and meditation to get my mind back into shape.

I called him tonight for some insight on our next move, but he simply responded with, “Begin the next phase.” I originally thought he was pointing to some aspect of our work I may have overlooked.

Eventually, I think he got tired of waiting and showed me my own tree - a pathworking I designed for energetic training and was also packed with entities who had an association with Draconian magic, Agrat Bat Mahlat, she was this “Next phase.” or at least that’s what I have written out, but it all felt rather sudden since we had only been working together for about two months now. Maybe that’s a long time for some, but it just feels short in my opinion.

Granted in our two months’ time I’ve grown quite a bit from where I started, and for that I am grateful, and looking back he may have been ‘weaning’ me off of his energy in a way, so I’d be more accepting of my new teacher.

Can’t say I’m at all ready for the new leap, but I feel like with a new year on the horizon it’s best to break in with a new relationship and lessons to learn.

“You’ve grown, but have you learned from the failures of your past? Have you found the solution to break your shackles and truly free yourself?”

Truth is I’m still learning. Every day, and the more I learn the more I start to understand these cryptic ass questions. This certainly won’t be the last I see of Azael or post, I’d like for him to become a defining part of my spiritual path and in the future might forge a pact to ensure he remains by my side, as both ally and teacher.

Summary of work with Azazel.

Prince Azazel is a complex entity with an unpredictable nature. He teaches in sometimes brutal or sadistic, and unorthodox ways. In my experience, I pride myself on being somewhat intelligent, so he used that to make me work not only with him but against myself. As he sparked internalized warfare and often sought to remove my practical thinking and replace it with a more cunning and out of the box manner.

He showed me the flaws in my design and forced me to face them: Inadequacy, Fear of change, Lack of drive, and a Fear of becoming like a person I love and hate the most, and provided methods and advice to overcome them.

He taught me to not allow myself to be a scapegoat in my own reality, and that if I were to truly claim power then I had to demand it in everything I did. Now that isn’t to say go around and be a dick to everyone you meet or some braindead “Alpha male” It means to move with confidence and calculation, in all your actions. To be of your word and nothing less, hold yourself to a higher standard before expecting the same of others.

The universe won’t change and bend to your will if you yourself refuse to do the same for yourself. Dropping toxic and useless habits, removing negative ideals even if it means throwing them at you nonstop until you’ve had enough and stand your ground.

Not everything about him was positive, he can at times be a bully or even flat out cruel at times, but that’s also when you stand your ground and show him you’re about action too, not just words.

He attacked me twice in one night, and each time I stood my ground, earning a simple “Good.” from him before being allowed to rest again.

He cares…in his own way, if you prove that you’re actually trying your best to grow he has no problem looking after you, but when you slack off - like I often did at first, he has no issue kicking your ass until you get back into shape or get the message - whichever comes first, he’ll enjoy it either way.

To conclude, I would recommend working with Azazel if you’re actually serious about growing as both person and practitioner. He’s an amazing teacher but enjoys shaking up your life in order to get you to grow and adapt to new styles or to move beyond your comfort zones. He’s also an asshole, be very wary of that, but he’s also really smart and cunning, often dangling the answer right in front of you while watching you pull your hair out in frustration. He’s good for igniting that inner flame, always leaving you wanting more, but also so quick to remind you to live your life and breath for a moment.

it was definitely a rewarding experience, and I look forward to working with him again in the future.

I’m terrible at recording all my experiences, and I feel like with Azazel I left out far more than I should have - a lot of this working was very personal, and with it coming to a close, I feel like that storm I kept mentioning wasn’t him at all, but Agrat instead, as I’m aware the four angels of sacred prostitution have a reputation of turning worlds upsidedown.

Though I don’t dread it one bit, I’ve actually been looking forward to working with her. I don’t see enough love for Agrat flowing around, so I look forward to studying under her for a bit, and I’ll try harder to post every experience with her - along with normal workings.

I don’t have any big plans for communication yet, I’ll probably reach out the day before or on new years to start us off, but until then I’ll use my remaining time to do some more research on her - I may get bold and just her approach and ask myself.

So much change and It only gets better from here.

What else is new?

I got a fuck ton of new Crystals, and I can’t wait to start including them in my practice. I’ve rarely used them, so I look forward to the upcoming experiments.

That’s all I’ve really got at the moment, as usual, I’m tired but the progress train is still moving [ Insert train SFX ]

Eia · December 26, 2020, 2:48am

Once again V.K. has provided me with an exceptional means of communication, using their sigil of Aggereth I received a sudden rush of warmth against my face - more accurately around my lips and lower midsection. I charged the sigil with blood as I tend to do with all of mine, to better the connection. Her chants, especially the eleven syllable one, seem to work really well - I’ll most likely use that over any enn unless I develop one or am offered a method from Agrat herself.

No workings have been done yet, but from a bit of research the recurring theme with Agrat seems to be changing perception or “Illusions.” many also claim for her to have a more approachable and even-tempered disposition, but I’ll have to see for myself.

Also after some review, I feel like she’s up next to help fortify the changes Azazel has helped me make while bringing unique lessons of her own. We might be venturing deeper into the spiritual aspects of myself and my work - which could always use a tune-up, but I’m not exactly sure how we approach it.

The only thing I didn’t find - or overlooked, in any article was offerings and what she likes.

So I’ll probably do a small evocation session tonight and not only introduce myself formally, but ask what she would enjoy as payment or ‘thanks’ for her aid.

That’s all I have for now on Agrat, I’ll keep digging and updating with anything useful or fun that I come across.

Eia · February 4, 2021, 3:25am

I was exhausted and lost for about two months.

In a way I guess I’d become reliant on Azazel and his energy and his guidance because the second he stepped back I felt myself falling apart, trying to mimic his energy and attitude rather than stand on my own like he’d taught me to.

I honestly felt pathetic and I now feel pathetic having looked back on my actions.

But I once again found solace in the words of the Book of Azazel in a passage that always seems to fill me with energy and give me that push to stop holding back:

“Immortality is in your hands, do not forsake yourself to ways of commonality, you are more than that, you hold yourself back because you fear that which you may become.”

This always strikes a chord with me. I’ve been told that I fear change on multiple occasions and I’ve yet to find a way past it, I know that change is meant to be uncomfortable but I can’t understand why I continue to get in my own way. For comfort? Simplicity? I’m not fine with minimal manifestations, I’m not fine with a sluggish growth rate, that hunger for more than just material gain keeps gnawing at me, and yet I refuse to indulge in it.

I hate being at constant war with myself, this is a path I chose to walk because I was curious, and now that I’m learning more a part of me wants to stop and do the bare minimum now that I know what works, but I know that won’t open doors.

I’ll of course keep fighting and pushing forward. I know that’s what I want, and what my teacher would advise if I were truly serious about my own growth.

Well, serious and tiresome post aside. Life has been a pain lately, I’ve been completely derailed from my original plan due to my own selfish desire to keep close to an entity, like some lost puppy. I forgot all that work we’d done, disregarded all of his lessons, and in the end, I absolutely fucked myself over - Guess that’s why they warn you about demons ba dum tss Seeing it first-hand was interesting, I had actually gotten addicted to Azazel’s energy in a way, which now amplifies the importance of grounding and cleansing after all of your workings - especially Invocation in my case.

It’s honestly on me for being so reckless in the first place.

He still took care of me despite all of that, advising me occasionally and often yelling at me to get off my ass if I wanted a change so bad or else to stop wasting his time and mine.

Either way, I suppose looking back he placed me in “Rehab” for a reason, wanting me to ground myself and get settled back into life without his energy - having invoked and evoked him for 14 days total - a lot for me, especially with the same entity. So it’s safe to assume I’ve placed myself back into rehab, I’ll just be honing and fine-tuning myself once more rather than pathworking, I need a rebalance as I can tell there’s been growth, but no proper channels for the energy to flow if that makes sense?

I don’t know, but I do know I’m in dire need of a refresh. Which at the point of writing this I’m probably already working on.

I’m gonna kick back and focus on my own inner workings again before looking to make any new developments, I’m starting by weeding out the bad habits and traits, for now, Agrat has been put on pause until I feel ready to proceed again with our workings.

Glad to see I’m still learning something, and that I haven’t been talking to myself for about two months that’s always good.

Edit: One month later Holy shit I’ve just been a sad fuck for thirty days then. +1 optimism.

Eia · February 12, 2021, 4:21pm

I’ve been practicing more natural methods of cleansing and reigning myself with my “normal” flow of energy.

Utilizing crystals during meditation and I’ve started sleeping with Selenite and Amethyst under my pillow to help with any underlying issues, I also use a Selenite “wand” I suppose you can call it to cleanse myself and help clear the air after any workings I do, though those have been very few and far between. I have been playing around with and studying the practical and magical uses for crystals – I’ve always had an interest, just never truly built upon it. They do in a way speak to you and learn from your own energy which is really cool.

I picked out an Amethyst cluster the other day, just in passing, but while standing near it I could feel like a lure of sorts? Like a pull towards it, so I figured it was one for me. A lot of people have stated that Crystals pick you out versus the other way around, I think it works both ways and like most people/living things it’s a matter of energy compatibility – Vibrations and all that fun shit.

Working with them has been really interesting so far, and just having them out really clears the air. I’ll probably find a way to include them in my practice.

I feel a lot better than before, and looking back I can see the decline from my working with Azazel, to him taking a step back and if this were I test then I failed miserably.

I also found all my writing cringy and just…disappointing, like me whining about it was gonna bring him back and help me. The one thing I’ve always been instructed while working with him was to reclaim myself, but when left alone to do just that I fumbled and forgot everything I’d learned.

I think taking a step back and getting myself in order once again really helped clear that up, and now learning from that mistake is allowing me to refocus and hone back in on what it is I desire.

I noticed a shift back to how I was when working with him more recently, and it felt good to have that confidence and strength back again, versus allowing myself to wallow in self-pity because my teacher left. I don’t ever want to feel like that again, and I won’t allow it, I’m better than that.

“Immortality is in your hands, do not forsake yourself to ways of commonality, you are more than that, you hold yourself back because you fear that which you may become if you call the world into alignment with your true nature, fulfill your duties and your obligations in this world but know that these are passing illusions. To be replaced in only moments, moments after you have chosen to live as king, know that you are a king living amongst beggars.” – The Book of Azazel, Grimoire of the Damned.

Might be a bit butchered, but it is as it says either way.

This is something that constantly flows through my mind and when I first read and heard this, it stirred something within me, it always seems to arouse that hunger for more, so I’ll allow that to drive me for as long as I need until I’ve obtained all that it is I desire, not only in this world but the next.

One thing I’ve noted is that while working on this path I often feel alone, but that certainly not the case, many of the allies I’ve made are constantly in motion alongside me and they won’t desire anything for me more than myself, so if I’m in motion 25/8 they’re right there with me pushing until we meet that destination.

I know I’m not god-tier experienced – yet, but I feel like that’s something a lot of new practitioners should know, just because you can’t see the work doesn’t mean it isn’t taking place. Keep your word, strive for more, and they’ll deliver.

Unless of course, you’re an ignorant asshole with nothing of true value to offer them, then ya might be fucked, bucko.

Well, imma jump off my soapbox, no more “get off your ass” rants from me, seeing as I just started taking my own advice. I can say that I’ve been feeling much better, and the flow of energy around me isn’t so clustered or stagnant, I feel focused once more and in a better headspace now that I’ve taken the steps back to observe and acknowledge my mistakes.

That’s all I really have to offer as an update of sorts, nothing new as of yet, I suppose I can share that I’ve been feeling a presence around me lately – yes I’ve banished, cleansed, and all that fun stuff but it remains.

I’ve been experiencing the ever-so elusive phantom drips, the other day at work it felt like someone dumped a bucket of water down my back for a moment, and they’ve been growing in intensity, like drips, and splashes, to the full-on super soaker. I don’t believe it’s an energy leakage, but I’ll approach it as such and deal with it accordingly.

Then that’ll leave the warm sensations and occasional touches to the imagination. My mind says Succubus, but I haven’t made that leap yet, it could also be Lilith or Nammah again, seeing as I’ve evaded them both for like four months now, they’d make terrible debt collectors.

Maybe it’s nothing, I probably got Valentine’s day blues. I’ll take notes on the matter and if anything new or strange occurs then I’ll update, if not then I was just going crazy again.

Eia · February 13, 2021, 6:11pm

Not so much of an update, but just me sharing a thought/experience.

Lately, I’ve been sleeping with clear quartz underneath my pillow, and I can say that there’s been a drastic improvement not only in sleep quality but dreams as well. They’re more vivid and pleasant than before, I feel like I release a lot of stress from the day when using them. I’d like to try combining it with Howlite or even Selenite to see if there’s an amplified effect, due to Clear Quartz’s energizing nature with other crystals.

I’ve read that Amythest can help with things of psychic nature, so I’ll try meditating with it for skill/chakra development or sleeping with it as well to see if the effects work better on an open mind, so to speak.

I’ve got a good collection myself, so I think finding different combinations and effects could prove useful, so I’ll share anything I learn here in case anyone else is thinking about or utilizes crystals themselves.

No update on my mystery spirit yet. Yesterday was fairly quiet, and I’m not going to actively seek out or initiate conflict where there seems to be none. My house is nice and quiet, no one seems bothered or showing any signs of a negative force ailing them, which is music to my ears.

Like I mentioned before it doesn’t seem hostile or negative, but the sudden appearance makes me wary. I’ll let things play out for a bit, but I may perform an evocation and see who or what it is, and what it wants from me. Maybe it’s an entity just passing through or observing, and if that is the case I plan on making my boundaries very clear.

Still no cause for alarm, so I’ll make my moves accordingly.

Also random thought, but lately I’ve been really interested in my origins, both spiritual and biological. The ideas never truly bothered me to begin with, but now it’s just been going around in my head nonstop.

I’m tempted to utilize the forum servitor Stormy to see if I can find anything, and of course, I’ll utilize living relatives and the oh so trustworthy ancestry websites. Just something I’ll be thinking about over the next few days before making any major developments, like I said this is my downtime and I’m still holding myself in “Recovery” to make sure I’m 110% before diving back onto my path.

That’s really all I’ve got. Crystals, Spirits, and Ancestry. Sounds like the recipe for a good time.