Internet’s been out all day and cell service has been spotty at best. I’ll be as brief and concise as I can, while trying to give enough detail to make sense. Unfortunately, a lot of it is REALLY private. I will do my beat to make this somewhat useful to others.
I started this path when Hecate, my dark Goddess, came to me and I didn’t know who she was. This led towards of trying to communicate and honor her, which I still do to this day. It’s been immensely rewarding and I still remember my hesitation when she said that I should next evoke Leviathan… I remember it fondly.
But I was dealt a harsh lesson over the past two years, specifically. That lesson (those lessons, really) boils down to trust but verify. And when you can’t verify, enforce.
I’ve done a lot of work over the past two+ years, almost since I touched ground in Hawaii. I’ve met the challenges, most significant to me, but some mundane. And my reward was the learning process and my growth. It’s been quite a good time for that, since they pointed and I took it up to learn. Unfortunately, that’s only half the equation.
There have been several points per year where I was approached by them or approached them, to aid in specific tasks. I would typically ask for insight or opportunities, while stating I would put my part of the work in. And I did.
But my record with this ended up being less than 50/50 in my favor. Yet, my work for them was almost 100%.
My life’s “in order”. It was before Hecate came calling. It was before the Goetics. Still is, but not due to them. So, I’m not talking about getting $100 to cover the rest of my rent for the month.
No, they offered to help with big problems. I put in big effort for my goals and then expended twice as much on the goals they came to me with for others. This is specific to them coming to me to help people and not me offering to help on my own.
So, over a year late on several things, I called them to task the other night. It didn’t go over well. Normally, if a spirit is behind their task, especially over a year behind, there’s a legitimate reason, I reasoned. I reasoned this along the way. I don’t have simplistic problems, except some of them were. Complicated problems should take longer to solve. Except they don’t have the same limitations we do in a lot of ways.
I was seriously considering whether my workings were actually working but the same techniques, with the same spirits, produced results when done for others. When I would ask about this, I would get nonsense answers about timing, said in a lot of different ways. About every way it can be said without saying they couldn’t pull it off and not being up front when directly asked about it.
So tonight, I decided things were going to change. I called all of those I’ve worked with. I thanked those that has helped (Leviathan, Abaddon, Lilith, and Marbas specifically,but not exclusively. No more “popular” names). The rest…understood why it was MY space. Big names.
I made the mistake of playing “nice” and accepting excuses for far longer than I should have. Especially when they came to me and not the other way around, which has been the case more frequently as I’ve grown.
So, my suggestion to those that read this is to know that I tried the “nicer” route for far too long and this seemed to result in me putting in A LOT more than I ever got from them. I can get general advice from a fortune cookie and memes.
When the balance of (your) “power” is shifting, simply pushing back and exerting yourself here and there is not enough. I’ve closed ritials in their faces before. I’ve called out nonsense to their faces before. But I didn’t fully exert that they were spirits and I have a body and this is part of the lesson. Whether they have had any in the past doesn’t matter. They don’t in your ritual space.
Finally, not all pantheons are like this. I didn’t get nonsense like this from the Polynesians I’ve worked with. Myself and my friends have benefited from this. Don’t be afraid to work with another grouping of spirits, just because they aren’t “popular” on this forum or social media. The Herd, in general, isn’t where the growth is. Face the wolves and get the good grass.
That’s it for now. This isn’t meant to be all inclusive or some sort of treatise. But I know the people reading this journal would be interested in my thoughts and experiences.
I’ll post an update when they get their acts together and especially if they don’t. The next “deadline” is just after my move in early September. Of course, it’s when things will “start”, not necessarily when things will be noticable. Fine. I suppose a few more months isn’t much longer for stuff that was supposed to happen in 2019 (this doesn’t include the more frequent or shorter term stuff ).
I do see that there were lessons to be learned that I deferred at their insistence (such as what happened tonight and will continue). That is on me, but agreements are agreements. Especially when they’ve been upheld on my end.
Since I mention it so frequently, this has nothing to do with the Goddesses and other female deities I sing to in the mornings. They continue to assist and guide me without the bullshit hinted at above.
